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PoeticProse last won the day on June 4 2015

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About PoeticProse

  • Birthday January 16

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    Suicide, depression, Alzheimer's disease, bioethics, epilepsy, brain trauma, neuropsychology, neurosurgery, PTSD, harm reduction policy, youth science education, theoretical physics, & cosmology.

    "When different experiments give you the same results, it is no longer subject to your opinion. That's the good thing about science - it's true whether or not you believe in it. That's why it works."
    - Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist & cosmologist

    "You accept a growing paralysis rather than taking a risk of finding where or towards whom your real passion lies. Is it any wonder you haven't found what drives you yet?... At a certain point, you have to move past the stories that you've assigned to your life; the steadfast explanations that you've settled on years ago. You have to look at yourself again; for real answers. You have to take that risk."
    - Adele, In Treatment, HBO

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  1. Hi Amy1984, That is a great question - the answer for which varies across people. There are certain behaviors that can help such as improving and/or maintaining physical health, pushing yourself to do things that were at least pleasurable at one time (even if you don't feel like it), and challenging negative thoughts should they arise. There are certainly treatment options that can help with these behaviors like psychotherapy, as well as a wide range of medications should someone deem these a useful and warranted treatment. Posting here on DF is a method of seeking social support, which can be of tremendous benefit to the process, whether or not you're engaged in other forms of treatment. Should you find yourself stuck and the personal behaviors become difficult, there is no harm in seeking a consultation regarding therapy and/or medications. You are always free to decide whether or not to undergo the recommended treatment and to ask as many questions necessary to aid in that decision-making process. Ultimately, the answer to the question for you, specifically, will take some trial-and-error. But there will be a method or combination thereof that will lead to the light at the end of the tunnel we call depression. I hope this is somewhat helpful. I appreciate your post and hope to hear more from you - hang in there!
  2. HI happyforyou, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling that way and thank you for sharing - the manner in which you speak suggests some real pain if you are wanting so badly to numb yourself. I'll do my best to avoid prolific poetry and will point out that one positive statement I found in your post is that you do not want to do drugs or alcohol. The goal you seek would not ultimately be discovered through those methods. Also, I completely understand your desire to be numb and I question neither its merit nor rationale. You are not alone. The question you ask is a good one. There is no strong, universally-proven method for this. Some become numb without wanting to while others feel numb following certain events. You fall on the side with others who would rather feel numb than experience the negative feelings. I believe that you posting on here is a good start to getting where you want to be. No one can predict whether the result will be numbness or improved mood but, either way, seeking out DF seemed to be a better option to you than family or friends - it sounds like those options cause more concerns. There are surely countless individuals who can relate to your specific desires and offer their own insight. Until then, I hope to continue hearing more from you - thank you again for sharing your frustrations with the DF community!
  3. Hi snoof, There is some evidence suggesting that EMDR can be effective for certain types of worrying and anxiety (Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as one example). You are correct that the substantial heap of literature is geared toward PTSD and other trauma- or stressor-related events (including seizure-related trauma) but that does not necessarily imply that it couldn't work. Your best bet would be to speak to a therapist specifically trained in EMDR, rather than one who just follows the procedures, and make this inquiry. Are there reasons that you are focused specifically on EMDR rather than CBT or other treatment modalities? I hope this is somewhat helpful and that you are able to start feeling better soon. Please keep us updated!
  4. Thisisme373, I read through this thread and your situation definitely sounds complicated. Other members have posted that NA/AA meetings are generally the same concept and should be free of charge - they work for some and, at minimum, you may meet some interesting and kind people who are living sober lives. Either way, quitting is certainly a good idea if that is what you would like to do - you can always try without help and see what happens. Regarding the housing register, is there really a negative outcome that could come from this? I won't pretend that I know exactly how this works, but my assumption is that you ultimately get the final say regarding whether or not you make the change. With that being said, registering may just provide another opportunity without mandating you to move if you dislike the flat or do not have the money to do so. If it is anything like similar registries in the US, long waiting lists make it worthwhile to get on the list even if you are uncertain at the time. Again, this may differ in your area but those are my initial thoughts. I wish you the best of luck should you choose to discontinue the drug use - choosing to do so is definitely a huge step of which you should be proud. Be sure to keep us posted!
  5. Hi mysticalshibe, I am sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds like you are feeling quite down in terms of mood, your feelings toward your boyfriend, and the thought of where the relationship may be headed in the future. This is definitely a lot to deal with and relationships can be very complicated. It doesn't help that you broke it off with your ex-girlfriend who was likely a great support for you. One of the many difficult things about relationships is the simple fact that feelings change - not necessarily in a bad or negative way, but they develop into different forms. Initial phases of butterflies may fade away - earlier for some than others - which can be both normal or a sign of lost interest. There really is only one person who can know the answer to that in any relationship - the person experiencing it. It wouldn't hurt to express these feelings to your boyfriend, if you feel comfortable doing so and he is a good listener. This may resolve some of your questions and make you feel more at ease. However, it also sounds like you have lost some interest in speaking to him, as well as others, so it surely is not a simple solution at this point. Keep in mind that your "stage of depression and sadness," which is leading to you withdrawing from others, is likely impacting your willingness to have these conversations and may also be causing some overthinking that just adds even more stress. It is my hope that you are able to discuss some of these things with your boyfriend if you are wanting to resolve them - for better or worse, it may lead to a decreased level of stress because it sounds like a very complicated situation from your end. I wish you the very best and hope to hear more from you!
  6. I completely agree with you - once one hears something over and over with no results, the meaning and any belief that it is true slowly fades away. I have no doubt that this is the case with you and many others. One thing that can be helpful, but is often incredibly difficult, is recognizing what we can and cannot predict. It is true that we cannot predict that everything will be fine in x days or y weeks. However, we also cannot predict that nothing will change over that time either. Predicting the future can lead to a downward spiral and is often very easy to do when feeling depressed, anxious, angry, etc. It can be short-lived or can continue every day. The reality is that on a day-to-day basis, nothing may seem to change - nothing, in fact, may be changing. At the same time, things can change all of a sudden, just one random day during which something happens. If anything is to change at all, in any way, there has to be a specific day when it does. Nothing changes until it does. The same problems may continue to bother you, but we cannot predict when this will change, even though it would be great if we could. It is my hope that this change occurs very soon for you. You certainly deserve it.
  7. mrrd100, You are right - those who are a part of your treatment team serve a specific role and are not people with whom you can spend time and develop the type of lasting friendships for which you're looking. The story becomes complicated, as you clearly seem to recognize, when you do connect with someone at a vulnerable level, and then are let down - that guard is a tricky thing to deal with and it doesn't move down easily. It generally requires sufficient, ongoing evidence of its lack of usefulness - it only gets stronger when we are provided with evidence of its importance in saving us from negative situations. And that is incredibly astute of you - that which goes on in your own head, the "self talk," plays at least an equal role in whether or not that guard is dropped for anyone. By the sound of your posts, your burdens may seem like too much but your qualities greatly outweigh any difficulties that may come your way. It is clear that you are intelligent, insightful, caring, and motivated - these are great qualities that will serve you well as you move forward. You have a lot to offer others in terms of friendship and otherwise - there will surely be people who will recognize that and provide the same to you. Hang in there, you will definitely be able to use your knowledge and personal qualities to help others. There is no question about that.
  8. Hi David, I am so sorry to hear about your situation - that sounds incredibly difficult and hurtful. It is truly unfortunate that you are being picked on and that your mother also seems to be experiencing negative consequences - it seems like in a verbal nature from your post. I'm sure it is much worse when you currently have little choice but to live under the same roof as the person who is causing so much distress. Given your situation - about which I only know a small amount - you can at least serve as a positive support for your mother. It is my hope that you two can support one another if you are experiencing similar treatment. I am glad that you are able and willing to share your situation here on DF - it is my hope that you find all the support you need here until you find more options. I wish you the best of luck and hope to continue hearing more from you.
  9. Hi mrrd100, Thank you for posting - I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, they certainly sound frustrating and disappointing. You have clearly made great strides in seeking treatment and being compliant with that medication - which involves being open about your experiences and having medications altered if necessary - this is no small feat. You also seem quite insightful regarding your triggers. It can be extremely difficult to improve oneself when others are having a negative impact - this can be in the form of not being supportive or completely misunderstanding your situation. In spite of these experiences - social pressure, anxiety, etc - I truly do admire your willingness and seemingly strong desire to find people who will "accept" you and make you feel like a part of the group. Not everyone will understand these complex situations and how debilitating they can be, but there are people out there who will. It may not happen overnight, but you are still young and that time will surely come. Your odds will increase as you continue with treatment and work on your symptoms. You seem to have been making all the right steps and it is my belief that you will be somehow rewarded for these things. I wish you the very best of luck - please be sure to keep us posted!
  10. Hi sleepy82, Thank you for sharing and welcome to DF! While I have not undergone ECT, the beliefs surrounding memory loss are generally over-inflated. If one does experience this, it is generally short-lived and relates to the moments during and immediately following an ECT session rather than an ongoing deficit in memory - there's certainly marginal evidence that it impacts past memories. Regarding when you're going to notice positive effects, this can vary like many other treatments. Eight sessions is not an unusual starting point - your prescriber has surely made a decision based on your specific history and has determined this to be a useful approach. Following any positive effects, in certain cases there is need for buffer sessions if any symptoms return. I would say that if you have undergone four sessions with no noted side effects, this is a great sign. There are certainly countless horror stories that can be found online, but memory loss is not a thoroughly validated one - definitely not to an extent that would impact daily functioning on a regular basis. Positive effects may take some more time, but be sure to maintain open lines of communication with your prescriber regarding all outcomes and concerns. I wish you the very best of luck with your ongoing treatment and look forward to hearing more from you!
  11. GAJ123, I hope you start feeling better and am sorry that you don't feel right. I'm generally not one for clichés, but things will certainly get better. It is truly a day-by-day process, as you are well aware, and the time will come when you will benefit from having the knowledge of what it is like to go through these difficulties. I am hoping the very best for you - please continue to keep us posted on how you're feeling!
  12. Hi wanthappiness, Thank you for sharing your situation and welcome to the DF community. I am sorry to hear about your circumstances, such as your not-so-good days with negative thoughts and early-morning anxiety. Your question is a good one, and is best answered by your prescriber who knows your personal history best. At the same time, initial activating side effects are not uncommon, so there may be both good and bad days while your body becomes accustomed to your new medication. Should you experience a worsening of symptoms, you should certainly inform your prescriber. However, initial difficulties are not uncommon but subside generally in 2-3 weeks - with variability across individuals. These initial effects may not be as problematic with a dosage increase but, again, this is all subjective and depends on how you tolerate the medication. By the sound of it, you have recognized some good days, which is a mark on the positive side. Regarding the switching from PM to AM, the effects you are experiencing with the lower dose may not carry over with the higher dose - you are also slowly becoming accustomed to the medication, so that will also help. Your prescriber has clearly decided that this is the best course of action for now. Should you have concerns of any kind, it may be helpful to make a list of questions for your prescriber, as you have every right to be informed about and comfortable with your treatment. Treatment can always be altered to accommodate your needs should anxiety elevate at certain times of the day. Noting these changes in a journal can also be helpful, both for you and your prescriber. I wish you the very best of luck with your treatment and hope to hear updates from you - stay strong!
  13. Hello again, I can certainly understand your frustration - wanting the medication to work and get back to feeling hungry, less anxious, etc. That time will certainly come as long as you continue doing what you can and maintaining open lines of communication with your prescriber. It may also be helpful to avoid any blog-related information on Effexor. While individuals experience different effects with medications, as well as therapy and other treatment options, there are statistical questions at play with online posts related to these effects. One can find horror stories on all treatments if she/he searches thoroughly. However, those who are displeased with treatment are more likely to post about it than those who experience pleasant results - the online evidence may be heavily skewed. At the same time, your concerns are still valid and important to you, so you should feel feel to vent these concerns to your prescriber in order to feel comfortable with your treatment. There is nothing wrong with asking questions and requesting rationale - I suggest you make a list of all questions you have so that you do not forget to ask during your next follow-up appointment. It is not uncommon to forget important questions, as appointments can be anxiety-provoking and so full of information and emotions that pre-made lists can be helpful. It is great to hear that you understand the importance of staying physically healthy, as this is heavily tied to mental health. While it is unfortunate that you have to "force" yourself to eat, I applaud you for doing so. Based on what you are saying, you are taking all the right steps.
  14. You say that you "felt bored not looking him up." What did you spend that time doing - were you bored while engaging in another activity, or bored sitting around trying to not think about him? Everyone is unique in how these situations can be handled, so you can always do your own experimenting - it seems you have been doing some - in order to figure out what things can keep your mind on other topics or at least your body engaged in other activities. It will certainly be a process and will not happen overnight, but that's why you have support systems like the community here on DF. It is certainly possible that you will someday be less impacted by this character, should that be what you ultimately want.
  15. Neveragain86, I'm sorry to hear that. It certainly sounds like an upsetting and frustrating situation - your feelings are just as real as they would be if the character was a real person. What happens if you try to spend time away from the character, if you don't mind me asking? For example, if you went an hour or a day without engaging in the video game, researching the character, or doing anything that relates to the character? You could still harbor those feelings and likely would, but you wouldn't be immersing yourself as deeply. This may very well be an incredibly difficult task, but I wonder what that experience would be like for you.
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