sober4life

Yes but I'm weird. I like mowing just for the exercise.

Well when I first arrived someone said here's the mower and the gas. 3 hours of mowing without having to talk to anyone until the end to get paid sounds like the perfect job.

Growing up my parents didn't want me to do a lot of things but I did whatever I wanted to do.

I drove down the road where mom and I hit the deer and totaled the car today. I will always remember it as long as I live every time I drive down that road. I would give anything to even have that day back or even a day where we were arguing with each other. Even if it was one of our worst days together where she told me to get out I never want to see you again at least I would hear her voice again. Is the torture over god? Have I served my sentence? Can I go see her now?

I feel exactly the way you do. Most people's lives are like the movie Groundhog Day. Most of us talk to the same people day after day and do the same things over and over. I don't have any idea how someone can do this for over 100 years and still have a smile on their face.

@JD4010Everything you said could have been said by me.

I brought a bunch of leftovers home yesterday so this morning I walked off half the leftovers and ate the rest when I got back home. I need to get to the gym where I can meet people. I wonder how long I will say it before it actually happens.

I feel hungover from eating too much yesterday. I need to walk some of this off this morning. I'm not going to feel bad about it though. I enjoyed the holiday and I feel pretty good for the most part today. The next couple of months are going to be very hard but there is hope if I keep a positive attitude about things I should have a very good life this summer.

Food

I think I'm finally at peace in this life. I know how to survive this mess now and today if I'm being honest is the first day I want to survive it. I am a big softy. I've been crying over mom's flower all week and today it did bloom and I'm choosing to believe it's a sign from mom to fight and get a good life. It might sound crazy to some but it's what I have to believe. I'm crying when I'm typing this but I miss mom very much and I want to make her proud. She was the best mom I could have asked for and I want to make her proud and if there is a heaven I want to earn my way to see her again.❤️

Yes I've always had that survival technique in me. It's the only reason I've made it this far. I have a strong survivor inside of me that was born because I've always had to live my life around people that forced it to be born. Things went well today. I said what I had to say and a lot of the time tuned them out and watched the birds at the bird feeder to get some peace. They are all nuts and go into long rants about religion or politics and my mind just shuts off and I watch the birds and pretend I'm somewhere happy and free to survive it.

I've been talking to "myself" and have been lost in my own little world all morning and I will continue to be in my own little world lost until the very moment I arrive and open the door at my aunt's house at 12:30 to celebrate Easter and then like a light switch I will be able to pretend to be normal for a while.

Happy Easter everyone! I need to get one of those 10 pound solid chocolate bunnies I heard about on the radio.

I woke up at 6 as well. I can't wait until the meal at noon but it has a feeling of I need to walk over the burning coals and get it over with. I can't wait to get the suffering over with.

I used to live it up especially today on the holiday. I don't even have the desire to get a buzz today though. Was I living it up? The me from my 20s wouldn't have remembered anything past noon on a day like today.