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Exelion

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  1. A man cheating on you is not about a flaw in you - it's about a flaw in him and where his priorities lie. that's all Ill say on that matter at your request. As long as you feel he's making a genuine effort and loves you, and isn't causing you more harm, do what you think is best. Regarding your body image...I suggest taking two different paths on this. One is if you don't like something about yourself- change it! Sure you're not going to be one of those super-perfect model types...let me let you in on a secret. Neither are they. Take away the computer editing, the makeup, the lighting, the hours of prep work, and most of them look just like any normal person.Research the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty sometime- you'd be amazed. So that said, look into fixing those parts of your appearance you can. Get some flattering clothes if you don't have any. Exercise a bit.Just getting out and walking each day can help. You don't have to go into the crazy diet/workout regimens some people do. Secondly, I'd suggest talking to someone professionally. Being a guy I can't completely relate to your issues, but I know what it's like to dislike what's in the mirror. And I know how easy it is to turn tiny things no one else notices into huge glaring flaws. Someone that could help you learn to rekindle some of your self-esteem might really help. Good luck.
  2. Dealing with this sort of thing is always difficult because you, your ex, and your kids have a lot of conflicting emotions. But there's several factors I'd offer you to keep in mind. 1) Your ex wife cheated on you, then left you. She was obviously unhappy in the relationship and caused you and your children a great deal of suffering. 2) She cannot, ever, tell you who to love. No one can but you. Someone telling trying to control what you do with your life is a sign of an abusive relationship. 3) As long as you/your girlfriend is not causing your children harm, your ex has no say in what happens to them in when you have custody unless a court orders it. I presume they haven't. 4) I'd talk to your divorce lawyer about the custody thing. If she doesn't have any serious chance of actually winning a custody battle, let her bluster all she wants. It seems to me her behavior is controlling and manipulative. She doesn't like that you found someone new and is taking it out on the kids. I know you're trying to protect them, but I don't know that you have to ruin your own life to do that. As for the rest....take your time and sort out your feelings. it's only natural that you still care for her, but I'm not sure it's a healthy relationship from my perspective. Have you talked to a marriage counselor or therapist at any point? They might have better insight than I. Good luck.
  3. Nervous. Applied for a good job today..if I get it, a lot of my problems are over.
  4. Man, it's like seeing myself a few years ago. Trust me, you aren't alone in this. After a string of mistakes and bad relationships I did pretty much the same thing you did, and cut myself off for years. Fogmonster there pretty much had the key: talking about it. We lock ourselves up and refuse to talk to anyone. Places like this forum help. So does a therapist. Seeing someone for your social anxiety might help you come to terms with why you feel the way you do, and take steps to change that.
  5. I am reminded that nothing has changed, today. I'm tired of not having any reason to hope.
  6. Back at work from a all-too-short holiday vacation, ugh. But at least I have a short week to ease me into it...
  7. Welcome Sequoia! One of the things I didn't notice reading over your post was therapy. is she seeing anyone to help with her depression? maybe the two of you sitting down with a professional, together, will let you get out your issues in a safe, judgement-free environment. It's nice that she cares about your love life enough to make changes, but going off or reducing meds is a bad idea unless her prescriber thinks she is safe with a lower dosage. She might want to possibly even consider changing meds..Wellbutrin I believe is widely known to increase sex drive.There's always supplements and such too. I would just caution her that your love life isn't worth harming your relationship or your children over. As someone that lives with a depressed person ( as well as being one myself) I can relate to your feelings. It's hard watching this person suffer harder still when their problems affect you. I can't tell you to stay or go. All I can suggest is sit down with her and explain your side of things, let her know how frustrated and upset you are. She may not even realize the harm she's causing.
  8. Well...as long as he's drinking heavily and not making a serious effort to find a job, he's hurting himself and you. I'm curious...there's a lot of backstory here so I might have missed it but...aside from the medication, is he actually in any sort of therapy? Just wondering if he has some sort of professional that could help him develop the will to push forward. The whole "Can't get a job but can get up to get booze" thing isn't all that uncommon. He sees alcohol as a relief for his issues (by the way, he sounds like he may have a serious drinking problem, he might need some help for that too). He thinks it's the only thing that makes him feel better, so he'll find a way to get it. If he could dedicate that energy to something more productive, he could probably get out of the hole he's in. Problem is, that's really really hard to do, especially when you've got a possible addiction messing with you. He needs to see someone that can help him...but it won't do any good unless he himself wants to do anything about his problems. Not much I can say there
  9. Well, I have a list of jealousy issues a mile long and good reason to have some of them but... Looking at it objectively, I don't think he's doing anything bad, but he IS going about things the wrong way. I would just recommend talking openly to him about it, letting him know you aren't comfortable with the whole situation, and that while you support him, you want him to take your feelings into account too and be open and honest with you. Without any direct proof I wouldn't suspect him of anything just yet..I'm more comfortable around girls than I am guys and tend to make female friends easier. He could be that kind of person.Give him the benefit of the doubt, but make sure you communicate and work out something both of you can agree to.
  10. I'm sorry that all this has happened to you. There's a lot to process here, but lemme kinda give you my thoughts as I was reading through this. First off, as I tend to do with pretty much everyone, I'd really recommend talking to someone professionally about all this. You've been through so much, and you've got an amazing amount of strength to have pulled through, but every bit helps. One of the major things I see in your post is an issue with self-esteem and punishing oneself, one many of us here know very well. You blame yourself for your ex-girlfriend's behavior.Something that I find is vital to keep in mind is that the only person to blame for a behaviour, in the end, is the person committing the act. In short no matter what happened between you in your relationship, the cheating and the rest of the things she did to you are no one's fault but hers. With your family...people who don't "get" how those of us with depression are often have a lot of misconceptions about it. It's sad and frustrating. One of the things I like about this forum is it gives "healthy" people a chance to learn about what life with depression is like, and how they can help their loved ones. I wish more people could learn like that. Lastly regarding disability, it might be a good idea. My best advice is try to stop beating yourself up with guilt. The disease you have (and never for a second think of it as anything less than a crippling and life-threatening illness) is a serious problem, and may make you just as eligible for disability as someone with debilitating physical difficulties.
  11. No worries about the colors. It was an observation, not a complaint :) As far as finances go, you have a few options. There are many therapists who offer sliding scales depending on income, so you might be able to find something less expensive. Group therapy sessions are generally cheaper than one on one, though it's up to you if you feel comfortable with that. If medication does end up being necessary, there's a number of trials and coupons available through the manufacturers. Poke around on the forums here and you should be able to find a few useful links for those.
  12. Some things to remember: You're graduating college. It doesn't matter if it's late, or you have a lack of direction once you're out...you accomplished something many do not. Be proud of that. You might want to consider seeing someone for your confidence issues. And the trust issues with your boy. Trust me, I'm fighting that fight myself, and it's hard to let go. Talking to someone could really help. Your concern about not absorbing information or getting smarter...could be tied up in the self-esteem issues. Feeling you're worthless, etc. Again, talking to someone professionally could really help. You've done more than you realize by getting this far. Just remind yourself of that every time you feel low.
  13. Mustang...wow...I'm so, so sorry that you and your wife are going through this. The important thing to remember is that you love her, and that means protecting her. Against herself if needed. If her psychosis is so severe that it has caused her to endanger herself and the others around her, hospitalization may well me the best recourse. And she probably needs to take some form of medication if things are that bad. I can understand not wanting to...the heavier meds for those sorts of issues really can screw you up. I don't blame her. But at the same time, the chemicals in her own head are causing her just as much harm. She just can't see that. This next bit is going to sound kinda harsh, but hear me out. In the US, a spouse can sometimes declare their loved one to be mentally unfit. It basically means that she is not of "sound mind and body" and cannot be entrusted to make rational decisions for her own well-being. The person can then be hospitalized, treated, etc and be unable to sign themselves out until they can be proven to be in a better state mentally. Is this possible in Canada? I'm know I'm basically suggesting that you sell her out, but it's for her own good. Also, are you allowed to present evidence to her appeals case? Maybe you could help provide support for the fact that she needs help. Yes, it's a betrayal, and she may well hate you for it. But if getting her in a hospital and medicated is the only way to help her, it may be something you have to do.Once she's in a better state she may not reject the medication anymore, and she may come to understand you did the right thing. Or she may not. Can't promise you that, so taking that route is pretty scary. I really do feel for you. I can't imagine having to be in that situation, so you have my strongest sympathies. Not sure what else any of us can do to help, but keep us posted OK?
  14. Welcome to DF. Wow, that was pretty colorful, and a lot to talk about in it. Let's see... First off, your relationship with your fiance is toxic. No one that loves you will go out of their way to insult and yell at you. Period. As for how he is with others...it's not uncommon in abusive situations (even verbal/emotional abuse like what you're experiencing) for the abuser to come off as sociable and nice to other people. Often times someone can be an utter saint to the entire world, and monster to just one person. Regarding the rest: Get off the drugs. Seriously. I don't care what you have to do, I don't care what the cost is. Get off the drugs. They're not helping your mental state, your relationship, or you. Your comments regarding medications indicating a fear of addiction...but you have a much bigger risk of it with the illegal substances you are taking. And with all due respect, your description of your feelings regarding those drugs sounds a bit like addiction to me. On that subject...most if not all current anti-depressants are low-to-non habit forming. They're a lot better for your moods and overall well-being than whatever it is you are taking, far less likely (probably impossible) to be addictive, and legal. If I were to outline my suggestions for what you could do to help yourself in simplest form: Get counseling. For your drugs, your relationship, all of it, any of it. Most importantly, just get someone professional to help. I can offer advice all day but I'm no professional. Get off the drugs. Seriously. Can't stress this enough. Don't worry too much about prescription meds for your issues. You may not even need them. And even if you do, they're a lot healthier than what you're doing now. Once you've gotten your feet back under you a little, re-evaluate your relationship with your fiance. If he's really disrespecting and insulting you this much, it has to stop. It's only making your situation worse.
  15. Welcome to DF, Yellow. This sounds pretty squarely like depression to me, although of course I'm no medical professional.The sudden thought that your life as you foresaw it working might end is a pretty harsh one. I'd be depressed too. And his treatment of you, while hurtful, makes a lot of sense. One of the bigger symptoms of depression is isolating oneself. There's a big stigma regarding depression. No one wants to be labeled as "crazy", and have to spend their life in an asylum. Realistically though, that's something that rarely happens. Depending on which study you believe, between 1 in 10, and as many as 1 in 4 Americans suffer from depression. What does that mean for your ex? It means people he works with have it too. Betting some are getting treated for it, and no one knows the wiser. This doesn't have to be the end of his career. Not because of the depression at least. He can get help- if he's willing to do so. That's up to him, and there's nothing anyone can do that will make him want to get better. If it helps, let him know I have a buddy who's National Guard, came back a year ago from a tour in Iraq, and sees someone professionally about some of the things he experienced in combat. His squad knows and supports him. You're being incredibly strong and supportive of him, and the best you can do is continue to be so. Good luck, and keep us posted.
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