sober4life

Yes I know our lives has been nothing but trying to escape ourselves from day one. I'm constantly restless. I need to be anywhere but where I am now and I need to be anyone else but me.

It used to make me happy. Lots of things used to make me happy and then one day nothing made me happy. I have no real interests in life. The only thing that my brain is interested in is addictive things so at this point in my life I have done all of those things so many times I hate all of those things. Whatever makes you happy do those things. Who cares what anyone thinks about it and who cares what is popular now. Everything that makes sense now will look absurd 10 years from now.

15 chocolate chip cookies and 20 blueberry muffins

It was miserable all the years I had to pretend to enjoy sports or pretend to know things about cars. I know how to put in gas and drive a car. Watching sports is like a free sleeping pill for me.

I'm to the point where I have to quit work too. Over and over I pretend I'm like everyone else and push myself to work every day until I have a nervous breakdown. I can't handle another nervous breakdown.

It's been a lifetime of trying to figure myself out and never getting there. I'm never automatically someone. I'm always trying to be someone but I have no real identity. I'm nobody trying to be somebody else.

Mom is in the hospital again. This nightmare never ends!

I feel like I'm forced to survive a life I don't want to survive anymore. I was created so screwed up there was never a chance for me. I was born to suffer the most excruciating misery possible and that's all it's been so far.

I feel lonely in both ways. Mostly I just miss the one I love. I lay in bed for hours thinking about this person crying myself to sleep. I hate life so much!

Nightmare

I'm not doing well at all right now. My life has no good moments anymore. It's just an endless avalanche of snow smashing me into the ground right now.

I am so lonesome I could cry but at the same time people drive me absolutely crazy so it's a real fun life.

I think I'm going to be the first person that hated themselves more than anyone on earth and get to a year sober.

Pretty much every song of his and every song from Hank Williams describes my life. All my life I've been a loser should be the theme of my life.

I have to find some type of happiness in this nightmare. Every day feels like waking up to prison.