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About TryingToFindTheAnswer

  • Birthday 09/09/1981

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  1. Hi wickedx, I'm really sorry to hear that you were bullied in Junior High. It's sad that people don't realize how their verbal abuse (e.g. name calling) affects the person they are abusing. I think that society is just now beginning to recognize how verbal abuse contributes to suffering, violence and suicide. For example, schools are starting to deal with the issue of bullying after all of the violent shootings that have been happening. I remember in High School there was a guy who was severely mentally disabled and acted oddly. I heard a few girls refer to him as a "creep" and although I didn't think much of it at the time I'm now looking back on that and realizing how mistreatment from others can affect people. People at times can be oblivious to the fact that others may suffer from developmental disorders, mental disorders or are simply different than them. I'm not sure how to paint a positive picture on the terrible things that humans do to each other. I do take comfort in the fact that not all people are terrible. It seems like there may be some good people out there. It does seem like people tend to abandon me as I've become more and more depressed. However, I can kind of understand why they do this. It's not easy to be around someone who suffers from depression and sometimes people have to do what's best for themselves and get themselves out of that situation. It's hard for me not to feel angry about it though. When people abandon you then perhaps it's best to start looking for other forms of support. Being a part of these forums was a good choice for you to make. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Hang in there. :)
  2. Relationships are difficult to "regular" people, much less people like us who start out a down. Little things others might shrug off, we cannot. That doesn't make the person who says them at fault, it just makes the situation unfortunate. It's not the responsibility of a man or woman to constantly consider, "Oh, this person may be depressed so I should really be careful in what I say." In a perfect world everyone would be nice, but in a perfect world we wouldn't be depressed to begin with. I have to disagree with you on that one. Regardless of whether someone's depressed or not you shouldn't mistreat others. That's a pretty fundamental rule for living in a society and is taught at a very young age. To not consider that some people struggle with mental illness means being a bit oblivious. To think that it's not someone's fault for him or her mistreating another and it's just the fault of an unfortunate situation boils down to not being responsible for your actions and their effects on others. Of course when you mistreat someone you're not responsible for their actions. But I think you would be fooling yourself if you don't think that you've contributed to it.
  3. That's the beauty of individuality. Some will love you while others will not Sure there's beauty in individuality but labelling someone with an extremely hurtful word is not beautiful to me. It's downright ugliness and this type of mistreatment people give to one another doesn't exactly make me wanna stick around. A creep would have pretended to be a friend while all the while harboring desires So having feelings for a gal friend makes you a creep? She was little too flippant with the term stalker (which by the way makes her neither conceited nor naive; only careless with words and their effect on people), but in a world where women are literally killed by men who feel scorned you can't blame her for being cautious I guess I would counter by saying that a lot of women probably over-use the word "stalker". I don't think the word "creep" should ever be used because it has such a wishy-washy definition and also is a very hurtful name to call someone. A guy gets called a creep enough times he'll start believing it while his self-esteem gets lower and lower until he wants to hurt himself and possibly others because he feels mistreated by the world. In these cases I think some women are feeding into the situation and causing misery for others by making such insensitive remarks. Men who behave oddly may have a mental illness or are just very depressed. Maybe women should try to reach out show kindness to these people (within reason) instead of adding to the misery.
  4. the one great thing that will effect you in a very negetive way is to be or try to be someone you are not. nice guys finishing last is only a myth or even worse a straight out lye I would be inclined to believe that simply because I've known quite a few nice guys that are married.
  5. When you're a nice guy, girls instantly know they will get everything they want. To some that's great, but I have friends who have told me that it gets boring, and they'd much rather have a relationship where they're challenged to try and make something work. Ya nice guys probably get a little bit boring. But I'm sure that from time to time gals get tired of treated badly by bad boys. I could be wrong though. Just seems logically that there are ups and downsides to being in a relationship with any personality types since things usually aren't black and white.
  6. I don't think anyone here has said anyone needs to change themselves. People can be who they are. If someone's behavior isn't giving them the results they want then they may want to change their behavior. Behavior and personality are two different things, one is changeable and the other not so much. I see what you're saying but the idea of trying to change my personality so I'm more attractive in the dating area doesn't seem like a good thing. Changing my behavior would be the same thing as changing my personality or appearing to have a different personality. Just seems like I would end up trying to present a false image of myself. Perhaps by acting a certain way does change who you are eventually but just really rubs me the wrong way when you're supposed to accept yourself the way you are. That's why I disagree with the whole pickup artist thing because it tells you that you need to change the way you are.
  7. Okay so I think I get the whole ulterior motive version of the nice guy definition. But then there's the definition that a nice guy is a push-over. Why is having a passive personality trait a bad thing? I thought everyone is different and this was a good thing. Why is it acceptable thinking nowadays to basically be saying "the way you are (your personality) is in fact wrong and you need to change it in order to be the kind of person I think you need to be"?
  8. henriththecat, I have some anger issues myself. Though I try to be nice to people when I'm not upset/irritable. My emotions range wildly. I'm also pretty self absorbed in a negative way (low self-esteem). Would you give me with the label "creepy nice guy"? onmyown, Thank you that's encouraging to hear :) --------------------------- So here's a definition of a nice guy that I've come across: "Guys who totally misrepresent their intentions toward girls and try to use emotional manipulation and a facade of friendship as an excuse to get closer". So... what's wrong with being attracted to a girl, getting to be friends with her and maybe at some point trying to pursuade her to be in a relationship? Is that having bad intentions? I thought that was somewhat normal to be friends first. Not trying to argue with anyone I just really want to understand this.
  9. Forgot to say thank you henrithecat. Thank you. Thank you jimbow. If being a nice guy is the right way to be then why do people say not to be a nice guy. So confused...
  10. What's a creep? I thought all humans were precious and worthy and don't deserve to be mistreated and labelled by others? Confused again... I'm loosing faith in my fellow humans and trying to figure out if being around them is unhealthy.
  11. Oh you mean being narcissistic or just full of yourself? But how could that ever get confused with being a nice guy?
  12. Okay so how is being a "nice guy" a bad thing again? This guy I work with has a girlfriend now and acts differently towards me. He isn't friendly anymore and acts too cool for school. Kind of lame. So that reminded me about how there's that way of thinking that says nice guys finish last with women and you shouldn't be a nice guy. And it reminded me of that last gal I dated telling me I'm too nice. I though you weren't supposed to change the way that you are for anyone. So why would you want to act a different way? I don't get it. What's a "nice guy" anyways? I act nice/polite to people. Why is that a bad thing? These types of things can make me feel negatively about myself and seem to make the depression worse so that's why I'm posting in this forum.
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