sober4life

All of life is like when we're in school. Nobody will care if you're sick or care whatsoever about your circumstances. It's this is what you should have done by now and this is what you should be doing right now at your age. Pass or fail like in school. So you're under more pressure when you're sick to keep up and everyone is always watching. The whole time you feel like a sick animal with the lions and hyenas constantly tracking you watching and waiting for the right opportunity to pounce.

No it's not crazy. It's what I need to do. I still could have a landline here. I have the wiring already. I have a cheap flip phone. Even that is letting everyone know they can get ahold of me any time they want. There's nothing worse than that. A landline with no answering machine you can say oops I must have missed your call. What I want to hear you say is not only do I have a landline I have an old rotary phone. I found a Mickey Mouse rotary phone. That's what I need. There's 2 hook ups. I could get the Mickey Mouse phone and a Garfield the cat phone. Most people want to fit in. I want to be so strange people only come here once.

Yeah I often wonder if this is hell or a coma dream after my last bad car crash.

I was wondering why the mattress wasn't comfortable on my bed anymore. I looked and it said manufactured in 1996.

Nope I don't have a smartphone either.

I feel the same way. It's why I try not to do the self checkout. I was thinking yesterday though why is everything really backed up. Shortages aren't real. I think they're moving toward having everything online. They're trying to get us all used to waiting for things because in the future nobody will have anything until we actually order it. Many big stores have things they order every week but they also have things that sit on shelves for years. Businesses are getting sick of heating and cooling all of these buildings when they might not need to.

The vendor might just be busy. You're like me though. You think he must be up to something. He might be. Everyone might be up to something or everything might work out perfectly. I know how you feel. I feel that way now with other things. I can't focus on anything. The only thing I hear is the constant stress about something in my head the whole time I'm awake and then I have nightmares about those things too.

The pumas are probably there for the same reason they are here. They were probably released on purpose to control the deer population. All those other animals you mention won't hunt the deer. Before the pumas showed up with no other big animals there you must have seen deer everywhere you looked.

Well it says they are rare but you could see a wallaby or a coati. Put out food. You never know what animals will show up. Do you really have wallabies?

I dread everything too. Everything is hard to do. I don't want to be a part of life out there any more than I need to. Happiness for me is knowing I have a fox and a deer living on my property. I can see where they both stay from the windows.

Yeah I would call twice a day this week. If I got no response from them this week next week I would be dressed like a bear or some mascot and I would talk to everyone that came to their office as a bear. I would be the crazy bear that sent all of their clients running for the hills.

I think it is a panic attack I get every once in a while. That and ocular migraines. I'll never know. A lot of the time they'll say oh it's normal as you age to have those types of symptoms. People really don't tell you anything about what it's like to get older. You reach the peak in life the peak of the mountain and from there you tumble down the other side quickly.

I just had a panic attack outside. It's as hard to save yourself as a blood sugar crash or maybe it was that. Who knows I'm sure someone would say oh you're just having a spell again and they would act irritated if I brought it up even though I could barely figure out how to get back in the house. I feel like @NightjarI'm alone in the world. There's been plenty of times where I felt like I was going to fall over and die since being on my own and I worried for a second and then shrugged my shoulders and said who cares?

You're celebrating surviving a hurricane. Don't be so hard on yourself. All I care about is I'm glad to see you here with us.

I miss him for sure. He saved my life. I'm sure he's very proud of both of us right now.