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    What am I interested in? Not much, lately. But I guess I fake being interested in art, philosophy, film, technology and that kind of junk.

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  1. I hope you had a fantastic day : )

  2. @ItsTrevor This is a truly well written and researched topic, however there is one thing that I do not understand. You suffer from anhedonia, yet you have the motivation to research and construct such a complex topic? It appears that depression has had the unfortunate effect of anhedonia on you, but it hasn't cognitively impaired you. I can't focus, I can't read, I can't remember, I can't feel, I feel like an empty, useless shell. Did you ever experience being cognitively impaired?
  3. Hey guys, I was about to post a long post when my computer died... but here goes a summary. My girlfriend (ex?) broke up with me today. The reason was, I went to the beach. She is currently dealing with a few of her own issues, and I have tried in the past to keep her happy. The problem is, however, that i have been waiting for these issues to find solutions for three years. I haven't seen a sand, females or even a females body in three years, due to these issues. However, she is treating me as if I just committed some kind of mortal sin. I understand that I am (was) her boyfriend, and should protect her happiness... but surely there is an extent to this - especially when omitting things from my own life for her is ******* me. Despite all of the logic that I can throw at her, she insists that I am a terrible person. Even despite the fact that she has done things that hurt me in the past (such as going to the beach - and hence making me feel like a fool for waiting for her - but I am still the bad guy no matter what). I just don't know what to do. Logic isn't solving this issue. Despite better judgement, I seem to persist. I don't understand why, but I do. I guess it is hard to accept a breakup with such insanely incorrect terms. Furthermore, she has belittled me, insulted me and threatened me with things... something I would never do to her. It makes no sense to me, and as such... i have no way of dealing with it. You have no idea the things I have given up for her. I have never heard of anything like this before, so I have no frame of reference for any of this... but I'm hoping you guys might? Thankyou...
  4. Hey guys, I am 20 years old, and I'm finishing up my second year of uni. For some reason, though... I feel so old. It feels as if time is flying by me, and I can't react fast enough to grasp it. I feel like the years are flying by, already. Does anyone else feel like this? Is it normal to feel like this? I stopped taking my meds for a while (some stuff happened, I DO NOT recommend anyone do this) and I began thinking about all of this again. It pervades every area of my life, and it is something that one cannot just ignore. I hate it. I hate feeling old. It isn't that I have a problem with me ageing, per se, but the fact that time is flying, and my youth, something I had just gotten used to, has gone. Also, I think it may have something to do with having a long term girlfriend, I feel so domesticated. Argh. Why does every answer I come up with seem like the right answer, and the wrong answer. Screw it, maybe there is no such thing as the right or the wrong answer, just a different avenue of possibilities.
  5. Hey man, I know exactly how you feel. I know you will read this, and you will think, "nobody knows exactly how I feel", but I do. I am close in age to you, just a couple of years older. I have been depressed for a lot longer though, and from what I read you seem to be suffering the same feelings, emotions, and the like, that I have. There has not been one day that has passed since I could think, that I did not think that suicide was the most logical and rational answer. Suicide, to me, wasn't an act of cowardice, but instead a rational alternative to pain. However, despite sometimes having these feelings return, I know that despite how logical it might have been, it was not the most fulfilling. I can't connect to anything, and any event that is meant to illicit a positive emotional response leaves me with guilt, and an undeniable sense of pain. I cannot deal with feeling nothing, because I feel so disconnected, I cease to feel human, and then I don't want to live. But now, after reflecting on everything, I know that depression is something that you can fight. It isn't something you will choose to fight, but it is something that you will feel when you have decided that enough is enough. There will be a moment when you cannot take feeling like s*** ever hour of every day, where you can't deal with the apathy, the pain, and the desire to do bad things to yourself. When this occurs to you, you will realize that you are the only one who can fix yourself. Nobody else can. If things are going to get better, you need to be the catalyst. I know this sounds too good to be true, but once your begin trying to fix yourself, you will start to count your accomplishments. You will pull yourself out of the s*** that you are feeling now, and you will be motivated by positive things that are happening at your own hand. Nothing compares to the feeling one gains when seeing their situation change by their own control. For me, it started as cutting my nails, trying to shower more often. I decided to start seeing a professional, taking medication, and the like. I forced myself to do little things to repair the damage that depression has caused me.
  6. Sorry for the late response... I do have anxiety. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety a while ago. I am worried as to the fact that today, I can't concentrate on my studies, and tomorrow, I won't be able to hold down a job. I have no idea what to do anymore, because I can't concentrate on getting everything together, and I don't have enough of my brain free to fix everything. I hate it.
  7. Yeah, I guess I'm lucky, as my professor is pretty interesting. It's still hard to concentrate, but less so than with some of my other tutors. I can still kind of process information in classroom environments, but revision is what gets to me. It's almost like I've forgotten how to read. :S
  8. Hey guys, I have been seeing a psychologist over the past few months, and I have been on antidepressants since. To anyone considering it, I highly recommend it. They have side effects, but they seem to hush that little part of you that we all seem to find so hard to ignore. However, there is but one thing that I cannot overcome, that being - my total inability to concentrate. I am a university student, and as such, concentration is imperative to doing well. I get by with good marks, but that is because I have been blessed with the ability to talk crap in essays. However, I can't really learn. I cannot concentrate on anything. Honestly, nothing. I can read a page, and none of it computes. I will literally read it again, and again, and again, and take nothing in. I can't read, I can't write, I can't get my mind in the right place to study. It is ridiculous. Does anyone have any useful strategies for attacking this problem head on? My depression has gotten to the point, where I am literally over it. I cannot stand it, and my desire to obliterate it from my life is stronger than anything else this d*** thing can throw at me. Any help is appreciated.
  9. I do that, and I do that every time. I also leave my friends every time for her. It is one time I didn't. She has been sitting at her computer for hours being like "I cannot believe you are so ********" and "*** is wrong with you"... she is going crazy at me, I cannot take it. I am in tears and I feel like s***. What the ufcl?
  10. I am suffering pretty chronic anxiety and depression. As such, when I am stressed, I am pretty much rendered incapacitated. I really just need some opinions to get my head around this situation. On the weekend I was meant to be going out with my girlfriend, and a friend. When my girlfriend got to my house, she realized that she didn't have her ID. So, after stressing for a solid five minutes, I decided to go without her, and she seemed cool with it. I asked a few times, because girls have a habit of kind of not ever telling the truth, and just getting mad at you later. I made suggestions on what to do, but now she denies that I ever made them. I couldn't take her home to get her ID, because I was already meant to meet up with my friend. It was already late, and going with my girlfriend to get her ID would mean that I would have not been able to meet up with my friend. The context here is important. I have ditched said friend a multitude of times, and I have not been out for over a month for various reasons. I have, over the last 3 years with my girlfriend, bailed on this friend, and many other friends, millions of times. I am still in confusion as to why my friend still wants to see me, after I have been such a bad friend for so long. So three days later, and she is finally speaking to me. A little. does she have the right to be mad at me? I'm sorry if this is all a load of jumble, I am writing really quicky, and I am really stressed.
  11. Holy cow. I just read this, and it felt as if I wrote it. I hate how I'm not myself, because it feels like I'm a person that I don't like, and I can't even convince myself that other people like me (my friends, new friends, new people), when the person I am seems so foreign and wrong to me. I assume that you are feeling pretty much the same thing, right? Ugh, it feels like everything acts to compound depression, and essentially causes an unstoppable cycle. You isolate yourself, which makes you lose friends, which is compounded by the fact social situations are difficulty, which stresses you, which adds to the stress of uni, which makes you anxious and pretty much destroys any ability to concentrate or focus that depression has left you with, so uni itself becomes difficult, which also stresses you out, and then the circle joins back up.
  12. Most definitely. My mother, grandfather and I have depression, anxiety, and some associated other things. I believe that one of two of my little brothers is demonstrating early signs of some of it, and he's 8.
  13. Hey, dude. When I read this, I honestly considered the fact that I'd posted it myself, and forgotten. I too am 19, and going through things similar to what you described. It is hell. The only thing I can reccomend is continuing with therapy, though I can completely agree with the fact that some therapists have no idea what they are saying, and lack the ability to empathise, and most importantly, that they cannot fathom what a depressed young person is going through. It's messed up. If you need anyone to talk to, existing in a comparable context, feel free to pm me, dude.
  14. Thanks for the responses, guys. taj0112: Occasionally, there are things I can do, but not often. Walking helps, when it's at an acceptable hour :P jimbow15: I'm currently on the route of getting professional help, but I was just asking for help till this actually manifested. :) Spiritual_Wanderer: That is EXACTLY how I would feel, till I realized what it was. :\ It's such a peculiar feeling. Has the medication stopped it completely? lindahurt: I will try that. :)
  15. Hey guys, I have depression (obviously) and anxiety. I am currently on my route of seeking help, and I've been making some positive changes. The thing is, I get terrible anxiety. I believe they are panic attacks. They range from full on attacks (chills, increased heart rate, surreal experiences and that kind of stuff), to moderate feelings of uneasiness. It is the latter that really annoys me. I get an intense feeling of uneasiness, agitation and restlessness, and feel strange. It is particularly annoying, as I have sleeping issues, and these kind of feelings often last from the evening till I sleep. I become bored, but cannot calm down. I don't want to do anything, but I can't do nothing - very frustrating. Are there any 'quick fixes' that you guys know, which can cause this to subside, and get me through them temporarily? I hate it. All help is appreciated. :) x
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