Camellia

@sober4life Im sorry that you are having the same problem, the black sheep. From your post, its much more difficult than mine. Your post brought me into tears.

@JD4010 Thank you for sharing. All you've said is exactly the same with me. Im the black sheep of the family. I cry a lot when I think about my IRL family. Nothing i do that can please them or make them happy. Im so confused. I dont know what to do. I dont hv IRL friends either.

@Extremebeginner Thank you. I dont know if the colors important or not. I just dont feel right at that time...somethin was not right. Im feeling better now after posting it there. Thank you again.

@JD4010 I understand what u are saying, that DF is your family in many ways. I feel the same . I always read your posts, and other family members' posts in here. Reading yours and other posters of our family here give me strength to help me with my days. I never share my things with my real family because ... (i dont know how to say it)....i dont belong to my real family...i should not be born in the family....

Im glad you feel better. We are always here with you. I agree with you about having DF here with us. I frequently sleep with DF in my hp. I feel DF is like my home.

I dont hv an advise but i just want to let you know that you are not alone. We are here with you. I can relate to you about having suicide thoughts because i have that in my mind very often. My job helps me to divert my mind. I cant stay in silent mode even a single second because that thought will instantly creeps in. Im always on my earphones or tv to avoid the silence.

@Svenetc I used that energy and just worked and worked and worked whenever I could. Me too. I just work and work and work to divert my mind. My work is a routine task, i hardly talk. I just do my job.

Im feeling blue red orange green yellow purple since few hours ago. I dont know which one.

I want to die. But i know i wont die now. The feeling wont go away either. So i just stay here in DF to comfort me. Reading peoples posts in here, helps to comfort me.

Yes i feel the same way. I dont belong to the family.

Im nof sure if it can. But readings posts in here helped me including your's.. I feel better knowing that im not alone with this. Even though the death thought is always down there in the mind. Besides reading posts in here, i also keep busy with work, a routine job. It help me to run away from my reality.

I'm angry with myself right now. I dont know how to remind myself not post anything to my family group in the chat group. If I am a somebody with high position in the office like everyone in the family is, they will respond to the post. I'm so angry to myself. Now I remember, someone here told me they are not my family, they are just relatives with same flesh and blood. Family dont treat other family like this. I must run away to other country so that I can forget them completely and tell myself that I'm actually alone.

Why bother is not the right word. I dont know how to say it. Its kind of "me with my own world".

@hendricksbrock Is it because nobody really care about you in real life. That answers are just the sake of anwering or maybe you were trying to make yourself happy by answering that way. Or maybe because nobody care about you, you dont know how to answer to people in real life. I relate it that way because nobody care about me (family)., so why bother. I don't know how to answer or to say to many things in real life. I remember, in school, my schoolmate said "Dont say that" after I said something to someone who was sad. This situations happened to me couple of times. I was actually trying to support or to comfort the person.