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Aaron01

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About Aaron01

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  • Birthday 06/04/1969

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  1. Very interesting, and valid pov's. Thanks for going a bit further into your explanation. I can relate. This is a condition that is one of the leading causes of disability, yet there remains an unspoken need to keep it hidden at all cost.
  2. I appreciate the sensible advice R.K. A great many people equate depression as weakness or flawed character. As I'm sure you know, quite the contrary. My question to you is would you admit to it? To be honest, I'm interested in a survey on this matter. No one, I suspect, would feel ashamed to admit to any number of physical ailments.
  3. The dreaded job interview. That's tough enough for most. If coupled with a large employment gap due to Major Depressive Disorder, these waters now become very tough to navigate. Does honesty count(I'll explain/ask below)? Everywhere in the media these days we see initiatives that support the de-stigmatization of mental illness. Public figures pop out of the woodwork to share their personal struggles, and this is good. Increasing public awareness through celebrity is great. But we have a ways to go. Stigma is all too present in my life. I've been off work for over two years due to the most severe depression I've had in the last 20. I'm happy to say that with a new course of medication and therapy, I'm nearing readiness to get back into the workforce. It's still very hard, but I have moments of hope again. That's huge for me. So I'm now faced with the question, how honest can I be in a job interview? I would love to state the truth to a potential employer... I was clinically depressed, I sought out help for it and as a result, I'm eager and able to contribute in the workforce again. Here's where I stumble. Do I roll the dice and level with an employer(I'm not suggesting I would go into detail), or do I make up stories? When I brought this question to my therapist(s), they both thought exposing my prior struggles with mental health would be a poor move in a job interview. Even my therapists, though wanting to end the stigma, are perpetuating it. Recommending I hide this 'unsavory', yet all to real legitimate health struggle really angers me. Who takes the bold step? Are we relying on celebrities alone? I hope not. I am not a criminal. I'm like you. A really good person who's struggled with mental illness, for which I'm not ashamed. Besides, if I take that big step of honesty(INTEGRITY) in an interview, and the person across the table squirms away in distaste, would that be a place I'd like to make a living? Not a chance in hell. I'd love your input on this. Aaron
  4. Hey Clip and Live. Thanks for responding, and for your understanding. I am looking for work but my options are very limited. Besides my major depression, I recently re-herniated a disk in my lumbar spine. This makes doing most things painful. And I'm not sure a second back surgery is in the cards. My finances are in a very bad way, as I indicated. And because of my present limitations, most jobs that would consider taking me are either part-time or minimum wage, or both. Even covering basic expenses is extremely difficult, and homelessness is an all to real possibility in the very near future. I hope it doesn't come to that. Oh well. Life. Ho Ho Ho...
  5. I'm 43. Depression has been an on again/off again struggle for the last 23 years. My entire adult life (a long and boring story on its own). When is enough? After my back went out again two years ago I had to quit my profession as a tradesman. That was the beginning of this final decline. On my good days I feel nothing, for anything. On my bad days I cry, and think only of release from this life. I'm in therapy - again, but it seems like a sad waste at this stage of my life. My therapist said the other day that she thought I had 'great potential.' I know she meant well, but these words seem pathetic and painfully patronizing when you're in your 40's. And the new medication I'm on has done nothing to help relieve this darkness. Every thing I've done, everything I've worked so hard for has brought me here, to this empty point. From nearly six figures a year, to broke, on social assistance, nearly twenty thousand $ in debt, and struggling to find a reason to get out of bed every day. Starting over in my 20's was a breeze. Starting over at 31 was a bit intimidating, but still I had the desire and sense of purpose. Now at 43, and after 4 career changes, any desire to try is gone, and I see this whole exercise as pointless. Why go on when the ability to feel joy left me long ago. All things I used to get enjoyment out of have been replaced by empty reminders of who I thought I was. Now I'm just a husk with lifeless eyes. Just an organism. Eat, sleep, breath, despair... repeat daily. I feel I've absolutely nothing to contribute to the 'greater good' any longer. I'm a burden. The other night I watched the world population clock in real time. Something everyone should take pause to do. (In)significance in motion. Picture yourself as one of those numbers ticking by. I did, and it brought a chuckle for a brief moment. Humanity is screwed unless people stop sh***ing out babies in between their trips to the shopping mall). Any youthful illusions I had have been smashed. The hopes and dreams I once aspired to seem so naive and absurd to me now. I ask myself how could I have been so misguided. It's as if my eyes have been reluctantly opened. I can't 'un-experience' what I've experienced or 'un-learn' what I've learned any more than I can suddenly believe in Santa Claus . And the reality of this life is extremely unsavory. Any people of similar age and experience out there? Still finding reasons to fight? I'm not looking for bright shiny thoughts. If you can relate, that alone eases the burden a bit.
  6. "I self medicate..." That statement really grabbed my eye. It (self medicating) doesn't work. It WILL make things far worse in the long run. Best wishes man.
  7. I've lost countless 'friends'. Turns out they were just acquaintances, so I didn't lose much afterall. If I was on top of my game, they were there in a heartbeat. If I was hurting bad and told them, they ran away, fast and hard. For me, it boiled down to two individuals who are the real deal. Two true friends. The type who take me as I am, however I am. Even one real friend is far better than 1000 acquaintances. This is why facebook's 'friend' thing makes me cringe, and why I'm not on it.
  8. You could very well be correct, all I know is that it just happen to be very accurate at describing my personality to an amazing degree. I dont think the myers briggs is 100% accurate because of the subjectivity is envolved, but I think it is a good tool at pointing a person in a general direction of better understanding themselves. Hopefully most people will understand that they are much more than any personality label. I know their are other personality tests that are more in-depth and accurate, but they have to be administered by a psychologist. I feel the myers briggs was sufficient enough for a internet forum poll, its quick, its easy, and as long as it is only viewed as amusement, entertainment and maybe to resolve some curiosity then some people may enjoy taking it. Thank you for your thought provoking question, I like that. No sweat Brian. It's an interesting point of discussion. Have a good day man.
  9. These tests are mildly amusing, but hardly useful in their intent - which I assume is to provide an easy labeling system for the human condition. There is an implication, that for an accurate 'assessment' our behavior/emotions must be treated as a constant. Most of the questions I had to think a great deal about, and still could have answered either 'yes' or 'no' with equal conviction. Semantics and the bankruptcy of language make such tests pointless. There is no science in subjectivity.... unless. Maybe the focus should be on HOW we answer the question. What brain mechanism(s) leads us to any conclusion? Would you agree? YES or NO
  10. Thanks for the book recommendation. Sounds like it would be a good read. I agree, on some level, with your paragraph addressing the importance of social interaction/helping others... On another level, I often see it as, well, pointless. I derive absolutely no joy from anything these days, only thoughts like "I should be happy.... I remember liking this in the past" or "Why bother? The evidence has really piled up. Chances are great that this too will be unpleasant". I also wish I shared your optimism. I won't argue with your point that people are doing good things. Perhaps I shouldn't have 'white-washed' all of humanity indirectly, but when you say the world is constantly improving in incredible ways, I get a bit stuck. Individuals are capable of good things, yes, but on a global scale I do believe we are screwed (this may not be a bad thing). From peak oil, to hydraulic fracturing, to overpopulation, overfished oceans, ever growing inability to meet food and fresh water demands (GLOBALLY), climate change and mass pollution, ADVERTISING-ADVERTISING-ADVERTISING, rapid increase in mental health issues(I wonder why), the obesity epidemic.... I could go on and on. What fascinates me the most is that so many people in 'developed' nations waltz blithely along through life thinking this will all miraculously blow over, or maybe they don't suspect any problems at all. So long as they can buy their next toy, eat their next cheeseburger, or hurry to get their grande low- fat-soy-mocha-frappa... ino. I don't understand it. It makes no sense to me. None at all. Sadly, this is where the world is going. A culture of more-more-more! This is what feeds the economy. Pi** on the impoverished. Every man, woman and child for themselves. Ahhh, good ol' mass consumerism. It's hard not to be negatively impacted in such an increasingly overwhelming world, especially when I've struggled with depression for so many years. It's like pouring gas on the open flame. We're constantly bombarded by nonsense. Wealth is measured by financial status, ridiculous wants are deemed as must haves, and basic needs for millions and millions consistently go unmet. It takes a tremendous degree of apathy or forced ignorance to simply function in such a social structure. I know I'm far from alone in this line of thought. Anyway, I'll get off my soap-box. I appreciate your taking the time to respond. Thanks. (ps. you weren't in the least incoherent)
  11. This is a question I ask myself a lot lately. It's now been 23 years that I've suffered from recurrent major depressive disorder. Basically, my entire adult life since the age of 21. I've been hospitalized 4 times, been through countless hours of therapy and too many medications to count. And lately I find myself looking around at the world, and wondering what it is exactly that I'm trying to get 'well' for anyway. Happiness? It's an impostor at best... only a fleeting distraction from what is. A sh***y, unjust, corrupt and unfair world. To borrow a quote "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". I'm arriving at a point of calm acceptance. That being that this life is just a pointless exercise. And now I smile.
  12. It's been a while since I've posted. Things have not gotten any better. I have brief periods when I feel a slight bit of hope, then my mind turns on itself and goes back to dark thoughts, and hopelessness. I'm going to a hospital in my area this week for yet another psych evaluation(after 20 years of recurrent clinical and severe depression, you tend to lose count). It's a hospital which specializes in treatment of mental illness. Now, onto the topic title of this post. Has anyone out there tried electroconvulsive therapy - as a treatment for clinical depression? And if so, have you found it helpful? Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Aaron.
  13. Yes it does help a great deal! Thank you very much K. Hopefully I can get in to see a psychiatrist in the next month or so. The referral process is a bit ridiculous here in Edmonton (if your experience has been anything like mine, I'm sure you understand what I mean). Chronic clinical depression and anxiety are bad enough, without the added fear of being homeless due to lack of financial assistance. Thanks again. Aaron
  14. Thanks. Today's been rough. A night of insomnia.

    Hope you're having a better day

  15. Hello Aaron very nice to meet you on here!

    Hope that you are doing good!

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