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Everything posted by taysmom1016

  1. Happy Holidays to you too, SIS...hope Santa brings what you want! And Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New year, etc. to everyone, I hope you are all blessed this Holiday season and look forward to a bright, shiny new year! :happyhanukkah:
  2. Thank you, blackcompe, for your reply. Both of my doctors are aware of my medications which is why my pdoc won't go over 40 mg of Prozac. I've been on tramadol for years, but went off it for a few. I recently started it again because of my back and joint pain (car accident and Legionnaire's complications) had me popping ibuprofen like tic tacs and it was messing with my stomach so my doctor put me back on tramadol which I had been on so long before without complications. As I said in another post, physical pain makes my depression worse and depression makes my physical pain worse so it's hard to find the right balance of meds. Especially with the problems being neurological and permanent and all other options (physical and occupational therapy, pool therapy, chiropractors, injections, etc.) have been exhausted. I'm hoping this anxiety thing will just go away once the weather warms enough for me to get OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! I was so active this summer, I'm just going stir crazy! I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow because it's supposed to get ABOVE 20 DEGREES which for Minnesota, is a heatwave. I thank you for your info and concern. I keep close contact with my doctors. Unfortunately with my medical history, I am all too familiar with doctors! And I see my pdoc on the 30th so if the anxiety hasn't quieted by then, maybe we can talk about adding a beta blocker or something which we've talked about before. In the meantime, distraction is the best thing...I'm totally addicted to Pinterest, looking up ideas to fix up and decorate my house when the frickin' weather warms up again! But I wouldn't want to live anywhere else....weird, huh?
  3. I've been doing relatively well lately, especially when the weather is warm enough for me to be outside walking my animals or working on refinishing furniture. Now the temp has dipped down to zero and there's snow on the ground and maybe that's why, but I feel anxious without having any reason to be. Sure, money's tight but we're not in danger of losing our home or having anything disconnected, we just need to catch up and we will. Usually weather doesn't keep me in the house, no matter how cold, but the windchill...I just can't handle it. Last night I was ill, some kind of stomach bug but I woke feeling better, just a little weak and shaky. But this happens to me more and more recently, my hands shake, my heart races...and I don't know what to do. I take clonazepam but max out at night to help me sleep so I can't take any more than that. I'm on 40 mg of Prozac and don't know if my pdoc will increase it since I went back on tramadol for my increasing physical pain and I think it counteracts with some of my meds. I try web surfing, house cleaning, even decorating for the holidays but if I'm up too long, my shaking returns and I'm back in bed taking deep breaths trying to calm myself. Has anyone ever experienced this? My depression doesn't feel worse, I really have nothing to be overly concerned about...just a racing heart and shaking hands. Seems like just when things are looking up....whammo.
  4. Dear Sae... If you read my profile, you'll find we have quite a lot in common. Though I didn't suffer a heart attack, I did nearly die in 2008 of Legionnaire's, spent 5 days in a coma on life support, 2 weeks in the hospital, and 5 and a half years of physical, mental and emotional hell ever since. My son was 7 and I am a single mom. His father is virtually nonexistent in his life so I shudder to think what would have happen to him. In fact, I think I saw his future when I was unconscious and that's what brought me back, knowing he could not grow up without a mother. I also was married more than 25 years ago (not my son's father) to an abusive man. I managed to escape but all these years later, I still have nightmares that I'm back with him and I can't leave, too afraid. I awake sweating and shaking. It's a wonder I sleep at all and if it weren't for medication, I wouldn't. There is light at the end of the tunnel, an end to the cycle. It doesn't happen overnight but gradually you'll begin to find something to look forward to every day, a reason to get out of bed. Something will make you smile, maybe even laugh (it will feel foreign, even wrong at first). You'll find you're less afraid of life and learn to take it one day at a time. Please talk to your doctor, and be honest. And all those people you think you're fooling, remember that about 75% of them are going through some type of depression or mental illness of their own and you'd probably be surprised at who. Don't feel alone...look at how many members we have on this forum, and that's just people who are willing to reach out for help and companionship. Your post touched me, I saw so much of me there (smoking is also my escape, although I smoke outside, live in Minnesota and it's about 2 degrees so I've cut down dramatically recently). Just never give up hope. There's always hope. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk....
  5. Hi AintNoHer0, welcome! Feel free to browse the forums and jump in whenever and wherever you feel comfortable. Sometimes it's the anonymity that makes it easier to open up. We're all friends here, and no one will judge. We all have are own stuff and understand what you're going through. Hope you'll stick around!
  6. Sounds familiar....since adding valerian root though (along with my other meds) I do occasionally sleep through (mostly) the night. I think I went for 2 and a half years with waking up no less that 4-5 times a night. Frustrating, I used to LOVE to sleep!
  7. I was just on another board where someone was asking about supplements and recommended the book, "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross and in reading your reply, I remember one supplement in the book called L-tyrosine which helps with energy and motivation. Might be worth a try, you can pick up both the book and supplements on Amazon fairly reasonable. My next door neighbor just told me a few months ago that he has narcolepsy. He's also diabetic, I don't know if there's a connection or not. But don't feel out of place! I have a hard time imagining falling asleep easily, just as you probably can't understand how I'm up 4-5 times a night and can't sleep! We all have our crosses to bear...I have to have it below 60 degrees to even fall asleep where most people freeze. My poor son has to sleep in footed, fleece pajamas at 13, all year round because I either have the heat turned down or the air turned up so I can sleep! Luckily we have a gas fireplace so he has a nice, warm place to watch TV, play video games, do homework, etc. while I lock myself in my room with the door shut and the vents closed (don't feel bad for me, I have a 32 inch flat screen on my bedroom wall and my own laptop, hence the addiction to facebook and Pinterest!).
  8. There is a really good book called "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross (you can get it on Amazon pretty cheap) that helps you determine which supplements may be right for you. Read the WHOLE book before buying any supplements, though, don't do what I did. Every time I finished a chapter, I thought, yep, that's me, and I'd buy all the supplements recommended. Then I would read the next chapter and think, no, that sounds more like me...and buy more supplements...and so on. It got pretty spendy! If you read through the whole book it will describe different types of depression and anxiety and which supplements help. Then you can determine which ones to try. I've tried LOTS but the only ones I still take are L-theanine and L-tryptophan (and occasionally valerian root) for sleep. Also omega 3 and vitamins B and D3 daily. I'm also on Prozac and mirtazipine and finally seem to have found the right combo as I feel pretty good most of the time. Sam E is another I tried but it messed with my stomach and didn't seem to do much (and is costly). Good luck to you!
  9. I went through a phase when I was younger where I wouldn't go to school. I can only connect it to my siblings taking me to a scary movie at a young age, but I was afraid if I left the house, something bad would happen to me or my family. I was scared of everything! I eventually outgrew it, but when I got older it started happening again and I realized I was suffering from depression and anxiety and probably had been when I was younger too. Your symptoms definitely sound similar. I would talk to your doctor because you don't have to suffer, there are so many treatments out there. You don't have to feel that way! Good luck!
  10. Have any of your doctors ever done a CT scan? Sometimes they find it just easier to blame everything on stress or anxiety without going in depth to find out what the problem really is. I lived with "stress" related stomach problems for 2 years before my doctor finally said he was going to do an ultrasound "just in case" (my pain was on the wrong side so he never considered it before). Turned out I had numerous gallstones, dilated bile ducts and a very inflamed gallbladder...and it looked like it had been that way for quite a while. I had surgery and have been fine ever since. Not saying you might have gallstones, (although you never know), just saying that doctors sometimes overlook things because the symptoms aren't obvious to the diagnosis. Good luck!
  11. Awww...crap. I had this long reply typed and then lost it when I went to the link to get the anxiety coping statements. Well, here's that http://www.anxietynetwork.com/content/coping-statements-anxiety#helpcop1. I used to HATE waking up, worse I couldn't sleep because I suffer from PTSD after a serious illness left me in a coma for 5 days (my mind doesn't like giving in to deep REM sleep now, subconscious thing I guess). Waking up for me used to be what I imagined it was like being born for a baby, leaving the warmth of the womb and being thrust into the cold harsh reality of life. Since my illness left me with short-term memory loss, I can't remember what else I wrote and I can't figure out how to use the auto save so I'll just tell you you're not alone, and it does get better. Slowly, but better. I added valerian root to my many sleep meds which seems to help. I just try to calm myself, deep breaths, stretch, before even getting out of bed. And I look forward to my first cup of coffee and smoke (my one nasty habit, but I smoke outside so now that it's below zero, I'm down to a few a day). I'm glad you're here and wanted to let you know you are not alone. I isolate too. I like to talk to my friends online but if anyone suggests meeting up...I always find an excuse. I am a single mom, 48 years old, and bought our first house 3 years ago. I keep busy decorating, painting, looking up ideas on Pinterest. In the summer I hit garage sales for furniture to refinish and repurpose and treasures to sell online for extra money. Keeping busy helps. So do my pets (I have one very affectionate new little kitty whose warm, purring body can actually bring a smile to my face....and of course, my son, who is 13 and just starting to develop crushes on girls which makes me smile, and glad that he feels close enough to me to talk about it. I hope you find a way to help with your anxiety...I'm thankful for this forum. I'm not sure what I would have done the past 3 years without it!
  12. Hi Lano, welcome! I'm 48 and have struggled with the "black dog" on and off for years, this last episode started 3 years ago but I've been slowly working my way back up. I'm a single mom of a 13-year-old boy who is the light of my life. I almost died when he was 7 (serious illness, in the hospital 2 weeks) and I know what that did to him so whenever I think of checking out, I think of what he went through. There's a saying, "think of those you would die for and live for them...." that sticks out in my head. That being said, don't give up on finding the right therapy. I've even added some vitamins and supplements that have seemed to help me along with my meds. Between that, my son, my dog and cats, my dad, forced outdoor exercise (except this week, it's below zero!) and just finding some way to keep my mind busy, I have found my way back to a relatively content lifestyle, not that I don't have any bad days anymore, but I have exceptionally good ones too. This forum has been a great help too, and I hope to see you around!
  13. Hi sleepydude, welcome to our forum! Don't worry, we're all different here. I suffer from insomnia, PTSD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, among others. But I can relate to the fear of confrontation. I hate even answering the phone! This is a safe, secure place to come and talk about whatever ails you. This forum is full of supportive, caring and understanding people which is why I've been hanging out here for 3 years. Check out the many forums, I'm sure you'll meet people with some of the same issues. Stick around a while, you'll be glad you came!
  14. I know this doesn't sound like fun, but when I worked, had no garage and it that cold, I would go out every couple of hours and start my car and let it run for about 20 minutes or so. Like I said, not fun, but it helps it start in the morning when you need it! Perfect weather! Of course when it gets about 80, I'm complaining that I'm too hot. I'm never satisfied! Guess that's why I'm still single!
  15. I can so relate! Not only to the bed filled with live bed warmers but to the cold weather! Not quite -25 yet, but it's getting there. I hope your furnace is fixed by now though, brrrr.... If you want to, you can go to my gallery and see my furbabies...and I would love to see yours if you want to start a gallery too!
  16. My best recommendation, if it's a possibility for you, is get a cat. I got my first cat in 20 years last April, a male Siamese we named Simon, and he brought so much love and joy into our family that I gave into my son and we got another, Darby, a little kitten found abandoned behind the grocery in town and raised for the first crucial few weeks by friends of mine. We got him when he was less than 4 weeks old, had to be bottle fed, litter trained (thankfully my Siamese helped with that!). When I'm feeling down, I pick up that little purr monster (who must know I'm talking about him because he just jumped up on me) and his motor starts going and his little paws pat my face...then at night, (I have terrible insomnia) I awake with nightmares and reach down and my Siamese is always at my side (never thought I'd share my bed with anyone again!). Little Darby (now 9 weeks) is curling up on my neck purring as I write this. They sure can brighten even the gloomiest of days! Best of luck to you, I hope you can find a companion to help you feel less alone.
  17. Hi Shio, sorry to hear of your loss! I lost my mom almost 6 years ago and the one thing I remember is that even with my grief, I knew I had to be strong for my dad. It actually helped me helping him. And I worry about losing my dad but have tried to focus on the days I have with him, not "someday" when he won't be here...and my dad and I are closer than we've ever been. Cherish this time with your mom...but give yourself time to grieve for your brother too. And we're all here if you need to talk!
  18. Hi Magnus, welcome! I used to love to drive long distances before pain took over (car accident, illness), The scenery, just getting away... Anyway, I'm glad you found this thread for us not so old farts...I'm having a bad week.. Sick kid, sick me, guess it's that time of year. Need groceries bad but can't muster the strength to shower and dress. Will have to though, out of everything! Hope everyone else is well and surviving the changes in weather...if you have that in your area. Sorry, guess I just assume everyone is from Minnesota. Take Care!
  19. I can only welcome you as I don't deal with BPD, just MDD, GAD and PTSD ("just", right?). There are many rooms to explore where you can talk to people dealing with similar issues, just click on the "forums" and scroll down and check them all out. I'm glad you reached out by joining, it's a step in the right direction and people here are very supportive and understanding. I hope you'll make yourself at home!
  20. Welcome to you too, Hopesprings73! Funny how fall is my favorite time of year but it turns so quickly to the worst time of year!
  21. Everyone is different, I feel your pain. I've been on at least 15 different ADs. Right now I'm on Prozac 40 mg and clonazepam 30 mg at night and that seems to be the ones I keep going back to. It fades out, then I try something else, then I go back to Prozac and feel better for a while. Don't give up...there's always hope and help out there. I just try to stay as busy as possible to keep my mind occupied. This forum has been a life saver for me and I hope it will be for you too! Good luck to you...
  22. I'm from Minnesota so I can totally relate to the cold, depressing winters! This forum helps out a lot. Plus, I spend summers hitting garage sales and thrift stores looking for treasures then in the winter I list and sell them online. I also bundle up and walk my dog, draw, paint, home improvement (spend a lot of time on Pinterest)...welcome to the forum, I hope you find the right doctor you're looking for!
  23. Hi Walter, welcome to our forum! I can so relate to where you're coming from. Depression saps the willpower and energy right out of us and leaves us with a "why bother?" feeling. I'm thankful to say that it does get better. Please see a doctor. About 2 years ago I could barely get out of bed to get my son off to school and feed him at night. But with therapy, medication, the good people on this forum, and most importantly, HOPE, I can honestly say there is light at the end of the tunnel. I get up looking forward to the day, planning what I can do, walk my pets and notice how beautiful our little town is and the changing of the leaves...2 years ago I couldn't even imagine that I would ever feel differently. I'm not saying every day is perfect, I still have my "down" days but the good days make up for them. I try to enjoy each day one at a time instead of worrying about the future. I hope you'll find the help you need and I hope you'll hang out here with us and let us welcome you to our group!
  24. Nothing like a good ego boost to bring a smile to our face! I was buying cigarettes one day (bad habit, I know) and got carded...when I told the check out girl I was 48, she said, "You're 48? You're kidding! Whatever you're doing, keep doing it because you do NOT look 48!" And she'd already made the sale so that wasn't it...LOL....
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