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Everything posted by taysmom1016

  1. I'm reading a book called The Mood Cure which identifies several different types of moods and the amino supplements and vitamins that may be lacking that causes these moods. Unfortunately, I'm a slow reader so every time I finish a chapter I think, "yep, that's me!" and I go on Amazon and buy a fortune in supplements then read the next chapter and think, wait, maybe THAT'S me, and go back on Amazon.....anyway right now I just finished a chapter about menopause and perimenopausal women and a supplement called DPLA that is low in this stage. Well, I'm almost 47 so you guessed it. I ordered it. My advice is, it's a great read and can be very helpful helping with those who are depressed and/or anxious due to lack of supplements or vitamins. But don't do like me. FINISH the book, then go back and try the supplements recommended for the chapter that describes you the best. Me, I have a bag full of supplements, some which actually DO help some with my anxiety and insomnia, but I'm still suffering in deep depression looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. As always, be careful and consult your doctor before starting anything. Even natural supplements can have serious side effects. USE WITH CAUTION!
  2. We have a lot in common! I'm a 46-year-old single mom to an 11-year-old son who is the light of my life! I deal with chronic back pain too, it's a b****. I also love animals but we just bought our first house last year so I'm limiting it to one dog for right now. I used to live on a farm when I was married and raised dogs, had numerous cats, a horse, and a rabbit. I miss my animals, but not my ex-husband! Anyway, welcome!
  3. Add me to the single moms (son, 11). I also have health issues and was put on mirtazipine to gain weight (an issue I've never had before in my life) and it definitely helped in that department. I went from getting my appetite back and trying to gain weight back to walking and trying to watch what I eat because I've gained back too much. It's a lot of trial and error when it comes to ADs, hopefully you will find one that works for you. Being a single mom is hard enough without having to deal with the emotional and physical challenges too, I know. On the other hand, my son is the one thing that can get me out of bed every day no matter how much I want to stay in and pull the covers over my head. Our kids are definitely our blessings! Welcome to the forum!
  4. I can vouch for those of us on holidays. I usually frequent this forum every day during the week but my son and I have been at my dad's for the past almost 2 weeks and he doesn't have internet (he's 85 and says he doesn't even know how to turn on a computer and has no desire to learn!). I'm sorry for how you are feeling, I know the desperate sadness and loneliness that comes with depression. I hope you can find some relief and friends here. I'm a single mom and my "baby" is 11 and I dread the day he grows up and moves away. And I can relate to the clutter and no desire to do anything about it. I have bags from our holiday that need unpacking and Christmas decorations and a tree that needs to be put away. All I've done is paid some bills that absolutely had to be paid then logged on here to "get away" again. It helps, hopefully it will help you too to vent. Welcome.
  5. I'm currently reading The Depression Cure: The 6 Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs by Stephen S. Ilardi and The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. I have concentration problems so I haven't finished either yet but both have some good suggestions.
  6. Happy Holidays to all and may Santa bring each and every one of us some HAPPINESS and RELIEF from our depression this holiday season! :tree1:
  7. Yes, I feel horrible at night. But I also feel completely horrible first thing in the morning. I often wake up having panic attacks first thing in the morning, which means I can't even lay in bed and enjoy the sensation of waking up. I'm so overcome with sheer terror along with the horrifying realization that I'm still alive that I have to get up and turn the television or form some sort of distraction just to make it go away. I'm not on any medication right now, but if you are how you feel at certain points during the day could be related. If you take it first thing in the morning it may wear off by night time. Try taking it later in the afternoon, or cutting your dose in half to take twice daily. That sounds so familiar. When the sun goes down, so does my mood, at least until I can take my bedtime meds (mirtazipine, clonazepam and ambien) then I feel a blissful peace for a short time and if I'm lucky, fall asleep before the meds wear off. Unfortunately, I suffer from terrible insomnia and wake several times a night. When I finally do get a couple hours of sleep, I awake the same way you do, slamming back into reality with a panicky feeling that takes me a while to snap out of. I remember the good ole days of drifting off into peaceful dreams and waking up HOURS later stretching, relaxed and looking forward to the day ahead....man depression sucks.
  8. Hello, and welcome! One thing depression robs us of is the ability to find joy in things that should make us happy. Have you considered talking to someone professionally? My recent bout started like a light switch being turned off in my brain and I too wish it would just click back and I could be happy again. I think if you could find the source of your depression or inability to be happy, maybe you could find help in therapy or medication to turn it around and find joy in the things you mentioned. Me, I'm just hoping there IS a Santa Clause and he will bring me the cure I need this Christmas to get out of this funk! I've been a good girl this year, mostly.....:santagrin: Best wishes to you.
  9. Hello, and welcome to the forum. You've come to the right place, you'll find lots of support here and people are extremely nice. The one part of your post I can SO relate to is your fear of losing your loved ones. I'm 46 and lost my mom in 2008. I was so devastated I had to go on Xanax for a short time. Then my son and I moved in with my dad. Just a few months later I became gravely ill (Legionella pneumia) and almost died and it left me with a lot of physical and mental problems. So instead of taking care of my dad, he ended up taking care of me and my son. I got better, but will never completely recover from the problems the illness left me with (short term memory loss, chronic pain and headaches, PTSD, depression). Last year I was hospitalized again with stomach problems related to my illness. When I got out of the hospital I sank into a deep depression and started having anxiety attacks. My pdoc thinks it triggered some kind of post traumatic stress related to my hospitalization in 2008. Whatever the reason, I've been in a dark place ever since that I too hope is just a phase I'll snap out of. One of my biggest fears is losing my dad who just turned 85. I try not to think about it but I'm sure you know the more you try NOT to think about something, the more you think about it. Anyway, my dad is extremely healthy and active for his age and I try to tell myself every day to enjoy him NOW and not waste time worrying about what will be. Losing a loved one is hard, but time helps. I just try to take life one day at a time for all we have right now is right now. I'm not sure anything I said will help, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone. What helps me is trying to keep busy which isn't easy since I've been on disability since my illness and can't work but I walk my dog every day, watch TV (sitcoms, I try to stay away from depressing shows!) and hang out on the internet reading and writing about my problems. Hopefully you can find as much comfort here as I have.
  10. Hah! Well I'm sure there is with the ten-thousand lakes surrounding us! Off topic: so far this warm winter weather minus the snowstorm is AWESOME. I TOTALLY agree!!! I'm a 46-year-old single mom on disability and just bought my very first home last year. I LOVE mowing my lawn and planting flowers but shoveling snow.....not so much. I'm completely okay with a GREEN Christmas! And I have a dog who needs to be walked every day and she doesn't care how crappy it is outside. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for buying a home in Minnesota. I do love decorating with the green and gold....my son and I are HUGE Green Bay Packers fans! I don't think my neighbors are too thrilled though. Hoping for back to back Super Bowls!
  11. Welcome, You've come to the right place. You can vent here all you want and no one judges you for anything. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now but hang in there, it WILL get better!. My son is going through some of the same stuff with the court ordered visitations to his dad's and he hates going over there. He's got a step brother who gets everything and he didn't even get a birthday present from his dad because "his child support paid to his mom" is supposed to cover that and they don't have enough money thanks to me (bull). He's only 11 and has a few years before he can stop. Some grown ups just don't know how to treat kids or talk to them. They don't realize that they're people too and say stupid stuff. Try not to let it get to you. If you've had a good day and feel happy, don't let what your grandpa says get you down, be happy in SPITE of him. Again, glad to have you here. I'm sure you'll meet lots of nice people going through the same feelings you are. It helps to know we're not alone.
  12. I have a similar problem, I was in a coma a few years ago and now sometimes when I'm falling asleep, I think I'm slipping back into the coma where I was in this alternative universe I couldn't wake myself from and I jerk myself awake. It only started a year ago after I had to go back into the hospital for a few days for some tests for some stomach problems I was having. I'm on chronic ambien and take melatonin and some other supplements to try and help and sometimes they do but it's still scary and tough to sleep through the night.
  13. (((Frustrated))) Please don't feel like a failure because you need medication to feel well. Depression is an illness and when we're ill, we feel like crap and do what we have to to feel better. I can relate to the sleep problems adding to the mess because I suffer from terrible insomnia and so on top of my depression meds (mirtazipine and clonazepam) I'm also on Ambien and still cannot sleep through the night (I suffer from PTSD). I walk my dog every day, rain or shine (or snow, I'm from Minnesota!) and I still come home and even if I managed to get my mind off my depression for a little while, it slaps me in the face when I get home. I come here, read posts, reply and try to help others like me, do anything I can to help manage my illness. We do what we can and that's nothing to be ashamed of. I hope getting back on your meds helps you. It's a tough time of year and I'm trying desperately to get the Christmas spirit for the sake of my little boy. I just got done wrapping a boat load of video games! Unfortunately he's outgrown the "Santa" phase which makes me a little sad but at least I'LL get the credit this year for all the cool presents! Merry Christmas to you!
  14. Is it possible you are suffering from post partum depression? Having a baby, even 10 months later, can raise havoc with your hormones and post partum depression on top of what you've already been through can be a major downer. Please talk to someone who can help with meds, etc. I was on Prozac after my son was born and it really helped me get through the trials of being a single mom and enjoy the miracle of life I brought into the world. Hopefully with the right meds and therapy, you can enjoy your life and enjoy being a new mom too. Good luck and stay in touch. Believe me, I know the feeling. There were days (and still are) that I don't know what would happen if I didn't have my son to go on for. Again, you are DEFINITELY not alone!
  15. Mine would have to be "Red Solo Cup" by Toby Keith. I'm in my 40s but it sure brings back happy memories of the parties from my younger years, bon fires, kegs, and yep, red Solo cups!
  16. Near death experiences are extremely traumatic (believe it or not, I've had 2 of them!). Browse the PTSD board for members who have experienced some of the same things. Scary stuff like that really makes things, well, real. Some days are worse than others (which is probably why I'm replying to almost every post I read today, I'm having one of those days!!). Welcome to our very large, yet very close-knit family.
  17. It sounds like you may be suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress which is common after an incident like that. You've come to the right place. Just talking about your experience and your feelings, even with total strangers, helps get it out in the open. We may be strangers, but we're all dealing with our stuff too so you're not alone.
  18. I, too, suffer from PTSD induced insomnia. I spent 5 days in a coma in 2008 on a ventilator because of legionella pneumonia and the visions or "coma dreams" were so real and so vivid, it was like being in an alternate universe. I wasn't sure what was going on, I just knew I couldn't wake up from it like a normal dream. Now when I start to fall into a deep sleep I'm afraid I'm going back into a coma and wake myself up. I usually get out of bed and go out into the garage and have a smoke (like I don't have enough bad habits). My pdoc suggested taking melatonin so I started a supplement from the drug store called Simply Slumber that has melatonin, 5-htp, GABA and L-theanine in it. I recently added kava kava which seems to help some, at least I only wake 3 or 4 times a night instead of every hour. It sucks, I know. I used to love to sleep, drift off into bliss, awake feeling rested and relaxed. Now I sleep from sheer exhaustion and awake in a panick with my heart racing. Every once in a while I'll have a GOOD dream and wake up feeling good and get a glimpse into what it used to be like. Hopefully some day those dreams will be more frequent. P.S., I'm sorry to hear about your folks. That reality would make even the strongest person have nighmares.
  19. I'm sorry, I haven't read your previous posts but I'm guessing Richard is your son? I'm a single mom myself and I know that my son needs me (he's 11) no matter how bad my mothering skills seem on my darkest days. Please don't think you're screwing up Richard's life. No matter what, our kids need us and they come first. It's a reason to keep us going! Hang in there! (((HUGS))) I know, I know. I would love to believe that but I really do think that his grandmother can take better care of him then I can. I really thinkI should just leave. I don't have any good reason to stay. I'm doing anything helpful for anyone and I'm failing most of my classes and I can't even take care of my own son. How old is your son? Mine was only 7 when I almost died (I had a serious illness and spent 5 days in a coma) and he remembers every second of it and how terrified he was that he was going to lose me. He still has severe seperation anxiety at 11. Even if it seems at times that they would be better off without us, it's not true. They never forget and you wouldn't want to leave him with that kind of a memory. Please know that there's no one like a mom! Just try to keep believing that things will get better!
  20. :santagrin:, Boy, there are a lot of us from Minnesota here! I hope it's not in the water or something, maybe from one of the 10,000 lakes!
  21. I like "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter.
  22. I'm sorry, I haven't read your previous posts but I'm guessing Richard is your son? I'm a single mom myself and I know that my son needs me (he's 11) no matter how bad my mothering skills seem on my darkest days. Please don't think you're screwing up Richard's life. No matter what, our kids need us and they come first. It's a reason to keep us going! Hang in there! (((HUGS)))
  23. I lost my mom in 2008 and a few months later, I was in the hospital with legionnaire's in a coma fighting for my life. When I woke up all I could think was my 7 year old son almost lost HIS mom way too early! But 7, or 25, or 43, it's never easy to lose a parent so I know where you're coming from. Being from Minnesota myself, I know the crappy cold weather is no help either! And depression is scary, being scared is one of the worst things about it. Just know you're not alone. I'm glad to hear you have friends because I had to go on disability after my illness and that made things worse as I can't go out to a job every day and socialize. Try to hang in there. It's not easy, but some days are easier than others and the really bad ones make you appreciate the good ones even more. Welcome to the forum!
  24. Thanks! I've read mixed reviews on L-T. Some say it works just as well as Xantax, others say it only slightly helps them, while the rest say it doesn't help them at all. I have been looking around in stores for the past 2 days for L-T, but I have yet to find it. And I'm not trying to pay $30 for it at GNC. So if I don't find it tomorrow, I guess I'll order it online. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, I really want it to work! Try Amazon, that's where I get mine. I was desperate to try them fast too so I looked everywhere. Our GNC didn't have them but he directed me to a food co-op downtown where I found them but I get them at a better price on Amazon. I like the Calmplex Suntheane as it has other stuff added that helps me sleep.
  25. I've been on Omega 3 with EPA and DHA for months. I have also been on L-theanine for about a month, L-tryptophan, 5-htp, and a combo pill of melatonin, GABA and L-theanine for sleep for a few weeks. I have also tried kava kava which does help with sleep, (I have terrible insomnia from PTSD, can you tell?), ashwaganda, jiaogulan, holy basil leaf for just a week or so and just recently decided to try SAM-e because I'm desperate. I have noticed a little decrease in my depression and dealing with life in general and find falling asleep a little easier, although I still wake up about every hour, I do fall back to sleep easier. My pdoc told me to try supplenents individually to see if one works and one doesn't so I try to vary them. So far I think I like the L-theanine, L-tryptophan and kava kava the best. The jury's still out on SAM-e because they said you have to take it for a while and sometimes the dosage has to be high and it IS very expensive. I'm desperate though so I'll try it. If anything gives me a miracle cure, I'll let everyone know!
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