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Everything posted by camilo

  1. camilo


    Do you see medication as a way to keep your depressive episodes away altogether or just as a way to maintain yourself through bad depressive episodes?
  2. Welcome to the club. Its been a total time warp has it not?
  3. When I'm feeling "better," negative or dark objects like books on War, dark music, a dark house, and isolating, not connecting with people, feel completely natural and appealing, but when I'm in a dark hole I recognize them as being very unhealthy. It's almost like I'm two different people viewing my life--one view when I'm better, another when I'm in the black hole of a depression relapse. Does anyone else feel the same, and how did you go about removing these negative aspects of your life when you're feeling "better"?
  4. I have surrounded myself with a lot of negative influences-- a dark house, living alone, books on war and death. These things seem completely appealing when I'm feeling "better" but when I'm in a black hole I recognize them as being very unhealthy for me. Do you have a similar feeling about the things that you've surrounded yourself with? Have you tried to eliminate these negative influences from your life when you feel "better"? And how did you do it?
  5. My relapses are triggered whenever I get bad news. I'm curious as to how people's relapses are triggered, or do they just come on for you inexplicably?
  6. Worn out. I am tired of being strong.
  7. My relapses are triggered whenever I get bad news. I'm curious as to how people's relapses are triggered, or do they just come on for you inexplicably?
  8. Yes. Bad as its ever been in the past. People contact is my number 1 tool in riding through a bad spell. Most difficult part is trying to stay focused on work from home. All I want to do is follow the news and read posts about depression.
  9. I feel the same. People contact has always been my most potent tool in coping.
  10. I see what you're saying. But I would not want anyone to even remotely experience the hell of a depressive episode. This virus has really put me in a black hole, its hard to move. I don't know how to hold up not being able to be in contact with people, which was my greatest tool in coping.
  11. I am 50 and have never married due to fear and panic when approaching commitment. Sometimes I think being married would have kept me out of depression, or at least helped. What is your experience please?
  12. I love the colors of Valentines Day. And it bring back good memories of exchanging Valentines in grade school.
  13. I did 33 sessions of TMS and it did not work for me. But everyone is different. I think some of the best advice I got on here is there's no magic bullet.
  14. I go for a massage. My therapist reminded me of how hard I've worked over the years to deal with depression. That was a good reminder that I've taken many steps-- medication, TMS, Onsite retreat, life coach, education-- to show that I care enough to try and get better.
  15. I'm the same way. I'm glad you wrote this because it is a good reminder to make an attempt to change my habit. I've made the decision to disengage from public Facebooking. That's where a lot of my negativity comes out. I've made that promise to myself before only to go back to it when I'm starting to feel "better." Our behaviors are so strong. Thank you.
  16. Just here to say that I feel the same. I am 49, and have never had a committed relationship. I have ended many relationships with wonderful women due to paralyzing anxiety, fight or flight response, when things start to progress towards long term commitment. I don't know if it's the fear of losing them, an aspect of depression, or commitment phobia. Maybe some of all three.
  17. Wonderful. I employ most of these too. Thank you for sharing.
  18. Johns Hopkins supposed to have results on its efficacy for depression in December 2020.
  19. Did 33 treatments and little to no effect for me
  20. The ONLY thing I can listen to when I'm in the black hole is classical. And right now the Mozart piano trios by Daniel Barenboim is the best I've heard in a while.
  21. I cannot find your blog on your profile can you send it linked to me?
  22. Has anyone participated in the psilocybin clinical studies at Johns Hopkins or New York University? If so, how effective was it?
  23. When I'm not feeling depressed is when I feel like an egomaniac. Then when I get in a black hole I feel ashamed and humbled. It's a cycle that has been going on for years for some reason when I'm feeling better egomania feel so convincing and so right and the wish to be more humble and to reach out when I'm in the throes of a depressive episode, is gone. Becomes nearly impossible to be humble and to reach out to those who love me. It's all very confusing.
  24. I'm 49 and my depression episodes are becoming more frequent. What use to be once every few years is now multiple times a year. Anyone else. What have you done to try and stop it?
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