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Everything posted by taysmom1016

  1. I will never have: 1. Too much money. 2. Too much love. 3. Too much happiness. Add #4....too much of a good thing!
  2. We like to here happy stories too! I'm glad you are having such a wonderful day, thanks for sending some of it our way. It gives us all hope that it can happen instead of hearing just sad stories all the time! I hope the good days continue for you!
  3. Acrowley, You made a major accomplishment, the first step is the hardest! Hopefully now you will be on the road to recovery, or at least relief! Good job! Keep us posted...
  4. I'm not sure what to tell you on this one. I was already on disability for brain damage (short-term memory) I suffered when I stopped breathing a few years ago during a serious illness when my depression/anxiety flared. On one hand I think that not being able to work may have contributed to my depression, on the other hand with the way I'm feeling now, I can't imagine if I had to get up to go to work every day. I can't even bring myself to chaperone things at my son's school. I know it's tough, but maybe you could try the new job and if it didn't work out, get a note from your doctor saying it's too much? Who knows, maybe getting out might actually help. Either way, I hope things work out for you, I know one of the scariest parts of this illness is change and sometimes even getting out to walk the dog around the block takes every ounce of strength I have some days. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.
  5. I'm glad that you feel comfortable here too. And don't worry, I've been here for months and never read a post where anyone judged anyone else. Everyone has been terrific here!
  6. Exelion, I think you described it perfectly, the illness IS a monster and sometimes it becomes so familiar to us, a way of life, that we're almost afraid to get better because we forget what better feels like. It scares us, like monsters do. Struggling, Keep trying. It sounds like you are making real progress. I almost envy you because I woke up feeling bad and I'm having a bad day but I'm trying, I'm here, fighting the monster. We are all in this together! Fight the monster! :taz:
  7. What's great about this forum is you make SO many friends, so many people who care and relate to you, yet it's totally annonymous so you can spill your guts and no one who knows you will read it (even if they did, they wouldn't know it was you). It's amazing how close I feel to this group of annonymous people! It's great to have a place to come to and vent and no one judges. People here genuinely care and want to help. From all over the world. I'm really glad I found this forum! Got a little emotional there....my TV is playing the song, Mad World. Perfect timing!
  8. Roberr I suffer from major depression and general anxiety disorder. I was put on clonazepam years ago for restless leg syndrome (it really helped). After my flare of depression/anxiety over a year ago, I couldn't eat or sleep. They increased my clonazepam to .5 mg 4 times a day and I've been on that ever since. I take 2 at night to help me fall asleep (unfortunately because of my anxiety and PTSD, I can't stay asleep) and take the other 2 during the day. I've noticed if I get busy or distracted I can go hours without taking it and it doesn't seem to bother me, sometimes I even get by with 3 a day. I guess it depends on your reaction to the med. If it helps and your doctor prescribed it, I wouldn't worry about it. There's always a way to taper off if you want to. As for me, it has been a lifesaver. I also take mirtazipine which was just raised to 60 last week. It seemed to help for the first 4-5 days but now not so much. I'm hoping over time it will. Good luck to you and if you have any more questions about your meds, click on forum and scroll down to the med you want, there's lots of info and people with experience with the drugs.
  9. I have TERRIBLE insomnia from PTSD, I had a serious illness that left me in a 5 day coma so I'm afraid of falling asleep. At 45 mg it didn't seem to help me with sleep at all unless I cut them in half and took half in the afternoon and half at bedtime. Same with the 60, I take one 30 mg in the afternoon and one at bedtime. It was helping some (my problem isn't so much falling asleep as it is staying asleep then falling back to sleep) but last night I had another restless night and nothing seemed to help. I'm exhausted right now but I'm keeping myself from napping until bedtime in hopes that I'll get a few hours in out of sheer exhaustion. They say the higher the dose, the less sedating so I think halfing the dose helps some with sleeping. Good luck to you.
  10. I used to be a "party animal" but since this latest relapse, a little over a year ago, I haven't gone out with my friends or had any social life at all. It doesn't help that my son's stepmom hangs out with my old group and I don't need to see her (his dad and I used to be friends until he got married, now his wife wears the pants in that family). My anxiety also stops me from volunteering to chaperone trips at my son's school, I'm afraid I'll have an anxiety attack and embarrass both of us. We also used to take little weekend trips somewhere fun but now I'm afraid to travel too far from home. Yeah, this really bites.....
  11. Good for you for staying strong! I hope things work out for you. Life never seems to go as planned, I guess that's what keeps it interesting. I agree with what you said, sometimes what we think is best isn't always what is meant to be. Take care of yourself and your daughter and one day at a time.
  12. Wow, what a horrible thing to go through. I'm glad your set on getting in better physical condition though, feeling like crap physically does nothing good for the mental part. I'm sorry for your wife's behavior. Here's a thought, if you want her to learn how to use the defibrillator, take her off your life insurance and put someone else as a beneficiary. Then she'll be a little more anxious to keep you around! Sorry, I'm kind of known for my dark humor. I hope things get better for you soon!
  13. Pepsi109, I'm an animal lover too and it must have been terrible to watch the animal you were trying to help get hit before you could get there. You did everything you could, everything that most people wouldn't bother with. I've seen dogs hit and had my own hit and watched the cars drive away, uncaring. You are a truly wonderful caring person to try and help. Try telling yourself that whatever the poor little thing went through, it's in a better place now whether it be at the vet's with pain medication, or even if it didn't make it, it is no longer in pain. There are so many cold, unfeeling people out there, I just had to let you know how refreshing it is to meet someone with a heart as big as yours. Good luck to you. Keep us posted and feel free to come here and vent anytime as there are a lot of really caring and understanding people here too.
  14. Tweedvocalchords, I love that name, by the way! I'm glad you found us too, this is a great place to come and vent, get it all off your chest, get advice from those who have been here for years or days, and eventually to feel comfortable enough to speak up your opinion when someone you can relate to needs your help too. I'm glad you felt comfortable to write such a long post, you are a good writer, as you said! And I hope you will find the comfort and support that I have here, everyone is great! Welcome to our family!
  15. I agree, I was actually started on mirtazipine because of a stomach ailment (diagnosed as stress, translation, we don't know why you lost 40 lb in 2 months). I have been on it for a year and a half now, first at 30, then 45 mg, now just recently up to 60 because it wasn't helping my depression. It helped me gain back about 20 of the 40 lbs I lost (a side effect I could have done without) but it's leveled off. Although I've only been on 60 mg for a few days, and yesterday I had a HUGE craving for take out pizza. My son is on ADHD medication that kills his appetite so overeating during the week isn't really a threat for us but yesterday he stayed home from school and by 4:30 we were BOTH starving. It was kind of a nice treat.
  16. Onmyown, Chronic pain can be a major contributor to depression, as can the medication they give us to help it. I'm sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else. I had a car accident in 1993 that left me with chronic back pain and legionella pneumonia in 2008 that deprived me of oxygen and caused a lot of neurological damage, nerve pain and headaches and migraines. On top of my anxiety and depression meds, I also wear a fentanyl patch and a lidoderm patch at night. A hot bath will help me for a little while, and I spend a lot of time on my heating pad. I hope you feel better soon and maybe then you can slowly try to recondition gently every day with even a brief walk. Exercise, while physically can be painful, can be quite relaxing mentally. I'm sorry to hear about the sale of your house. With today's market the way it is, things can be tough. On the other hand, with interest rates being so low, hopefully someone will turn up soon. I'm so glad you have your daughter, I know a lot of times if it weren't for my son, I wouldn't be trying so hard. Although I'm not the most religious person in the world, I do believe in karma and you sound like a really good person, especially trying to do everything you can for your daughter. I truly believe that one day these good things will stick around and not disappear like mirages. Again, please keep us posted. Good luck to you.
  17. Molly Bee, I'm currently reading a book "The Mindful Way Through Depression" (they also have one on anxiety that I also have). It came highly recommended through Amazon so I thought I'd try them both. Unfortunately because of an illness in 2008 where my brain was deprived of oxygen, it damaged my short term memory and reading is kind of difficult for me, it's hard to concentrate and I usually have to read the same page 3 times and if I put the book down for a few days, I practically have to start over again. But you are probably a much better reader than I am and the book was rated pretty good so you might want to give it a try. I'm going to try to finish it someday.....
  18. K C Dubs, Thank you for this beautiful post. I couldn't possibly think of a better way to say it. We should all print it out and put it on our refridgerators! I'm glad you're feeling better, you give all of us hope for the future. Bless you!
  19. Struggling, I agree with the alcohol thing, alcohol is a depressant and even though it seems to help for a little while, it ends up hurting us more in the long run. I know it's tough. If it were easy, there wouldn't be so many of us here but it's worth the fight. Keep your eye on that tiny little light at the end of the tunnel and know that one day you will reach it and feel better. In the meantime, you've got us to talk to and help you through it as best we can. Try to find one thing each day to look forward to or marvel in. A couple of weeks ago I was at my doctors and I was feeling really low. They have an aviary of birds in the waiting room and I stood there just mesmerized by the colors of one bird, the blues, the purples, it was amazing how something that beautiful can even be real. It was enough to give me hope and find a little beauty in life, if only for a little while. Please hang in there, we're all pulling for you.
  20. Cass, That's a lot what my depression feels like too, like a stabbing pain in my chest or a giant weight. Distraction is the only thing that helps. Facebook is a big one for me too, as is this forum. Weather permitting, walking my dog or doing yard work helps too or finding some online games to play (I like bingo on facebook). If you can find someone to talk to, it helps. I know when I run into people walking my dog I actually forget about depression for a few minutes while I'm talking to them. Yesterday I mowed my lawn and for 30 minutes, I was oblivious to everything else and I'm looking forward to planting flowers and taking care of my yard this summer. Otherwise, if I have the money, SHOPPING! Sometimes even if I don't have the money, I go just to look. Trying to find the most upbeat thing to watch on TV (I like Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, etc.) or even a really sad show to get in a good healthy cry helps.
  21. Wow, I could have written this post! I'm the exact same way, I wake up every morning and the depression and anxiety hits me like a slap in the face (coffee helps me a little too). Then I force myself outside (I don't work) and I feel better for a while, but it hits me again as the day dwindles down until I can take all my "sleep meds" and relax. I have horrible insomnia and wake often during the night before falling asleep for a few hours just before dawn and then I wake in a panic and it starts all over again. Weekends are a little better for me too as we go visit my dad and I can keep my mind occupied shopping (not always buying though) and talking to him and just knowing he's doing okay (my dad's 85). Plus after living with an 11-year-old all week, it's nice to have some adult conversation for a change!
  22. Lyev, The ending of a relationship is a surefire way to spiral any of us into depression. I've been through it many times and I'm currently single and have been for a long time, mainly I think for fear of being hurt like that again (also because I have a son to think about too, not just me who would get hurt). I quit smoking for almost 2 years after a serious illness then started again when my son's dad took me back to court after being practically nonexistent in my son's life because I asked for (my one and only) raise in child support and thought he could just waltz in and ask for half custody so he wouldn't have to pay. I knew he would lose but it was enough of a stress for me to pick up the smoking again and I haven't been able to kick it. I'm hoping once my depression and anxiety is under control, I'll be able to quit again. I didn't miss it for the 2 years I quit, now I can't imagine not having it. My doctor actually told me with everything else going on, worry about the stressors first and the smoking later. I don't smoke in my new house and I don't smoke around my son so if I can keep myself busy, I smoke a lot less. I hope we can all find the strength to quit some day.
  23. ShyGirl84, I'm on mirtazipine also and have been for over a year. My pdoc just recently raised the dosage to 60 mg and I have noticed feeling a little better (I'm hoping a lot better in time). When I first started on it, (30 mg) I was drowsy and out of it but that went away and I find the longer I take it, the less drowsiness and grogginess I feel. Hopefully your body will get used to it like mine did. If not, there are plenty of meds out there to try. I'm currently not working. I had a serious case of Legionnaire's a few years ago that damaged my short term memory and left neurological pain issues so I'm on disability and it's hard sometimes, feeling like I'm not "contributing" to society. I am a single mom so I decided my contribution is to raise the best kid possible (he's a whiz at math) and I find other activities to keep me busy like walking my dog, hanging out here, etc. Yesterday I mowed my lawn for the first time this year and it felt great! I would be out fertilizing and ******* weeds today but the weather is windy and cold today (changes quick here in MN of USA!). That's why you'll see I've answered a lot of posts today because if I don't keep my mind busy, I think too much. Anyway, enough ranting from me. Welcome to the forums and I hope your meds start working for you soon. And I hope this forum helps you as much as it has helped me.
  24. You've taken a step in the right direction and there is light at the end of the tunnel, we all have to believe that. As for not having any "real" friends, after reading the above posts, it sounds like you have all kinds of them now. That's what we're here for, to help each other out with advice and hold each other up when we need it. I hope you will find the same comfort and support I have with this group and listen to what they have to say. Also (if no one else has mentioned it yet) you might want to click on forums and scroll down to the citalopram group for more support and people with experiences on the medication. Stick with your doctor, if this med doesn't work, they'll keep trying until they find one that does. As for emotional support, we're here for that. I'll add a hug to the mix above for more support. Good luck to you!
  25. J, I have tried the natural supplements too with no help. Sometimes medication is the only way to go and I'm glad you are open to that. It takes a lot of trial and error to find the right one or combo and I hope you find something soon that works for you. This is a great place to come and vent and even chime in on others who need help, it makes you feel a little better knowing you may have helped someone else in a similar situation or just sharing with people in the same boat. You are definitely not alone in this or this forum wouldn't have so many members! Welcome to our family.
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