Jump to content

little_miss

Newbie
  • Posts

    9
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Scotland

little_miss's Achievements

Newbie

Newbie (2/9)

0

Reputation

  1. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  2. Little_Miss, Hello and thank you for replying to my post. It's always good to hear from another parent in this same situation. No, you didn't sound too harsh! You sounded like someone concerned for my happiness and the happiness of my child! And I thank you for that. Disciplining her is DEFINITELY hard to do, and very emotionally upsetting. I can't stand to see her upset, angry, frustrated and confused. I know how she feels, out of control, unable to achieve what she is wanting. I know EXACTLY how she feels! And I know how it feels to have someone standing over me, denying me, telling me NO! That's life, right? I don't like a lot of the rules I have to follow, either! Which brings me to your advice. It does sound reasonable and worth a try. I feel like I have said that now to several people on here... And that I have 3 or 4 things to "try" now! All I know for sure is that I want a long, loving relationship with my daughter. One that does not end as soon as she is old enough to get away. Thank you so much, 1000 Hey I totally understand how upsetting it is, it is the most hardest thing to do as a parent. It is very very difficult. And she definately wont hate you, but if you let her away with things for too long & try to start disciplining her at an older age (for example a teenager) she may not be able to handle the discipline & could take very badly to it even though it would be for a good reason (for example she wants to go to a party or whatever). She's too young to hate you for disciplining, she will put up a fight & it will seem as if she hates you, as she'll be showing signs of hate (maybe trying to hit you or going in a strop) but all she's doing is rebelling against it coz she knows you will give in. Its not actual hatred, its just a way for small kids to get their own way. Remember as well with discipline its pretty hard to ignore in life in general, what about nursery school/normal school/high school/college/in employment - there is always rules to follow & consequenses for these rules being broken, your daughter has to learn that & your the only one who can teach her what to expect the world to be like or she may have a very hard time adjusting to school & employment. So really...you need to keep telling yourself that your doing this for her - not so you can have an easy time (although that would be a benefit) Disciplining doesn't need to be harsh as you know it or have experienced, it has can also be positive, you can do it in a nice manner without sounding nasty or patronising or anything like that. It isn't only nasty ppl who discipline, all it means is having rules & if those rules are broken..you cant get the good things you want - coz yeah that defo is what life is like and as above u have 2 teach her this. Please have a think about installing something, even if its just something simple. Explain after she's done something naughty that if she does it again the object will go away - follow through with it, if it happens, you are the adult, your in control. If she's really so upset about being detached from the object or upset coz she cant get to do something, then she'll make sure the situation doesn't happen again...right? she's intelligent she'll know that. And end result - you may just not get that behaviour again. GIve it a try - its easier than you think. Send me a PM if you want, i honestly do know what your going through xxxxxxxxxxxx
  3. Hi 1000 I totally understand how hard it is to look after a child while suffering from depression. There is some things you can do & there is light at the end of the tunnel & a happier life for you & your child. You and only you are responsible for discipling your child, other people like therapists can only give advice. Your daughter will continue these bad behaviours for as long as you let her away with them. Disciplining is the hardest thing in the world to do & i'm sure every parent agrees that its emotionally upsetting, but you have to do it for the sake of your child, or she could turn out to be a very bad mannered adult. She may struggle & fight even more & it may seem like more work to see it through but trust me, it will pay off in the end and I can guarantee she will thank you for it. Answer this...which one thing does your daughter do that is something nice, a treat, like a weekly trip to the park? A dance class? A special bowl of ice cream one night? there must be something that is a treat in her life, she needs to learn that she has to work for her treats, as with adults, tell her calmly that if she keeps on she will lose this treat, she'll probably continue what she's doing, but when it comes to the treat time, you dont give her it & explain this is the punishment for being naughty & if she wants to get it next time she mustn't act like that. It will take a good few attempts untill she realises that your serious, if you give in one day she'll know straight away that she's won & continue the bad behaviour (as she has no reason not to) so u must be strong & eventually I guarantee it will pay off. I know all these things are so difficult to keep up when having a bad day, but keep thinking of the end result. I hope i dont sound harsh, its just when I was reading your first post it hit me straight away of how you could help things. Fingers crossed it all works out xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  4. Thanks so much, I am going to make a cup of tea & some crackers & I will enjoy reading that before bed. I love this forum already!
  5. Well, it's pretty standard practice. Hygiene is first and foremost about health issues that may pop up. Taking one shower every day is standard. Every other day is a minimum except in unusual circumstances. Ready about hygiene and health to see the risks. Secondly, it's also somewhat of a ritual that can be beneficial and relaxing. And thirdly, it is vital for self-esteem and to socialize, which again is very important if you are depressed. I just can't think of any reason not to do it. Changing your clothes three times is not a solution, it is your body that needs cleaning and with all the clothes changes, it causes wear and tear and you just transfer it to the chore of doing laundry. Can I ask you a question? How do you feel after you just took a shower? Does it feel great? Or do you feel like it was an unpleasant moment? My thoughts are that you could try and make this moment more pleasant. A ritual just for you. Put on some music. Cough a little more cash and find your own perfect soap or body wash. Put on some candles or anything that helps make it as fun as possible. This may be a delicate matter but... what about your relationship with your OH? Does he have any thoughts on your showering habits? Does he take regular showers? Again, this is very personal but there's also the matter of physical intimacy. Not very practical to have a healthy sex life if you shower once a week and I do think physical intimacy as an expression of feelings is vital in any loving relationship. I in no way want to judge you but I do think this probably impacts on your social life and various relationships more than you suspect. Many people would simply not live with a significant other that doesn't shower daily. So it's food for thought for personal growth, I think. Thank you so much for your words, I certainly dont think your judging me, I came here for advice & I really appreciate it all. I often find it hard to explain myself properly which is annoying! Yes I do feel good after i've showered/bathed, it feels nice & refreshing & comforting. I hate having a wash at the sink as it seems half hearted & isn't really satisfying. Regarding the intimacy issue, I always make sure I am scrubbed down there - with soap & water & also do main bits like main body ect while standing at the sink with a big towel on the floor. He's never mentioned anything about me smelling or anything, I dont prespire like alot of ppl do, as I said, I hardly ever sweat, when I put on body spray I can still smell it that night no smell of sweat. When my daughter was a baby I fell into the habit of not showering/properly washing each day, and with not having a shower it did become a ritual not having one. I have a lovely new shower now after years so i really wanna get over this, I dont think showering is an un-plesant experience, found baths uncomfortable, i think the worst of it is that half the time I just cant be bothered, just sheer lazyness, not an actual fear.
  6. I cant thank you all enough, it is so so helpful to hear these opinions after years of doing nothing about it. I suppose I just dont know enough about the reasons why I really should clean, apart from the fact that everyone says you should. I dont sweat under my arm pits, hardly ever if I do and its only through tough exercise, I do sweat in other areas but they dont get smelly & I change clothes quite a lot (3x a day) and wash certain parts with either a facecloth or baby wipe, so I kinda know i'm not really smelly but thats no excuse, I should be showering/bathing for various reasons, yes I do feel good when I do get round to it, and i should use that as motivation. I've recently brought in a new routine with my 7yr old which involves her going to bed alot earlier than she has been & I really would enjoy having a wee bath every night after she's in bed but wether i have the motivation or not I dont know ,but i really hope i can acomplish this. My baby will be here in 4 weeks i need to make sure i'm having a good wash every day just incase that moment comes as I cant imagine the embarrasment of going into labour & going thro all that while being paranoid about being smelly. I think if I start this & it works without causing more stress in my already stressful life then I will keep doing it. Bath/shower times have been known to be times of stress in the past and I might have negative feelings about it due to that. Thanks to everyone who has listened xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  7. Lauryn, thanks so much for taking the time to type that. I think your spot on with alot of your points, for one, my not showering is definately some sort of resistance against all the rest of the stuff I "have" to do. My OH gives me alot of emotional support & will do majority of things I ask him to do, but he's not brilliant around the house if that makes sense, I have resentment for him sometimes as I didn't sign myself up to do "the majority of housework/childcare" I was a total wreck after my 1st was born & was really bad with depression, I put on 7 1/2 stones by comfort eating, I eventually about 4 years ago, somehow (dont know how) got my life back & managed to lose over 5 stones in weight, and I felt amazing for first time in years, but still the old demons still there trying to spoil things for me. Even though I'm looking forward to having my baby I think its also brought back alot of bad memories of things that happened while I was pregnant first time (which made my depression alot worse) And yeah, I do resent having to spend so long doing hair & make up, especially if i'm off work & its only to nip over to the corner shop - here's someone who cant be bothered spending 15mins showering, but can spent over an hour on hair/make up each day? I feel like I have so many "wierd" traits, just wish I could spend the day as a "normal" person. Hating life at the mo. Thanks again everyone.
  8. Ladies, I really cant tell you how much your replies have helped me, this is the first time i've mentioned anything of this to anyone, and i feel really happy to get positive responses. Sheepwoman, I think your spot on about the depression, I know its there but sometimes I think....if I was so depressed why would I bother with doing my hair & make up, there must still be a part of me that cares if that makes sense. I try & make up for not washing by changing outfits & underwear 3 x a day, in morning, when I get home from work & again at bedtime. I just wish I could enjoy a nice bath or shower & tell myself I need to do it. Mommyofprecious - no im not a single parent, I live with my OH, have a 7yr old and im 35wks with baby number 2. This defo isn't to do with baby hormones or anything, i've been like this for years,being pregnant has made it worse as I sweat/smell more. My OH isn't exactly helpfull around the house, he does do bits and pieces & he helps alot with the wee 1 but he doesn't do the basics like washing dishes/clothes. Its no where near being split 50/50. I have so many complex issues, so many reasons why i'm like this. The whole hygeine issue started when I moved in with OH & he didn't have a shower, i'd been used 2 showering every day & it was soooo much hassle 2 run a bath so cut down in that way & its just stuck, I was really upset wen i moved in with him too, coz i knew i'd miss my shower. Now i have a gorgeous new fitted bathroom & i still cant go in it. Really want 2 start a wee challenge. 2 baths/showers a week. I cant believe the amount of stress in my life especially in my job I can manage all that & cant even ****** manage 2 get myself washed...im such a let down. Thanks again xxxxxxxxxxx
  9. Hi everyone I'm new to the forum so please be gentle!! Ok, god this is so difficult, i'd say for about 7 years (around the same time I had my 1st child) I stopped looking after myself properly. I have a job & I wear decent clothes, my hair is always clean looking & I always wear make up, I mean it when I say no one would guess this by looking at me. Anyway, I have a bath or shower once a week, I know it sounds disgusting but even that is a struggle. I wash my face & brush my teeth daily, my hair only needs washed once a week as its very thick & doesn't ever get greasy. I do not wash my privates or my body at all throughout the whole week, oh man i know that sounds crazy, I really dont smell though, but if I do I use a baby wipe. I'm so lazy when it comes to looking after myself, yet I spend an hour & a half each morning straightening my hair & putting on make up! It just doesn't make sense! I'm so annoyed at myself for not bothering, dont know how to break the cycle to be honest. This is only a very small part of the problems I have within myself, but I do think if I can get round this it may help in my recovery! Please dont read & run!!
×
×
  • Create New...