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Everything posted by zzzsheepyzzz

  1. Oh, well the logic if I'm not mistaken is that switching from one medication to another isn't necessarily cold turkey because they both have a similar response to the brain/body. I've tried several different medications and it's always been pretty standard for me to go from one med to another without any in between measure. As bigtattoo pointed out there might be a slight modality between the two drugs based on dosage, but it could also be a reaction of starting a new medication. I don't think there is any immediate danger. I would say that he could either decide to commit to the wellbutrin for a fair 3-4 week trial (as doctors have previously told me, sometimes you have to bare through the first few days/weeks before things get better), or book an appointment with a doctor if it is too unbearable and try a different medication
  2. I personally hated Wellbutrin and couldn't take it for longer than 2 days because of headaches and sick feeling. When we are prescribed these medications we, as patients, are expected to give it a 3-4 week trial to see if it helps. Sometimes the medications do get worse before they get better. However, to relay my own experience, I couldn't do wellbutrin, and moved on to a different medication. I'm no doctor, but he could always try tapering to no medication as an option if he simply doesn't like the medications. I'm sure the reason he went to his doctor was because he was feeling low, so it isn't unreasonable to try a different medication. Hope any of this helps
  3. Hi, you're situation is a little bit different from a lot of different posts that I have read, but the fact that you are facing depression and suicidal thoughts is still something that people here deal with and can relate to. I think the best thing I can say is to own it if anyone confronts you about it. Yes you did it, but you don't do it anymore, and what's more you do not identify your present self with it. Shrug it off like you don't care about it and usually people won't care about it either. The fact that you internally care about it.. well, I suggest thinking about all the times in your life where you felt confident and good about yourself. What were you doing? You mentioned making music well, nothing stops you from making music by yourself, for yourself. What's more, music, and a lot of Art is great in so far as people make Aliases (which means new identities) when they do it. You would probably be surprised by how many Artists have pasts that they are not happy about. Keep thinking about good things. When these thoughts about your past come, accept them but don't let them run your life.
  4. Im 27, and facing a similar situation. Living with parents, no (flashy) job, not a single soul to talk to, or go out with... I'm starting college on Jan. 8 in an area I have some interest in I guess. I'm hoping things will change from there, but the feeling of being under water and so alone hasn't really gone away. What, to you, would look like the logical next step? Is there any reason why you can't work full time? I wonder if a college type diploma, which usually only lasts 1-2 years or less would help you find a better paying job? Only suggestions though. I don't know if simply going to school, or getting a better job will solve the internal issue which makes us depressed though. I think the answer lies somewhere in finding what it is that gets you going in life and sparks some life into you. If I'm not mistaken, it shouldn't be the job (which you have) that should dictate this, but rather, you should be following things that have meaning in your life that (ultimately) become your job. Either that or the job supports what it is you want in life. For some people that could be traveling, for others it could be art, music, or theater (as examples). Just some thoughts on it
  5. Hi, I've learned a lot about different personality types and thus people having different approaches at things. It sounds l like you are taking a very analytical and process oriented approach to all of this, and I imagine you've learned different strategies, pros and cons for them. However, what I've learned is that it isn't always as black and white as being cured or better or happy. What helps is finding out what is authentic to you. What do you deep down feel like is working? When are you trying too hard? I honestly feel like a big problem a lot of us probably have is trying (too hard) to get better. In my experience the answer often lies with being a good sport about life. Admitting when it has you down, heck even feeling sad is better than pretending to be happy. However, if there is any moment, especially with people, where you can have a positive or helpful influence, even just by being friendly to the grocery store clerk, it can help make your world a better place
  6. Hi, I have been reading over the forum posts, and there have been a lot of good and kind hearted replies. The thread has gotten long, but I thought I would try to provide any insight I can in the situation you are describing. There are some pieces I can relate to, and others I can only tell you that I am sorry that you are going through all of this. You talked and mentioned a lot about relationships, and that sort of unfed desire of having one. You also mentioned that any advice on dating or addressing this issue specifically is unwanted - and I want to tell you that this is a good thing in a lot of ways. This focus on wanting a relationship is something I, and others have gone through. What I have had to accept is that even though the desire to have a relationship is healthy and human in a lot of ways, it should never be the focus of anybody's life. What do you do to change this focus, and not let it get you down? Well you also went ahead and mentioned that what you are looking for is a way to be happy, and healthy as a single person. I also think this is a really good thing. What does a healthy and happy single person look like to you? I have gone through a lot of loneliness and also a long journey of being single. I thought I would offer a different perspective that I have looked into quite a bit. That is that there are cultures and religions of people who actually thrive on being single and avoiding (unnecessary) sexual encounters. Ironically some of these people attain things like benevolence, inner peace and a sense of happiness. How do they do this? From personal experience I can tell you that being helpful to other people, being friendly and having a selfless nature can be really great things. The major thing though is rediscovering what in life does make you happy or give you joy? These don't have to be specific things like hobbies either. In my experience it has to do a lot with attitude. What are times of your life where your attitude has thrived and given you great experiences? What allowed that to happen? In my experience I've had to find positive thought patterns and stick to them, but a key thing is is not to beat yourself up if something bad happens, but instead acknowledging it, accepting it, and in the best case scenario learning from it. When it comes to friends, and even relationships for that matter, there are people everywhere. When you say hi to the grocery clerk, when you attend acting classes, or even when you go to the work place there are people. It doesn't mean you are going to hit it off and hang out together everyday, but you have the opportunity to be friendly, be positive and be helpful everyday, and these things make connections with people even if they are brief. What I have learned, and yes I am also single and have been for a long time, is that every experience I have and make can be a positive one. They aren't always successful, and I still get down and feel sad and maybe angry from time to time, but the more I allow myself to acknowledge my feelings, and pick myself up the easier it is to get on track. Your life should be enjoyable and there should be enjoyable things in your life. Be good to yourself and be good to others, I hope any of this can help !!
  7. I think that working out and gaining muscle isn't a bad idea especially if you feel like it is a healthy choice and it will make you feel more confident. From experience I would just say not to overdo it for risk injury. However, I don't think that alone is going to be the be all end all. " since it's just not my personality. It would be so fake & I couldn't keep up that persona if I even wanted to. " I think you have to keep this in mind. I've faced the exact same circumstances, and I know how isolating and even degrading it can feel. What do you do with your free time? You mentioned you are quiet and introverted so you must be engaging in things during that time that appeals to you in some way. When it comes to what you are describing with people, and I can only really draw from my personal experience, I've found there are two things to keep in mind as far as choices go: 1) Do you genuinely enjoy being around these people, or doing things with them? I've found that friends and family I have spent time with growing up are actually sometimes a chore to be around nowadays especially if our personalities and interests have changed. I am still friends with them, and every once in awhile I talk to them or see them, but I am content with not being "intertwined" with them since there lacks mutual interest I guess you can say. I don't know, I can't claim to be perfect, and I often wonder if it is part of growing up. I have issues with loneliness for this reason, but at the same time I don't chase after social situations that don't genuinely appeal to me. It's an introvert's dilemma I guess. 2) Are you making an effort to appeal to the people you like, respect, or want to be around? From what you describe you definitely feel you are in a different state of mind than people around you (for whatever reason), but a lot of the time in order to be in tune with other social circles you do have to conform or appeal in some way. For example, I have faced times in my life where my friends went off to University and I did not, and felt frustration since I couldn't engage socially the way they were, but I had to face that what people engage in in terms of vocation, be it school, work, or hobbies/activities, will align them with people of similar goals. In the end then, it comes down to asking yourself what your "vocational" goals are like? As in, do you want to go to school, work, get promotions, go traveling, become an expert at something? It's backwards, but engaging in anything but chasing after social situations will likely lead to more genuine social situations (though I don't mean staying in your room playing video games when I say this). For whatever reason I've found fate play the same dubious trick on me.. that is as soon as I put emphasis on a social situation or relationship situation - it goes south (at least in my mind), and as soon as I don't care about it and engage in tasks like schoolwork, or errands I find myself in social situations. I think it's pretty natural, especially with social pressures, to want to be liked or have positive attention and I'm pretty sure just about everyone has this inclination at some point in their life. What do people who are liked or receive this kind of attention look like to you? Often times I look at my favourite actors, musicians/bands, or writers for examples. I think it's a balance of doing things you genuinely like, and finding accomplishment and success in them. Any way where you *feel* like your going up in life. Saving money, practicing healthy habits, getting things done. Anyways, these are just my thoughts, and I hope anything can help
  8. In highschool I felt that way about my height a lot. I'm actually maybe a few inches shorter than you, but height and appearance is somewhat.. superficial. I read a passage from a book the other day alluding to Ghandi. It said something like "Ghandi wouldn't look in the mirror, but would rather judge his appearance by his interactions with people and their responses to him." I've seen tall people become embarrassed, and I've also seen tall people who are humble, gentle and quiet. I suppose you could say the same about shorter people who are more of a "firecracker" type of person. Anyways, similar to me, the idea of a relationship with a girl occupies your mind quite a bit. It really comes down to attitude and I guess... confidence, but not necessarily in a superficial way either. The key thing in all of this isn't addressing the insecurities per say.. but occupying your mind with calming things, activities, and ideas. Once you aren't engaging in these "what ifs" or "how this person views me, or might view me" they are no longer issues.
  9. Hi, I've read a few of your posts, and some of your points align with issues that I have faced. I think that your statement " I feel the only place ironically where people talk to me & seem to like me is at my job, where I hate being the most. " is something to reflect on. It doesn't mean that being where you hate equals to getting positive attention, but more likely has to do with you staying focused on the tasks in front of you. Again, your frustrations are similar to ones I've faced and the "solution" always tends to be focusing on staying productive and focused on things that I enjoy and make me happy (which also includes accomplishments in some way). When I posted a thread about wishing I had a relationship with a girl, someone replied to me saying to stay focused on myself, so when I do meet a girl I have the best of myself to offer. Basically the best advice I can give is to follow the things that make you happy and uplifted. I know it sounds basic and maybe you've heard it before but filling your idle time on hobbies, watching your favorite programs,or something that gives you peace of mind will help turn the tide.
  10. I don't know if I can say much more to help you per say, but I can say I can relate and have been going through similar feelings in regards to girlfriends. Some people on this board have been giving me some really good advice though. Some things I can forward is to have the focus on self improvement and enjoying your life, while still being positive and the best person you can be, to others and yourself. In regards to streaming, one of my favorite streamers to watch often says to people, when they ask him advice on streaming, is to just enjoy it. If you love gaming, there are lots of others out there that share and support the hobby too. I think that pursuing becoming a psychologist is a great idea and will likely give you great insight through the studies. Also, keeping up with the hobbies and the things that make you feel good, and calm, is great as these things can be great 'tools' in bringing back a sense of normality. I actually have a very similar thing happen during the nights. Its almost like because I let my guard down the dark thoughts can somehow creep out. Every day though I have been working to improve, and what seems to help is to focus on having positive thoughts and actions throughout the day, and the more good things I seem to be able to accomplish, the more it tends to stick with me during the evenings. I don't know if you have sleep problems (I know I do) but what helps is to get up and do things if you can't sleep and find your mind is racing. This is kind of an insomnia specific thing in so far as it aims at heightening you sleep quality and help sleep problems, but I thought I would mention it anyhow. I know it can be tough, but focusing on improvement, doing things you love, and finding positively impacting things will compile in the right direction. I hope you start feeling better and any of this can help
  11. hi, I appreciate that you are putting in effort to try to help. I read through this post earlier this morning and found that I understand, at least a little, the points you are making. It's a little bit different then what you describe when you get into specifics, but the overall message I am receiving is that my confidence, and positive attitude should come from things that I am doing in front of me. As soon as I start sulking or "longing" for a relationship it is going to have the opposite effect. What I am looking for, despite what my original post was, is not a girlfriend or a relationship, but inner peace, confidence and a good attitude. I don't know why my mind thinks having a girlfriend will simply fix my life. I put too much value on it and it becomes fragile and I worry that any little thing I do will hurt any chance of having a girlfriend, but a person can't live like that and that isn't a healthy attitude to have. Anyways, thanks for your reply and to everyone else who has given their input. It has given me a lot to reflect on
  12. Hi, you asked for help, and I have found myself in similar situations before. Remember that you started to use this picture rating site because you wanted to improve your dating profile. That reason by itself has merit. However, it seems that your OCD has taken over and it has become more about "winning" the picture rating site. Ask yourself what it is you really want? You mentioned dating, and you mentioned exercising, meeting people and finding a job. For whatever reason it sounds like the simplicity and accessibility of the picture rating site is acting as a massive distraction to you Anyways, I can tell you that the way you spend your time in the day will reflect on both the inner and the outer you. When you begin to do productive things that don't lead your mind into a frenzy you will likely calm down and get back to reality. I'll let you in on a secret and that was that I used to be obsessed with liking Taylor Swift. In the end what helped me was avoiding Taylor Swift articles and pictures of her. I think that the first step is to stop going on this picture rating site and realizing that, to you, it is exercising addictive behavior and exasperating your OCD. hope things look up
  13. hi, I thought I'd answer your post because you asked some questions, 1) the first point regarding travel was meant to illustrate that I lack interest in things that most people around me seem to express excitement in. What I meant here was that in my world, people around me express excitement about life, travel, opportunities etc. (in best case scenarios at least) and I simply have little or no interest over these things. I wouldn't turn them down per say, but most of the time I just wonder why I'm not just dead. I'm very lonely and so the world has become lonely no matter where I go. My post was meant to express my frustration with being so lonely, and my inability to fix it, since "trying to have a girlfriend" is everything I shouldn't be doing according to the good advice I receive. 2) You're probably right here. It's just been a long time and I feel like I'm single mainly because of my lack of social status and money. The passage, I guess, was more of a satire explaining that when we become adults superficiality seems to run rampant. I feel like a lot of girls my age right now care about superficial things, but down the line that will probably change. I guess I just feel burned by it all, and in a state of flux and hurt. 3) I struggle with being misogynistic. I don't want to be. A lot of my post was meant to be exaggerated and satirical but maybe its misogynistic all the same. The idea of actually becoming a girl doesn't really stick with me. Anyways, thanks for taking the time and giving an authentic response from a different perspective
  14. hi, sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. I just wanted to say that in points of my life I lost touch with my friends, and was in a situation where they were off in university and I was just doing nothing. Some things that helped me during those times was finding or rediscovering interests and hobbies relating to things I like, or always wanted to do, for me they included a lot of creative expression in forms of art, music and drama. A second thing was following a decent healthy diet. The last thing, which took me several years to do was to take the step into going to College. For a long time it was either too scary, too uncertain, or too difficult for me to do. However, since this year I finally committed to doing it and I am much better for it. It has provided me with structure and objectives (homework), and it allows you to be around and interact with people and often times it is a very friendly environment. I guess just thinking about the things you always wanted to do, even if it is silly or difficult - taking steps in that direction always seems right to me. *Also exploring and finding counseling or mental health professionals or groups. Sometimes it takes a bit of exploring as there are different types of counselors and treatments such as talk therapy, or medication, or group therapy I hope things look up !
  15. hi, I used to deal with a lot of what you are talking about. My best friend in Jr.High was a highly talented artist and everybody fawned over him. We were best friends, and yet when I got home I felt angry and jealous of him getting all this attention and having all this talent. I felt low for a long time about stuff like this, I was also short in high school so I felt inferior about that as well. Anyways, what helped me when that was going on was realizing what my dreams were like. I realized I always wanted to be an actor, and in highschool when I made the leap to join drama and do the school play a lot of my insecurity issues went away with that. I was so focused on doing the stuff I really wanted to do, that really fed my dreams, that the reality took up most of my time that I might have been feeling sad and doing nothing. I guess I could ask you what kinds of things would you like to see yourself doing? Writing, Art, music? The next step would be pursing some kind of lessons, school, or self practice in this area. The more time you can take pursuing and working on any of these things will eat up the time spent feeling low about things... or things wrong with you (which I can relate to). It might take a bit of practice and hard work, but both are miles better than feeling the effects of depression and anxiety - either that or feeling anxious about an activity is much easier in retrospect than feeling anxious about your entire life. I've come across a lot of talented people, and it is a little ironic and maybe funny, but most of the time they are very insecure or unsure about themselves and I don't mean that in a critical way, but that it is never really anyone's achievements that cure their insecurities, but rather an inner peace. What brings you inner peace? Explore and enjoy
  16. Hi, it sounds like you are dealing with an addiction type situation - that of drinking. From experience, any addiction isn't as simple as an attraction to a particular substance or thing - it is more about the underlying issues/situations which prompt any addiction. What kinds of things do you overthink or over analyze? I happen to have been very similar in over analyzing to the point of driving myself a little crazy. I read an article, and it stated that whenever you feel the urge to reach for your addiction, take deep breaths. The article stated that that your heart begins to beat faster when you want your addiction and so taking deep breaths will help deal with urges. Anyways, onto the stuff I can tell you from experience about changing yourself: I used to have major issues with pursuing certain addictions in order to distract myself from the chaos of my mind and to find relaxation and relief. However, when these addictions led to a worsening of the situation I knew I had to make changes. What I have learned is that freeing myself from the distraction my addictions caused (which in your story seems to be drinking) brought me back to a sort of "normal" state of mind that is reminiscent of being a much younger kid. The reason for this is because you are laying down boundaries for yourself, much like a parent does for his/her kid, and these boundaries are for your own good. You realize that learning to live with these boundaries forces creativity and growth because you don't live for instant gratification but rather explore and live in the world around you. Yes, it can be boring, and yes it can be disappointing, but these are normal emotions. What you are free from is the chaos and wrongness that comes from 'abusing' addictive behaviors. I hope this helps, you have made your statement brief, but it sounds like the drinking is what you should think about eliminating or at least reducing. The thoughts and feelings which come to you when you take drinking out of the equation are the things you must explore
  17. Hi, Thanks everyone for taking the time to read my post and providing some input. In regards to my views and post, it was sort of playing on the expectations that I feel society and media put on being a guy. I guess it's supposed to be a bit exxagerated, but the point I'm trying to make is that self improvement, focusing on myself and my own happiness has, for whatever reason has led me to a life of loneliness, and saying in my head "I want to die". My problem, and I admit it's a problem, is that I'm obsessed with having a girlfriend, it's all I want is just a normal relationship like I used to be able to have when I was a teenager. The actual problem is that when I meet people and girls I'm polite and decent, but there is never any connection that leads to anything. Also the majority of girls I encounter are already in relationships and 9 times out of 10 it is a guy with a career and independence, money etc. In my head it clicks that without these qualities I won't have a relationship and so I live each day with a smile on my face and feeling dead inside. I feel like a loser because of this, because I don't seem to have the qualities of the boyfriends, fiance's and husband's I hear about, and most of the time it has to do with having a career and money. I guess even if I'm wrong about all of this, the loneliness hurts and there is never any solution present. ive really tried a lot and tried being positive. Maybe in like 5 years I'll have a job, but the idea of only having a relationship because I have a job is kind of sad. Maybe it will happen someday idk thanks anyway
  18. Thank you for your reply, and you're right Maybe I need to reach out a little bit more and stop trying to hold everything inside all of the time. Again, thanks for taking the time to hear me out
  19. Hi, I'm a little older than you, but you sound pretty mature for your age. There are parts of what you have written that I definitely felt when I was in high school, and there are also parts you have written which I feel now. I could be wrong, but have you ever thought about writing, like a novel? For some reason the amount of work, expression and creative development that goes into writing a story can really trigger something in my head and bring me up a level. In the end, and by that I mean on a day to day basis, what we put into the day and our activities reflects what we will get out of it. Being good to people (even if you aren't feeling it) will give good back to you. I guess find things that make you laugh and that make you feel human. Sometimes music helps, sometimes you find a really cool book or TV show, and sometimes you will meet people who turn your world around and make life really special.
  20. Hi, I have several issues, and for awhile I thought I was doing pretty good. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I put so much value in having a girlfriend and a relationship that I feel like I just want to die now. It sounds kind of funny and maybe even pathetic, but it is always on my mind and it always ruminates in my head. I have lost a lot of interest in the world over the past few years. The idea of travel, which seems popular to many people around my age disgusts and exhausts me. The thought of going to a "tropical paradise relaxation resort" makes me feel sick. Maybe because its fake, but probably because any such paradise won't last. More to the point because I hardly believe in external circumstances solving much for me anymore. I've explored hobbies, creative outlets and video games which have been able to help keep my head above water, and have even become sort of good at them. They don't bring me much though aside from occupying my time and bringing mild to moderate amusement. Recently I started college, which took a lot of courage. It's in Visual design, specifically, but explores the IT and Digital media spectrum of things. It goes at a snail's pace, and everyday is alright. Still, there is no big fancy job over the horizon, and I'm lucky if I even get a job by the time its through - though I don't even know if I care. I'm usually alone, and when I go to school it is usually the only place I go aside from the grocery store. I have no lively friends, and if I see a friend it is very rare and it is an old friend - and it can be hard to see old friends too often sometimes, maybe because its from a past life. The only thing I have ever been able to look forward to, and the only thing which has turned me to make many positive choices in my life is the prospect that maybe I can get a girlfriend. I desperately tried everything possible to be the most gentleman type of person I can be, but the pain of waking up day after day to more loneliness is just too much. In fact, it actually gets worse. This is why I am so sad, because the more I try to be good, and to be a prospect for a relationship, the more lonely I become. Because it doesn't seem to matter what I do. Some people are in relationships, and some people are not. The people who are have problems relative to their situation, just as the people who are single have problems relative to their situation. Why do I feel at the end of my ropes? Because the problem relative to my situation is I am perpetually without any semblance of any slightest sign that I will ever be in a relationship. I'm a loser. I never go out, and there is nothing I ever want to do. What bothers me is that I put having a girlfriend/relationship on such a pedestal that it is pathetic. Why is it pathetic? Because when I actually meet what people are actually like I realize that ...they just don't really care about the kind of stuff I care about. Girls, from my experience seem to care about their social circles, their instagram, doing activities, achieving things, maybe achieving the perfect husband with money career and cars. ...The only thing I really care about is the idea of having a girlfriend. My existence is pretty grim, and from what I gather you have to be anything but grim to have a girlfriend. The problem then is that if I want to have a girlfriend I seem to be supposed to "lure" them in with money, wealth, a fancy career and so forth, so that I can marry them and trap them in a home that I work and pay for. Then there is the ironic possibility that at some point they realize they are only with me because of the wealth and things, and actually want real love somewhere down the line (which is all I ever really want/wanted anyways). At least this is the impression I seem to be getting about this, because this idea is pretty grim to me. Why would I even want this? Anyways, this appears to be the reality, and so there seems to be no point in actually pursuing a relationship. Is this how its always been? Am I missing something? I really hate being a male, and often times wish I was a girl. This is just so s***ty. I don't like any of this, and I hate my life, and I hate life. I live with my parents, I have food, some income, security - basically all my basic needs. However, this wanting a relationship is really weighing on me. I begin to idealize death a lot. The reality of having a relationship just seems so utterly terrible based on my impression of it from the above paragraph. I honestly feel like there is little point to living life other than base survival, and base survival is so... vanilla because my mind wants something else. Thanks for reading my passage.
  21. That's an interesting question.. I actually thought about it and I would, but I also feel like I lower myself to people too much, and I wouldn't like that quality if I met myself. I would want me to be more straight up about things.
  22. Thanks for the replies. I definitely plan to stick with it for the 4 week period. The closest thing I could relate to what you were saying is feeling "out of it", but I also feel a little concerned because I cannot for the life of me feel optimistic about the drug (helping in the future), or optimistic about anything really. I guess I'll just hang on for the next two weeks, thanks for the input anyhow : )
  23. Hi, so I started 5mg of Escitolopram (or lexapro/cipralex as the other names), and it has been about two weeks since starting and I feel like I have been steadily feeling worse. Loss of interest in things, being obsessed with the uncertainty of the future, somewhat unmotivated, and generally feeling really crappy. I know you have to give these drugs 4ish weeks to see positive results, but I was just wondering if anybody else has experienced a worsening (two weeks in so far) before things got better?
  24. I sympathize with you because I have felt similar to this. Amazingly though I have gotten over this one specific person who made me feel this way. It took me time, years, but through all of that time I realized that most of the situation was because of my own glorification of both her, and this "love that was meant to be" in my head. Since then, I have learned that any real relationship that is going to develop for me will be on the basis of pragmatism. Maybe through a class, or through a job, or through a friend or a friend of a friend. Maybe somebody who works at somewhere you shop. The reason being that these are real life situations that occur to me on a daily basis, and these are the places where I am likely to develop any kind of relationship. What's important though is that you find peace with yourself, because that is going to put you in the 'proper' state of mind for meeting people and developing a new relationship.
  25. I've felt this way, or at least very similarly towards a girl. It's been maybe 6 or so years since I first met her. I agree, you shouldn't suppress yourself from glancing at her social media every now and then if you are feeling the undying urge to do so, but just keep in mind that it is only a glance that you are doing and nothing more, otherwise it is very likely in your best interest to do other things and avoid any media of this person. It is not up to another person to completely validate your life, although love can make us think otherwise. However, what you should accept is that this is a one-way love. I don't know the intricacies of your relationship with this girl, but if she has otherwise rejected any such advances then it is best to move on. I mean, yes, it's always possible that you can prove yourself to someone, even if they have rejected you, but that might very well mean letting go of them just the same. Some say love is a drug, and if you live for love then you have to accept the rules of love. If I could suggest something it would be finding ways to express yourself or your feelings; listening to music, writing poetry, doing art - but this is coming from someone who is a creative himself. Coming from another perspective I would say this: You should be able to satisfy your destiny in life one way or another by following a path. This path isn't a direct route to bliss, but it should be one that none-the-less you can find meaning and satisfaction (if not here and there) with. Love, girls, relationships may be parts of this path which may very well develop, but the most important thing is developing yourself. If you feel like you live for this girl, or finding the perfect match, you are likely far from alone in this, irregardless however, you are more likely to find this by being your best you. In a way I feel like I am directing this message to me a couple of years ago, and what I would honestly say to myself is "forget this chick, you are worth so much more, in a way your suffering has validated you and made you so much more valuable than to put yourself at the feet of someone who you feel has caused you so much sorrow." The other funny thing is do you think that if you ended up with this person that the rest of your life would just live happily ever after? I might be sounding a bit harsh, but believe me, it's because I feel like I'm speaking to myself a little too. What I mean to say is that life is about the journey, and not so much the destination; recognize what you are feeling right now, and what you are right now, and make the best decision to better yourself with, or at least recognize your real feelings and the real reality. I hope any of this helps, and yes express yourself on forums, or find a counselor you can trust. One thing that really helped me was finding a counselor who I felt I could confide anything comfortably with. She also happened to specialize in relationship, and love obsession. You're doing the right thing by explaining your issues because it shows that you want to find solutions.
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