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WhereismyTrabi

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  1. Thank you Epictetus and Stoniumfrog for your kind words!! You are very right Epictetus that a person is extremely complex, and it is sort of impossible to "completely reject" a person that you just met. They don't really know you, your background, your good traits or bad ones for that matter, etc. I think it just hurts though, because from an evolutionary aspect, people have always had to make such subconscious decisions for a suitable mate, especially when reproduction is concerned (although, I as a gay male will very likely not reproduce, which is a-ok), and these quick subconscious decisions of people either reacting negatively towards you still really hurt. Thank you for the example of the mango! Stoniumfrog- I really appreciate your kind words about me looking conscientiously for a person who is genuine, and I think that really does describe my feelings. I'm supposed to meet up with the guy I texted this coming Tuesday- we'll just have to wait and see if that actually happens though. If it doesn't happen, my mind will still see it as a rejection. I am almost the complete opposite of forward, because I'm so overprotective of myself and my romantic feelings. The best thing that I can think to help my self confidence would be to get in shape...I've been trying for years, and it's so dam hard! (okay, no more whining). I don't know, I will wait until Tuesday and just see how things go. On the positive, I always try to go about these things with low expectations so that I don't end up too hurt in the end. I've learned that the hard way.
  2. Kabuto- I definitely relate to your problem and I know that it is difficult. I remember the first time I came across a description of a HSP, I felt so relieved, because I didn't realize at that point that "we" actually existed. I want to emphasize something that Icarus mentioned earlier. I am, like him, a gay male and have struggled a long time with being sensitive and it leaving me in a complete emotional mess. There is something however very important here. The sensitivity that you have is a great strength - you are able to read subconscious signals from people that hint at their feelings, you know how to react appropriately when comforting a person, you are able to give a lot of support, etc etc. The great strength in sensitivity lies in this- I had a professor in college who told me that people who are considered "very balanced" have a good range of both "typical" male and female traits. This means, that men who want to succeed, especially socially, need to learn to empathize, and woman have to be ready to be very assertive (that is, if they aren't already) and not let other males elbow them out of the way. I think you could really benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy, or changing your minds attitudes towards the way people react to you. You could do this with a therapist. Also, you could consider a career that lends itself well to being a sensitive person. There is a list if you google it, but yes, teacher, therapist, priest/preacher are all on the list, as well as others. I think that you have a secret strength that many other people do not possess. Think of the team building that you can do, the way that you understand people, and don't forget to stand up for yourself!
  3. I say go for it. Success (whether monetary or general happiness) comes from taking risks. You are looking at a lot of unknowns and that of course is scary and unsettling. Most people gravitate towards stability, hence the reason they stay at their jobs for 20-30 years, they don't go back to school, they don't make a huge move, etc. I am American and have had very strong anxiety and quite serious depression at times, but I decided to move to Berlin in 2011, and I've never regretted it since. I even had a couple talks about my move beforehand with my therapist just to assure myself that everything would be okay. I still deal with my anxiety and depression, but I didn't want to let it keep me from moving far from home. You have several big pluses going for you: you are an EU citizen which gives you access to one of the deepest labor markets in the world. You have excellent English, so even if you live in a country where English is not the native language, you can still get by with your English, and then learn the host language on the side. (You are already at least bilingual, so learning another language will go faster). The IT industry almost always pays well and is also heavily English centric, This is a great article that you must read, because this describes all of the angles that you're talking about: http://markmanson.net/****-your-day-job I'm stuck at my current job because of my visa, but the visa will become open in July so that I can work at any job in Germany, so I am planning on becoming a flight attendant (going to have to conquer some more fears there!!) and also opening a small language school with a friend. Those of course are all tons of risks, but I've been thinking about them for a long time, and it just feels right. I think you are getting that feeling of "rightness" in your gut, and it means that you're ready for a change, even if you have anxiety/depression. Please message me if you need any support! I love the expat life :)) Trabi
  4. Whenever I've pursued somebody out of sexual/romantic interest, and I get rejected (either by not hearing from them or the person just not returning the interest), I experience a huge wave of depression that makes me feel like I could self harm (even though I have no history of self harm). I'm a gay male, so the situations I'm talking about would occur normally in a gay bar (where the person could sort of politely show no interest) or even with dating apps. There have of course been times where I've been with a guy, but then there's no contact after having slept together. After this rejection, my suicidal thoughts peak, I go into an intense phase of self loathing, and feel quite reckless. I'm 28 years old, I've been out since I was 23, but I still haven't had any kind of romantic relationship in my life. My aversion to rejection is so strong that I've almost given up on pursuing people, and I just don't even bother with it. There has been a guy however, who recently showed interest, and we've texted back and forth, etc. After we reached a certain point in our text conversation, I sent two messages that he didn't respond to, and still hasn't, and I felt so rejected and depressed after that. The feelings of self hate and even wanting to end my life afterwards are so strong. Everybody hates rejection, but I for some reason experience such a huge negative reaction towards it. Even if the rejection may not necessarily be real, I often perceive certain failed advances on my part as a rejection, and I am overcome with immense depression right after being rejected. Is there anyway that I can possibly change my view of rejection? Thoughts like- "you need to accept yourself, and learn to love who you are", while they may be true, don't help me in this situation. I just need some kind of advice or someone to nudge me in the right direction. Thank you guys Trabi
  5. Hi All, Roughly about the time I started college at 19, I started having real trouble with tiredness and sleeping a lot. I started taking naps to deal with the problem, but still felt tired. After graduation when I began working in an office, I would go to my car during lunch breaks and take a nap because I was so tired. As a result of this, my motivation for doing things is obviously very low, and it has been very difficult for me to get in shape (one of my dreams), because I never feel like I have enough energy to exercise. I am literally almost always tired, even after just waking up. A few things that could affect my quality of sleep: -deviated septum = this could cause breathing problems for me while sleeping. I know that I snore, and I would love to have surgery to correct the deviation. Breathing trouble at night also runs through my family. Perhaps I have sleep apnea? I've never been tested and do not know. -Restless Leg Syndrome = even though this always sounded a bit hokey, it runs in my family, and I certainly notice that I struggle with this during the night, and I toss and turn a lot. -Complicated Sleep Rhythm = I am the type of person who always goes to bed late (usually between 1 and 2:30 am) and gets up late. I have never been the early riser type. -Anxiety/Depression = my anxiety is under pretty good control (I'm mildly depressed) due to my medication, but it could still potentially affect my sleep quality. I have done a few things to help, such as avoiding caffeine, exercise, and making my room extremely dark (that helps a lot) and keeping it quiet. One of the difficult things with exercise is having the energy to even do it. I should avoid bright light (computer screens, tv) at night time, but it's so hard! Does anyone have any ideas? I've planned to start addressing these issues with my doctor in August, starting with RLS and the deviated septum. Is quality sleep this difficult for everyone?
  6. Hi All, I remember being able to very quickly climax during sex when I was 18, 19 and 20 years old, but starting around 23, it became harder to orgasm during sex. I started taking Lexapro and later Citalopram (40 mg) when I was 20 or 21, and have been on them since. The issue that is complicating the matter is a porn addiction that I've had since I was probably 21 that I think also affects my sex drive. I tried going off of Lexapro in 2010, but my anxiety was so bad at the time, that I had to quit working and wait for the medicine to kick in before going back to work. I am now 28 years old, and I have noticed that I can still orgasm relatively quickly using porn, but without it, orgasm takes much longer, and orgasm during sex is either delayed or doesn't happen. My orgasms also don't feel as strong as they used to. I also added 300 mg of Wellbutrin in 2011 to help my sex drive, and I think it has been a help, but I don't know if it was just a 'band-aid' so to speak for my porn addiction. I have been porn free for almost 3 weeks, and have read that it takes roughly 90 days for your brain to 'reboot', so that your sex drive is no longer affected by porn. Do you think it's more of the porn affecting my sex drive, or is the citalopram causing it? Obviously, the best way to know will be to wait the 90 days out, but I just didn't know if anyone else had any experience with this? My gut feeling is that the porn is causing it, but I would like to know if anyone has had a similar experience. -Trabi
  7. Hi Darkest Soul, I think we all have this time where we feel like we're just stagnating, and that nothing is getting accomplished, or that what we're doing is not enjoyable. It can even worsen where we no longer have interest to do other things that we previously liked, like seeing friends, etc. I know I've been going through a phase like that lately and have almost no direction in my life whatsoever. Just know that I identify and feel with you! Trabi
  8. Hi Charles- There is the quote that you've probably heard, "This too shall pass". Sometimes it does apply, but of course we never know when the "This" will actually pass. Ask yourself, do you ever have moments when your depression seems to lessen or fade for some time? When you hang out with friends, does it recede into the background so you forget about it for awhile? You don't have to open up here, only as much as you want. Have you opened up though in therapy so that the person knows what's going on? It is always nice to be around other people who at least understand what you're talking about. One of the best things I've ever done was to sit in a group of people struggling with the same things, and just listening to each other. You only have to say as much as you want, or you can just listen. With that said, I feel very sad about my own life and feel like I'm missing out on many things and generally have no clue what I'm doing or where the meaning is. Hope you feel better soon. Trabi
  9. I've been traveling a bit, so it has taken me some time to respond, but I'm back! There is a great quote from the book, "Invisible Monsters", that says "The one you love and the one who loves you are never the same [person]". I really like that quote, because for me, that basically typifies my life. Always Alone- you are exactly right that I need to find a good psychologist, and I'm definitely working on that at the moment. It's a bit complicated, because I live in Germany, and the system there can take a bit of time before you find an open spot with a psychologist. Also, since English is my first language, and German is my second, I will have to try extra hard at discussing deep level feelings in a foreign language, but I can make that work. Epicetus- I think the advice that you have described is great. I have been thinking about the idea of self love in my head (and have for a few years), but at this moment in time, I have a really hard time carrying that out. I know that for the way I work, it is best when I talk with a counselor and I feel all of the emotional support from them, and THEN I'm able to go out and have more ''oomph' to tackle these challenges. I really do appreciate your advice, and I think that is very true, I'm just having difficulty actually doing it. To be honest, I feel pretty much hopeless on the 'partner front' because i've had basically no experience, and there's certainly nothing on the horizon there. It seems to be an unending emotional rollercoaster of loneliness. That is probably the main reason I've come here to hear about other's experiences, and perhaps how some of our experiences in loneliness are similar (and hopefully not to commiserate!). I can't remember where I read this, but I heard somewhere that dwelling on certain feelings (such as depression, loneliness, etc) and their causes can often cause these feelings to be prolonged rather than diminish them. I suppose it depends on whether the discussion of problems is directed in a positive and edifying way, rather than negatively. Do you guys have any specific experiences or things that make you feel lonely? I don't want to recreate these feelings for people and cause them to flare up, but I would love to hear of others experiences. Hugs, Trabi
  10. Hi Ep1ctetus, Thank you so much for your reply. You are very right in many ways, and I think you have a very interesting response. It is true that people are a diamond in their own way, and that somewhere, there is another lonely person just like yourself out in the world. Also as you said, people always look at the grass on the other side and comment on how green it is :) My problem with dating (and by extension, my looks) is that I've never really dated another guy, so I have no other "grass" to compare a history with, and, I often tend to fall for people who don't fall for me. I never really get hit on when I go out to bars like other people do, and have always felt uncomfortable by trying to hit on either people. Idk. Thats the reason that I say I'm so frustrated at times with my looks and just with loneliness as well....I'm almost 27, and while that's not old, I'm ready to have some kind of a relationship that I've never had before. I feel like it's not too much to ask for :/ Or am I asking too much?
  11. Hi Ted87, I think Maddie is definitely right about this. I had a rough time as well where driving made me really nervous, and I was constantly worried about wrecking or something terrible happening. Driving is really an issue of time, and it will get better every day that you do it. There was a really nice phrase I learned by going to an anxiety support group: "It works if you work it, keep coming back, and give a lot of love". Keep doing what you're doing, and come back here for support :) Hugs Trabi
  12. Oh Maddie, I totally know what you mean. I avoid those movies like the plague. Actually, I avoid almost all horror movies like the plague lol. My ocd doesn't let them leave my brain, and then i can't sleep for nights on end. No final destination for me, no thank you. I have to thank you both though for being so supportive :) The flight (actually there were 3, bc of two change overs) went really well, and was pretty comfortable. I think because I got used to the roughest flight I've had thus far (the one from this past Christmas), this one was such a breeze. In general I tried to watch some of the other passengers and just pay attention to them, what they were doing, and their calmness. That really helped, like you guys said it would :))) I thank you both so much again. And no horror movies! heheh
  13. Heyy, I've posted a topic similar to this before, but I wanted specifically to hear back from other people who are frustrated/depressed with their looks. I have always been single, never enjoyed a relationship, and honestly look at other relationships quite enviously. When it really hits me (how I am unattractive and no one ever really expresses interest in me), I find myself going into a deep depression and even occasionally have suicidal ideation (no, I have never attempted, it has just been feelings). Has anyone else felt like this? I wish I knew how to deal with being single, that would really help my life a lot. Thank you, hugs Trabi
  14. I have to take a long transatlantic flight this coming weekend to go home and visit my parents in the states. I have both propranolol (20 mg) and Xanax (0.25mg) that I take, but I don't usually take them together. (I think I have done that like once before- my ocd is making me very doubtful of myself!) The really uncomfortable feeling that I get from having taken both medications is that they seem to make my breathing harder (I know they both work on the CNS to slow your system down, which includes breathing), but with these dosages, there's no danger of hurting yourself right? Thank you guys for all of your support, hugs!! Trabi
  15. Thank you guys both so much for your good insights, and you are totally right!! Without thinking about it, I have subconsciously watched the children who seem to have no problem flying at all. Like I said, I really don't enjoy long flights (and this is a long one), but you guys have helped me to keep it in perspective. Things will be okay, it always gets better for me once I'm in the air. I just am not a fan of takeoff. Thank you guys both, hugs!! (I'll let you know how it goes ;))) Trabi
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