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About blindfoldedgirl

  • Birthday 07/02/1982

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    Charles Town, WV

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  1. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  2. Thanks for the responses. I guess I didn't ask for help here, . . . maybe because I just wanted to be around those who know how I feel. It's hard when you have those who know what is going on, but do not understand. I've been on the anti-depressant now for about a month, and I am due to see my psychiatrist this week. We might have to up the dose, because I haven't had much of a change. As far as work goes, I hit my breaking point a couple of months ago, and my boss suggested I should take some time off . . . so I did. Was about 20 days, which was nice. The problem with that was, with nothing to get me out of the house I just sat around and didn't accomplish anything. Barely took showers. I felt very guilty about not using my vacation for something positive. As far as moving closer, I'm working on it. But it's hard to get a transfer when the hours have been cut so bad. And I want to stay with my company because I have worked my way up to a senior technician and I don't want to start over again.
  3. Hello, my name is Michelle, and I am 29 years old. Even though I have felt this way as long as I can remember, I have only recently been diagnosed with a major depressive disorder. I have started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and I was also prescribed an anti-depressant to help me feel better. So far though, none of these things are helping me feel any better. Where do I begin? I work at a pharmacy and I hate my job. I work 40 hours a week, and commute over 2 hours a day to get there and back. I have no free time. I literally wake up, get ready for work, work, come home, go to bed, and start it all over again the next day. My job is stressful, and very busy. Customers are nasty to me all day, for no reason at all. Work is the only time my depression turns to anger. Either I am mad at people for giving me a hard time for things that are not my fault, or I am mad because some of my co - workers lack any kind of work ethic, and I get extremely tired of having to work harder for people who don't wan to work at all. Sometimes I literally feel like my head is going to explode . . . and I have no release for my anger, because I'm one of those people that just keeps it all inside. It would take me days to complete my rant about work, so I will just move on. My mind is always full of negative thoughts. I hate myself, and have zero self esteem. I have no friends. I am tired all the time. I have no motivation to do anything, even things I like. Sometimes it feels so hard enough to get out of bed, or even take a shower. On days I have off, I don't even want to move, let alone clean the house. My husband will end up doing the housework and making me feel bad about it. I love my husband very much, and I know if I ever lost him it would hurt me. But at the same time, I just want to be alone. For the last year or so, it has felt more like living with my best friend, rather than living with my husband. There is no sex, no romance, no kissing, barely even a hug, and no intimacy of any kind. Not because of him, but because of me. I just have no interest. I feel like I am broken. He is understanding most of the time, or at least pretends to be. Other times he makes me feel really bad, saying that it feels like I don't love him anymore. If we do have sex, it is like a chore. I do it because, otherwise I end up feeling scared that he will leave me, or cheat on me. He doesn't understand what I am going through with this depression. Sometimes it is just too much to have to deal with how I feel and how he is feeling at the same time. Sometimes, I feel selfish that I keep him for myself . . . when someone else would make him happier than I can right now. I just know that without him, I would be completely lost. But as of this second, I feel I don't deserve him. I feel tremendous guilt about what I must be doing to him. These are when the scariest and saddest thoughts come into my mind. Running away, or even the slightest thoughts of suicide. I started therapy but I don't feel like I have gotten much out of it. We talk things over, but never go deep into why I am the way I am or how I can fix it. I just feel like I am setting myself up to eventually lose everything.
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