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Everything posted by PoeticProse

  1. Hi Lacoste, Thank you for your post - you pose a very good question. It seems that while you are quite new to the job of operating a forklift, you have been performing well until you become tired near the end of the shift. It's a taxing job that requires a substantial amount of attention and mistakes are bound to occur, especially someone who is starting out. You (and your brain) are getting accustomed to sustaining that level of attention and shifting it when necessary for an entire shift - this will improve over time without a question. So that is the first comment that I can offer to you. Regarding how you push negative thoughts out and avoid being so critical of yourself - there are countless options that you may need to try and see what works best. You could reframe the negative thoughts into positive ones (I just made a mistake vs. I made less mistakes today than yesterday), you could welcome the negative thoughts and recognize that they are merely thoughts (reducing the power they have over you), or you could attempt to thought-stop (do something to completely stop the train of thought the moment you recognize the negativity approaching). Ultimately, it would not hurt to try to recognize every improvement you make and everything you do well - it is far easier to recognize, remember, and recall negative actions than it is for positive actions. We consider strong performance to be a part of the job and denigrate our worth when we make mistakes. However, every action that serves to uphold the job description is a positive contribution to the company and your professional growth. Rather than comparing yourself to others or the level of performance at which you would like to be, imagine how your performance compares to the first day you were operating the forklift. You have surely made progress since that day. I hope this is somewhat helpful and that you can work toward improving your thoughts for your own well-being and job satisfaction. I wish you the best and hope to hear more from you.
  2. ghostwriter89, I understand what you are saying, and it is clearly a difficult time with multiple unknowns and sources of confusion. Due to the fact that we create our own reasons for living, a depressive mood can certainly leave us feeling that there is no reason at all. It is a distorted version of our potential as human beings - never really knowing what is possible until we figure it out. While depression may seem to create many questions, it actually is a strong proponent of one simple answer - that life is "pointless." This is because it is not well-informed and does not rely on higher-order thinking. It steals that capacity from us. This may seem a bit basic or inconsequential, but it has been found to be an effective strategy to boost mood. While depression generally causes a loss of pleasure in once-pleasurable activities, resulting in not engaging in those activities, to activate those behaviors anyway can be helpful. Even when it seems pointless and meaningless, and you may have little energy to do so, simply doing those previously pleasurable activities can, in a sense, revivify the experience for the brain. I really hope things start improving - both in your mood and relationship. I recognize that communication may be difficult, and only you would know if that has been ongoing and separate from the depression, or a part of its consequences. Either way, hang in there - you harbor more potential than you know.
  3. Very interesting stuff, indeed. Just as amazing is how problematic depression can be - it can cause deficits in a wide range of functions beyond the symptoms of anhedonia, anergia, and low mood. It's great that you enjoy learning about these topics - it will serve you well along the way!
  4. Hi nicolescott, I noticed there has not yet been a response to this. Are you trying to get an idea of what medications work well for certain symptoms and how much they generally cost for people?
  5. Alcohol does have the potential to prevent medications from doing their job - and sometimes result in serious interactions - so your body may just be getting accustomed again. People also vary in their ability to overcome the effects of alcohol. Therefore, the effects of the alcohol on your body likely did not stop the following day. Many people do end up making the mistake of using alcohol with antidepressants, often due to lack of knowledge about the interactions. But there is no reason to suspect that "it's to late" - just speak to your provider and inform him/her of what is going on to ensure that you should continue as usual.
  6. jacob24787, Certainly seems like a long time, right? Incredibly confusing, I'm sure. Everyone responds differently and alcohol can do some complicated things to the brain. Giving it some more time, especially if you're starting to see improvement again, is a good plan. Keep sharing your journey!
  7. Hi Numbnumb, Thank you for sharing and welcome to DF - I am sure you will find support in this great community. And Happy Birthday! It is certainly understandable that you would isolate given the reasons you describe. You clearly recognize the potential consequences of this, but when loss is a regular occurrence in someone's life, initiating and maintaining friendships can be extremely tough - seemingly dangerous, at times. But you seem plenty insightful and are in treatment, which are both great signs that will prove advantageous as you continue to recover. I wish you the very best and hope you find DF helpful. I look forward to hearing more from you!
  8. Hi Codadz, I am so sorry to hear about your long and complicated struggles with accurate diagnosis and treatment. I can only imagine that this is incredibly frustrating and burdensome. I'd be interested to hear what happened at your psychiatry appointment. It is an unfortunate reality that our treatments and diagnostic abilities are limited by our knowledge of the brain and the techniques used to assess it. While different providers may draw different conclusions, they are also likely utilizing knowledge from the previous ones. There is uncertainty regarding the neurology appointments, and the ophthalmologist did not discover problems during his/her examination. Online searches can certainly be helpful and allow for patient autonomy in their healthcare, but can also lead to conclusions that are inaccurate and extremely rare. Each individual presents with unique histories that affects his/her likelihood of developing certain syndromes or side effects. This is why your providers will always know best - your history is a necessary part of the diagnostic process. Have you been told to visit an endocrinologist? This may help to further rule out thyroid issues (implicated in depression) or other issues that may be related to immune system (also implicated in myasthenia gravis). I hope this helps in some fashion. I hope to hear more from you!
  9. 9dee9, Thanks for the update - I wish you luck with your appointment and look forward to more news.
  10. Hi jeremiah, I am sorry to hear about these relationship difficulties - they certainly sound very complex and I wish there was a simple answer. I understand that the financial component complicates the situation. At the same time, it seems that there are many aspects of your story that suggest, to me (an outside observer), that you are having difficulties with a wide range of stressors related to the relationship. Further, it seems that you were doing better when you were not speaking to this individual. The subsequent step in this sequence of events appears to be your desire to reconnect. I cannot speculate as to whether or not this is in your best interest, as I only know a few paragraphs of information and know nothing about you and your "ex." However, if your current well-being is what matters to you most and is the thing in which you place the most value, then your post suggests that no contact results in improved mood. I recognize that this may not always be the case - you surely decided to contact him again for a reason. Due to this being such a complicated situation, it may be helpful to jot down your thoughts so that they may be visualized in a more structured fashion. A pros/cons list regarding potential decisions may also serve you well - this should include how you are personally impacted in terms of mood and overall outlook on self and world. You may come to an unforeseeable conclusion, possibly one that you do not particularly like the idea of. But at least you will have the concrete information with which to act. I hope this is helpful. Be sure to keep us posted!
  11. Hi Set, I am sorry that it took so long for you to get a response to this. I want to welcome you to DF and hope that you can benefit from the incredibly supportive community. I am sorry to hear that you do not believe that others will understand what you are experiencing - you will certainly find understanding people here. I look forward to hearing more from you!
  12. Hi jacob24787, Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear that you are having a recurrence of depressive symptoms - I can only imagine how frustrating this must be after having these very symptoms managed. Alcohol is certainly something to avoid while taking antidepressant medications. As you may know, alcohol is a depressant and acts against the effects of antidepressants. It does not permanently reverse the effects of your medication if you chose to drink one night, but it should be avoided based on the effects you are currently reporting. I recommend that you inform your provider of your complaints - this may be a process of allowing the medication to take full effect again, or it may require a dosage adjustment - he/she would be in the best position to inform you of this. It is great that you continue to take your medication as prescribed and do not miss doses - keep it up. However, you should certainly inform your provider so that you can continue with a treatment that is based in transparency and full disclosure. I wish you the best with your ongoing treatment - please keep us posted!
  13. Hi MCMG, First, thank you for sharing your story. I am glad to hear that you are beginning to make plans for yourself and look at aspects of your life more positively, in spite of ongoing stressors related to your job dissatisfaction, desire to attend University, and the relational issues with your father. It is great that you recognize toxic relationships. It can be difficult when cultural expectations and norms impact one's ability to remove him/herself from toxicity. Regarding your interest in University, and I am unsure where you would like to attend, are there scholarships and/or opportunities for student loans that you could pursue? I know this can be difficult for a variety of reasons, and family income can be a factor that may reduce opportunity for federal aid if the family earns above-average (which depends on the student's age in the United States). These are things to consider, which will likely be different depending on where you are and where you would like to be for University. What I have taken from your post is generally positive, with a few complex stressors that you are doing your best to manage for your own well-being. Hang in there and keep your goals in mind - continue to do the research on ways to make them happen, and go from there. I hope this response is somewhat helpful. Keep us posted!
  14. Hi HELPineedsomebody, I am very sorry to hear that you are having these experiences - they sound frightening and troubling, and probably were not what you were expecting from a medication. I would certainly suggest that you inform your provider of these recent hallucinatory experiences. Regarding feeling like a zombie, this is not an uncommon response while your body becomes accustomed to the medication - generally the sedation and other anticholinergic effects will lessen over time. With the "hearing people," this is where I mentioned that you should call and inform your provider. There is a possibility that the dose simply needs to be increased, which is done with many individuals, or it may be a side effect that your provider will consider aripiprazole-related. Either way, it is something on which you should seek a professional opinion. I hope this is helpful. The fact that you were tolerating the medication fairly well, aside from reported sedation, is a good sign. As long as you keep your provider apprised of the recent experiences you have been facing, you will be staying on track with your treatment. Please be sure to keep us posted!
  15. Hi Nic1991, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns - I am sorry that you are continuing to experience negative thoughts; I can only imagine this is incredibly frustrating and defeating. It is never "too long to get help," so you should not worry about wasting your time. I realize that this is easier said than done, but treatment can certainly prove effective even if you have waiting weeks, months, or years. I understand that you feel that you should feel better following your evaluation, but this is not necessarily the case. You have certainly accomplished the first step - which I think is great - but you are still experiencing the same symptoms and uncertainty surrounding treatment. It, therefore, makes complete sense that you would not feel much better. If depression is all that you know, it can certainly seem like part of your personality because it has contributed to who you are today, in every way. However, depressive symptoms can certainly be treated, which will allow other components of your personality to shine that you may have never truly experienced beforehand. Do not give up hope. You made an excellent decision to seek support through a psychiatrist, and while change will not occur immediately, you are taking the necessary steps to recover. This shows that you are insightful and do desire a different way of life, even if it feels hopeless. I wish you the very best of luck, and hope to hear more from you as you continue along the path to recovery.
  16. Hi anxiousE, I appreciate you sharing - I know I've seen you around DF - especially when you state that it is sometimes difficult to do so. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing these effects from your current medication regimen. Regarding your concerns about guanfacine - because it has only been one week, conclusions should not necessarily be drawn. It is true that the body must become accustomed to the medication, and initial effects are not always indicative of long-term effects. It is not a stimulant medication like other ADHD medications, but is believed to act in a similar fashion on executive function (attention and working memory, planning, organization, behavioral inhibition, etc.). At the same time, not everyone with ADHD will have these experiences - a history of anxiety can certainly exacerbate these effects. I would recommend speaking to your provider about your anxiety and psychomotor agitation, as well as the mood symptoms to which you are referring (particularly if they began when starting guanfacine). Only he/she knows your history and can determine whether or not this is a reason to consider other options or continue with the plan. With the reported "mixed state," this would be what I noted above that should be discussed with your provider. Generally, someone meeting criteria for Bipolar Disorder, or even suspected to, would not be prescribed an antidepressant as a sole treatment. I am not sure how long you have been taking the antidepressant, but ADs can induce a manic/hypomanic episode in those prone to such mood states - it would not take long for this to occur and likely would not have made you depressed before feeling better. But again, this is definitely something to discuss with your provider. These situations are clearly complex and there is ample overlap - under-treated depression could manifest as ADHD-like symptoms; ADHD medications can exacerbate anxiety in those with a history. However, the best course of action is to follow your provider's instructions and inform him/her of the experiences you are reporting here, specifically the mood-related symptoms. I hope this is somewhat helpful and that you begin to feel better very soon. Be sure to keep us posted!
  17. Hi lululemonsquare, I am sorry to hear about your side effects to the dosage adjustment - it sounds extremely frustrating. While your body has become accustomed to the medication, any change in dosage also requires accommodation. It may not always be quite as severe as when first initiating treatment, but can nonetheless lead to the drowsiness and/or insomnia, decreased appetite, increased anxiety, and anticholinergic effects such as dry mouth. It is generally expected to dissipate within a couple weeks, depending on the adjustment, the medication, and the individual - there is a lot of subjectivity in psychiatry. However, it is quite possible that you are through a good portion of the process of becoming accustomed to the new dosage. As always, it is important to continue to maintain the routine that was working for you - good sleep habits, etc. - so that no other variables are involved when determining from where these effects are originating. Should they continue, be sure to inform your provider of all experiences, even those that may seem insignificant. Hang in there! I wish you the very best of luck and hope to hear more from you.
  18. Hi mysticalshibe, Thank you for sharing your story with us - I am sorry to hear about your current situation, and specifically the low mood of both you and your girlfriend. I personally see two sides to this - not only your side and your girlfriend's side (which really are not much different), as well as simply two sides that seem to be most important to consider. It is true that you did not do anything "wrong," and you are not solely responsible for your girlfriend's depressed state. When someone is depressed, there may be a combination of reasons, and small events may be seen as more problematic than they otherwise would. Now, your girlfriend's feelings are valid - if she feels them, then they are real - so you seem to be showing empathy and understanding, which is a good thing. I think it may be important to continue expressing your care for her, as well as taking it one step further and, if she does not want you hanging out with Violet, try to accept that - at least for now, as your girlfriend's feelings may change over time. Right now, she seems to dislike it based on what she is saying. The second side is that I understand the "use to like her back then," from your perspective as well as your girlfriend's perspective. When I read your post, I did perceive it as if you continue to harbor feelings for Violet. I obviously do not know you and only know a small fraction of the story and your history with Violet, but that is how I perceived it based on the words you used to describe her and her inclusion in your plans. This may be insignificant, or it may be the same reason that your girlfriend feels jealous or concerned - sometimes we are friends with someone, with whom we have a history, and our behaviors with that person do not come off as strictly friends - certainly can make a girlfriend or boyfriend feel awkward. Currently, it seems that you and your girlfriend can continue as usual and you should not feel guilty. You did not do anything wrong, as I said, and now you are aware of your girlfriend's feelings surrounding the situation. You are using words to comfort her, which is great - continue to do so with action. If that means not including Violet in your plans, then that may have to be a decision on your part. In time, your girlfriend may become comfortable with this; only time will tell. I hope this is somewhat helpful. I wish you and your girlfriend the very best. Be sure to keep us posted!
  19. Hi winkis7688, First, thank you for sharing your story with this forum. I am sorry to hear about these relationship difficulties, particularly with trust and what the costs would be of any choice you may make. This situation surely does not help your history of anxiety and depression. You ask an extremely difficult question, and I wish I had a wonderful answer to provide you with. Trust does not come cheap, and while I know nothing about your wife, I can imagine that these recent transgressions (regressions might be the best term) have left you with very little trust. Particularly in long-term relationships, in which we as humans generally wake up assuming the same level of trust can be maintained, any serious fractures can lead to overarching distrust. So if the trust begins as a violation of loyalty, for example, it has the potential to be spread very wide to all other areas, including her ability to care for children, uphold her own obligations, etc. This can certainly be taxing to an insurmountable degree. This may sound elementary, but it could be helpful to jot down your thoughts regarding "what to do." This could include a bulleted list, as well as pros/cons columns for each. You mentioned that this relationship is three years of age, and these alleged errors in judgment occurred in the past six months. Do these overshadow the remaining 2.5 years, if you attempt to view it objectively? Is this an ongoing pattern, with the past six months being the most concerning or noteworthy? Are these behaviors related to your wife's own personal concerns? Is it possible to discuss these very questions calmly with your wife, and come to some sort of agreement that can be used to push forward, as sort of an experiment geared towards getting back on track? I hope these thoughts are helpful. I wish you luck and hope to hear more.
  20. Hi birch1285, I hope all is well, as you posted this a few weeks ago. You may experience changes with every change in dosage, as your body still has to become accustomed to it - though it may not be as strong as the initial effects of starting a new medication. Like the initial activating effects, the overactivation likely would not last more than a week or two, assuming the dose is not too high - of which I am sure your provider was certain. It is always important to articulate all experiences with new medications and dosage changes to your provider, as he/she will be able to determine what is expected or typical within a certain time-frame. It seems that you have significant evidence suggesting that this medication is working well for you, so hang in there and be sure to let your provider know if the side effects become problematic or uncomfortably protracted. I wish you the best of luck!
  21. Hi ghostwriter89, Thank you for sharing your thoughts - I am sorry to hear about your recent difficulties. Uncertainty is a major stressor - the desire to know and seek answers has an evolutionary basis, so your feelings are completely understandable. This is clearly one component of a cycle involving anxiety and depressive symptoms. Similar to what IVAX stated, the cliche 'one day at a time,' while I generally dislike cliches, has lasted the course of time because it is true. Somehow finding contentment or comfort in the unknown is the only way to get to the certainties that we seek. Finding this solace may ultimately reduce anxiety, which will reduce the severity of the cycle and could even improve your ability to write effectively again. I wish you all the best and hope to hear more from you!
  22. Hi 9dee9, I am glad to hear that you experienced some improvement once beginning your treatment regimen - this is a great sign. The energy level from an activating antidepressant such as bupropion may certainly reduce once the body becomes accustomed to its use. However, it would be counterproductive if it caused hypersomnia or sedation. Therefore, it will be important to articulate this change with your provider. This may simply mean that a dosage change is warranted; it is also possible that your provider may not yet consider this a problem, as clonazepam can cause drowsiness. If you start to feel sleepy during the day and cannot function properly in daily activities, that would definitely be an issue worth confronting. As with anything, the best route is to inform your provider of the improvement and then slight drop in energy/increase in somnolence. Your initial improvement, however, should provide you with a lot of hope that this may be the beginning of a strong recovery, as you clearly tolerated the medication well. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you keep us posted on the situation.
  23. Hi jkov, First off, thank you for sharing with the DF community. I am sorry to hear that you have been experiencing depressive symptoms that seem to make you feel uninterested in hobbies and resentful toward self. These are certainly hallmark signs of a low mood that are worth investigating. While no one can provide diagnosis on such a forum, you can certainly research the diagnostic criteria for Major Depressive Disorder and other depressive disorders of the DSM-5. One must meet certain criteria which has been qualitatively developed to indicate clinically significant distress and impairment that is beyond that of healthy controls. It is certainly easier said than done, but there is no reason to feel guilty or resentful for feeling this way - you clearly did not choose this mood. I wish you the very best of luck moving forward and hope to hear more from you.
  24. Hi iamnotforever, I realize this post is nearly two months old, but figured I would respond anyway. I hope everything worked out in your favor regarding the relationship and his response to your text message. If you are "so used to guys leaving," it is understandable that your mind would start wandering when a behavioral pattern is broken, even for a brief moment. I hope to hear more from you!
  25. Hi Farshad, Thank you for your post - you have clearly done your research. This post is generally medical in nature, and should not be provided with a medical response in such a forum - your provider knows your history, which plays a significant role in both potential side effects as well as which medication will likely be more effective, despite our understanding of drug mechanisms of action (MOA) - psychiatry is not an exact science for this reason. Regarding side effects, mirtazapine certainly comes with the potential for drowsiness, increased appetite, and weight gain (though generally not as much as some other medications, depending on the individual, of course). There is a risk of anticholinergic side effects such as dry mouth, blurred vision, etc. However, these are not guaranteed to occur, and one can never truly predict the likelihood or severity. Continue to discuss these questions/concerns with your well-informed provider - you seem to be interested in a specific combination of medications, which may have unwanted synergistic effects as opposed to working alone, and could increase likelihood of certain side effects. Only a medical professional with your detailed history can know the best course of action. I wish you the very best of luck.
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