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leigh1987

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  1. Hi Leigh

     

    I saw your post. It's amazing on how you find the solutions towards the problem.

    Can you share how ?

  2. So yeah, this would probably come under both anxiety and OCD. Anywho, basically, I find I get almost irrationally upset about things I have no control over. I know we all do, but for me, it's weird. I obsess over things. Take for a loose example if I like a celebrity, then find out that they're say, cheating on their partner - it really gets to me. I think about it a lot, to the point where i can't watch their films or whatever. I know these things shouldn't matter to me to that extent, but they do and i don't know why. I don't even care that much, and I wish i could enjoy music and films the way everyone else does, without worrying about things that have nothing to do with me. I guess it's how i look at relationships, really, that i feel there's no chance of finding a decent person out there blah blah. I just want to change how i think. Find some way to stop myself obsessing over things and worrying, like a way to put up a block before it gets to that. it's really effecting how i enjoy things, i find it hard to listen to my favourite band these days because i'm obsessing over what the songs are about. it's not normal and i hate it. I just wish i didn't get so upset about these things. Anyone have any advice?
  3. For me, almost certainly. I've got too much pressure on me and I'm nearing 25 without really having achieved anything. I know I have the ability to be happy. But things need to change first. I think it changes with each person though and in some cases I think it can just be genetic.
  4. Thank you all for your replies - I didn't mean to neglect this thread, it's not easy getting on here. But I appreciate all your responses. I have finished with this 'task' now. I have two folders of bits I am keeping and the rest was shredded, and it felt good to do that. I think one of the things I realised was that I wasn't making a big deal out of things, I wasn't just making things sound dramatic for the sake of it. Looking back, I know now I had reason to be annoyed or angry or upset or lonely. I think i've been assuming I was overacting all these years when in reality, I was left alone a lot as a teenager. I turned to writing for comfort. Anyway, that's what i've gotten out of this whole thing. I'm the product of my past for sure. I know I can break away, but it will be hard. I already struggle with anxiety problems, and being shy has always kept me back; being shy and having parents who gave into that shyness and stopped me from doing anything new. I think I just have to try and take it as it goes, get my life on track. So that i'm not looking back again in ten years time and saying the same things I am now.
  5. it's hard to explain, but i've recently decided to go through and throw out all my old diaries (keeping certain, happier moments), and it's making everything so much clearer to me. In a nut shell - i was born the youngest, poor family, grew up on welfare. the adults in my life seemed to shy away from any form of responsibility outside of actual parenting (neither of my parents had a 'go to' job.) i was always very shy and very sheltered; i chose to leave school and be taught at home. this made me even more sheltered, and so i retreated into a world of writing, and writing was all i had. i had no real friends, and i couldn't turn to or talk to anyone. i became obsessed with bands and singers as i had so much time to and by myself to devote to them. my parents argued a lot and i was pretty much invisible. they had no plans for what i would do when school finished and i wasn't taught anything about how to get out there and make myself employable. now i'm 24. i've had a couple of jobs, i was happy in my second one but it was only temp. after being umemployed and broke for a year i took i job i couldn't handle and it's knocked me back. now i find myself sabotaging my chances of other jobs. and i think its because i'm just not ready - mentally. and reading about my past is making me see this. my head is all over the place and i just feel exhausted. and yet at the same time, being out of work is making me more depressed, because i need the money and my life is going by without me living it. the worst part is i feel as though i'm in the same place i was when i was 15. i used to say all this stuff then - according to my diaires. and i've done nothing about it because i haven't got any confidence. i'm scared to death and i don't even know what of. and my family is in the same situation as i am, so i literally have no one to turn to. and so now i'm wondering if this diary thing was a good idea or not because it's dredging stuff up that i didn't need. i think basically i'm scared that if i don't figure stuff out soon i'm going to be headed for some kind of breakdown.
  6. I'm not sure if this is in the right place to put this but i'm feeling like I need to vent/get some feedback on my situation. I've been unemployed for just over a year, and living (just barely) on benefits. Long story short, I took a job through an agency because I needed the money, even though it's definitely not what I wanted (telemarketing). This has all happened since Thursday, and I started the job today, and i've NOT had a good reaction to it. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, it was worse. I've been on the verge of a panic attack all day and broke down when I got home. I don't even really know why, I mean, the job is rubbish, but surely it shouldn't be making me this ill after one day? I have told the agency and they're letting me work out the week (it was only temp anyway) but I just feel like i've made a massive mess of things. And i'm also dreading going in tomorrow and for the rest of the week, to the point of being on the verge of another panic attack. I don't know why I feel this way, because I want a job. I do suffer with my nerves and anxiety and this whole situation is making me ill. I'm scared i'll be this way with whatever job I get. I don't know what to do.
  7. I just want to say i've had something really similar to this, and I got over it. I've always been into my singers and bands, when I was younger I had a lot of free time so I obsessed over them quite a lot. The odd thing is I loved when they were married/in relationships, and although I found them attractive, i'd hate for anything to break them up. I quickly realised that I was obsessed with the 'perfect' guy, so I admired him for being commited and taking care of his family as much as I did his music. Sooo rock and roll haha. So to me, what hurt would be hearing rumours that he'd cheated on his wife, for example. Because to me that would have broken the perfect picture. I never did hear anything like this about any of the guys I was into, but I quickly realised that it was unhealthy to feel that way and I was ruining the music - that if I didn't cut this feeling, if something like that did ever happen, i'd never want to listen to their music again, and I love their music too much to do that. So long story short I distanced myself from those feelings. It was hard, but I did it. Now, i'm able to 'fangirl' normally (if you can call fangirling normal); just focus on the good stuff, like a cute picture and new music. It's normal, now, not obsessive. The key really is to seeing them as humans. You should never put anyone on a pedestal for that reason. Besides, films and music is supposed to be fun. If you're feeling anxious, it's time to look at what's wrong and try and sort it, before you take the fun away completely. :)
  8. I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all the replies on this thread, I hadn't forgotten about it. It really means a lot to me as talking about this to people 'in real life' isn't really an option. I mean, people, like family, know i'm down due to the job situation, but no one knows how deep it really goes. I've had quite a rough year with family stuff and I think i'm just really confused at the moment. And yeah, leaving the house without my parent (I help her with everything) really helps and i've done as much of it as I can lately. If and when i can get out and have a day with my sister, like going to the cinema or shopping, I know I can have a really good day so I really think that feeling depressed is more to do with my situation than a long term thing. I'm still no closer to getting a job or meeting anyone new though.
  9. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  10. ... I think I just need to vent anonymously. I'm 24 years old (female) and i've always bottled things up. I didn't have a bad child hood, but I was home educated from the age of 11 which has inadvertedly screwed my life up. I lost all my friends, I lost any condidence I had, and now here I am at 24 with nothing. It's gotten me down for years, but I always kept it inside, never let on to anyone how I was feeling. I didn't have anyone to talk to anyway. I have no social life, no real friends; I spend every day doing the same thing, day in, day out. At the same time, I have no interest in a lot of things people my age do. I wouldn't drink or go clubbing anyway as it doesn't interest me, so people my own age think i'm weird. I've never had any relationships because i've never been in a position to meet anyone new, and that is one thing that is really getting to me now, because i'm so lonely all the time. I'm surrounded by family, but it's not the same. I live at home with my mum who also depends on me in ways I don't think is fair; it feels like she can't do anything for herself, and won't. So I have no life of my own, no privacy, and she treats me like i'm 12. I'm also unemployed and have been for seven months, so I have no money either. I'm desperate to get back into work souly so I can meet new people, but it's not happening. In short, I am feeling the lowest i've ever felt, and it's so obvious to everyone around me now. They're just not seeing it. I know I need help, but i don't want to admit to anyone there's something wrong with me. And I feel too old. I feel like i've missed out on so much. Again I don't know if this is the right thing to be writing, in the right place, or whatever. I just need to vent. I know if I sort my life out I will feel better about myself, but I just don't know where to start. I'm so confused.
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