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TryingToFindTheAnswer

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Everything posted by TryingToFindTheAnswer

  1. Hi wickedx, I'm really sorry to hear that you were bullied in Junior High. It's sad that people don't realize how their verbal abuse (e.g. name calling) affects the person they are abusing. I think that society is just now beginning to recognize how verbal abuse contributes to suffering, violence and suicide. For example, schools are starting to deal with the issue of bullying after all of the violent shootings that have been happening. I remember in High School there was a guy who was severely mentally disabled and acted oddly. I heard a few girls refer to him as a "creep" and although I didn't think much of it at the time I'm now looking back on that and realizing how mistreatment from others can affect people. People at times can be oblivious to the fact that others may suffer from developmental disorders, mental disorders or are simply different than them. I'm not sure how to paint a positive picture on the terrible things that humans do to each other. I do take comfort in the fact that not all people are terrible. It seems like there may be some good people out there. It does seem like people tend to abandon me as I've become more and more depressed. However, I can kind of understand why they do this. It's not easy to be around someone who suffers from depression and sometimes people have to do what's best for themselves and get themselves out of that situation. It's hard for me not to feel angry about it though. When people abandon you then perhaps it's best to start looking for other forms of support. Being a part of these forums was a good choice for you to make. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Hang in there. :)
  2. Relationships are difficult to "regular" people, much less people like us who start out a down. Little things others might shrug off, we cannot. That doesn't make the person who says them at fault, it just makes the situation unfortunate. It's not the responsibility of a man or woman to constantly consider, "Oh, this person may be depressed so I should really be careful in what I say." In a perfect world everyone would be nice, but in a perfect world we wouldn't be depressed to begin with. I have to disagree with you on that one. Regardless of whether someone's depressed or not you shouldn't mistreat others. That's a pretty fundamental rule for living in a society and is taught at a very young age. To not consider that some people struggle with mental illness means being a bit oblivious. To think that it's not someone's fault for him or her mistreating another and it's just the fault of an unfortunate situation boils down to not being responsible for your actions and their effects on others. Of course when you mistreat someone you're not responsible for their actions. But I think you would be fooling yourself if you don't think that you've contributed to it.
  3. That's the beauty of individuality. Some will love you while others will not Sure there's beauty in individuality but labelling someone with an extremely hurtful word is not beautiful to me. It's downright ugliness and this type of mistreatment people give to one another doesn't exactly make me wanna stick around. A creep would have pretended to be a friend while all the while harboring desires So having feelings for a gal friend makes you a creep? She was little too flippant with the term stalker (which by the way makes her neither conceited nor naive; only careless with words and their effect on people), but in a world where women are literally killed by men who feel scorned you can't blame her for being cautious I guess I would counter by saying that a lot of women probably over-use the word "stalker". I don't think the word "creep" should ever be used because it has such a wishy-washy definition and also is a very hurtful name to call someone. A guy gets called a creep enough times he'll start believing it while his self-esteem gets lower and lower until he wants to hurt himself and possibly others because he feels mistreated by the world. In these cases I think some women are feeding into the situation and causing misery for others by making such insensitive remarks. Men who behave oddly may have a mental illness or are just very depressed. Maybe women should try to reach out show kindness to these people (within reason) instead of adding to the misery.
  4. the one great thing that will effect you in a very negetive way is to be or try to be someone you are not. nice guys finishing last is only a myth or even worse a straight out lye I would be inclined to believe that simply because I've known quite a few nice guys that are married.
  5. When you're a nice guy, girls instantly know they will get everything they want. To some that's great, but I have friends who have told me that it gets boring, and they'd much rather have a relationship where they're challenged to try and make something work. Ya nice guys probably get a little bit boring. But I'm sure that from time to time gals get tired of treated badly by bad boys. I could be wrong though. Just seems logically that there are ups and downsides to being in a relationship with any personality types since things usually aren't black and white.
  6. I don't think anyone here has said anyone needs to change themselves. People can be who they are. If someone's behavior isn't giving them the results they want then they may want to change their behavior. Behavior and personality are two different things, one is changeable and the other not so much. I see what you're saying but the idea of trying to change my personality so I'm more attractive in the dating area doesn't seem like a good thing. Changing my behavior would be the same thing as changing my personality or appearing to have a different personality. Just seems like I would end up trying to present a false image of myself. Perhaps by acting a certain way does change who you are eventually but just really rubs me the wrong way when you're supposed to accept yourself the way you are. That's why I disagree with the whole pickup artist thing because it tells you that you need to change the way you are.
  7. Okay so I think I get the whole ulterior motive version of the nice guy definition. But then there's the definition that a nice guy is a push-over. Why is having a passive personality trait a bad thing? I thought everyone is different and this was a good thing. Why is it acceptable thinking nowadays to basically be saying "the way you are (your personality) is in fact wrong and you need to change it in order to be the kind of person I think you need to be"?
  8. henriththecat, I have some anger issues myself. Though I try to be nice to people when I'm not upset/irritable. My emotions range wildly. I'm also pretty self absorbed in a negative way (low self-esteem). Would you give me with the label "creepy nice guy"? onmyown, Thank you that's encouraging to hear :) --------------------------- So here's a definition of a nice guy that I've come across: "Guys who totally misrepresent their intentions toward girls and try to use emotional manipulation and a facade of friendship as an excuse to get closer". So... what's wrong with being attracted to a girl, getting to be friends with her and maybe at some point trying to pursuade her to be in a relationship? Is that having bad intentions? I thought that was somewhat normal to be friends first. Not trying to argue with anyone I just really want to understand this.
  9. Forgot to say thank you henrithecat. Thank you. Thank you jimbow. If being a nice guy is the right way to be then why do people say not to be a nice guy. So confused...
  10. What's a creep? I thought all humans were precious and worthy and don't deserve to be mistreated and labelled by others? Confused again... I'm loosing faith in my fellow humans and trying to figure out if being around them is unhealthy.
  11. Oh you mean being narcissistic or just full of yourself? But how could that ever get confused with being a nice guy?
  12. Okay so how is being a "nice guy" a bad thing again? This guy I work with has a girlfriend now and acts differently towards me. He isn't friendly anymore and acts too cool for school. Kind of lame. So that reminded me about how there's that way of thinking that says nice guys finish last with women and you shouldn't be a nice guy. And it reminded me of that last gal I dated telling me I'm too nice. I though you weren't supposed to change the way that you are for anyone. So why would you want to act a different way? I don't get it. What's a "nice guy" anyways? I act nice/polite to people. Why is that a bad thing? These types of things can make me feel negatively about myself and seem to make the depression worse so that's why I'm posting in this forum.
  13. It is in the US. I'm not sure about where you live. A stimulant is a medication that works primarily on dopamine. Examples are Ritalin, Adderrall an Dexedrine
  14. Last time I took ritalin was as a a child. From what I've been reading lately here's my impression and opinions about stimulants so far: Stimulants don't always make people who are angry more angry. In some cases they can make an angry person less angry (from reviews that I've read). It might make anxiety worse in some people but better in others. Everyone reacts differently to meds. Stimulants can poop out - antidepressants can poop out Blood pressure can go up but normally not anything significant Potential for abuse - potential is low and often exaggerated Stimulants may have serious side effects (psychosis, heart problems) - many medications may have serious side effects - undertreated depression can have serious health complications (suicide) Stimulants can make some people more depressed - antidepressants can make some people more depressed Nothing wrong with using a stim for depression if it works for you. They may or may not work for you. Everyone is different
  15. leila24, Yeah you're probably right. Using the word "I" a bunch probably doesn't mean anything. Perhaps that's just a misconception. There are plenty of misconceptions floating around so I wouldn't be surprised. Ace445, Not in so many words. When my doctor asked about going back into counselling I told her "I know what they're going to say". I think she understands that it's not something I wanna do. I hope things get better for you as well. Hang in there:)
  16. It's my opinion that meds should do something significant for me or they aren't worth taking. And I'm not going to be fooled by how depressed I feel when trying to get off the meds and think that that's how depressed I was before taking them and fool myself into thinking they must have been helping quite a bit. No, that magnitude of depression is caused by being depressed in the first place plus additional depression caused by getting off a psychoactive medication. I'm not saying I go off my meds but I did have to go through a wash out period between taking the SSRIs and the MAOI I'm now on. And yes the depression was worse. And yes that was because I was weaning off of an antidepressant. I don't think I should set my sights any lower than full remission. You mentioned that maybe we should feel depressed so that we change our situation but I don't think "normal" people have to struggle with the deep depression I deal with on a daily basis no matter how bad their situation. This idea that someone needs to change their situation is probably relevant to someone with short-term "normal" depression but not for someone with a chronic depression lasting years and years. It's more than a thinking problem at that point in my opinion. And yes the antidepressants mask my emotions. But they don't effectively treat the depression. This is not an improvement in my situation. Sorry. Don't mean to be a negative-Nancy. Just being realistic in my opinion and not painting a positive picture on meds that aren't helping me.
  17. I find that being around people tends to bum me out. When I see a counselor they always tell me to get out the house and do things with people. Then I do it and feel very inadequate and depressed afterwards and it's like "what was the point of that? To torture myself?". I guess the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach would tell me not to depend on others for my happiness and that it should come from within. But trying to think my way out of feeling inadequate just doesn't work. My depression isn't at a manageable-enough level for something like counseling or behavioral techniques to work. Otherwise I would have talked myself out of this state of mind long ago. I work in the computer field. My psychiatrist was trying to tell me about how his computer's hardware is just fine but for some reason the software wasn't acting right. Basically trying to tell me that I have a software issue and not a hardware issue. I didn't agree with what he was saying. There's some type of brain malfunction going on here and I need to find a medication that does something more than next-to-nothing. And if you read what I just said you'll understand how self-absorbed I am by the number of times I use the word "I" and talk about myself.
  18. Yeah my sisters apparently think I'm gay on account of never having a woman. I gots the social anxiety, lack of self-confidence, depression and nothing to talk about so it's not like I ever ask any girls out. Plus I'm very prone to getting hurt when rejected so that definitely keeps me out of the game. My grandma used to keep asking me questions along the lines of whether I'm gay or not cuz of the no womanz situation. I had to be pretty blunt with her and tell that I'm sexually attracted to women but am emotionally sensitive like a woman (over-generalization of women: sorry. It's not really true) :) She seemed to understand and quit asking me those types of questions. Now she just keeps reminding me that I'm the last member of her bloodline and how she would like to have great-grandchildren. Anyways, yeah people will judge you pretty severly by what you wear. One guy I work with said to someone else that he really likes shoes and I guess everyone thought he was gay for awhile just because he likes to wear stylish clothes and cares about what he wears. It sounds like you have a style of your own. Nothing wrong with that. Just gotta find some way to be confident about it and realize that Haters gonna hate. People are going to say things and ask questions - sometimes trying to put you down. But they do this to boost their own self-esteem. So if someone says something and you think they're trying to make you upset perhaps try having pitty on then and try to show them love cuz they're jealous of your good looks and sexy style :) Try to remember that it really doesn't matter what other people think. You have to be your own best friend. If someone disapproves of you then you still continue to live. Other people can't really do anything to you. The things people say to you only hurt you because you allow what they say to hurt you. On some level you either agree with what they're saying or are perhaps not sure. Maybe you should really question your own sexuality and figure out if you're sexually attracted to men, women or both. Once you have the answer then you know where you stand and perhaps someone questioning your sexuality won't bother you as much. I dunno. I kind of went through a phase when I was younger and having gay thoughts. Then later down the road those thoughts became less and less appealing/arousing. I think everyone's a tad bit gay by the way. I don't want to have sex with a guy but I can tell you that Brad Pitt is a darn good looking dude. Doesn't mean I want to make out with him or do anything like that. He makes me jealous of his good looks. My point is, the fact that I'm able to recognize an attractive guy is just a tad bit gay. And if I were gay, that would be okay. But I just don't think I am. Sorry for rambling
  19. I'm sorry you had a hard time with bullying. I can see how anger could be an issue with you. I'm very sensitive to feeling mistreated by others and get extremely angry when I perceive a slight. Very hard to deal with. Hang in there.
  20. I think that maybe some people are given more challenges in life than others. Some people have it easy and are happy while other people struggle constantly. It's just the way of the world and I hope there's a larger plan to it all.
  21. Hi Ace445, I'm in the same boat as you. Obsessed with researching this depression and trying to find a way out of this burning building. It's hard to not feel like you're desperate for attention when being depressed and withdrawn ends up drawing attention. And then when people stop asking me what's going I feel abandoned. It is a very self-absorbed state of mind. I find myself craving attention as well. My guess is that being self-centered and craving attention is somewhat normal and something most everyone has to work on. I guess try not to beat yourself up about it. It's okay to be human.
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