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misfit

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  1. Thanks for your replies, I am suprised how it's been going lately-I felt so good about the drop from 100mg to 75mg...why the drop from 50-75mg has been so tough baffels me...maybe the taper just needs to be longer-but at the same time-I kind of want to get it done and over with. I had a few of the brain zaps last night, but other than that, I haven't had much of them. It seems like a slower and more mild withdrawal than with drugs with shorter half-lifes like Effexor. I guess that's a bonus-anyway, thanks for listening! Misfit
  2. Hello everyone-I know there's a Zoft withdrawal thread but I see it was started some time ago. I have been on nearly every SSRI and SNRI and am currently taking vyvanse for ADHD. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and have been doing Dialectic Behavioural therapy and now feel I can try going off anti-depressants. I've tried going off them many times. I am doing things to help such as exercising, taking DHA and good supplements and trying to eat better. The drop from 100mg to 75mg was fine. I just had minor symptoms. I did that for about 2 weeks. The drop from 75mg to 50mg has been a different story. I haven't had the brain zaps that I got with so many other Meds-probably because the half life with Zoloft isn't as bad. I have been very irritable, and had anxiety...but I am trying to keep in mind it's the withdrawal. I think my worst symptom has been the dizziness. I'm really dizzy and light headed..it's not going away. I also am so tired. I'm afraid now to drop to 25mg as I'm still getting withdrawal from the 75 to 50mg drop. I think I will alternate and do 50/25/50/25 for a bit. I was on Zoloft for a year and a half and was on an SNRI before that. I just want to feel normal again.
  3. I've gone from 100mg to 50mg and am already starting to lose weight without any major diet/exercise changes. In fact I had one week where I pigged out and I still lost weight which for me NEVER happens - I usually gain like 2lbs...so it's interesting...
  4. I think the reasons you gave set good ones. I also think most if us with ADHD are used to being constantly criticized-from the time we are kids we are told to sit still, pay attention, don't do that, etc...a lot of people with ADHD have self esteem problems I think because of this. We tend to be really hard on oursves because we aren't 'measuring up' to everyone else. I also feel that part of it is that we notice everything... Including the negative. I think we may actually pick up on a lot of things subconsciously. I think too we are more prone to anxiety because our brains don't know how to slow down.
  5. Music keeps me going during times like this. I don't know what I would do without it. The songs I mentioned really have stuck with me with the problems with my bf lately.
  6. Hi Wrenn, I have been meaning to respond to your post for a while now. I am an Employment Counsellor and though it's not nearly as depressing as working in your industry, it is difficult. People rely on me to help them and it's really hard when I can't-especially because I have a high case load and numbers to meet. And people don't just tell me their employment related problems-they tell everything. It's really hard when you are the kind of person who wants to help others. You do it because it's who you are and probably because you want others to not feel the unhappiness you've felt. It becomes a balancing act. And sometimes it just gets too hard balance. Hang in there, Misfit
  7. I like the Grey Cup better Shayne ;-)
  8. Hi Moppy, When someone is diagnosed with major depression the first thing to know is the depression completely takes over their life. Everything changes. All thoughts change, hope disappears. When you are severely depressed your thoughts and feelings become so distorted. It's easy to think nobody loves you or understands you. Everything becomes black and dark. The best thing you can do right now is just try to be a friend. The meds are going to make him a little strange for a while until they get the doses right. Adjusting to medication can be very difficult. And medication isn't the only solution. If he is going through therapy as well that can bring up A lot of emotions he's been suppressing and trying to fight for a long time. A key thing to remember right now is you also have to take care of yourself. You need boundaries. I find that when we are at our worst with depression we can be very selfish (not our faults-just part of the illness). Just be open with him. Tell him you care and are there but you also need time to heal. Take care Misfit
  9. Lately for me it's been: "Lover's Eyes" by Mumford and Sons "Stubborn Love" by the Lumineers "Fade into You" by Mazzy Star And "Love Will Tare Us Apart" by Joy Division
  10. I have had depression pretty much my entire life. I have been on nearly ever anti-depressant along with mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, along with AD/HD drugs. I always seem to end up crashing. Which is what has happened over the past month. Along with my depression and anxiety is my bf, whom I have lived with for the past 6 months. Since we moved in together I have seen that he is a functioning alcoholic. In talking to people who knew him when he was younger, I have come to realize he's been like this a very long time. My bf is a binge drinker. He will down 10-14 beers in a single night. He doesn't drink every night. He doesn't seem to be physically dependant on it-no signs of withdrawal when he doesn't have it. He can be an angry and confrontational drunk. Often I admit I set him off because I can't stand his drinking. All of our fights have been when he has been drunk. I know my depression doesn't make it better. But I can't help it. I know that in a sense he can't help it either as addiction is an illness that I honestly can't understand. And I almost feel like a hypocrite because I am angry with him because he can't understand my depression. I took a few days off work a couple if weeks ago and he keeps throwing it in my face. The funny thing is, I am a counsellor-even the most healthy counsellors get burned out. But he doesn't get it. I told him how much it kills me to have to take time off work for my mental health. It is so hard for me, and it kills me that he could be so cruel as to throw that in my face. But that is what the alcohol does. It makes him cruel. I just can't take it anymore. I don't know if we are done, but what I do know is I need a break from him. There is no way we can survive right now. I also know that I will not accept this life. I will not live with an addict who emotionally abuses me. He needs to make a real commitment to dealing with his addiction-by seeking professional help, or I am done. I know he has to be the one to decide to change. I can't make him. I can't do it for him. I am 36 and can really say that I have only had 3 boyfriends. The first one dumped me and I never really got over it. The second one was bipolar. He was the only one who truly understood my depression. But his illness was very severe and I know if I stayed with him I would be always in edge wAiting for him to fall into a manic episode again (which was severe psychosis which lasted for months, involved arrests, jail and institutionalizations). I knew I couldn't live like that. Now I feel like I am in the same place. Having to choose. I am at a crossroads where down one road is loneliness, probably no chance of ever having children...and the other is a life with him and his addiction. Will it get worse? It really sucks
  11. ***Possible Triggers-I discuss sadness around loosing a pet, so if you are sensitive towards pets please don't read this*** Hi Everyone, I am kind of having an "ah-ha" moment and wanted to write about it. I actually think I might have had this "ah-ha" moment in the past, but anyway... I have come to realize that when my depression gets bad I have a lot more "Intrusive Thoughts"- Those random thoughts/flashes and images that pop into your head for no apparent reason. I find these thoughts quite distressing because they really come out of no where sometimes. I really want to understand them. I tend to want to understand everything that happens to me on a more scientific level-like a neuro-psychology level but can never find information on them. I do see a new psychiatrist in a few weeks and am going to ask him about them. What made me want to write about them is because of one that occured today. I went up to the front of my office to get some water and looked out across the window. I saw someone taking a dog into the Doggy Daycare centre across the street and suddently a bunch of thougths jumped into my head all at once-one was thinking of my dog, another was thinking of something happening to that dog and another was thinking of that person being sad if something happended to their dog (they all occured very quicky). I have realized that when it comes to intrusive thoughts, fear of something happening to my dog is a big one. It's when I had my last "break down" I remember that while driving past this one conservation area I had a thought of a dog running out and getting hit by a car...and every time I passed that spot the thought of him running out and getting hit by a car would pop into my head causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I can understand why this fear of something happening to him is so large for me. When my last dog passed away in 2010 I was acutally off SSRIs for the first time in a long time. His death was so unbelieveably painful for me. I wasn't numb from anti-depressants...I felt all the pain. And it hurt so badly too because he had been there for so much of my life, through so many of the bad times. Animals tend to be a huge weakness for me. Like when I watch a movie and a person gets ******** I don't feel as bad as if an animal gets killed.I think it probably relates to myself someone too...if we want to get psychoanalytical here-I think animals are pure, sweet, innocent, loving...so when they are hurt it's all the more sad. I have had a lot of anixety about something happening to my dog. I don't even live with him anymore-he lives with my mom ( i moved out last year). But I visit him a lot and love him so much. My boyfriend and I want to have a baby in the near future and I acutally worry about worrying about the baby. I worry so much about my dog-what will I do if I have a baby! I think it's all realted. I think some of it is from past trauma. As a child I witnessed the cat I grew up with getting hit by a car and killed. It was the most horrific thing I ever saw to this day. I have worried that other pets would get hit by a car. I also worry about having to go through that kind of pain again. I know that worry is sort of our way of "preparing us" for future pain. I hate this. I hate always being scared. And when you have this intrusive thoughts it is so difficult to move past worrying and living in fear. I know that SSRIs help with these thoughts because they seem to always pop up when my medication starts to be loosing it's effect. I am not in the process of changing medications, so it makes sense that these thoughts pop up more. But I wonder if I really need approach them in a more psyhchoanalytic way. To get to the root cause of these thoughts. Maybe they are popping into my head as a way of telling me there is a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with-unlocked. Anyway, I better get back to work. Thanks for listening. Misfit
  12. My depression has recently gotten worse. It seems to do that...I am okay (not great but okay) for a while, then all of sudden I crash. I am changing medications right now, so I have had to go off one to go onto the other which is now causing withdrawal making everything worse. I feel like my boyfriend doesn't really care about me. I don't know if he really loves me, and I don't know if it's just me and my depression making me think this way or if it's really true. He's just not affectionate. He doesn't hug me, kiss me. The only time he touches me is when we have sex and half the time when we do he's been drinking. I got upset at him tonight because he's not going to go to a family function I have coming up because, well he'd rather stay home and do nothing because he's had a hard week. I felt like it was basically his way of saying-yeah I know it's important to you, but I just don't care. I don't care enough about you to put in the effort-to suck it up and do something I don't really want to do for a few hours. And he hasn't been supportive. When I am crying or upset, he doesn't hug me or even put an arm around me to make me feel better. In fact he often just says something insensitive that makes me feel worse. I don't know if I am ruining my relationship by arguing with him or if my relationship is just awful and that's why I argue with him. How do you really know when you can't trust your own mind? The thing is. All I want is support right now. I want to be hugged. I want to be asked how I am doing. I want to feel like he cares about me. He's not as touchy feely as me. But when we first started dated he held my hand all the time, wanted to be around me all the time. Now, not so much. But maybe that happens after a while. We've lived together for 6 months. It just seems like we are roommates half the time. I need to know I am loved. I need to be told. I need to be shown. I don't understand why he doesn't get that. Or maybe he does and he just doesn't know how to end it. I don't know. Anyway, thanks for listening Misfit
  13. Thanks for replying jmg I am on Pristiq and Vyvanse. My doctor just temporarily put me on seroquil at night as well. I have a line up of social worker and psychatrist appointments. But all I want to do is try to get through tomorrow. My boyfriend is being a non-supportive P**k. Everytime I get down he asks me how am I going to be able to handle having a baby? Because that's something we want. He's such a selfish jerk!! How could he say that to me? When I flipped out on him he just said I'm overreacting. Well, geeze...yeah when I'm at my worst you bring up the thing that scares me the most...thanks for the support a******! This sucks.
  14. I agree with the others. When it comes to making goals you need to start small other wise they are too overwhelming and when you don't reach them you feel like a failure. Look up SMART Goals on the internet. That is a helpful approach to goal setting. The other thing is WRITE THEM DOWN! That is a biggy. Maybe get a little notebook where you can write down your goals. Look at the possible barriers that may pop up and think of ways to over come them. There are also lots of books out there on goal setting, one of those could be very helpful. Good luck Misfit
  15. Hi Chris, I am not sure where you are located but what I would suggest you do is see if there is an Employment Centre near you (not a temp agency but a government run employment centre). Again, not knowing where you live it's hard to know if they have them around you. I work for one in Ontario. I help clients like you all the time. Funny thing is I am off work right now because my job can be difficult sometimes. Unemployment isn't a minor thing. It's one of the top 10 most stressful life situations. It's up there with divorce, death of a close relative or friend, etc. It's just we don't actually give it the credit it deserves. It sucks. Our jobs are a big part of our identity. When we lose them we lose structure, the social life that goes with our work, the money it gives us and our identity. Think when you meet someone for the first time, what's one of the first things you ask them? "What do you do for a living?" It's also hard when you've gone to school and not been able to get a job. I was there and soooo many of my friends were. Older generations don't get what the labour market is like for younger people. The jobs just aren't there and they aren't easy to get. You are not alone. I was there and it was a horrible feeling. I went back to school twice after university. I think it would be great of there is an employment centre somewhere near you like the one I work at because it could help you to get back on track. One thing I suggest a lot of people look into are the apprenticeable trades...plumbers, electricians etc...you can make really good money in the trades. The people I know who went into the trades all bought houses in their 20s...where idiots like me who went to university lived with their parents into their thirties. Anyway, I am sorry you lost your job. Look for help that is out there. No matter where you are in the world it's tough these days. Hopefully where you live there are people to help. Hang in there, Misfit
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