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Everything posted by 1i11ian

  1. It is funny that it never seems the same. When I visit the house where my grandparents once lived, it seems so small. I thought it was huge when I was a child. Thanks Trace. Hi Lillian It is as if your childhood is a distant memory to you and every now and then something will trigger memories of your childhood, but it never seems the same as when you were a child. Your life has changed so much that you feel like you do not connect with who you once were. Trace
  2. 1. Washed shower rug. 2. Ordered item for family member on Internet. 3. Took a long nap.
  3. 1. Attended twelve step meeting. 2. Brought up the topic at twelve step meeting. 3. Provided feedback at twelve step meeting.
  4. I dreamed it was Christmas and I was in a crowded mall. (I hate crowds.) I was struggling past people trying to get out and found myself on the street to my childhood home. I have not lived there for many years and my family is no longer there, either, just strangers. I did not want anyone to see me going there so I would hide behind the rocks when anyone came along. This took a very long time so I never did get there. Best to all. Lillian
  5. So sorry about Amy Winehouse. She suffered for so long from terrible addictions. Seems so many celebrities suffer like this but maybe we just hear more about them. Condolences to her family and friends. Stay safe everyone. Lillian
  6. When my daughter was six weeks old, she had what was known then as colic. My husband and I were walking the floor at 3:00 AM with a screaming baby. He innocently says to me, "How old will she have to be when we will no longer have to worry about her?" I told him, "When you are 100 and she is 80, you will still be worried about her." When she went away to university, it nearly killed me. I think that is called the empty nest syndrome. Since that time, she has moved back in with us at least half a dozen times (by then I resented having to give up my bathroom) and she now lives next door. So they never really leave us. Enjoy every moment. Best to all, especially you. Lillian
  7. I wish I knew how to let go of the past. I know it is really something I have to do but apparently I have a photographic memory and a penchant for the negative. Wonderful things have happened to me in the past and I remember none of them. I think this forum and also my twelve step group are good ways to let go of the past. I think if I talk about it and talk about it and talk about it until everyone is sick of hearing me including myself, it will be gone. Don't know how long that will take but it is worth a try. What else do I have to do for the rest of my life? Best to all. Lillian
  8. I don't think anyone knows why they are here. I certainly don't know why I am here and really don't need to know. I guess that is the great mystery of life. I know I am depressed but I think that is the result of a chemical imbalance and possibly genetics. That apparently is what I have been dealt in life and I will just have to do the best I can in spite of it and possibly because of it. Take care. Best to all, especially you. Lillian
  9. 1. Had dinner with my daughter. 2. Daughter had an excellent checkup (she is a cancer survivor) 3. Feeling great after colonoscopy.
  10. I look forward to seeing your new flower pictures. I have opened a gallery site but have put in no pictures, yet. Hope to do that soon. Stay tuned. Stay safe. Lillian

  11. There is a football game between two rival teams. On the first play the coach tells the quarterback to give the ball to Luther. The play begins and the quarterback gives the ball to Frank. Frank is tackled hard and goes out on a stretcher. On the second play, the coach again tells the quarterback to give the ball to Luther. The play begins and the quarterback gives the ball to Mike. Mike is tackled hard and goes out on a stretcher. On the third play, the coach asks the quarterback why he isn't giving the ball to Luther. The quarterback replies, "But, Coach, Luther says he doesn't want the ball."
  12. I voted white but could be bright blue skies (May be only temporary but so happy colonoscopy is done and normal.) Best to all. Lillian
  13. 1. Completed colonoscopy and it was normal. Hooray. 2. Had a nice nap. 3. Had my favorite ice cream. Best to all. Lillian
  14. I have always needed eight hours sleep. If I don't get it, I am a bear. Sleeping has always been one of my favorite things to do. I could just sleep my life away and be totally happy. That is one thing I look forward to when I die---eternal sleep. Don't worry. I am not trying to rush it. Best to all. Lillian
  15. Much better than I felt last night when prepping for a colonoscopy. Thank goodness that is over and was normal. Won't have to have another for five years. Maybe they will have improved the prep by then. I do feel good that I am taking care of my health. Didn't sleep much last night but did take a four hour nap when I returned home. Sleepy but at peace. Best to all. Lillian
  16. 1. Prepped for colonoscopy. (No fun but did it) 2. Swept down cobwebs have been looking at for months. 3. Told friend about free spay neuter clinic for her new kitten. Best to all. Lillian
  17. This is a fascinating although deep topic. I have long been interested in what I call the power of words. This would also include "good words" as well as the "tyranny of words." Words are just inanimate things but they do hold a lot of power. I need to think about this in depth before I comment further. If you will Google the "tyranny of words" you will come up with a lot of good information. Thanks for the topic. Hope it stays around for awhile. Best to all especially you. Lillian
  18. I disagree. I think that is your depression talking not you. That is one of the symptoms of depression--negative thinking. I have two very dear childhood friends. Although they live close by, I rarely see or even speak with them. We rarely ask anything of each other but if we did, we all three would be there in a flash to help out. We know we are there and that is enough for the time. I am too depressed right now to have very many close (in proximity) friends including the two above. Friends require responsibility to be together. I do not have enough energy or motivation to be with anyone right now. I do have people in my life who force (I could say no) me to go out and do things occasionally. I know there are some things I do need to go out to do so I can manage to do this if not too often. I have to save up my energy. There are all kinds of people in this world and there is also our perception of them. If we truly want close friends (and we have the energy,) they are out there. We just have to find them but we also have to remind ourselves of the responsibility we have to a relationship and if that is right for us at the moment. It is not right for me right now. I did suffer from a number of addictions in the past but working a twelve step program has helped me deal with these one day at a time. Addictions and depression run in my family for generations so there may be both genetics and association at work here. I strongly recommend twelve step programs and there is one for most any problem. You can discuss anything there just as you can here. It is really free therapy and the best kind--group. As to the person on the fifth level of the parking garage. Please do not go there right now and please tell me every now and then on this forum that you are not going there. I would really appreciate that. It would mean a lot to me. I don't know if I will ever be not depressed. I would guess probably not but this is the lot life has dealt me. I need to do the best I can with what I have been dealt and do fairly well in spite of it and maybe even because of it. This is just this depressed persons humble opinion. Best to all especially you. Lillian
  19. Preping for a colonoscopy. No fun but necessary. Thank goodness for modern medicine. It saves lives. (There is nothing to the colonoscopy. It is the prep that is so yucky.) Best to all. Lillian
  20. Thank you, Trace. This sounds about right. Interesting. Best to all. Lillian Hi Lillian This dream shows that you have confidence, but at times you lose all confidence and find yourself doubting even the simplest things. You are someone who likes to help others, perhaps likes to please too much at times. Trace
  21. Good for you, naiadKnight. Your success gives me hope. I agree. Thank you to the originator of this thread. Acknowledging feelings is very helpful. Best to all especially you.Lillian
  22. I feel numb everyday which I guess means depressed. Maybe I should do some research on the difference between numb and depressed. Would that be proactive? Best to all. Lillian
  23. More depressed than usual. One of our major appliances stopped working and will cost a fortune to repair. We have the money to repair it (for which I am grateful) but it will mean we have to tighten up somewhere else. Se la vie. Best to all. Lillian
  24. Dreamed last night I was the only person in the room who was a member of a particular political party. (This is usually true.) But someone asked me to help with a particular political campaign which I agreed to do. (I normally hate politics because it has become so nasty and such a stalemate with nothing accomplished. If something political comes on TV, I change the channel because it is so depressing.) The chairperson of this particular campaign hired a secretary that was very inept. She could not type or spell and typed a letter that had all kinds of errors. I offered to retype the letter because I am a very good typer. But I discovered I could not type at all.
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