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Everything posted by taysmom1016

  1. Hi Noah, I'm glad you found us. I heard a quote just last week that went something like, "courage is being afraid of something but doing it anyway". Depression, and that sounds like what you may well have, is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Look at how many members belong to this forum of all ages and all over the world. You are not alone. I would urge you to talk to your parents (I have an 11-year-old son and would definitely want him to come to me!) or a school counselor or teacher. The sooner you reach out, the sooner you will be on the road out of the darkness. In the meantime, we're all here if you need us to talk to, we're all really good at listening. Good luck to you!
  2. I have a beautiful mini australian shepherd. Her color is blue merle and she has one blue eye and one brown eye so we named her Skye (short for Skylar). She's kind of stranger-phobic, but we didn't get her until she was 4 months old so she didn't have a lot of human contact being left the last pup of the litter on the farm. She loves my son, my dad and me and with us she's extremely loving and affectionate. She isn't mean to others, just likes to bark at people and shies away if they approach. I walk her every day past the school and she's getting better about all the noisy kids and barking less but still won't let people near her. She's an awesome companion for me and makes me get out of bed every day and walk outside no matter how crappy the weather is which is good for both of us. I don't know what I'd do without her!
  3. Nope, I wish. The been there part was with the abusive relationship....luckily, I'm not "there" anymore at least. Still battling with the depression/anxiety though. Some days are better than others, but none have been really good for a long time. Still hoping....
  4. My dog....for some reason whenever the Cadbury Easter Bunny commercial comes on TV and the lion barks, she sits up and cocks her head at the TV. That and the commercial with the doggy dentures....there's a pomeranian on there that looks just like my other dog (actually now my dad's dog) and when she smiles with those big white teeth....cracks me up every time.
  5. I agree with Jim Bow, you need to stop smoking NOW. If you want to join the services, you need to be prepared for challenges like this one. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it is necessary. If I were you, I would talk to your folks, tell them how badly you want to stop. The N/A meetings or another support group is a great idea. Find someone who has been there, who is NOT into drugs, someone you can talk to about it. If you can show your folks you're serious, I'm sure they'll give you another chance. If you have to, show them your post. The bit about suicide will scare the crap out of them and they will be more than willing to help you any way you can. Please, your young, your healthy (at least physically) and you have support here to come and vent all you need. Please get help, you've got so much to live for, even if things really suck at the moment. THEY WILL GET BETTER! Every day is a new chance so please don't lose hope.
  6. Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone! Forgive me if it takes me a while to learn all the names, I have memory problems (and not just from old age!). M of P, congrats on the new job! And passing the physical, I know that can be challenging in itself at OUR ages! whatchagonnado, I hope things work out for you, look forward to hearing from you soon and hope it's good news.... Rosegirl, hope you feel better soon! The flu is going around our small town too but hopefully my son and I will escape it as we both got our flu shots this year.... Violet31, old forties are the new thirties...I love that! Wish my body agreed! We go to my dad's every weekend and he doesn't have internet so I'll check back on Tues. when we return home. Happy Easter everyone, God Bless!
  7. I'm glad you're feeling better, ladysmurf. Just believe that the effexor is working, don't let overthinking it convince you otherwise. Enjoy the moment because right now is all that matters. Take advantage of this moment of feeling better and do something for yourself that you enjoy. I've had a fairly good last couple of days and have been out digging up dandelions. Weird way to enjoy myself, I know, but something about yardwork is very therapeutic for me. Not so much for my physical self, oh my aching back......
  8. Hi Ocean, I'm glad you found such a rewarding career and are up for the challenge! I'm torn most days between really missing working and being glad I don't have to get up and go out in the working world every day. But being a parent is a full time job in itself! Looking forward to talking to everyone here!
  9. Oddly enough, mowing my lawn. I'm so glad it's warm here now because for some reason, yard work is very distracting and therapeutic for me. I also have a dog who MAKES me get out of bed and go out to the real world...and an 11-year-old son who talks me into Xbox Kinect Sports games every once in a while, there's also something therapeutic about throwing virtual darts at my flat screen TV.
  10. I just found this thread, hope it's not too late to join! Perfect timing for me, I'm going to be 47 in 2 weeks! I have to admit, I was feeling old and alone until I found this thread, didn't realize there are so many of us out there! I am a single mom to an 11-year-old boy I jokingly call my "Superbowl Surprise" as he was born 9 months after I over-celebrated the Rams winning Superbowl XXXIV. I was a medical transcriptionist for 11 years, (worked in a factory 11 years before that) but have been on disability the past few years following Legionnaire's that left my brain deprived of oxygen and damaged my short-term memory and pain center (car accident already left me with back problems) causing neurological pain and migraines. Latest relapse into depression was a year and a half ago when I was hospitalized for stomach problems and tests. Pdoc thinks it triggered PTSD episode due to hospitalization from Legionnaires where I was in a coma for 5 days. Anyway, enough sad stuff, that's all on my profile anyway. I'll try to keep up with the 40+ group now that I've found it. Still going through all the posts......
  11. I'm on disability for damage to my short term memory and physical limitations after a near fatal case of Legionnaire's. I believe the letter is their way of reevaluating you to see if you still qualify. My doctor said this might happen, although in my case since it's pretty obvious that I won't recover enough for "gainful employment" as they put it, I think they said I would be reevaluated in 7 years. Your benefits won't stop, they'll just talk to your doctors, or possibly ask you to be seen by the disability doctors (varies in locations) to make sure you still qualify for benefits. That's the best of my knowledge, however limited. Hope it helps. Or you could try googling disability benefits and see what you can find on the internet. Good luck to you.
  12. I agree it sounds like it could be PTSD. PTSD can be triggered by anything, maybe buying the house brought out some stressors you didn't even know were there (ironically, my own PTSD flared shortly after buying my OWN first house last year, but I was also hospitalized a few months later so it could be that too). I agree with AquaViolet, consulting a professional would be a smart thing to do. Keep us posted and good luck to you.
  13. Yes, I experience this pretty much every morning, unfortunately. Some days are worse than others. I think for me it's finally falling asleep after a restless night and crashing back to reality when I wake up. My reality for the last year and a half has been major depression relapse, general anxiety disorder, PTSD from a near fatal illness in 2008 (triggered by another hospitalization in 2010). I've mentioned it to my doctor, she doesn't seem to know what to do about it. After my illness in 2008 she put me on a med, cyproheptadine, which is actually an antihistamine but has been used for nightmares effectively and it actually helped. They took me off it in 2010 because I was having stomach problems and they were trying to get me off as many meds as possible. It wasn't until recently that I realized just how many nightmares and vivid dreams I've had in the time I've been off it. Unfortunately I forgot to mention it the last time I saw her so I think I'm going to call and see about getting back on it. The sleepless or restless nights and rude panicky awakenings are getting to be too much to bear. At least you know you are not alone!
  14. This is me. I'm afraid to sleep. I was in a coma a few years ago and when I'm falling asleep, I feel like I'm slipping back into it and won't be able to wake up. I don't sleep more than an hour or 2 at a time then wake up in a panic. I'm on ambien, clonazepam, mirtazipine, and I even take L-tryptophan and melatonin. You'd think that would knock me out for days but I wake with a jolt and I'm wide awake. I used to LOVE to sleep! Couldn't wait for my son to go to school in the mornning so I could climb back into my bed for a couple of hours but not anymore. What I would give to sleep 8 straight hours...
  15. I just happen to catch a bit of Oprah's "Life Class" last night and she was on with motivational speaker Tony Robbins. He said something that stuck in my head, "Courage is feeling the fear but doing it anyway". I don't know why, but that statement kind of struck home. Of course he had a guy on there who was afraid of failure but made a miraculous recovery in the time span of the show and lost his fear. They make it sound so easy. Did anyone else see this show? It was on OWN network in the US. I wish I would have watched the whole thing.
  16. Couldn't have said it better myself! Welcome, and just the fact that you mention that you hope to give help as well as receive it shows that you are a caring person and we're glad to have you here!
  17. Hi Valentinaa, Welcome! I can relate to the nervous/anxious/depression as can most of us. I hope that you will feel less shy around us as you can be annonymous and feel free to vent and talk all you want without anyone judging you. I, too, pray every day for this feeling to go away. Some days I actually have a glimpse of light that I hold onto, hoping someday they will come more often and stick around longer (a year ago it was much worse). So hang in there, as long as there's life, there's hope. Hope to hear from you soon!
  18. Hi Chelly and welcome, Hello from the US and I also suffer from depression and anxiety, not much fun, is it? Hope coming and chatting and reading with us will help you as much as it helps me.
  19. Niz, Welcome to the group! Sounds like things are really rough for you right now. Seems as though life always kicks us when we're already down. I'm glad you found this group as it can be a big help to read about others with similar experiences and feelings and even chime in and help others when you feel you can. Either way, it's very therapeutic!
  20. My son and I got our very first, very own home a little over a year ago and I'm still in that "first time home owner" proud stage. My house is by no means spotless, the dishwasher needs unloading, the laundry is folded but not put away, but I can't stand to see my new home trashed (my kid's 11 and he and his friends can do that in one afternoon) so I do manage to keep it up okay. Before the depression relapse, this place was spotless. I couldn't wait to get up and clean my new house, now even that is losing it's joy for me. I do still enjoy yard work and I'm glad it's warming up so I can mow my lawn and plant some flowers, that seems t be very therapeutic for me.
  21. Just 1 Person, You sound like me, shopping is an awesome (albeit costly) distraction for me too! The problem is lately thanks to vet bills from a sick dog (a priority, of course) and car repairs, our budget is tight and I can't even get into window shopping because I feel guilty even thinking about spending money. I can't feel very "high" these days either, just a consistent low. I'm so tired but I can't sleep (insomnia, big time, let me know if the alpha-stim does anything, I've tried tons of supplements but haven't had much luck). That's what depression does to us, leaves us feeling, just, "blah", looking at the bad times and finding it hard to focus on the good. I force myself to walk every day whether I feel like it or not. It doesn't always make me feel great, but I do always feel a lot worse if I don't go. Besides, the dog's gotta go out! Try to find something, anything (like the stores, even if it's window shopping) to distract you every day. Fix yourself up even if you don't feel like it. Bake a cake. Anything. Here's hoping for brighter days for all of us!
  22. ItsJustTim, I don't know if this will help any, but everything you describded in your first post, it's me....only a lot younger. I'm going to be 47 in a few weeks and I have the exact same thoughts. I have a little boy I worry about every day, my dad is 85 (and strong as an ox, I might add, but I still obsess). I lost my mom a few years ago and it sucked but I survived. The latest depression started over a year ago after I was in the hospital and I'm not sure why but I'm more depressed than I've been in years. And scared. But there are some days I can see just a little light at the end of the tunnel and I have hope that every day there will be a little more light. You should have that hope too, it's normal to worry in life, everyone does it. Some of us just more than others. But it does get better, it has to. Coming here helps, talking to people who know what you're going through. Hang in there.
  23. Ladysmurf, I know exactly what you mean when you say you're jealous of other people who are happy. I've dealt with depression on and off for a long time but this is the first time I've ever felt like this, seeing people go about their lives and envy them so much because their not in the pits like me. I've tried a lot of meds too, right now my mirtazipine was just raised to 60 mg and while the first few days seemed better, now I just feel tired. Tired and depressed. But I keep going, I won't give up and neither should you. They find cures and treatments for cancer and every other hideous disease out there, someday, hopefully soon, they will find one that works for us. Don't give up hope.
  24. Hi S, Add me to another woman who can totally relate to your story. So much of what you wrote sounded so familiar from the childhood depression, abusive relationship, functioning depression, etc. As you can see, you are defniitely not alone and have come to the right place to share and make friends who have "been there". I'm glad you found us and look forward to hearing from you.
  25. Shadowwaters, I agree your best bet is to find a doctor you can trust. Maybe print out a copy of the post and everything you just told us. If it helps, you are not alone. I have an 11-year-old son and I can have a panic attack just thinking about him getting his driver's license. Next week his 5th grade is going on a class trip. Due to severe seperation anxiety he's had since I was ill in 2008 (I was in the hospital 12 days, 5 days in a coma) he refuses to stay overnight with his class. Luckily his teacher is very understanding and said we will figure out a way to get him home every night so he can still go but won't have to sleep away from home and I must admit, I'm glad. I tried to encourage him to go and stay with his friends but inside I was glad he'd be coming home every night! He spends every other Sun. night at his dad's and they're very traumatic for him, not that his dad cares. Anyway, I got on a rant. Definitely seek help from a professional. Once the initial step is made, you'll be glad you did. Medication and therapy can help you find peace and relief from your symptoms. In the meantime, coming here to vent helps too! Best wishes to you, from one overprotective mother to another.
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