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About Camellia

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  1. @salparadise6132 Thank you so much. I will remember all your advice. I will remember that my feelings comes first, and to love myself first. I also copied your advice into my notepad for my guidance. Yes, I don’t feel supported there. I just want to feel that I have a family. That’s all. Tears. My mind often tells me that it’s better to be an orphan rather than having a family but they can’t "see" you. It hurts a lot. Thank you again for your advice. I will try not to post there again as original poster, except to respond to their posts once in a while, just to tell them that I’m not distance myself away from them. A child who forget or hurt their parents and family will be in hell, I heard that thing from my family while growing up. Thank you again @salparadise6132 and everyone in here. You have given me strength. You really do. Big hugs.
  2. @samadhiSheol Thank you for comforting me. You really has helped me (feeling comfort). I really don't know what to do. If they are not my family I can just go away and never turn back. I will remember this advise (and your other advices). I will try not to post there anymore except to respond to their posts, because if I don't, they will say I'm the one that distance myself away from them (family). Thank you. Tears. Tears. Thank you so much. "At home" . Such a comfortable word. I don't know the right word. But this really helps me as a guidance for me to keep walking. I will copy this advise to my notepad to remind me and guide me along the way. Thank you. Yes, I'm confused most of the time. I don't know which is right, and which is wrong. I'm tired. Thank you so much for your advise and guidance. It gives me strength to continue walking. Thank you to @samadhiSheol and everyone for all the support. You give me strength. I have family in here. Tears. Tears.
  3. Why I never learn my lesson. After not posting there in the family group for a while . Today I posted a new one. As usual, they never 'see' me. I'm really invisible in there. This is after several posts I made in maybe 2 or 3 months. I always tell myself that they are busy. But this time it really get me to the ground, feeling sad, upset, stupid because I never learn my lesson. Why I never learn my lesson. Almost every time I posted in there, I receive no respond except maybe one (emoji only). I feel so stupid. I believe if I am a big officer in an organisation like they all do, they will be able to 'see' me. I don't know how to remind myself, not to post in there again (as original poster). Except to respond to their posts, just to tell them that I don't distance myself away from them, which they claimed I am (distance myself from them). Isn't it good if I can just shoot myself on the head, so that I don't have to face this again and again, which I've been doing it for years. They don't have to be ashamed to the neighbors to have me in the family anymore ☹️ (I don't have good position at work. I don't have degree or master like they all do except a diploma).
  4. Camellia


    @JustAnotherSufferer It helps me a lot, really, knowing that there many in here who are having the same like me.
  5. Camellia


    @Coz I can fully relate to what you are saying. As if you are posting all those for me. I just want to stay in my room (after work). I hardly go out. Literally speaking I dont have friends except a few that i only text in the hp couple of times a week. You are very similar to me, all those things that you've posted. I understand how you feel.
  6. @Incrisis27 I can relate to what you are saying. You are so much like me, don't know what to look forward to. Me neither, I can't imagine having this kind of feeling for the next 30-40 years. My only living spirit now is to go to work and get enough money to pay my rental so that I don't have to stay on the street and expose myself to all kind of street crimes. My family will 'cut my head' "you cannot even take care of yourself". To them, I'm always a burden. I can fully relate to you. I have exactly the same feeling. I'm sorry you tearing right now. I hope you feel better soon knowing that you are not alone here. People in here are very nice people. I feel safe here. None of them will brush you away. They are all very caring. I have been on another forum before I came here. I feel so safe here. Everybody here understand what we are going through. You're not alone.
  7. Hi Moodyjuniper If you are so tired to climb up, pls stay where u are, pls dont go deeper. We are here with u. When u hv some strenght, slowly u can climb up again.
  8. @AnxiousGirl123 Sorry about what are going through now. For me i never fake it. I try as mush as possible to hide it. I know the therapist or the doc will always want to bring me far away from thinking about death. I dont think you are faking it because that is the true feelings that comes from inside.
  9. @Extremebeginner Yes, I have that too. I'm not sure what it is.
  10. @rhyl I know that feeling. We are here with you.
  11. @Floor2017 Thank you Floor2017. So very kind of you. ((((Hugs you)))) If I need to talk, I will PM you. Your support helps me a lot, like many others in here, even to just reading my post (listening).
  12. @Floor2017 Thank you. That helps me.
  13. @BeyondWeary Thank you so much. You too has helped me with your supporting words, just like others in here. Thank you. Very comforting words, knowing that I have people like me in here with me, around me.
  14. @womanofthelight Thank you for your post. I'm sorry you are going through this. Your story helps me. Like you said, hearing other people like me has help me. The feeling of going back to my Creator is very strong until today. I don't know why. Reading your post, knowing what you've gone through with all the illnesses, surgeries, your accident, has helped me to keep going. Thank you so much for your support. You and many other in here really has helped me, giving me strength to keep going. I agree with you. I'm grateful to everyone in here, they understand what I'm saying even by just a few words. That has helped me a lot. And the support they gave me. Thank you everyone.
  15. Call out my name - The Weeknd
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