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  1. Thanks guys. I might mention to my doctor about the anxiety and see if she can help and maybe discuss some options. I finished counselling about three months ago when my depression was much, much better. But this anxiety/worry has sory of taken the front seat now. I wouldn't mind going back to counselling but I feel like I could overcome this myself with some useful tips and techniques. The journaling idea is great. Sometimes I get so upset and worked up because I have nobody to vent to - so I am going to go and buy a journal and start ASAP. Thanks for your advice, it was really helpful. Hope you are both well :) x
  2. I was diagnosed with depression around christmas time of 2008. My whole story is too complicated to explain, but I was unwell and unhappy in my depression for about a year, before I managed to feel okay and happy again. But then an event happened in my life (relatively minor to most people) that made me ruminate on the past, feel down on myself and spiral into an even worse depression. After a long time of feeling hopeless, I posted here on these forums at my lowest point looking for help around this time last year. It was hard for me at that time, but with counselling and will power, I have managed to overcome quite a lot of my problems. I am no longer on medication, and would not consider myself truly depressed. At least not in the same way I was. However, depression is of course something I will probably battle in some ways for a long time. It is not simply something that fixes quickly. I still have my down days, and I definitely still have periods where I struggle greatly. BUt I function day to day, in a much happier way with much more positivity for the future. However, there are one or two things that I still struggle with, and since I no longer have access to a counsellor and I don't have anyone in my life I feel comfortable talking to, I wanted to post here to see if anybody has any advice for me as I feel hopeless about overcoming these problems. My first problem is my general worry. I have always struggled with over-thinking and excessive worry. I am always worrying "what ifs" are always on my mind. It can make life frustrating for those around me, sometimes. I have tried to look into the buddhist teachings of "living in the moment" and I am working hard on that (and i will admit, I have managed to put some in practice already) but I still worry a lot. My main constant worry is how other people feel. I am always trying to second guess how people feel, and if I think someone else is unhappy it upsets me. That's quite normal, I guess. But my feelings are quite extreme as I will end up bursting into tears over something I might have built up in my head. For example, my family recently got a puppy. My mother and I really loved the idea but my dad not so sure, because he would end up walking. Eventually we convince dhimt o get one, and we have had the pup for about 7 weeks now. Today we had a particularly tiring day with him being boisterous and destructive and we wer eboth tired. My dad was getting very frustrated and angry at the pup and commented that he is at a loss as to how else he can burn off his energy. Something told me in his tone that we wished we didn't get him, even though he loves him. I felt instantly guilty, because I pushed for the puppy, but now I feel like I shouldn't have as my dad works incredibly hard and the last thing he needs is added stress. Its something like this that can set me off. Feeling responsible for someones emotions. I get incredibly upsetand have to take myself away as I can cry for hours over it. That's obviously just one example. Another example happened when my brother took some time off work to take me somewhere, which I ended up cancelling short notice because I wasn't feeling good. He ended up missing out on something else and he was bummed. Unavoidable, but I felt responsible. Its this kind of minor guilt that really tears at my emotions and I wish I didn't have such an ntense reaction. My second problem is change. Any kind of change send sme into a mild breakdown. Even if the change is positive, expected, or from one familiar to another familiar. For example... visiting family for a week (who i have visited often my whole life and am comfortable there) will make my emotions unsteady for a couple of days, and I will DEFINITELY cry on the journey. A change in routine because one of my parents is home (or not home) when they usually are. I am independant and have my own life, but that shift in household atmosphere (even if its good cause i see one of them more) sets me off. Even something as simple as going back to work after unexpected cancelled shifts can make me uneasy. How do I make change in every form easier for me? Sorry that this is so long and probably stupid. I could just use some advice and help with my mood swings on these topics. Tearyness is still a huge problem in my life, and I still find myself crying a lot. Any advice would be appreciated. I am in a good place in my life, if I could just overcome these last few hurdles id be able to really sprint forward :)
  3. i am 21 and graduated from university 6 months ago. since then i have moved back home, to a town where i no longer have friends, and back in with my parents. i am "looking" for a job, but i find the process very hard. i know my only way to find friends is to get a job, but i have a real fear of working. im not sure where this stems from - is it normal? i will look for jobs, but i find myself getting anxious and fidgety as soon as i start looking, and when i find something suitable i get panicky and start crying and usually don't apply. my parents know how i feel. my mother has had a lot of issues with depression for a long time, but we argue a lot. i have recently decided that i would like to be a teacher, and i have enrolled at a college to get a GCSE that i didn't get in school. i started volunteering at two local schools - one day each - but very quickly dropped to one morning each because by lunchtime i just wanted to go home. i didnt dislike it. in fact, i enjoyed it, but the pull to go home and get into bed and just hide away from the world was too much. i know i enjoy teaching, but i do worry if i would be able to cope. i dont deal well with stress, and going back to university to do my PGCE terrifies me. sometimes i lay awake at night and panic about it and get no sleep, yet sometimes i lay awake thinking about all the things that have inspired me and id like to do with my own class one day. i know the PGCE is very strenuous and i really worry if i would cope or not and if id want to have such a high stress job when i know i struggle to cope with even a little stress but when i think about what else i want to do i just feel so lost. there are jobs in my degree field which i wouldn't mind trying, but theyre so hard to find. living at home is difficult, my mum no longer works so she is here with me every day and even though shes suffered from severe depression she doesn't seem to appreciate how hard it is for me to even get out of bed most days. i pull my weight, do chores and cook dinner etc. but every now ad then she will flip out. last week i didnt go to one of my volunteer mornings because id had a bad night staying awake crying and didnt feel up to it. she freaked out telling me how shes ashamed and embarrassed of me and she wished i wasnt here and just all this really cruel stuff, so i packed my bags and went to my brothers for the night. i didnt want to come home. i was going to go on to my aunts to stay indefinitely but my brother convinced me to stick it out until i get my GCSE. she apologised and my dad talked to me about things and thinsg seem to be okay but i just feel so miserable here. people keep telling me "just get a job" or "just go out and do something every day" or "just" do this or that and they don't understand how hard it is to JUST do anything. i feel like my life is going nowhere. nobody really cares about me. i know my family love me, but its different to having friends who choose to be around you and care about you. i just feel like my life has halted and i dont know where it is going or how to fix it. my dad tells me i have to make more effort with my friends but i try so hard but they always cancel on me, or just forget to invite me places and i feel like its just easier for them to ignore me because im not at uni anymore. i hate being awake during the day because it makes me think about the black hole that is my future and it terrifies me. so i tend to stay up late browsing the internet and watching TV and then sleep most of the day. the only exception is college one afternoon and school one morning and occasionally the job centre. im so incredibly lonely and i used to have such a great life. i wish i could go back in time to when i lived with my friends, was in a relationship and felt like i was worth something. recently i have also been thinking about suicide. i know i wont do anything. but it worries me that my brain wanders to "oh, if you were dead it wouldn't matter cause its only misery from here on out" or something like that. ive never thought like this before and it scares me that my brain is thinking like that.
  4. If it makes you feel better, I am striving to find some boys who aren't the 'go out and get hammered and hit on all the girls" types. They're the kind of guys I find the most interesting, have the most in common with and usually are the nicest. :) Don't put yourself down for being different to the majority of boys, because that's what puts you above the rest. I haven't read the rest of the thread cause i'm tired lol. But just try and stay positive and true to yourself. Things will work out eventually. Find somebody to talk to about how you're feeling - doctor, therapsit, parent, family member etc. and see if that helps. Also, going out and getting drunk is not the only way to socialize. It's just the most famous. Perhaps find a local group centered around something you enjoy, and then you will find likeminded friends to interact with. Good luck and chin up!
  5. I cry probably 3/4 days out of the week, sometimes more. Little things can make me cry. If I go a day without crying I feel extremely happy with myself. Today is one of those days
  6. I am so sorry you feel so down. I am 21 as well, and I identify as a lesbian. I feel that I am most probably bisexual, but I have never been with a boy, so I am not sure I want to label myself as of yet. Currently, it is just easier to identify as a lesbian because I was with my ex girlfriend for 18 months, and my friends and family get all confused if I start explaining bisexual to them. Anyway, it is hard falling in love with someone who does not reciprocate the feelings. I had a similar situation with a close friend of mine but it never got that far. Jut remember that love comes and goes, and people will come in and out of your life. It can be hard at times, but eventually some good things will make up for those periods of downtime. I know how heartbreak can be really difficult when you're suffering from depression. When I broke up with my girlfriend it took a long time to heal, and I felt very alone. Honestly, I still do and we broke up nearly two years ago. Unfortunately it is a case of gritting your teeth and moving on despite the pain. I am not sure where you are from, but I am lucky to have a supportive family and supportive friends. Being gay isn't 100% widely accepted and understood here in the UK, you will always come across opposing views and narrow minded opinions. And unfortunately you will always come across hatred, and anger sometimes. But it is much easier to live a comfortable and happy life here and be openly gay than people think. I am lucky in that respect. What i think you need to do is find somewhere you feel safe and comfortable to be yourself. Perhaps you could find an LGBT community, or some kind of support for the gay community? That would definitely be something worth looking into, even if it means traveling to the nearest city once a week just to meet with people. You do not need to feel trapped and alone, because there are thousands of people out there just like you. I hope you feel better soon, chin up :)
  7. Thank you. I am trying really hard to forgive myself for it. It seems that I can take something that doesn't seem too important to other people (people keep asking why it still gets me down and i can't explain why) and make it into a huge deal in my head. I am on a larger dose of my medication now so I am kind of hoping the better frame of mind will help me to look past it. I feel so silly for still being bothered by it and not being able to look forward. I just got back from my meeting and it was really good. I feel very positive today because he made it clear that it was flexible and if I feel like I don't want to do it anymore I am not tied down. That kind of freedom and flexibility stops me from feeling trapped or panicky so the nature of the placement is perfect for me and my anxiety. I am very excited to start on Friday so I am glad I found the strength to get up and out to the meeting :)
  8. Thank you for your response, tremblingblustar. I find it difficult to get out of this frame of mind, even though I know what I feel is irrational and kind of stupid. I hope that I can talk to someone soon, because as you said, I should be excited for the future, not terrified of it. But your point about traveling, I feel so low about it because I WAS one of those fortunate people who had a chance that many don't. And I threw it away. What a waste and what a disappointment for myself, and for those around me who helped fund it, sent me off with cards and gifts and well wishes, and were excited for my huge adventure. I let everyone down, but mostly myself and I can't shake that feeling in order to get on with things back here at home.
  9. Some of you may have seen my post a while back in Members Needing Extra Support Now about my story and how i wound up being where I am. Basically, I am just terrified of anything that requires me to... do anything. People say i'm lazy, but the thought of responsibility, or long days has me terrified. Im 21 and just graduated. Im back home with my parents who just continually bother me to get a job. I am trying, I go to the job centre every two weeks like I am supposed to, but as soon as I get close to finding a job I freak and ignore the phone. Th thought of having a commitment terrifies me and i'm not sure why. I have no friends here, except one. And I don't really know how to find any friends. All of my friends who are good at helping me through times like this are so far away and too busy. I feel so alone. Mainly, I am drowning in regret from my choices this summer (i had an amazing opportunity to be in the USA for 5 months and wasted all of my money by coming home after a week and a half) and I keep beating myself up over it. I constantly find my mind wandering to what a great time I would be having out there right now, traveling the world and seeing all these awesome things. Just because I panicked and came home I am stuck in my bedroom with nobody to talk to or to make things seem better. How do I stop this regret from ruling my life? My brother, my only real support, constantly tells me that I have my whole life ahead to try traveling again. And that it was just the wrong time for me. But I just feel like I wasted my chance. That now my future is miserable because this is the age im meant to go traveling and see the world and I wasted it. I feel hopeless. Also, I have a meeting in the morning with my old primary school. I have been considering teaching as a career, because I find working with children very rewarding and enjoyable. Lots of people say I would be good at it and I kind of agree, so I took the initiative to get some work experience to see if I like it. Tomorrow is just a meeting with the headmaster and a look around the school but I am absolutely terrified. When I got the call I was so excited. Now I just don't want to go. I keep trying to think of excuses and I don't even know why. I can feel a panic attack coming on. I'm not nervous about the meeting, I don't find situations like that scary or uncomfortable, im usually pretty good at it. But it's like... I can't explain it. It's like I hate the routine change and it terrifies me that this might tie me down to a responsibility for ONE day a week. How pathetic is that? But for some reason that utterly terrifies me. What can I do? I feel so alone. Im on a 6 week waiting list for therapy and I don't have any money to go private. I feel like I have nothing in life to bother looking forward to.
  10. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  11. I am not sure if it is the cipralex, but does anybody know of this being a common side effect? It does seem to have started since I started taking them three months ago. I am unbelievably itchy - usually at night and in the morning. It is not really specific to any location. It is on my arms, legs, thighs, back and stomach. Even my hands and feet. It have a form of eczema on my hands and feet (small watery lumps) and these seem even worse than usual. However, elsewhere on my body shows no sign of eczema, dry skin or rashes. The skin is fine and will start to itch out of nowhere. It is so unbearable that I will itch it until the skin is red raw, if not bleeding. I told my doctor about it, and she prescribed me antihistamine tablets but so far it doesn't seem to be making a difference to it. I am also using betnovate cream, but that doesn't make a difference either. I am at a loss here! Any suggestions?
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