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Everything posted by taysmom1016

  1. Hi Mike, welcome to our forum! I'm sorry to hear about your mom and her troubles. I suffer from major depression and have an 11-year-old son and get panicky just thinking of him getting his driver's license. I hope I can get this under control by the time he drives! You are a great son for all you do for your mom though, not many would. Which by all means says that you are definitely NOT a hopeless loser! As for work, it sounds like you're trying harder at work by working overtime I would hope they would see this and not fire you for it. Make yourself at home here. We are not professionals, just people who all deal with the same challenges every day that you do. I hope you can contact a doctor and talk to someone about this, maybe some therapy or even medication can help you deal with your challenges. In the meantime, we're all here to listen.
  2. Onmyown, I'm glad you got to get outside in the fresh air with your daughter, good old physical exertion can be a great diversion. Keep us posted.
  3. Hi sleeping, I'm glad to hear that at least you have hope that things will get better (and they will). Hope is the main thing not to lose. I hope your doctor can help you on Fri., I saw mine last Fri. and she increased my mirtazipine 15 mg (45 to 60) and I actually feel a little bit better. I'm glad your doctor takes you seriously as many don't. A good relationship with your doctor is very important. Remember, baby steps. Don't try to take on everything all at once. If your having problems getting yourself or your room cleaned up, try one thing at a time. When I get like that I try by washing my bedding. Then I tell myself I don't want to sleep in it until I've taken a shower because the bed is so clean....it's a struggle to motivate sometimes. Good luck on Friday.
  4. Walt, I'm glad you made it through! I had the same situation the last time I went, they wanted to do a root canal on a tooth in the back that would have cost a fortune and like you, I opted for the extraction. It took away the pain, no one can see it, and I still have plenty of teeth to eat! Good luck on Monday! Maybe next week I'll take my OWN advice and give MY dentist a call.....
  5. I'm no doctor, and I would call and talk to them about this, but it would be my best uneducated guess that every time you switch from one med to another, you come down off the last one before the next one starts working as they can take a while to build up in your system. Like I said, I'm no doctor and if it's really getting to you, definitely call them. Otherwise, maybe just a little more time is needed for the new medication to take effect. I know the "I'm never going to go back to normal" feeling, I have that too. I see my doctor tomorrow and I'm going to BEG her to try something else because I'm on mirtazipine and Klonopin and while the Klonopin helps with my anxiety, the mirtazipine doesn't seem to be doing anything but make me hungry. Good luck, I hope your meds straighten out soon.
  6. Onmyown, I'm sorry for all the crap you are going through right now. I remember going through the same thing when my son's dad took me to court trying to get partial custody just to get out of child support. It was so stressful on me that my pdoc gave me a temporary prescription for Xanax just to get through it. Anything to do with large amounts of money makes me shake! I hope you find the strength you need until you can come out on the other side of this...try just taking it one day, or one hour, or even one minute at a time. Good luck!
  7. I agree whole heartedly to this one. Over a year ago I was hospitalized because I had constant nausea and couldn't eat, lost 40 lb in 2 months. They ran every test in the book on me and diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. The sad part is, I felt physically ill until they TOLD me I was depressed and anxious, put me on mirtazipine so I'd gain weight. It was then that I started feeling really depressed and having anxiety attacks. I agree that once you've been diagnosed with depression, it's their go to excuse for everything else that goes wrong.
  8. Hi ForeverUnhappy, Just your name alone describes how I feel most of the time! I've been on numerous medications and I'm still looking for the right combo so it takes a while, try to be patient. I have an appointment tomorrow so hopefully we can try sometime else too. In the meantime, welcome to the forum, you'll find a lot of support here from a lot of great people.
  9. Does your dentist offer gas? Just a thought. Don't feel bad, you are definitely not alone with this one. I went 15 years without going to a dentist because I had such a bad experience when I was a kid but I was in so much pain.....let me tell you, when he finally injected novacaine into the bad tooth, all my fears went out the window, it was such a relief. Now it's been a few years for me again because of insurance issues and I'm slightly afraid again because I don't know how bad my teeth have gotten. I don't really have any suggestions unless maybe taking music in with you to listen to or if you're having problems, just tell yourself how much better you will feel after you have gone. Then tell me will ya? I really need to make an appointment.....
  10. I have recently become absolutely terrified of tornadoes. I had a slight fear when I was a child but outgrew it. My son and I lived in a townhouse for 6 years with no basement and it never bothered me, if the weather got bad, we'd go into the laundry room wiith a blanket, flashlight and radio but I wasn't scared so neither was he. Now since my recent relapse with depression/anxiety over a year ago, just a bad weather warning can give me an anxiety attack. And we built a new house over a year ago (before my relapse) and since I had no fear then, I didn't put in a basement. Now I've actually contacted my lender and some underground storm shelter dealers and I'm determined to put one of these shelters on our property as soon as possible. Right now I keep track of the weather channel and if bad weather is predicted, we go stay at my dad's (with a basement). But I'm afraid it will happen before he's out of school and I want to be prepared. I know it's good to be scared to a point, but we're talking full-fledged, all out panic. Oh and there's not enough benzo's in the WORLD to get me on an airplane.....
  11. I suffer from severe insomnia due to PTSD after a 5 day coma in 2008 left me afraid to sleep. I, too, take Klonopin and Ambien and wake several times a night. I have found one exercise that helps, taught to me by a chronic pain class I attended for my back pain. You lie in bed, breathe deeply to relax. Then you tell yourself slowly, "my left arm is heavy" and really feel it, like your arm is made of lead. I repeat it to myself 3-4 times, then move on to my right arm, same thing, then "both my arms are heavy", then move to right leg, left leg, both legs, then finally, "My arms and legs are heavy" and really concentrate on feeling the heaviness of your limbs. Most of the time I will fall back to sleep before I get all the way through and concentrating on your breathing helps too. I hope this helps. If it can help me, even a little, it HAS to work! Good luck!
  12. I love those stories too! I have a mini australian shepherd, Skylar, who my absolute lifesaver. She sleeps by my feet when I'm immobile and forces me outside to walk every day no matter how bad I feel. I don't know what I'd do without her!
  13. Onmyown, Hang onto that little ember of hope. Sometimes hope is all we have but as long as we have it, it keeps us going. Keep us posted and good luck with your attorney.
  14. I would contact your doctor before stopping or changing your Paxil. Sometimes meds just take a while to work and we go through peaks and valleys waiting for them to fully take effect. If the Ativan helps for the rough spots, then I would take it. Your doctors will help you manage your meds. I'm on clonazepam and it helps, especially at night for the anxiety I get when I try to fall asleep. Good luck. Anxiety and depression are both terrible things to deal with but you've come to the right place to talk about them.
  15. Onmyown, I'm not sure how old your daughter is but is there a chance of some kind of child or spousal support in your divorce? I'm on disability so I know how difficult it can be to get, I read horror stories that left me sure I would never qualify but luckily I did. I see on TV commercials all the time lawyers who offer to help you get disability and don't charge unless you are awarded, this might be something to look into. I know what you mean about your daughter is what keeps you fighting. I have a son who is my main reason for never giving up. He deserves a happy mom and a happy childhood and I'll fight with everything I have to give it to him. Thank God for our children. Sometimes I think the only reason I was put on this earth was to give birth to such a wonderful kid. Hang in there and keep us posted.
  16. I was actually started on mirtazipine because of an unexplained 40 lb weight loss. The docs said it must be stress (I wasn't stressed until they told me I was) so they sent me to my pdoc and she put me on it first at 30 mg and then to 45 mg. Af first, like only the first night, I felt GREAT and slept like a baby! But that quickly wore off and it doesn't seem to sedate me anymore. It has stimulated my appetite and I've put back on about 20 of the 40 lbs I lost but keep it under control by walking every day. It doesn't seem to do much for my depression or anxiety, other than that first night which was weird, but my doc told me to take it earlier. I now cut it in half and take half in the afternoon and half at bedtime. I see my doc next week and I'm going to see if there's something we can add or change it to help with my depression but if it works for you, then definitely give it a try. I tell my son I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable!
  17. My depression definitely came first, it's been a part of my life for about 13 years (and I remember some childhood depression that I outgrew). My latest relapse has been my worse was triggered by a stomach illness which doctors admitted me to the hospital for tests but wrote it off as stress when they couldn't find anything. The sad part is I didn't feel depressed or anxious until after that hospitalization. I was also in the hospital in 2008 for a critical case of Legionnaire's disease which I was in a coma for 5 days, kidney failure, sepsis, respiratory dependent, not expected to make it (my dreams in my coma of my then 7-year-old son growing up without me woke me up). I went through hell during and after that hospitalization so my pdoc thinks my recent hospitalization triggered a PTSD episode bringing back all the horrible memories of what I went through. I suffer from insomnia because I often feel I'm slipping into a coma when I'm falling asleep and wake myself up. Now I'm dealing with horrible depression and anxiety that I can't get out of. I have a healthy son, my dad's still healthy and strong at 85, a new home I was FINALLY able to get out of debt and purchase for the first time and I can't find one reason to be depressed or anxious but I am in a bad way. My heart is racing as I write this. I used to have mild depression, controlled by ADs, but still went out with my friends and socialized and managed to enjoy life and the gifts it brings. That all disappeared after I went into the hospital last year and I WANT IT BACK!!!
  18. Wow, I could have wrote this post! I'm from Minnesota too and keep in touch with my friends on facebook but when they suggest getting together, I always make some excuse because I get panicky just thinking about it. How's the weather in your part of the state? I'm in the southeast and it's been record-breaking warm temps here!
  19. My anxiety kicks up in the spring. For some reason since I relapsed over a year ago, I've developed an unreasonable phobia of bad storms and tornadoes (and our house doesn't have a basement). Last summer every time bad weather was predicted I packed up my son and we went to stay with my dad who lives about 45 minutes away (he has a basement). So the warmer weather and all the recent bad storms in the south (USA) remind me that storm season is approaching quickly. I just hope it holds off until my son is out of school so we can go visit my dad again! I didn't used to be like this, we lived in a townhome for 6 years with no basement and I never freaked out during storms, it's just since buying my own house, it's a factory built and due to finances, I had a choice to put in a basement or a garage and I took the garage (it was before my relapse and figured my car needed it worse than we needed the basement). I regret my decision every day!
  20. I agree. Little things can make a difference. I re-discovered my iPod this week after losing it during our move over a year ago. I had forgotten the songs I had downloaded on it during happier times and as I walked my dog and listened, I started to feel better. The songs really brought back memories of my past (much) younger years. It helped so much that I walked until I had heard every song, about 2 hours! Granted today is a down day and I'm trying to get motivated to go to my dad's for the weekend (packing for my son and me, showering, dressing, make up, driving the distance) but at least I had one day this week that actually reminded me what it was like before this last bout of depression overtook me about a year ago.
  21. Struggling, I agree with Meirionne. I too walk every day, I have a dog who insists upon it. It doesn't always help, but sometimes it does, and I do feel worse if I don't try. Keep trying, don't give up! Volleyball may not be the cure to all your problems but it just might help be a step in the right direction. It sounds like you're going through a really rough, dark time right now but you've got to keep trying. If nothing else, look at all the replies to your post here. You've made a lot of friends who genuinely care and worry about you so please hang in there. Brighter days are coming, I have to believe that or I'm not sure I could go on. Feeling better isn't easy but we can't just sit back and wait for it to happen, we have to make an effort. It will be worth it in the long run. (((hugs)))
  22. Hello Sian and welcome to our family! Wow, you've been through a lot! I agree with Lauryn, you need to forgive yourself for not being able to go through with your pregnancy. You've taken the right steps by going to the doctor for help and reaching out to others with similar illnesses here for support. I'm sorry about your grandfather, it's hard losing someone you love. I lost my mom a few years ago and I remember how hard it was but time does heal. And like Lauryn says, your grandfather would want you to be happy. I know for a while I went through guilt every time I laughed or started to feell better after my mom died but reminded myself the same, she wouldn't want me to suffer. Please keep us posted on your progress, we're all here to listen and help if we can.
  23. Nice to meet you, Skylizard! Unfortunately, a lot of people with depression think all you have to do is "snap out of it". If they only knew. You will find a lot of friends and support here. Try to hold onto the day that your medication kicks in and you will finally get relief, it will give you something to look forward to. I'm glad you finally got help. In the meantime. we're all here to listen and support you. We're all in the same boat, sailing over rough waters. Just hang on!
  24. I'm so glad to hear you are doing better....hope things keep looking bright for you!
  25. Sorry, that got cut off. Shopping almost always seems to help for a little while, even if I don't buy anything. I treat myself to an Iced Mocha from Gloria Jean's Coffee Shop. Long term I look forward to my son and all the joys he brings me, even though he's growing up so fast. Someday, God willing, I will have grandchildren and a daughter in law (not in that order, I hope!). Mainly I look forward to the day that I can wake up and not feel the pain of this illness and enjoy life for the gift it is. I have hope.
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