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About jillivinilly

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    Platinum Member

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  • Gender
  • Location
    U.S. Midwest
  • Interests
    My family, music, travel, my dogs and cats, chatting online, anything a 15 year old would to do or talk about (my daughter's age!) Self discovery is something I am working hard on. The more I discover the more I find I need to work on.

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  1. I can really identify with your post. Although I am certain my depression is chemical, in my mind, there is no doubt the low self worth and fake fronts (it's a lot of work to keep up fake fronts, isn't it?) has contributed to my problems and even interfered with my counseling. And I can hear my bad voice inside screaming at me at times. With work though I have been able to drown it out or at least hold it down to a quieter lever as I work on the mantras, and the suggestions from therapists, and in my case, meds.
  2. I'm recently unemployed (after 17 years at the same company) which at first I thought was the end of the world. Now that the dust has settled, I feel much less pressure. The job was much more stressful than I realized. So I actually have been feeling better in this circumstance. Although I might not feel so peaceful when my employment compensation runs out! Peony (I love that name by the way) sometimes thrift stores and even online stores like ebay have bead and jewelry kits. I don't know specifically what kind of supplies you like best, but a browse on ebay may prove fruitful :)
  3. Just try to get it out there. You are amongst like people. If anyone can relate to your feelings and situation it is people here.
  4. I miss joy. I miss feeling good. I miss being a positive in someone else's life.
  5. Public Relations Yes, it seems odd with anxiety and depression that public anything would be ideal. But it works for me because so much of it is behind the scenes. Putting someone else in the limelight.
  6. NickyLynn, people can change. I know that for a fact because I have...I'm not saying I've changed in to some kind of perfect because that is far from reality. But I have changed in some fundamental ways that have changed my thinking for ever. Positive changes. Those negative mantras can be devastating. Perhaps pick one, something simple to say over and over to yourself, day in and day out... "I am a dedicated and sincere mom, my children are cared for and loved." Something like that? Say it to yourself every time a negative thought rears its head in your mind. Baby steps as they say. Just change one thing.
  7. Came back as I made progress treating my depression. I'm hilarious. Just ask me.
  8. Debt sux. I wish the world did not run on money. It is not easy to get out from beneath the heavy burden of debt. But try to break it down into smaller bites of "what can I do today". Leave tomorrow for tomorrow. We worry all the way forward and forget today. Take care of your stuff, but you can't fix everything in one day. And a friend or two might help get you through the struggles.
  9. I've been thinking about this all day. What do I have to show for the last 7 years? It's been an exercise in futility. Thats what. This month I lost my job of 17 years because the business closed down because of my incompetence. Part of what landed me in treatment. My daughter is barely speaking to me. My husband is still a giant pain in my arse. What?
  10. Are you seeing a therapist? I have to keep counseling in my mix when fighting depression. The pdoc doesn't cut it for any kind of therapy. At least mine doesn't. She doesn't even offer it.
  11. What do you do for fun? Hobbies? Do you work or belong to any clubs? We need to find away and a reason for you to get out some and be in a good environment to meet people. You are smart to start out not looking for" the one"...just find a friend or two.
  12. 2006. reading back in my blog from that time period I'm blown away. Laughing hard at all the fun we had in here even when things in our life were miserable. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Now, 7 years later, what do I have to show for that time? Fresh out of rehab. So there's that. Otherwise? Maybe not so much. I don't know if I like that.
  13. The first thing that came to my mind was how well you had thought through your situation and had come up with several plans of action! Your first plan seems the strongest. And it would provide more self satisfaction thus hopefully, confidence. Working the crappy job would add to your self loathing I would think. Tell us more. What kind of evening class would you take?
  14. If you feel you need to, go to the emergency room at the hospital and tell them you need help. You would be missed. Everyone is here on this earth for a reason, and you will find yours. Have you been in therapy before?
  15. Do you have some options to get out and socialize? Not to be on the prowl for a new boyfriend, but to meet people, both male and female, that you can get support from and have ways to fill your time other than thinking of your ex. As far as your ex, all signs pointed to disaster and if he was going to be good in your life he would be tripping over himself to take care of his son.
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