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crazydayz

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  1. At an early age I was good at making friends and talking to others. I was ignored by my father who all they can do is talk about themselves. Then I gradually became withdrawn and a loner, much like I am now. As a child I would cry for my mother every night, have to put up with my sister throwing tantrums and verbally abusing me every chance she could get, telling me I am worthless, I will never have friends because no one would ever want to be friends with me, that I am ugly and stupid and spending increasing amounts of time locked in my room crying, wondering why she would say such horrible things, and then internalizing them and here I am today.....as screwed up as ever.
  2. I've learned that you have to be your own best friend and to be strong to pull yourself up because sometimes that's all you'll have. Also I've learned to feel sorry for family members who are very wealthy and who put money ahead of helping their own family....have gained a lot of perspective from the kindness of strangers especially in developing countries.
  3. Thanks for your comments :) I got through it but I had trouble with some answers!
  4. I'm starting to panic big time because I have an interview tomorrow and I have quit basically my last 3 jobs...I've been working with an employment counsellor and they say that its understandable why I quit but my negativity is taking over completely and I don't know what to do....like going into fight or flight mode and definitely heading towards flight....
  5. You seem like quite a positive person who can put things into perspective well. Personally my depression is characterized by negativity and always seeing the glass as "half empty" so to speak. Maybe it would be good to get more professional advice from another doctor or a counsellor.Try not to spend time self diagnosing or searching for your "depression" and validating it...sorry not quite sure of the wording for what I want to say there. Review your current school program you are in...you said it is a great program, but maybe there is something else you would rather do or put it on hold for a bit and come back to it. Switch up your routine, your schedule, reach out to your parents and other resources, reanalyze your motivations (or lack of), and don't forget, there is a whole big world out there outside of school with a lot of opportunities to offer. For example, I have 3 university degrees, graduated all at the top of my class....completely flunked out of a program once because I lacked any interest in my courses one semester, now really analyzing in my job search if what I studied is really what I want to do as a career.
  6. I was severely depressed for quite a few months and also gained a lot of weight from meds...what motivated me on some days was school and group projects and that I had others relying on me to do research, write reports and go to team meetings. Some days too I would manage to make it to yoga classes promising myself that I would feel good by the end of the class, and I did...plus it helped a little to manage my weight. Now I'm motivated to cook and eat really good meals because so much of my mood depends on eating good food. I'm so glad you are making it to appointments and family functions...I am feeling somewhat better now and I can't deal with family functions at all.
  7. Sorry to hear that....why did you feel you were walking on egg shells? Maybe you can seek some legal advice (if there's any such thing as legal aid in the UK) to make sure they terminated you legally, also an employment counsellor might help too to help you deal emotionally and get a plan for what you can do next.
  8. Travel is a great idea...and I hope you can find a way to do it, where there's a will, there's a way :) I've been on a few backpacking trips to Europe, Asia, Australia and Central America and I have really enjoyed it....I really like meeting locals who have been very friendly and kind and see things in a different, enjoying peace and beauty in a place and the feeling of simply being on the move. However, it can be tough when you're very depressed because you need to learn to push through times when youre alone and in difficult situations, money can be a stressor too! Some little ways I tried to save up money: had a yard sale before I left to sell old jewelry, books, clothes and knick knacks, if credentials to teach english are required, try being an English tutor to a couple students (or if you speak other languages), stay at hostels and cheaper shared accommodations, this way you will meet others and not feel as alone, volunteer at a hostel to serve breakfast, do laundry, etc in exchange for a bed, or take a paid job at a hostel if they have any, consider being a nanny, cook your own meals, if you have back problems, try to pack as little as possible, if you're going to a warm place you can always do laundry more often and easily, also research your destination and budget and plan and get a sense of the cost. For example, Costa Rica is very beautiful but it is a bit more expensive than Guatemala or Nicaragua which are also beautiful but much less expensive, although a little more challenging to travel through and potentially more dangerous. Airfare is usually the biggest single cost but you can get some good deals if flying to Costa Rica from say the U.S. or Canada. Good luck to you. :)
  9. I like this topic, thanks for sharing! I'm not sure if I like being alone or not. I have a lot of trouble relating to people especially my family and them relating to me I think too, so being alone is definitely a comfort and a safe place. But at the same time when I'm alone I don't do much and I worry that I'm not getting enough "mental stimulation" so to speak.
  10. The thing that has kept me from kicking the can is that after quite a few years with depression I found a doctor 3 years ago, who is a general practitioner but has an interest in mental health who meets with me every couple of weeks and is always available by phone and is helping me just to talk to with whats bothering me and trying different medications, books to read, different groups in the community, neurofeedback, suggesting counsellors, etc. It may not make me happy so to speak, but it feels good sometimes just knowing you have someone who can be a backbone for you when you really feel terrible.
  11. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice, I am unemployed and trying to find work and be as positive and develop as much self confidence as I can while not getting down from depression. I live with my grandmother who constantly complains about absolutely everything, and when she's not around I find my mind going crazy just waiting for her to find me to complain even more. I've tried getting out of the house as much as possible, and the last couple of days I've been feeling very positive and meeting new people also job searching, but still I come home and hear constant complaints all evening and it drags me down again. How do you deal with negative people trying to bring you down to their level all the time? Why can't people say nice things to each other even once in a while? I acknowledge her kindness for letting me stay with her because I have no money at all right now, and I've spent a fair bit of time taking her to outings and appointments, cooking meals, going grocery shopping, doing dishes, etc. Maybe I've overstayed my welcome and its time to move on....too bad money is non existent. I acknowledge too that aging can be difficult and there are general aches and pains and its ok to vent once in a while.....but I'm starting to go absolutely crazy over hearing complaints allllll the time!!!!
  12. Thanks for all the great and thoughtful comments :) I've been thinking a career in mental health might be good too...now...how to get it? :) I really like the writing suggestion too...and I'm unemployed so I have endless amounts of free time...sometimes I just find it hard to get inspired, especially since I've given in to trying more meds, it can really leave the mind feeling blank
  13. @InFlames...I think those corporate worlds are quite similar? :) my background is pretty limited as I've been in school for a long time, degrees in HR and business, have had a couple contracts with government in customer service and HR but it's getting harder and harder to deal with people and have any confidence. @Dolphin2013, I totally hear you...but I give you props for continuing in the job and hope a better opportunity will come...customer service has got to be one of the toughest jobs to do when you're depressed
  14. To anyone reading this, I am at a really low point again right now, have had depression for years and probably more years to come. I've quit my last 3 jobs and it's getting harder and harder to find work that I can stay in, that will take me and that I can find bearable. I know everybody is different, including different skills and backgrounds, personalities, etc but are there any jobs or employers (in Canada, sorry :) ) that I might be able to do or that you find you can do, despite the major downs depression can have? Like one of my last jobs was dealing with very difficult clients in bad situations who were either crying or yelling at me at a call centre...and you can maybe imagine how that went...haha...but I was forced to take the job to get by...
  15. I just wanted to add that for the few friends that I have, although I really don't have any friends, I would never tell them about this. Its so hard for me to make friends, I get a lot of random bad social anxiety stretches and I'm horrible at making and keeping up a conversation. Telling them about my depression and anxiety will probably not create friends either, unless I can muster up some imaginary ones lol
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