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xanarticus

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About xanarticus

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  • Birthday 11/23/1989

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    Male
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    Southern California

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  1. Thank you all for your responses. @Tid322-Thank you for your suggestion. Honestly, I'm am hoping to leave my current position within the month. I have come to realize that part of the reason for my mood is the fact that I am still stuck in a job with no upward mobility or really satisfaction. I am grateful that it has provided me a steady income but for my own mental health I must move on. I cannot turn 29 in the same position I held at 23 lol. @SuzQ154-Thank you for your encouragement. I considered hiring a life coach but frankly I was unsure how much they could help me reach my goals when I didn't even know what they were. I think most of my depressed mood is due to my immediate environment. My coworkers are mostly fresh graduates looking to get some experience and make some money before moving on to grad school to become teachers, social workers or therapists. Most don't stay longer than a year. I've seen lots of them come and go and I am kind of the old man in the class now. I should not compare myself to others lives but its hard when I am surrounded by them on a daily basis. @ladysmurf-Thank you for making those points. I have written off the idea of pursuing P.T. I have decided to move onto other things and have grown out of the desire for that field. You are right that people change over time and I don't mind that I am also changing. I am just regretful about my past and can't help but see people succeed all around me at a much younger age. I do plan to keep moving forward to something else, its just disheartening that I am going to be competing with people who chose wisely the first time. I think that my depression stems from regret over missed opportunities that I shunned to pursue P.T. I didn't pursue things in high school and university because I was focused on trying to enter the field of P.T. When that didn't work out it made everything I had done up to then, pointless. Studying abroad, making friends, going on road trips, dating, humanitarian missions and exploring other fields. In my major I was unable to do any of these things and when I switched to psychology, I couldn't help but think about all of the opportunities that I had to forgo. I did learn that no occupation is worth throwing away experiences and opportunities for. Especially in university.
  2. Good morning friends. I'm a 28 y/o guy who reluctantly earned a bachelors in psychology from a university that was not a good fit for me, back in '12. I write "reluctantly" due to switching out of my major at the time, Pre-Physical Therapy, on account of poor grades that made me ineligible for graduate school. A combination of a toxic relationship, poor study habits and honestly a lack of aptitude in the subject caused my lackluster performance to proceed far longer than it had any right to. With only two semesters left before my aid would run out, I switched to Psych to simply finish my obligation to academia and conclude my studies with at least something to show for my efforts. A still recovering job market and a less than helpful degree led me to seek out employment wherever I could find it. I finally found a low paying position as a Teacher's Aide with a school for children with special needs. After a year there I took a 7 week trip to Europe and loved it. It was the most happy and alive I had felt for years. I had lived with my parents all through university and the years immediately after graduation and this was the longest I had been away from home. I vowed to do what I could to live abroad where I felt happy and excited. I was about to turn 25 when I got back. I returned to the school and worked for another year and a few months. Before leaving back for Europe I was offered a position to make more money in a higher capacity, not much more but it was a something and could lead to a possible entrance to grad school. I decided against traveling and took the position. It was one of the worst years of my life and left me feeling drained and depressed. So much so that I went back to my old job as a Teacher's Aide and spent the next year and a three months just clocking into and out of work and going back to sleep, just to recover from such a brutal year. Where once I had exercised religiously, now it took me everything I had to walk long distances. I had trouble staying awake and slept 9-11 hours a day. I still do. I am a 28 year old man who lives with his parents and works the same minimum wage job Iv'e held since finishing school. I am getting wrinkles along my check bones and under my eyes. The front of my hair line is thinning. My vision is slowly starting to get blurry. I have lost some of the strength and stamina I had only two years ago and It hasn't shown any signs of returning. Even if I were to somehow recover fully tomorrow, I am almost 30. While I can understand not having a career completely figured out, the fact that I have no idea what I would do has me seeing things in a negative way. The only solace I have been able to take is in the things that I don't have, namely a family to support ( I don't actually want a family so it works out.) I don't feel well enough to travel anymore. I feel obligated to find some means of supporting myself, not just for myself but for my aging father and grandmother who have taken care of me all these years. The reality of where I am in life is slowly setting in. I am overcome with regret and remorse. I would have loved to travel and explore different countries and cultures but now I am too tired and too defeated. I wanted to have some time to live the hostel culture and party and try to live out some measure of my youth that I missed as a young man. But I think that time has passed.
  3. Dude I can relate. I was class of 08 and it still trips me up thinking back. Just remember that the yesterday is history, the tomorrow is a mystery, but today is gift, that is why they call it the present =)
  4. Thanks, sorry I got back so late. I've been busy with school now that college is back in full swing. I really appreciate your comment

  5. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  6. Welcome to the forum =) Def look around and get into some discussions. I find it really helps me. -He who laughs last didn't get it.
  7. I read an article today that really put me down. It was about the benefits of a best friend and how they manifest in our daily lives. It got me thinking and I realized that I didn't have a best friend. I do have friends but they all have jobs, go to school and have relationships and lives of their own. We don't get together no more than once every other month. I haven't been able to find a job in two and a half years, i do go to school but taking a major I am not all to sure about (Psychology ironically enough) and I haven't really formed any close relationships with anyone at school. The latter is mostly due to the fact that I live at home with my parents and commute to school to save money in the current state of the recession. Although economic, it prevents me from really connecting with people and running into the same faces. I am a senior now and it really brings me down to think about how, even if I made friends, I would graduate in seven months and never see them again. In this time I have become so jaded that when, for whatever reason (Usually academic) a girl talks to me I regard it as something of a divine mockery. A very cute girl called out to me and spoke with me about the lab where I do research and (dressed in my characteristic sweat pants and stained white T shirt) I attempted to carry on a conversation that, while zealous, was ultimately fruitless. I figured it was a lost cause anyway as she would probably not be into me. I feel like I have the appeal of a school bus fire (Humor =). Since beginning as a freshman I have become overweight, now dress (literally) like a bum, have a low self esteem, snappy with my family and have started to harbor angry thoughts where none existed before. I would never act on them but they come and go sometimes. I wanted to come to college to make friends, maybe have a relationship or two, definetly date around, achieve my dreams of becoming a physical therapist and have a good life. I guess its not for everyone? Sorry to just rant like this. The forum helps me put down my feelings and validate my experiences so I don't just project into a vacuum.
  8. I totally know how you feel. I'm 21 and starting my senior year and I'm racked with regrets.I've lived with my parents during my entire time at college and haven't made any friends or connections. I feel like my college experience passed me by and even if I went back after graduation it won't be quite the same. Bro just stay strong and keep trying.
  9. Hello everyone, I just came on here to rant a bit. There is more to this story than I can really put down but to sum it all up I guess I could say I'm depressed that my college years got away from me. I started my senior year yesterday and as it stands I have no close friends or even acquaintances. I look around and listen to other people in my year talk about how great it is to see all there friends again and all the memories they have shared the past three years. My experience wasn't quite like that. My freshman year was spent trying to make friends but could not maintain because I lived my my parents at home to save money and commuted to school. I could never meet up with people because I would have to spend an hour to get back to school. Eventually I stopped trying and to this day no one knows who I am even though I've been around here for three years. My sophomore year was spent in and out of therapy for anxiety which hadn't been a problem since high school so I was always going to class and the clinic immediately after. My junior year I was really busy with a major that I am no longer in which required all of my time and put me into a position where I had to change my major to something less intense. The second half of that year was spent studying and drinking heavily by myself. By this point I had lost my religious faith, given up on my lifelong dream of being a physical therapist, I was completely alone at school and pretty much at home and I'd gained 65lbs that semester causing my joints to hurt. Now comes my senior year where everyone is talking about how much fun and experience they have had going to school and socializing. Me on the other hand, I spent it going to therapy, giving up on my hopes, dreams and the most important things to me, losing my physique and in pain whenever I walk and having no one to give me encouragement or to help me see the upside to graduating with an undergraduate degree in psychology which in today's job market is about as useful as a felony conviction-not at all.(I try to use humor to keep me from completely breaking down =) I just wished I'd been able to socialize and meet people and have great experiences about moving away and getting contacts to land a job. Instead I have been rejected from every job I've applied for and have no work experience although I have been looking for three years. No internships, jobs, experience or other notable qualities about what I accomplished besides getting that piece of paper. I apologize if this is long. i just feel regret that college didn't really help me much except in getting me a "degree".
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