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DesertLily

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About DesertLily

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  • Birthday 11/19/1984

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  1. Love your positive attitude too! That's what will help us get through this! :) I agree, we should take a page from them... And I'm sure it'll help us get even further if we can relax and take some of the pressure off! I've been trying to work on ways to relax, it doesn't come easy to me. Do you have anything you do to relax? Hope you have a fantastic day tomorrow too!!! :)
  2. It's a new day, how is yours going? My therapist is really nice... I didn't like her at first tho lol I've had a few different ones, and the one I had several yrs ago I really liked but she moved :( I had one after who was nice but I just didn't find her helpful so I switched again and found the one I have now :) I'm sorry about your therapist! How long have you seen her? Maybe it's just not a good fit? I've read it's good to go to one a few times and see how you like them but sometimes it's just not a good match. Or maybe it just needs a little more time? I think it's important that she listens to you. Group isn't really my thing either... Mine suggested it but I told her I haven't found it helpful in the past so we just stick to one-on-one sessions. That's fabulous you had a better eating day today!!! I hope tomorrow is even better! Mmm, dessert sounds so good! I can't remember the last time I had it. I'm jealous! My eating has been about the same... Good news is I've laid back on some of the recreational exercise... Bad news is I upped the intensity and length of my regular workouts :/ I'm ready for tomorrow though to try again! :)
  3. Great attitude on trying to focus on getting better and not calories! I'm not on meds for the ED but the psych suggested I go on meds for PTSD(my therapist thinks my ED and PTSD are connected)... I'm thinking about it. I talked w/ my therapist today more about my eating(or lack of eating)/exercise problem... She gave me some goals to try and do. The thought of change is sooo uncomfortable but I told her I'd try it... I just hope I can do it!
  4. That's absolutely fantastic you made yourself go out anyway... AND had a good time!!! I know how hard that must've been so I know it was a huge step forward! :) We'll always have good and bad days... That's why it's important we remember the good ones. Change is so hard but I think the more we make the right choices, the easier it'll become. :)
  5. Honestly, some days I don't have the energy but I force myself anyway because if I don't keep up my routine I feel like I failed. Yesterday my hands went numb kayaking but I still couldn't stop. I've already been seeing a therapist, the other wk I started seeing a dietician, and last wk I saw a psychiatrist... He wanted me to see a therapist who specializes in ED but I didn't want to. I keep going back and forth thinking do I even have an ED, and if I don't then why get help for it? That's really wonderful your mom is so supportive and helpful! My fam can't really give me any emotional support. Besides the professionals I don't have any support, none of my friends know or even suspect. I start my day off the same... Or at the end of the day I'll tell myself I'll do better tomorrow... But like you said, it just stresses me out so much. I don't know, it's like reasonably I know what I should do and changes I should make but my emotions just take over any reason. It feels impossible sometimes to turn off my emotions and listen to my brain. Each moment is a chance to begin again... We just have to keep trying, we'll get there :) Hope you have a better day today!! Remember you're not alone!
  6. I'm sorry for the delayed response... I actually read your topic the other day but I just wasn't sure how to answer... I wish I had more answers but I feel all I have are questions, hopefully we can help each find some answers! I'm glad to have someone to talk to too(I definitely agree tho, it'd be nice if we didn't have this to deal with!). How cool that you can play the piano! I wish I could play a musical instrument.. I tried the trumpet in middle school for about a week lol I know how terrible depression can be, it just kinda zaps the energy out of you and makes it so hard to do stuff. Are you taking anything for it? I use to take something for depression and it really seemed to help. I need to figure out work/school too... It's a lot to think about but one day at a time, right? :) I can definitely understand about how hard it is to care about other things, I'm not even as far along as you in recovery and I get extremely anxious when I think I won't get in my exercise or can't figure out how many cals something is. It's ironic I do those things to feel in control but those things actually control me. I know how not having insurance can be, it makes it so hard to get help. I have it right now but didn't before... It's a crappy policy tho lol That's really great you're starting in an ED program! You'll have to let me know how it goes and how you like it. It's really encouraging to hear you're getting help and trying to get your life back. It gives me hope I can get to that point too :)
  7. I wish I had an answer but since my days are still filled w/ that stuff I can't really offer much help. :( The other day I tried slowing down and not doing so much... I wondered in that moment what else I had. It's hard to face those things. Maybe make some goals... Could be long term ones? I'd like to get my life back eventually... I'm not making much progress atm but it still gives me something to want to want to change for(if that makes any sense!). Is there anything else that sounds interesting to you that could help fill your days?... Did you enjoy anything before you had an ED? I've been thinking of that lately and trying to think of things. I think it's important to keep working with your therapist and find out the underlying issue of what might've caused you to develop an ED. Yrs ago I use to exercise normally and eat healthy and liked myself... Things happened to change that... But it's possible to feel beautiful and validate the feelings you have without focusing on calories/exercise. I'm sure we can both get to that point! :)
  8. Thank you for sharing some of your story.. It doesn't offend me at all! ...scares me a little tho. I didn't realize I had a problem either... Not until my hair started falling out :( You didn't really feel weak, even w/ getting so sick? The exercise is what made it the worst and you didn't get that much underweight?? I feel like I can't have an eating disorder because I'm not underweight(depending on what way you figure ideal weight). I can relate some... Especially recently, I keep feeling like I'm beating up my body w/ all the exercise and I feel like its slowly falling apart. Yesterday I did 90mins on the elliptical, 2hrs stand up paddle boarding, 60mins running, 60mins walking... I was so exhausted today but I did almost the same routine again and only had 200cal so far. I don't know how to stop. How does chronic fatigue develop.. Because the lack of nutrients and exercise? Or the infection caused it? I hope it's not chronic fatigue and they can find what's wrong and how to help!! <3<3
  9. How's it been going for you? Yesterday I did okay... I exercised a little less and tried to get more foods with vitamins in. I think my biggest issue is exercise... For over a yr I have exercised every single day, normally at least 90mins. If I didn't exercise at all then what I eat calorie wise wouldn't be so bad. I can't stop exercising though. Do you struggle with that too? Hope you're having a good day!
  10. That 1st part really hit close to home. It's hard to believe someone understands what I'm going through but that sounded like me. By more health concerns today I'm realizing more how much damage I'm doing to my body. I need to change to... I hate feeling like my body is falling apart. Today's a new day to try again :)
  11. My goal weight keeps going down too... Or I think I'll be happy when I fit in a smaller size, but then when I can fit it, I think maybe the next smaller size will be better. I was trying to eat more and it lasted a few days, now I'm back to being at a huge calorie deficit. I don't know what to do, I'm terrified of gaining weight. How are you staying strong? I'm not sure i have the strength you do
  12. Thank you for the encouragement.. I need all of the encouragement I can get!! I see a therapist too.. The psychiatrist wants me to see another therapist too who specializes in eating disorders.. I told him I'd think about it. I just started seeing a dietician.. And I hurt my hip running a few months ago and because of the malnutrition it's taking longer to heal so I have to see a physical therapist..... I don't want to spend my whole life in appointments :/ I thought I'd be happier when I weighed less but I'm no happier :(
  13. I guess I have anorexia... At least that's what my psychiatrist said. I don't feel like I do... I feel like I'm too fat to have an eating disorder. I did get blood work done and I'm deficient in some things... It's causing easy bruising, shortness of breath, hair loss, etc. it's mainly because of the hair loss I want to get healthier... I don't want to keep losing hair :( I'm terrified if I start eating more I'll gain weight... I tried eating more this past wk and today on the scale I gained weight I don't know how to be healthy and skinny :(
  14. Thank you all for the words of encouragement! I'm hoping we can fight and get somewhere.. It's just so unfair what they did!
  15. Thank you everyone for the support!! It's much needed I just got back from bringing my brother to his last therapist appt(his insurance cuts out at midnight tonight). We're not sure what he's going to do about meds right now.. He has enough for the month at least. It's truly terrible how this happens to sooo many ppl! I hate that when you start a job they're all like, "we're family..we're a team" when that's the farthest thing from the truth. Taysmom, I sooo wish my brother could make the ppl who fired him look stupid! That must've felt good when you won your case! Lowinohio, thanks for the support! I hope they don't get away w/ it! Bipolar, I feel the same way now. I don't think any of them care about employees anymore.. I think they just think of employees as expendable Stoniumfrog, we've had a feeling for a while they were gonna try and fire him so he's kept meticulous paperwork/emails on everything. I just hope it's enough! My brother is keeping his complaint w/ the EEOC, his union is gonna try to help him(altho I don't necessarily trust them too much), and he's going to try to find a lawyer who might work on a contingency basis. So horrible of them to do this before Christmas! Please keep your fingers crossed for us!!
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