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Everything posted by lovenote

  1. Hang in there, B300wler! I know it sucks not having people supporting you, but a support network will take time to build anyway. Right now, there is the janitor you mentioned. He may not be your friend, but he's still a connection, even if small. A lot of times, having people by your side starts from small connections, so keep reaching out to people. Otherwise, if depression is having a major effect on your life, I highly recommend getting some sort of help.
  2. I think it's incredible that despite depression, you still manage to work on your own creative projects. I know completing an entire novel could not have been easy. You have a lot of admiration from me for doing so. Keep working on your game. I'm sorry to hear that the people in your life haven't been very supportive. Would you be able to find a group to join with people with similar interests? I've had some good experiences with meetup.com, just pick a couple groups with your interests. I've seen lots of groups aimed at connecting creative people, writers, game developers, even groups related to mental health. Meanwhile, have you spoken to a doctor or counselor about your depression? These are trained professionals who will listen to you, and can offer ideas for feeling better.
  3. These books helped me: Feeling Good by David Burns, Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven C. Hayes. You should definitely do some of the exercises in the books. Simply reading them over isn't as effective, in my opinion. I also like Get It Done When You're Depressed by Julie Fast, this is a book focused on how to get things done even when you don't feel like it at all, not so much curing depression.
  4. I haven't read the book so I'm not sure what you mean by "epidemics" outside of the sickness/medical kind. As for forming connections, I think your first step is to identify what particular aspect of it you have difficulty with. Some people are able to talk to many people but cannot form actual friendships, maybe due to bad conversation skills, lack of tact, abrasive personality or something like that. Others isolate themselves and simply don't meet enough new people on a day-to-day basis to find people they click with. You haven't given us a lot to go on, but it sounds like you may be isolating yourself physically, and then when you do encounter people, you're so self-conscious that you "freeze" when you try to talk to them. I'm just guessing here based on what you wrote. I used to have few friends and very little social skills, so I froze up a lot when talking to people, which made it more difficult to actually connect with them. Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to connect with others? A good thing to remember too, is that oftentimes, it's very difficult to connect with people in general. I find that people who I actually form meaningful connections with, it happened over time and over many encounters. It's hard to connect right away at the first meeting, since any talk during a first meeting with someone is generally pretty shallow/small talk. Also, this is a good site to check out: http://www.succeedsocially.com - Lots of good, practical advice on developing social skills. A majority of the articles are geared towards people with few or no friends (I think the site owner used to be very socially awkward).
  5. You make a great point. I too have often felt really over stretched and "assaulted" by the fast pace of things in the modern world. On the whole, I think technology is great. But it has transformed the way we live and sometimes it seems like humans haven't quite figured out how to make it more compatible with our biological needs. I've definitely experienced the "brain shutdown" you're talking about. I think my mind becomes overly exhausted and in those times I find it easiest to remove myself from the outside world (physically or through technology), I just retreat to my bedroom or sometimes go outside in nature, where there are no machines, screens, etc to deal with.
  6. Went to work, and then when I came back home after, instead of surfing the web and generally wasting time, I did 2.5 hours of painting! Feeling good right now. :)
  7. This definitely happens to me. Sometimes it can be so sudden too, like after being very productive for a while, I will suddenly have a day where all I want to do is lie in bed. I think this is probably normal. Having the mindset of taking little steps definitely helps. I try to do the same. Sometimes I only get one thing done in the whole day but it's fine. Every little thing counts, so this one thing counts as well. I try not to be hard on myself and just tell myself 'good job' for accomplishing the one thing and move on to the next if I have energy. If not, it's ok. As human beings, we can't always be productive and motivated, and there will be days where we need a break. I think sometimes we get the impression (or at least I do) from the things I see around me (tv, friends, etc) that we're always supposed to be motivated and doing things but there's no real rule or standard that says a person has to get x amount of things done in a day. So no need to be hard on yourself if you only get one or two things done, or even zero. It sounds like you are on the right track by taking little steps. :)
  8. This is a great idea! I want to do more art-related things, drawing, painting, etc. I used to draw everyday, couldn't get enough of it, but depression hit and it seemed so difficult to even pick up a pencil. I like to read too, though I do more audiobooks these days. Currently reading The Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black. I've read the first two in the Divergent series as well, haven't gotten to the third book yet though.
  9. 1. Woke up to an email from my professor saying he finished writing a very positive reference letter for me. 2. Got a short nap in in the afternoon which gave me energy to get to my tutoring job in the evening. 3. Just prepared tomorrow's lunch and dinner so I won't have to think about that in the morning before work. Yay!
  10. I do, definitely! It used to be pretty bad when I was more depressed. Now that I'm feeling a lot better, I find that I don't crave food or use it for comfort so much. Occasionally on very trying days, I still slip up though. I totally agree with gandolfication's analysis-- I know intellectually that there are plenty of things I can do to make myself feel better but eating just seems so much more immediate. Anyway, you've not alone, pensiveone.
  11. Maybe make a promise to yourself to get out of the house once a week for socializing or something? You've made so many big changes already, I think maybe go at this one step by step. Don't put pressure on yourself to make new friends or whatever. Just commit to talking to one or two people that you dont know very well in each class everyday, or something of that sort. It's a small enough commitment that you'll be able to do without feeling pressured and you'll be less likely to slip back into old ways. It's good to hear that things have been going well for you. You've made it this far, you can definitely keep going! Best of luck! :)
  12. I think 12 or 13 for me. It wasn't that severe at first, I would have episodes lasting several months than things would improve until the next episode. It would get worse with each episode until some suicide attempts when I was 19 and 21.
  13. I definitely know how you feel. I'm 24 and I spent the first part of my 20s being depressed and doing nothing with my life so now I feel like I don't want to miss out on things. Anyway I don't think it's too late for either of us. I've had success with sites like meetup.com for socializing with people and finding things to do in my area. I know you want a girlfriend to do things with but while you don't have one, there's no harm in going out and socializing. You might meet a nice girl as well. Good luck!
  14. There's no guarantee that it'll stop if you start taking medication, but antidepressants can give you energy and lighten your mood. Most of them work on some chemicals in your brain that is linked to feeling good (as far as I understand it). But it is not an automatic cure. Generally, it's recommended to take meds while doing some sort of therapy or counseling at the same time. If you are interested in how medication can help you, ask your doctor about it. He or she should also be able to find you a therapist if you don't already have one. I should warn you that there are many different types of antidepressants out there so it may take some time to find one that works for you. Best of luck.
  15. I went to art school as well and definitely have seen some superficiality there. I don't think you're being stupid at all. That said, you don't sound like you're really all that superficial, at least not to me. It sounds more like you're worried about not having the kind of life you think you're supposed to have. Like, your comment about marrying that girl when you're 30 because you fear you'll end up alone. Do you feel that if you're not with someone by the time you're 30, you will be alone for the rest of your life? Or that it's not socially acceptable if you're still single past 30? I could be totally wrong about you, I'm just offering some thoughts about your comments. I apologize if I'm way off base.
  16. Have you talked to a doctor about this? Or perhaps seek a therapist or psychologist? Constantly tearing up for no reason is a sign of depression and it obviously affects you a lot. A professional like a doctor will be able to help you with this and they can prescribe medication as well. Antidepressants are not an automatic cure but they do help many people begin recovery from depression.
  17. I'm not quite in the same situation but I definitely know what you mean about being terrified of life and not trying for things. I get so discouraged and afraid that a lot of the times I don't even bother applying for a job because I think the whole process of working on your cv, writing a cover letter, sending them off and possibly having to do an interview later is so frightening to me. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself because I'm worried about the future. What I have found helps is to do as Teec said, just apply for everything. I want to add that try not to put any pressure on yourself to actually get a job. Instead, try to see the whole thing as a way to practice getting a job. You are practicing writing cover letters, practicing the whole process. So if you screw up an interview, it's ok, you can view it as a practice session and try to look back at what you could have done better. I've found that once I started seeing the job application process in this way, I feel less anxious about the whole thing. It doesn't mean that I'm no longer terrified, I still kind of am, but it's a lot better than before and I can at least get myself to apply for a job instead of just feeling paralyzed and doing nothing. I hope this helps somewhat and I wish you the best. A big part of getting a job is just to be persistent, keep looking and applying. Good luck!
  18. The Sign of Four, which is the second Sherlock Holmes novel. I have Sherlock fever from watching the BBC series as well as the US Elementary series. :x
  19. For me, it's mostly small stuff in the moment. Watching a show that makes me laugh. Eating good food. Seeing a friend. Doing a bit of drawing. Even if I'm feeling bad, I try to find something positive in every situation. It can be really tough, and I readily admit that a lot of it is just plain forcing myself to do something I don't want to do, for example, leaving the house to see a friend. But I force myself because I know my mood will improve if I do it, even if I don't feel like it at the moment. As for long term, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out. Right now, I try to just get through each day.
  20. You can also ask your doctor to help you find a therapist/clinic. Doctors generally have some resources and information about it, and can write you a referral if the therapist/clinic requires one. In the meantime, please know that you are not alone, and you can always post here if you need support.
  21. I often feel like I don't want to participate in my own life. Not in a suicidal way, but like I would just rather be a bystander-- instead of being actively involved in my life, I just want to curl up under my blankets or something. Even when I'm feeling better and feeling more motivated to do things, there's still a part of me that would rather just quit and stay at home, lie in bed. I'm not sure if this is just a bad habit now or what. I've been doing a lot better this year compared to last year, and have even set some goals for myself (eg. move out, make a certain amount of money, etc) that I'm slowly reaching, but I can never shake the feeling of wanting to quit participating and just let life pass me by. I feel like even though I'm supposed to be "better", everything is still such a struggle. I have to fight passivity at every single step and it's mentally, emotionally and physically taxing. I don't understand how some people can be so motivated and do everything they need to without seeming to think about it, because I feel like everything I do, I have to take lots of time and effort to convince myself to do it, even if I know it's something that's good for me, even if I know I'll end up enjoying it. I just end up questioning myself-- like, am I actually just a passive/unmotivated person, even without any mental illness? Or has it just become a habit now? I don't really relish the idea of spending the rest of my life having to struggle so much to do even the simplest things, or having to convince myself constantly that yes, I really do want to participate in my life.
  22. This may not be exactly what you're looking for-- but maybe you can go see a movie or something? I do that sometimes when I want to go out and be around people but have no actual friends available to hang out with. The theatre setting means there are other people around, and I don't feel weird about being by myself since there's no pressure to actually talk. Otherwise, I don't really have any other ideas, sorry! I'm curious to see what suggestions other people have as this sometimes happens to me as well.
  23. Well, he's in his 30s so I think the not real comment has more to do with preferring other forms of communication that are more face-to-face/traditional, etc. I also think because I initially brushed off the "psycho" etc. comments that he thought they were no big deal or within his rights to say it at the time... Ugh. I don't know. The original argument was partly my fault and still kinda feel guilty but at the same time I already owned up to it and apologized months ago.. There's literally nothing I can do about it now, short of having a time machine. Part of me feels like I don't have the right to be irritated at the person but I also think that at this point, I don't really owe him anything.
  24. So I got a reply back from him, asking me to explain. :/ He also said that his memory sucks and text messages don't seem "real" to him... :/ I don't know if it would be too rude to just ignore it...
  25. Thanks for the responses, everyone! I decided just to let it go. It's not worth the effort trying to explain so I ended up just telling him nevermind. I guess if I see him again I'll just be polite and civil but I have no intention on trying to be friends or anything.
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