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DustyRoad

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Everything posted by DustyRoad

  1. Thank you. I'm in a bad way today. Something is going to happen. Not to me, but I can feel it in my bones.

  2. Wondering where to find a local support group. Some have said Easter Seals? I live in NJ, USA.
  3. This is my gut feeling, I'm not ill, nor do I have any heaath concerns as far as I know of to worry about, I will post this now. I usually don't post in the forums. I did the other day and got a few great responses, Thank you- evryone. My take on life hasn't been good at alll. Very hopeless. I feel abandoned. I feel I'm going to die. and pray that I do. Make me sad to think that. If I did my wife will have nothing. God Help Me. I have no health care, because I have no job since Oct 12, 2016. I been feeling, no make that...I'm depressed, or feel like down and out with zero hope. I wonder If i'm just very down because of losing my, job. It was my life, my business all my life. I mentioned this in this forum. I can apply for Medicare part B. But that will cost me money. Being I have no job, I don't know if I should bite the bullet and apply for Part B? Right now my wife and I have zero health care. She would still havee no H.C. Living on a wing and a prayer........Dusty
  4. Thank's everyone. I am lost. I am lost.
  5. I've been on Lexapro for many years. I stopped taking it because I didn't feel any better. Of course, I've been diagnosed with depression. I 've been in a bad way for over 2 years. Here's my story. I had my own business. I was a partner. The company was failing. We only had insurance with a high co-pay. I kept getting refills on the Lexapro. Then stopped and have been med free for about 6 months. Since then my company sold, I lost my income and have no heath coverage. I'm 65 years old. I could get by working with by own company. Now I have to find work. Feeling depressed who would hire me? I can get plan B Medicare, I can collect unemployment, but after a year that will run out. I have no retirement money. I'm going to run out of money! I need advise. Where do I go? Please help. Dusty
  6. Good topic. All I do know is that you have a lot to confront. And confronting a narcissist doesn't work. They won't give in nor admit but try this as a first step-- Check Their Willingness to Change: This one might seem obvious, but it’s crucial enough that it bears mentioning. The easiest way to test a partner’s capacity to change is to seek help from a couples therapist — or any therapist for that matter. Even people who aren’t narcissists can be leery of therapy, so this one shouldn’t be considered a litmus test. If your partner’s willing to work with you, though, your odds at improving the relationship have probably jumped by an order of magnitude.
  7. Many Americans and like minded people are now jumping on the band wagon of their choice and that’s okay at this given moment. It does remind me of those old movies where all of the western settlers ride with reckless abandonment to stake a claim for the golden acres out west. Ride 'em high, cowboys, as you trample the land to some perceived higher ground. Was there any higher ground in this one-two punch out election? Is there now? Both candidates were deplorable merchandise. Everyone should have been aware of this going into November 9th’s election, unless blinded by their own ideology to think any differently. Now the insanity has began. Fighting from shallow foxholes as the ground explodes around them. Forming coalitions among like minded riders into the storm of oblivion. People hating one another for having some vague point of view of how the country could have been better if the outcome of the election was different. The election was a beauty contest with two untrainable ugly dogs. Where we go from here will hopefully be up to those left standing with both feet grounded in democracy.
  8. The United States rejected All of those previously elected For corruption and being unfair Yet some ask how could they dare Elect a maverick to a powerful chair Ethical deficiencies entitled Worst case scenarios unbridled The truth was always eschewed Charitable funds were screwed Methods so shrewd Unborn babies, killed at birth How could you live in mirth Life has a new precious song With a radical extremist gone Destructiveness is were it belongs In fear, America did not cower They denied chaos it's claim to power Casting votes in the eleventh hour The tipping point was reached Someones' hopes not breached America decided she had enough It was time to get rid of that old stuff The winning vote was for Trump The swamp's going to the dump I'd like to think we're over the hump Now that Hillary's gone It time to move on
  9. DustyRoad

    Her

    Spooky sounds delight my ears, brings me back into my fears Her boos are better than kisses Especially those I get From my misses Has anybody seen her Did she finally run off On a boat load of brooms She's much too fat For less than that Ears so long she's anointed Her nose crocked and pointed Bones old, all disjointed Crawling along so so slow She's got no place to go Spooky sounds delight my ears, brings me back into my fears Her boos are better than kisses Especially those I get From my misses
  10. The End had me at hello yet you lost me at goodbye we were not to be A sad time I had while depressed about loss. Dusty
  11. I wish you the best. You had been using Lex when younger, 16, then stopped, right? Could be a relapse. The lex will take a few weeks to have any effects. I'd think it best to check with the same doctor to let him know what's going on. In the meantime, is there an issue that is now bothering you or a physical condition? Dusty
  12. No she wasn't at all. Yes I'm so happy to meet you again Cookie Crumbles. Chat was different too. Now it a free for all. I would want the ex back. I am married again. I'm head over heals you contacted me.
  13. Hello...I saw your comment and fell off my chair. You remembered....me

    How is that? Mary You know all of that past stuff. And there are one or two sites up still. I don't go to them. Yes, I must say that you are somewhat right. I was a real mess then. Not thati'm much better.

    Please stay in touch. Boyd..

    I want to tell you more of what happened. okay. 

  14. You do an excellent "job" in chat. I would think that does define you as an observer. I think chat uplifts your spirit. Dusty
  15. I did just send her a short note.

     

  16. Hey Kido how it doing today? I was waiting to see a reply?
  17. In my opinion, online first, phone second then to invest should be after months of time spent on the first two.
  18. I was born with a favorite song, then I heard another song and I had a new favorite. The world has a short attention span with music as with most other worldly humanistic feelings. It's just the way it is everywhere, with one hit song after another. The favorite of the day is the bomb of tomorrow. Some research has indicated that at fourteen a person is influenced by songs. I wondered, as I fell asleep last night what the hit songs were when I was fourteen. The feeling from a song's tune and words became part of my soul. It could also be true that my insights and perceptions became acute at that age. I listened with an intelligent developing mind. I also read with a penchant of deeper reflection as to the author's intentions they wanted me to have after reading their words. Without goggling I thought of a few song that I remembered. Here are the ones that actually were from 1965: "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" was one that fit 1965. I was very surprised as my memory placed the song in 1968. Another was "Help Me Rhonda" which was from1965. I was a surfing addict most of my life. One pick had to be from Bob, and I took a shot at "Like a Rolling Stone". Bingo, right on the damn money, 1965. Then I thought of The Byrds, another all time favorite group, and came up with "Mr. Tambourine Man" also by Bob. I thought that song was 1967, but right on the money again, 1965, the year the Byrds made the song a hit. Another song was "How Sweet It Is to be Loved by You". I discount that pick because the song is still a hit for me. Can you imagine that? From Marvin Gaye all the way up to James Taylor's version. However 1965 was the year! What it all means is beyond me? I was reluctant to believe the research. As I'm writing this, I think these particular songs did have influence in my development. They still resonate in my head from time to time. The song have been my destiny. On the other side of the coin I had memories of other songs but they weren't 1965. Songs like "Heat Wave", missed that by a year. I really love that song and can remember dancing to it in front of the mirror. "Day Tripper, another miss but only by a month, January 1966, so count that as a hit. Magic Carpet Ride, 1968, well a great song but a miss for my year of 1965. All in all, I had more hits than misses. I didn't check the song and date match until today, a day later but hey, I was right more than wrong. The question for now, what in the world does that mean as to who I grew up to be so many years from 1965? That's a question for a psychologist or others that have known me for a period of time could answer. I believe these songs are who I am, both then and now, depending on the song. All of the songs have fit at some point in my life. I think of "Satisfaction" and remember hearing it on the New Jersey boardwalk or singing the song in my high school band, I named The Sugar Beats. Yep, you heard it right, The Sugar Beats. I played the drums and sang. What a trip that was to play in front of my sister's friends at high school dances. I have to add that we played many songs by the Monkees too. "Last Train to Clarksville" was my favorite song to sing while drumming away on stage. Then how about "How Sweet It Is to be Loved by You"? Yes, my true love was always sweet. But she divorced me in 2009 because I was depressed and completely out of my mind. She was always there for me in the best of times. I was never happier with anyone else and I'm now the saddest person on earth without that love. Sigh. "How Sweet It Is to be Loved by You" I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were I needed someone to understand my ups and downs and there you were With sweet love and devotion Deeply touching my emotions I want to stop and thank you baby How sweet it is to be loved by you How sweet it is to be loved by you Which song fits the year of 2016? I would have to give a big heads up to Bob's "Like a Rolling Stone" for the song that fits me today like a tight wet suit on a cold windy day in January. "Like a Rolling Stone" by Bob Dylan Once upon a time you dressed so fine Threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you? People call say 'beware doll, you're bound to fall' You thought they were all kidding you You used to laugh about Everybody that was hanging out Now you don't talk so loud Now you don't seem so proud About having to be scrounging your next meal How does it feel, how does it feel? To be without a home Like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone Not a pretty picture of my life right now when I read the lines. You read them, and tell me how you'd feel to be this rolling stone guy? Yes it all fits me now, all too damn well. In fact, I could scream out loud as to just how much this man we call Bob has written such truths about my damn life back then that fit right now. I could run through the streets in complete sobbing tears that no one would hear nor want to, with the one exception being my lovely wife. This is my stinking ****ed up life right now. It's been the worse year of my entire life. I hate my life and would prefer to check out as soon as possible. I could run a check list but it's my life, not the readers' business. I could start with my dog Mac dying in February and believe me it gets a hundred times worse right up to this week with no hope for a tomorrow. This is my memoir, called "Life Sucks". I'll end with an up note of Bob's lyrics, and The Byrds' singing "Mr Tamborine Man" Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', Swingin' madly across the sun It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run And but for the sky there are no fences facin' And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind I wouldn't pay it any mind It's just a shadow you're seein' that he's chasing. Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves Let me forget about today until tomorrow Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you
  19. Yes ..good you didn't spend any money!
  20. DustyRoad

    The Vastness

    I wanted to feel vastness. After all I'd been working in my small viewless cubicle for the past twelve months. I needed the freedom of the birds flying in whatever direction they decided to tilt their tail feathers. Today would be my first day of breathing fresh air, instead of carbon monoxide laced with the smell of empty garbage trucks rolling down the wide congested streets of the Big Apple. I took one last look at the majestic skyscrapers built by Catholic Irishmen who had to hide their religious beliefs until they were granted freedom of worship. The annual parade in honor of the patron saint of Ireland is still one of the biggest events of the year for my city of departure. I left watching the lives of people as busy as bees growing to insignificance as we passed the the statue that welcomed all ethnicities. I was surrounded by the bare simplicities one needed to live at peace with the earth. False complications were gone from my life. I was away from that gross insanity. I was one with the wind, as it pulled me away with each puff. My eyes saw the rising sun of a new day, my skin felt it's warm burn. I was drinking in the possibilities before me. The calmness of the ocean filtered into my being with the rays of spring's sun warming my back as drank hot Jasmine tea. I still had my fears, but the source of those old abominable apprehensions would now be assuaged by the resplendent glory of a three hundred and sixty degree view of an endless horizon. I'd wake early with the albatross in anticipation of the sunrise to fill my heart with prominent display of primary colors and vibrant hues. At night the moon hung on a wall of clear darkness on the other side of the world. I'm content for the first time in decades. I fell asleep hearing only the soft indistinct sounds as I floated on a deep fluid blue garden. Good vibrations of a different cosmopolitan world were now pulsing into my senses as I rolled from side to side. Still smiling at the dreams I had in the night which encompassed all of heaven's delights. My desires became superficial as my goals disappeared. I wanted nothing more from the day except for the quietness to continue as I watched persimmon clouds sailing to the east. Each day I was filled with wonderful bliss. Was this a never ending state of mind? The tranquility did end, as the sun suddenly disappeared leaving dark skies and shouting wicked winds wailing. My main sheet was shredding. I waited too long to reef her down. to a manageable size. Would I drown alone in the infamous devil's triangle. I could no longer turn the metaphoric wheel of dreams to hold a steady course. My fears surfaced like a scarred breaching whale rising out the now ugly sea. Somehow I beheld the beauty in nature's storm, as God bestowed my inner strength to build with the strong waves as the off beam winds soared. Heavy weather meant riding on turmoils of swarming sharks, testing my hull to its limits. Nature gave me a salty wet slap, pushing me to the hard deck. My mast creaked as I let my jib backwind to stall the boat in a safe heaving-to position. I held on to the gunnels with the gusto of Angels holding back Davy Jones' evil. My hope was restored as the wind slowed down and calm returned revealing a majestic sunset off my starboard. I was saved from a watery grave only with Poseidon's good graces. I found peace in my own solitude as weariness overcame my spirit. I slept under the evening's first stars with a dry blanket as my pillow. The horizon changed as the brackish smell of the Chesapeake filled the air. Soon I traveled northward on the slim ribbon of the Potomac's tide waters . The air was still fresh, but I sensed that would end when I saw the tall white obelisk poking into the skies of my destination. I could feel the power of her sublime beauty wrapping around the world, but it wasn't without a price. She did not ask for permissions. She changed life into whatever she wanted rather than giving us her promise of freedom and equality to all. I had arrived at my destination. I was both happy and sad to leave the endlessness behind. Happy because I could return some day to live the life. I hide my eyes from the working class people and their unimaginable singular existence. Was this the life I'd known? Today I was still free from her restrictions and planned to visit places of harmonious living whenever possible. Do you want to come along with me next time? Please leave a comment if you liked!
  21. Yes that last idea might be the best approach, just to be brief. One thing you said was that she said you didn't seem happy with your job. That bothers me. I need to be very aware of being happy, which is the opposite of being bored. Not happy with smiles, but just get the job done with zest. I am positive I can do that tomorrow. TY.
  22. I am on Lexapro. I feel very tired in the morning. I look spaced out a times. I feel tired most of the day. I say tired but it's mostly mild depression, or who knows. I feel that my new employer has noticed my tiredness. Says I looked bored. Now should I tell them I'm on Meds for depression? Or should I not cross that line? I want to make a good impression on the new boss.
  23. Drinking and any psychic meds are very dangerous together. Doing so may not seem obvious at first, but it'll catch up to you with more problems than you can imagine.
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