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peekfrean

Junior Member
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    47
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About peekfrean

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday 02/28/1978

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Canada
  • Interests
    cooking/eating, running, reading, shopping, dancing.
  1. this was a great post to read, so thank you... i find that also coming on to this website to read what others are going thru has helped me more than hinder me, and makes me feel a bit of ease knowing that there are others who feel the same way i do. cheers to having a great day, and hopefully the positive vibe you've encountered can spread out to reach tomorrow :)
  2. i recently met someone who i instantly clicked with: we laughed, smiled, joked around and talked about alot of things we had in common. next minute i know, he snaps at me and then turns off all communication from everyone. i sent him a letter stating that i wished him well, and i'm not expecting any response because it happened so abruptly... for the record he has depression issues, which i know is what is causing the current situation - it just makes me feel sad that i can't help him. good friends of mine are telling me to drop this friendship that i have with him because he has too many issues. but i can relate since i'm technically in the same "depression" boat and i hate the stigmatization that goes behind it. i guess i'll just wait and see if he ends up speaking to me, i hope he does... but my heart is sinking and i just don't feel good. i'm starting to hate these episodes where i find people that are kindred, and then for some chance of ****ed up-ness, i can't keep them as friends. i wish i could shut off my emotions.
  3. i stand corrected: it seems like i was the only one who thought we were best friends, only i who thought we could count on each other... i think most of his excuses were simply to avoid the inevitable, b/c most of us are afraid of change and that's what happened here. some things were said that you just can't erase from your mind once they're out of a person's mouth. sometimes you just have to dust yourself off and move on. time to turn a new page in life. i'm trying not to let my thoughts become too negative.
  4. i think it also helps that we're best friends to each other too and count of each other just as much as we count on ourselves. it was reassuring to see that we could see light at the end of the tunnel, and even verbalize how much our own feelings were getting hurt without making it sound like a guilt trip or something resentful.
  5. hi everyone... just wanted to make a quick post about how things are going: i think having the time away last week to spend with my family and away from the relationship helped alot. it gave me a chance to settle down and miss him - which let me focus on all the good things i love about him and about us. i think the long weekend had the same effect on him, because he did spend time on himself and even did some chores while i was away. when i got back tuesday we had a good talk about things. stuff mentioned in previous posts were all considered, and we're taking small steps. there are plans for him in the future to consider if he wants to keep his job or just not return to it next season. it is seasonal work, he has the chance to take off the winter months or work under the table, so i suggested it might be best for him to actually take the time off and focus on making himself happy (so in turn he can do what is asked of him). then at least he can decide with a clear mind of if it's actually worth his mental health to go thru another stressful term or not. we shall see. we've also made plans to actually go outdoors when spending time together, rather than just movies or something inside the house. now that the weather is nicer, it's a good enough excuse to go outside... and he's now actually showing initiative that he wants to spend time... YAY! we both agreed that getting out there and talking about whatever is totally better than just watching a film... it gets the conversation going and keeps the lines of communication open. as for myself i received a bit of constructive criticism on my behaviors and how it effects him, and there was some self reflection done... so i'm glad that i have an idea of what both of us have to work on, both independantly and together. for now, we are making progress (thank god!) - slow progress, but good progress none-the-less. so thanks everybody for your support and your ideas that came from this post. i appreciate everybit of it and feel that it'll be a useful tool to reflect on every now and then to ensure i keep in line with my goals.
  6. i just started googling about assertive communication courses and most links are for courses that help in work situations... do you think that matters? i mean, i guess it could be applied in all areas? i hoping that's the case because perhaps then i can write it off as a business expense
  7. thank you for posting this
  8. first off i want to thank you guys for replying... every bit of advice given has let me focus on repairing the relationship rather than letting my frustrations get the better of me. i think i'd like to try counselling as this could benefit me in becoming a better communicator, and like caridwen suggested... i'm going to look into a book on assertive communication. this coming week is a mini vacation for me, being off work from thursday to wednesday and i'm going to my parents so i think the down time will be good to relax and learn a new skill. at least then i believe i can fully focus on me, and think out my next steps. it was a bit of a hit to read what you said BetterOff, but i'm taking that as a good thing because you pointed out how the relationship can sour so quickly... because that's literally what has happened in the past six months. i think i've been denying how disappointed i have been feeling, and by not setting any ground rules from the start - well - i guess we all know what the outcome of that has been... blah! chumly, i've made the mistake of living with an ex and i will never repeat that again. what bothers me the most in this case is that yes, he was a clean freak before however that's when he had all the time in the world. and i can understand and accept that, but - as we all know - when two people share a home the two people should also share those household duties (i must make this list). Googling how to live with a slob is such a brilliant idea, lol and kind of amuses me at the moment - so at least i've got a smile on my face. at the moment i'm trying not to get frustrated and stand my ground. he came home tonight and expected dinner, which i didn't prepare since i'm not hungry (big lunch). he asked if i wanted to watch a movie with him, however since we still haven't discussed the ignorance displayed last night - i decided that i'm not doing anything "normal" until we sit down and talk about what happened. i think think that's fair enough? regardless i still feel hurt for not being able to cook (perhaps i am a bit too mothering? another thing to talk with a therapist about...) and um... i'd like to be watching the movie but it's not fair to just let things slide. address you issues. effectively communicate. be assertive: stand your ground. do not forget to love. i need to stamp this on my forehead. thanks for your support xo.
  9. i didn't really know who to talk about this with, so i guess it's a good thing that depression forum exists... i've been off of my anti-depressants for a month now - my choice in doing so. i can say for the most part that i'm loving being med free. the other part well - i dunno... i think it's a really big stressor and it's starting to let me down... and i'm afraid it's gonna make me depressed again. both my boyfriend and i lead pretty heavy work lives. he's blames his work stress on not being able to "help" around the house as much as he could... and usually spends his free time either going out for bike rides and/or playing video games. there is the odd time that he will pick up groceries, or clean the bathroom, or do the dishes... however these are far and few between and for the most part i have to plead with him to get help. usually he'll do groceries once a week, and other duties once a month... IF that. me on the other hand feels like the burden of the upkeep of a home is falling on my shoulders. i understand that i'm the one who lives closer to home (like seriously, right beside it) and in turn i'm the one to prepare the meals, do the dishes, do the laundry, vacuum, take out the trash, the recycling, go shopping for groceries, pick up necessitities... the list goes on. i don't want to sound like i'm complaining however it's very hard to do all these things when the other person has now gotten into a habit of NOT cleaning up after themselves. i've tried talking to him however he says that his life is so stressful it's (dis)abling him from doing anything. he says that i should be understanding of his disorders (he has a past history of being bipolar) and that with him being so stressed out he shouldn't be expected to do anything. some friends have suggested counselling however he doesn't have the time for it (the excuse he has given to me). they also have suggested that i don't pick up after him, clean his dishes, do his laundry etc, however i think this will only lead to further problems and no solutions. anybody got any advice? i don't want to give up on this relationship as he is my best friend, however there is such a big communication block between us now that it's ruining our relationship. for the record... i tried talking to him about how i felt today b/c when i asked for some help with the chores today... his reply was "i was the one to do that last". when i tried talking - not fighting - about his response and how it makes me feel - he turned around and walked out of the room. that was 2pm this afternoon, and still nothing has been resolved. i feel lost.
  10. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  11. all the best to you too... was a very nice to read - positivity was shining through. yay for progress
  12. they say happiness is contagious, so thanks for sharing this post! to read that someone is feeling better and enjoys it makes me feel good. hope the feelings lasts for you!
  13. peekfrean

    Monday-Monday...

    seriously i feel like everybody's doormat today. i just want to crawl in my bed and hide, but it's too ******* hot to lay under the covers until the sun goes down. i PUSHED myself today to go for a run, and that's probably the only reason why i haven't yelled at someone or ran away from my regular life. i want things to change. i get up and go to work and am bombarded by co--workers who don't do their assignments. this leaves everything back logged for days, and then i'm expected to pick up the work. i try to talk to my boss about it who's only reply is then that i have to work harder and accomodate/cater to these people who can't do the work their assigned in the first place. i hid in my office all day b/c i just didn't want to talk to anybody. needless to say i was found and then had to talk to someone about how their uncle unexpectedly died (i was and still am sympathic towards that, it is a s***ty situation) which then all of a sudden bounced onto another conversation topic about all the drama her friends are putting her through. i didn't say it but i kind of wanted to question why she hangs around people who do nothing but drama. i mean i left drama almost two years ago and am glad i did... although it still finds mee from time to time. ugh... so yeah, Biotch and complain, Biotch and complain, Biotch and complain. i somehow made it through the whole day only to come home to a ******* mess. don't know how many times i need to explain it, but it just doesn't seem to register with my other half that i don't want to live in a ******* pigstye. so here i go, in the evening heat... cleaning away just so i have a nice seat to sit on, or a table to sit at without a bunch of crap, or a sink that isn't full of dishes. i don't know how to get it in his friggin head! a little help would be nice! it's just also pi**ing mee off b/c he can use "stress" as an excuse to go and hide away and ignore/not respond/have no cares in the world when i'm just supposed to be mighty mouse and conquer the whole world. i don't want to conquer the world anymore. i hate it. anyhow he comes home in the middle of mee writing this only to voice how angry and p***** off he is b/c i didn't answer my cellphone. why didn't i answer? b/c i was ******* cleaning up after you! argh! so now he's mad at mee and is making dinner for himself and not talking to me. great. i ******* hate the world today. i wish it would just blow up.
  14. It's great though, im glad we could have! ^^

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