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Everything posted by StoniumFrog

  1. There's a lot to consider in your situation, but in short, become disciplined about work and have a process (you know the general steps, so even if you have to, write them down). And be proactive about getting constructive criticism (use email, not chat, as then, you've a record). Don't get sucked into the whole politics, even to the point of acting dumb. It may happen that you will move on from this company, but keep doing what you do well. In that way, you will assure yourself of work. Oh, and request some level of training (at least a course every six months), Be improving, if not in the firm, then outside it. Maybe do something in SEO training thro' a private vendor for yourself or at least, keep up to speed. And hey, for Jaysus sake, congrats - You are doing well.
  2. @Sim66 There is! Trust me, there is! It may never get to the point that you see hope each and every day, but it does happen. Today, I have had both sides ... reminders that our time here is short, but also that there's good things about. Like making a tiny tad of a difference for someone else, even if its small. Help people and that will show you that there is hope. Even if you are hurting, help someone - the appreciation that most people show is worth it (there are always exceptions). I'm having a mixed day, so sorry I can't be of much more help, but do think about helping others thro' volunteering. Also, a friend called over with his bass and we played a bit of Thin Lizzy - ok, we won't make Madison Square, but for a few mins we sounded ok in our own way. That showed me that having people about and doing something creative really lifts you. Try it. Anything.
  3. @Natasha1 - There was no way I was going on that combination ... if I was to have any chance of waking up in the morning and functioning properly. Having a stressful time of it at the mo and I think getting the job (the frustration of searching on top of the fear that would I be able to work at all). It is physical mostly at the moment, with headaches and sore limbs. Every few weeks it's that and it is tiring.
  4. Hey @Tungsten Aromatics - Seemingly it's 450mg over here in Ireland and by f**k, I am going nowhere near that! I'm not going anywhere near Mirtazpine or Seroquel (I could only tolerate 1.25mg of Mirt). It just seems that I am getting a grasp of what needs to be done personally, but the physical side effects of Effexor (headaches, limbs sore, etc) are too much at times. Of course there's the bigger issue of me giving myself a hard time all the time and being a procrastinating perfectionist. I just need to learn to take it easy on myeslf and enjoy a bit of life rather than take it so seriously. Like right now - I need a nap I'm just so frightened of going from one med to another ... as we all are.
  5. Hi all, Went to my pyschiatrist today. The last few weeks have been stressful and I have felt that Effexor is not doing the job it is supposed to be doing (felt that for most of the almost 2 years on it tbh). On top of all that, I am starting a new job next week (teaching, which I love!). My pysch suggested that I titrate from Effexor to Lexapro by taking 10mg of Lexapro while still taking 187.5 of Effexor - I nearly went "What the f**k!". I would imagine that would knock you 10 ways sideways or has anyone done this? We settled that we leave it a week before deciding to either go up to 225 or down to 150. I feel that I need to come off it at least. I feel that there's a tendency to just pump people with drugs from pyschs rather than look at more meaningful answers.
  6. Possibility of a tiny bit of web design work and finally made a vid for my fave band, Neurosis.
  7. Well I'm at the 225 mg mark of Effexor and pretty sure after 18-21 months of it, that it only does ok and I've to face the dreaded withdrawal / uptake battle. I'm not 100% given up hope but it's been nearly a case of 3 weeks good - 1.5 weeks bad. Had a particularly bad morning this morning.
  8. @RichW - Pick upi a cheap guitar and start again. It's so great to just switch off. Well started work but am actually heading out the door right now, so will update later. Thanks y'all.
  9. Thanks @RichW and @LouisRiel - I am going to throw the CV out again today - I am actually going to 4-5 firms and physically throwing them a copy of it, with my portfolio on disk. I'll leave with the line "You can use them to light the fire, but I know your competitor won't!" It's a catch 22 as @RichW pointed out ... too much time to ourselves and we implode. I know I can make a difference - I have made a difference. People have come up to me after term and thanked me. I have made progress this week I'm getting up earlier - ok, still 8.30-9.00 but its a start I've thrown the CV out there I've contacted a few training colleges etc. I've a whole load of leads But as @LouisRiel also pointed out, I need to chill a bit too. Hey, I'm off to a football game (that's soccer to ye lads over the pond) tonight and have learnt "All the Young Dudes" and ironically, "Where is my Mind" on the guitar. Best moment of the week? My friends 5 year old son taking me on a tour of his new pirate ship He is such a gas card.
  10. @Sophy - Thanks for that bit of inspiration. I am actually thinking of becoming self-employed, as I think I have a problem taking orders from gobs***es to be honest as well . One things for certain - I ain't becoming a number in a MNC again. I love teaching and I know it can be stressful but I can cope with the odd eejit so long as there's others in the class who appreciate the effort and make the effort as well.
  11. @Sophy - Brilliant advice. Hope things going ok (relatively) for yourself.
  12. Ah sh!te! Get onto them and ask them for feedback (GOOD and bad). Do not catastrophise - you know you did well (I could tell you the difference between getting the interview and getting accepted but hey, it isn't past the water shed yet). Do it @StandingStill - in fact I am looking at a PFO from a place I was sure I would at least get an interview for and I am going to compose an email right after sending a few CV's out. BTW are you a techie?
  13. @Sophy - Well if we can't laugh in this situation, when can you? Had another bad night last night (well this morning). Again a combination of factors ... ate chocolate and had one pint before hitting the hay. Then there was thunder and lightening and had a few nightmares. I was just zapped this morning. It seems to be every second morning at the mo and I'm not even giving myself the chance to rest for a week or two. @evalynn - Keep in there. We're all here for you.
  14. Brilliant @StillStandinTall - I won't hex ya, but I've a good feeling about it. Bet you thought you'd calve it in the interview, but you didn't. I'll say an Agnostic's Prayer for ya "Dear all of the above, ..."
  15. Thank you all for your words of encouragement - I feel as if this malaise is more physical and I just need to somehow rest for a while in order to get over what was a brutally intense course ( @Tilted - thanks for reminding me that I was scared of starting that, but I loved it, despite the intensity). I think I need to get the ball running slowly and stop the negative voices from wrecking my chances. @StillStandinTall - How did you get on in the interview?
  16. Holy f!ck @Tilted - I am glad for you. I know you might be going through Hell, but from our past conversations, I DO BELIEVE IN YOU! You are an intelligent, experienced person who deserves happiness. Last conversation we had, I remember you were dreading it, but we have to push ourselves at times. We are all here for you and to quote yourself "I have confidence in you Tilted, even if you don't!". @sober4life - Thanks. The fact is though, you are still here and you are making progress. @StillStandinTall - We're all here for you.
  17. @StillStandinTall We both know we are technically proficient and I'd guess that you're great at your chosen field. But it's a f**ker - as you say, one day you are the Atom Bomb layin' fothamucka, but the very next day, you can barely make it to the kitchen. Guess its a case of making that extra effort each day. And getting that faith back. We will work on this thing. Guess it is a case of one day at the time. Thanks for at least letting me know that I'm not alone. And taking the maxim of Carpe Diem, kick a$$ today!
  18. Dear all, Sorry for being away for a bit. After two work related crashes over the past two years, I went back to college to broaden my skillset (but also in truth, to get away from the rat race for a while). The course, which I thought would be easy, was extremely intensive and has left me very tired - just finished last week. However, I thought that I would be somehow a lot more confident at this point to return to the workforce, but if anything, I'm not. I still doubt myself in both my technical ability, which I know is sound, and my confidence. From a practical point of view, I am still sleeping in a lot ... ok, I get up for 10, but can't be doing that on a job. I know I need to take a bit of a rest but I am also just wary of being jobless. I dunno if I am being too hard on myself and just need to slow down a bit - it just feels like its a few days good and then 2-3 days of rancid tiredness. It maybe an issue with my meds (on 225 of Effexor), of which I get real anxious at times.
  19. Sounds good alright. Hope you have a good one.
  20. Get out in nature Sophy - just to break the monotony. On the long term, maybe try getting into meditation.
  21. Sophy, I'm in the same boat and I think today, it has all come back to roost ... I am just shattered. I do think that something like meditation would be a good long term measure (as suggested by @LeilaNadine). It definitely does relax the system. That and exercise (even just a quick walk).
  22. Thanks @Sophy - next step is just take one day at the time. Yeah, there's a long term plan (part of which is evicting the evil bo!!ocks in my head telling me I'm useless), but will do a small bit at a time. I hate the whole Groundhog Day reset nature of this condition, but as you said, it's the mutual support that get's us through. Thanks @ladysmurf and @LeilaNadine. Sentiments appreciated. And hey, on a positive note, at least I'm not one of my friends, who is a huge Juve fan ... and who's birthday was last night ... OUUUCCCHHH!!!! While there was College work to be done, went for a lovely walk with a friend in the local mountains. Get out in nature ... it's worth the effort! Will post a few pics later.
  23. Well I didn't self-combust ... as much as the voice in my head suggested to! I was relatively calm and while there is only a few hours from the job, the main thing was that I got back out there. I had an appointment with my psychotherapist and she did a calming exercise with me ... what got me was why the blazes am I still so anxious about stuff I know I can do blindfolded? I think I have it in the back of my mind that I am doomed to failure, which in reality none of us know. Most importantly, thanks @Sophy - I appreciated the help, advice and thoughts - you're a star
  24. Sophy - I'll leave the alcohol until tomorrow maybe :-) I think I need to take a step back and realize that the thinking is far worse than the doing. I think I've got it in my head that I WILL fail at any job so therefore will self-sabotage. But I need to challenge myself and realize that I have a purpose and that happiness is possible. Just a bit low at the mo. I've a bit of ironing and so forth to get done. Put on some music and get a bit of grub too. Thanks for the wisdom.
  25. @Sophy - Thanks for the advice. I suppose what I am referring to is an unreal level of anxiety at present. If this was 2.5 years ago, I would have walked this interview, but now, I'm a shadow of that confident person. I know I can regain it, but it's the whole thing of having a bit of faith and telling the Black Dog to stop undermining me (Having a bit of trouble sleeping lately as well). But you are right - If I don't do the basics, the whole thing will be worthless.
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