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Everything posted by 1i11ian

  1. Took the cats out and watered the flowers. One flower was really droopy and I felt guilty for not taking better care of it.
  2. Great topic. I hope to get some great insight into my reality. I have a question about dreams. When I first retired, I dreamed about work situations sort of like Duck has where there is a big problem I can't solve. Now I am dreaming about when I was in High School. Does this mean I am regressing in mental age?
  3. Now this is a happy topic. I love babies, any kind. Please keep us posted.
  4. Believe it or not, I have been doing a lot. The house inspector was coming so I actually really cleaned. Now I don't want to move for fear it will get messed up again which, of course, it will. Why does housework have to be repeated so often?
  5. A little sick on my stomach from taking my medication.
  6. I suppose I should be embarrassed to mention this but it is honestly my first memory. I was 3 or 4 years old and had long since been potty trained. I was sitting on the back steps and did not want to go inside so I deliberately pooped in my pants. My mother who had eyes in the back of her head, marched me into the bathroom. I remember at one point being very pleased with myself and then very guilty. I guess potty training can be a way to express ones defiance.
  7. Two slices of Pizza, steamed asparagus, an apple
  8. I don't want to upset anyone but I believe that death is the end which pleases me. I am tired and I don't want to do anything more. I want to sleep forever. I will be cremated and returned to the universe from whence I came. I may fertilize a beautiful wildflower. That would really please me. There are family members I never want to see again. I see no evidence of life after death but I am a realist with a scientific mind. I have no problem with others beliefs.
  9. Have been meditating. Cannot do it for very long. Waiting for the miracle.
  10. Avocado, almond butter on Glutina crackers, and a coconut protein bar.
  11. Home made vegetable soup and crackers.
  12. Hot sausage, mash, carrots, green beans, an apple and Kefir.
  13. I had a childhood acquaintance with absolutely everything to live for, a wonderful husband and two beautiful young children. Her suicide note read, "I am tired of fighting it." I could certainly relate to that. You do get very weary fighting it. I am a recovering alcoholic and have suffered with depression for most of my life. I believe it to be chemical and genetic. Everyone in my family has a problem with alcohol and depression. In my 12 step recovery program we say we have to go to any length in recovery. I believe this to be true in depression, too. That is why and am always looking for new solutions. But I do get weary.
  14. I have a CO for Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and their children. I admire them for their humanitarian work and I like their movies. I have no desire to meet or correspond with them ever. I have no desire to be like them or live their lifestyle. I enjoy reading about their activities and seeing pictures of the children as they grow up. I think when we know this is a CO and are realistic about it, there is no harm in it. I think the harm is in not knowing it is a CO and in not being realistic that we will ever be a part of their lives. You read about some fans going overboard and stalking celebrities. These are the ones who have a real problem. We have no idea what their lives are really like. It is part of their job to present a successful beautiful picture to the public when, in fact, they may be far more miserable than we will ever be You often hear of celebrity suicides and substance abuses. It can be a pleasant distraction from everyday, ho hum life to enjoy these beautiful, talented people from afar. So go for it.
  15. Feeling in limbo which is where I mostly am, not depressed but not not depressed either. I am thinking of going to Mayo for depression. They have helped me with a number of other conditions. Has anyone had any experience with Mayo for depression? Would you recommend a female or male therapist?
  16. I disagree. I think you have much in common with Picasso. I also think that self expression is essential to a healthy life and particularly to someone with a serious condition. My self expression is photography which I guess is a type of art. Take care.
  17. I don't know how people just think happy to be happy. It is a mystery for me and one I have been trying hard to solve especially here lately. I have been clinically depressed for as long as I can remember or at least since I was 10 years old when my father died. Someone mentioned genetic and I believe it to be that in my case. It seems to run in my family along with a number of inherited traits such as alcoholism, cancer and others. If I was not on a high dose of Celexa, I would be suicidal and, even so, I am just barely on the edge. At this point in time, I have absolutely no reason to be depressed but I still am. This makes me think it is some kind of chemical imbalance in my brain. I have recently completed a series of hypnotherapy sessions with take home CD's for practice. I can see the therapeutic benefit but it is so difficult to change that negative thinking. It keeps sneaking back in. I am also trying mindfulness meditation and trying to be neutral about negative thoughts. This is difficult, also. I like what Epictetus says about being kind to our brains and that seems to reduce it down to a more manageable size somewhat. Anyone know of any miracle solutions? Thank all of you for being here for all of us.
  18. I haven't been on lately. Have been too depressed to be on. But it is always comforting to me to know you are always here. And I do remember the advice I have received over the years that has been helpful. This morning I worked in the garden in the spring sunshine. It was invigorating. I always feel better when I do this. I also washed the sheets on the bed. It will be great to go to bed tonight and slip into fresh sheets. It is time to take the heavy blankets off the bed and I will do this when I put on the sheets. Don't know when I will be able to be back on for thanks for being here. Blessings to all.
  19. Love the baby goats. I have always wanted goats but never had room. Now I have room but am too old to care for them. Thanks for sharing. It is always helpful to have something fun to brighten ones day.
  20. It has been a long time since I have been on the Depression Forum. I have been too depressed to communicate. I received a friend request from a new member which finally woke me up. Thanks go to her. I have only just recently realized that I have anxiety, too, especially social phobias. I have very high (too high) expectations of myself and don't think I can deal with social situations perfectly. I set myself up for failure. I have a slight speech impediment that I think turns people off. It probably does turn some off but certainly not most. I also react slowly in conversations and have sort of a mental block. I have AADD, dyslexia and aphasia that doesn't help. I do not know how to make small talk especially with people I have nothing in common with. I hate being around people who jabber on constantly but I do better with these because I don't have to say anything. I would rather stay home than put myself in these award situations. Bless all of you who suffer from this. I am one of you.
  21. Find out who gets eliminated on Dancing with the Stars. Hope it is not David or Carson.
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