sober4life

Hot and humid and downpours when it gets too hot out there. June has been garbage for the most part.

That makes me very happy!

You don't have to apologize. Mom did the same thing with my brother and I and I told her she didn't owe me an apology. All 3 of us were victims and were terrorized by a monster. You and your kids were in the same situation. You were all victims.

I'm not escaping this place. Nobody will run me out of my home but July 4th will be my independence day. I begin my real life that day where I live free of the toxic people in my life. They will be cut out for good that day.

It sounds like something someone on meth would do but is it really possible to train a squirrel?

I will respect whatever choice you make but at the same time help you any way I can. I know what you're going through. It's what mom went through. The truth is she could still be here today but she chose to give up her nutrition and basically starved to death because as a nurse she knew where her story was leading and she couldn't do it anymore. Her quality of life when she was in the hospital was worse than anything I've ever seen. Me saving her life allowed here to spend time with all of her family and tell them all goodbye but I had to respect her decision to leave this world. I would have made the same choice if I was her. Just know you have a lot of people here who love you. You have helped me so much. I feel that in your life there are people that come along just at the right time to help you through impossible times that you wouldn't be able to get through without them. You are one of those people in my life. Again I will respect any choice you make but also I'm here for you if you need me.

I'm so happy don't you see my bitter fake smile?

I understand how you feel. I don't want you to give up though. I would help you any way I can. I would try to apply for SSDI again and apply for every type of government assistance you can get. Your finances are dwindling and you have more health issues. You might get it. Mom eventually got it after 4 years of fighting. They finally factored her age into the situation along with a long list of health issues. I do know how you feel though. I've always had the same thoughts. I need to have quality of life to remain here. We're your friends though and love you and always want you to be here. I wish we lived closer because I would take in Spot and love him and give him a good life but I don't like having these talks because I don't want you to give up!

Your therapist is right. If you had a parent that was hard on you growing up it's like the parent is with you your whole life telling you you aren't good enough every step of the way. It can ruin your life if you let it.

I agree with you but I know how @JD4010feels. I run myself into the ground for people over and over. The guilt eats me up if I don't. If I need them I won't be able to find them no matter what. They'll avoid me until they need something again.

It makes me mad. A new store opened up and they were giving out free coffee mugs and free coloring books but they wouldn't give me a coloring book!

That's not a squirrel. That's me dressed as a squirrel. I've been living in your tree for 6 months. The deer is a moose named Bullwinkle and we're both on the run from Boris and Natasha.

I don't know what the true answer is. I do know we live in a world where you have to act content and act like you're doing well to protect yourself. I think most people are doing about half as well as they tell the world they are doing. We're all ticking time bombs that are forced to keep it together in impossible lives to some degree.

Nobody in real life is trustworthy that's for sure. There seems to be 2 kinds of happy people in this world. The monsters and the people that are too naive to know what's going on around them. You can't figure out the world around you and be happy ever again. It's impossible.

I've never felt more tired and rundown than I do right now. I feel like I could fall over and die at any moment. The brain is done and the body is done.