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Trajork

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  1. Assuming you're American - how hard is it to get on Medicaid in your state? If you're unemployed, you may be able to get some treatment covered that way. It all varies by state though. Some facilities also offer low cost services to people based on financial need. You're going to need to do some research and try several things - right at the time you least feel like doing that. But you might find help that way. Start with Googling doctors and counselors in your area and call the more promising ones to see what they might be able to offer you in your situation. Our mental health system is...not the best. But individuals within it can be fantastic, and most do want to help impoverished patients stricken down by depression. There is hope - but you will have to try simply calling places, and understanding you might not get much help at first. At least, not by professionals.
  2. I've been thinking, as we're all known to do. It's a big part of why we ended up here. One of the things that seems to make me an especially treatment-resistant case is the constant feeling that there is no meaning to life, except what we arbitrarily define it to be - which could be anything from spreading love and peace to making money to the sense of meaning soldiers get in a war where their job is to [end the lives of] other people. Essentially, it's a long-running existential crisis with no end in sight. It's not the only part of my depression - I also have no energy and willpower to clean up after myself, finish my MS thesis, look for a job and actually work 40 hours a week, etc. too. But the perpetual existential crisis isn't helping. Respond with any experiences you've had or not had with existential crises and depression. Literally anything at all within forum rules. One question comes to mind: If you're religious or have some other strong set of beliefs, does that help by defining meaning for you? If you've ever lost faith in anything, have you been able to recover from learning about the world as it is commonly understood by irreligious people such as myself? (not to make this a religion thread - post experiences about religion if they've been important to you, not judgments about religion)
  3. TMS was completely ineffective for me, and merely resulted in the transfer of $10k+ from my dad's insurance company (which I was just barely still on at 25) to the psychiatrist and his business, much of which was probably pay off the debt for the TMS chair in the first place. It might work for some people - maybe give it a shot if you have good insurance, and don't mind feeling like a woodpecker is attacking your skull for 4 seconds out of every 45, continuously for something like 50 minutes, 5 days a week for a couple of months. ECT has a much better track record of efficacy than TMS and helped both my grandmother and great-grandmother, who got the old high doses that have since been dialed down. ECT is a thing I'm thinking about, along with risky-but-potentially-effective old cures like MAOIs, if I can find some pdoc to go along with it. I do still fear memory loss though - I have an intelligent and creative if terribly dysfunctional brain, and I don't want to hit anything that makes me who I am. That's probably an overblown fear though. My understanding is that modern ECT might cause a little memory loss but is quite safe - especially compared to the risk of 'living' with treatment-resistant depression!
  4. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

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