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PoeticProse last won the day on June 4 2015

PoeticProse had the most liked content!


About PoeticProse

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    Community Assistant
  • Birthday January 16

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    Suicide, depression, Alzheimer's disease, bioethics, epilepsy, brain trauma, neuropsychology, neurosurgery, PTSD, harm reduction policy, youth science education, theoretical physics, & cosmology.

    "When different experiments give you the same results, it is no longer subject to your opinion. That's the good thing about science - it's true whether or not you believe in it. That's why it works."
    - Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist & cosmologist

    "You accept a growing paralysis rather than taking a risk of finding where or towards whom your real passion lies. Is it any wonder you haven't found what drives you yet?... At a certain point, you have to move past the stories that you've assigned to your life; the steadfast explanations that you've settled on years ago. You have to look at yourself again; for real answers. You have to take that risk."
    - Adele, In Treatment, HBO

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  1. PoeticProse

    Side effect questions

    Hi wanthappiness, Thank you for sharing your situation and welcome to the DF community. I am sorry to hear about your circumstances, such as your not-so-good days with negative thoughts and early-morning anxiety. Your question is a good one, and is best answered by your prescriber who knows your personal history best. At the same time, initial activating side effects are not uncommon, so there may be both good and bad days while your body becomes accustomed to your new medication. Should you experience a worsening of symptoms, you should certainly inform your prescriber. However, initial difficulties are not uncommon but subside generally in 2-3 weeks - with variability across individuals. These initial effects may not be as problematic with a dosage increase but, again, this is all subjective and depends on how you tolerate the medication. By the sound of it, you have recognized some good days, which is a mark on the positive side. Regarding the switching from PM to AM, the effects you are experiencing with the lower dose may not carry over with the higher dose - you are also slowly becoming accustomed to the medication, so that will also help. Your prescriber has clearly decided that this is the best course of action for now. Should you have concerns of any kind, it may be helpful to make a list of questions for your prescriber, as you have every right to be informed about and comfortable with your treatment. Treatment can always be altered to accommodate your needs should anxiety elevate at certain times of the day. Noting these changes in a journal can also be helpful, both for you and your prescriber. I wish you the very best of luck with your treatment and hope to hear updates from you - stay strong!
  2. PoeticProse

    Effexor start up

    Hello again, I can certainly understand your frustration - wanting the medication to work and get back to feeling hungry, less anxious, etc. That time will certainly come as long as you continue doing what you can and maintaining open lines of communication with your prescriber. It may also be helpful to avoid any blog-related information on Effexor. While individuals experience different effects with medications, as well as therapy and other treatment options, there are statistical questions at play with online posts related to these effects. One can find horror stories on all treatments if she/he searches thoroughly. However, those who are displeased with treatment are more likely to post about it than those who experience pleasant results - the online evidence may be heavily skewed. At the same time, your concerns are still valid and important to you, so you should feel feel to vent these concerns to your prescriber in order to feel comfortable with your treatment. There is nothing wrong with asking questions and requesting rationale - I suggest you make a list of all questions you have so that you do not forget to ask during your next follow-up appointment. It is not uncommon to forget important questions, as appointments can be anxiety-provoking and so full of information and emotions that pre-made lists can be helpful. It is great to hear that you understand the importance of staying physically healthy, as this is heavily tied to mental health. While it is unfortunate that you have to "force" yourself to eat, I applaud you for doing so. Based on what you are saying, you are taking all the right steps.
  3. PoeticProse

    In love with a video game character

    You say that you "felt bored not looking him up." What did you spend that time doing - were you bored while engaging in another activity, or bored sitting around trying to not think about him? Everyone is unique in how these situations can be handled, so you can always do your own experimenting - it seems you have been doing some - in order to figure out what things can keep your mind on other topics or at least your body engaged in other activities. It will certainly be a process and will not happen overnight, but that's why you have support systems like the community here on DF. It is certainly possible that you will someday be less impacted by this character, should that be what you ultimately want.
  4. PoeticProse

    In love with a video game character

    Neveragain86, I'm sorry to hear that. It certainly sounds like an upsetting and frustrating situation - your feelings are just as real as they would be if the character was a real person. What happens if you try to spend time away from the character, if you don't mind me asking? For example, if you went an hour or a day without engaging in the video game, researching the character, or doing anything that relates to the character? You could still harbor those feelings and likely would, but you wouldn't be immersing yourself as deeply. This may very well be an incredibly difficult task, but I wonder what that experience would be like for you.
  5. PoeticProse

    Can ‘anhedonia’ be (related to) avoidance?

    Hi Baconbuyer, Thank you for sharing your situation. My first thought while reading your post was that you have touched on all possible points, none of which are wrong or negligible. All of these thoughts are worthwhile, as you exhibit substantial insight into your intra- and interpersonal experiences. This may be due to "overanalysing" but is still a positive aspect of your situation - you see the possible origins of what you experience. If you were unable to connect all of these dots at some point in the past, maybe the medications are partially responsible for this. Ultimately, you have put forth the effort to understand yourself and the ways in which you relate to others. I applaud your willingness to join friends this week in spite of potential triggers - this in itself is a good sign. It is entirely understandable that you may see others expressing emotions that you are currently unable to access to their fullest (considering you report having experienced them in the past), but there is no reason to doubt that you will regain these abilities in time. You have taken the appropriate steps to seek treatment, support here on DF, and personal reflection - the latter being an often-neglected but necessary component of regaining the qualities one once possessed and effortlessly displayed. With that being said, emotions can certainly feel somewhat "numbed" on medications such as yours, but this can be difficult to ascertain as the very symptoms that it is used to treat often create such a cascade of negative emotions that any deviation from this may simply feel like numbness. The ultimate thing to contemplate and share with your prescriber is whether or not your current regimen is improving how you feel about yourself and others. If you believe that you are improving but still 'stuck' in a state that seems suboptimal compared to what you have experienced in the past, let your prescriber know. These are all important considerations in your ongoing treatment. Thanks again for posting - I enjoyed reading and am happy to hear some improvement and optimism in your words. If you happen to join friends this week, I hope it proves helpful and that you are able to enjoy yourself. I wish you the very best of luck and look forward to updates!
  6. PoeticProse

    Effexor start up

    Hi libbieann, Thank you for sharing - I am sorry to hear that your side effects have been so problematic. The symptoms you describe sound debilitating and you are clearly very desperate for the medication to start helping with your symptoms rather than adding more concerns. Effexor will take some time to be accommodated by your body but you are already one week into the medication - this is a great start. It is certainly important to continue to keep your prescriber updated on all symptoms and side effects, as well as ask him/her any questions that you may have during your follow-up visit. What I can tell you is that many medications of this kind will have initiating side effects, but they should dissipate as you get into the routine and your body adjusts to the daily regimen. While there is no specific time-frame that applies perfectly to everyone, 2-3 weeks is generally what is expected - with some variation. Many stop medications short of their effects, so your willingness to seek support here on DF while experiencing these side effects shows tremendous insight and willingness to do what is necessary to be there for your family and others who may need you. Keep it up and stay strong. I wish you the best of luck in the coming days with your new medication - please continue to keep us posted!
  7. PoeticProse

    stopping IR, starting XL

    Hi erinpoo, Thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing so much fatigue with this switch in medications. While the medication is the same, its change in properties can certainly result in some changes in how you initially respond to it. After three years, your body has become accustomed to a very specific routine that underwent a change two weeks ago. It is always important to keep your prescriber apprised of your symptoms and side effects, but it is not unusual to experience changes. Be sure to discuss this thoroughly in your follow-up with your provider, as you are clearly becoming frustrated to the point of not wanting to continue in this fashion. I wish you the best of luck with this new medication and hope that things begin to improve - please keep us posted!
  8. Hi ffar, I am sorry to hear of your frustrations - I appreciate you sharing your candid thoughts and feelings, as these are not always the easiest things to articulate. You are certainly free to feel and think however you would like and should never be invalidated. You have surely been heard here on DF and it is my hope that you continue to share your personal experiences with the community.
  9. PoeticProse

    In love with a video game character

    Hi Neveragain86, Thank you for sharing this with the DF community. I do not believe that what you describe is "nuts," as you are free to feel however you'd like. You seem to recognize the behaviors in which you engage as well as the fact that reality does not operate in the same fashion as a video game. However, it is also not necessarily wrong to appreciate qualities displayed by a character, celebrity, or otherwise - these are qualities you seem to desire in a significant other. There is no reason to believe that these qualities cannot exist within a human being somewhere in the world. With billions of people, it can certainly be difficult to find people who possess the exact qualities we think we'd like, especially if we have had multiple past relationships fail. Due to listing diagnoses, are you currently in therapy of any kind or did you acquire those diagnoses in another fashion? This would be a strong starting point for working on the origins of your feelings toward the character to which you're referring. It is completely understandable that you fear that you would "feel empty" if you did not have feelings for him - he seems to serve as a placeholder for the person you would ultimately like to find. At the same time, if you do desire to find this type of person, interacting with others will be important. The more you do so, if this is something you enjoy doing, the more likely you are to find compatible people who possess the qualities you admire. Only time will tell, and you have plenty ahead of you. Thanks again for sharing - I hope this was somewhat helpful and look forward to hearing more from you!
  10. PoeticProse

    My situation / Opinions welcome

    Hi Avalance, Thank you for updating - I read through your posts and am sorry to hear about your circumstances. It is surely quite difficult to have little feeling, particularly when it comes to accessing happiness. It seems that you have done what is necessary to confront your symptoms and have taken the steps to seek a psychiatric consult. It does sound that your anhedonia is a lack of pleasure without a major mood component, but you're on track to resolving the symptoms with therapy and your own meditative work. After all, alleviation of the symptoms is more important than the label, so long as it doesn't alter the treatment trajectory. I wish you the best of luck and hope to hear more updates from you!
  11. PoeticProse

    Why do I even bother at this point?

    Hi GAJ123, Your situation certainly sounds difficult and I appreciate you sharing all of these thoughts and concerns. Job satisfaction plays a huge role in well-being, meaning that waking up to a job that you dislike - awaiting the end of the day before it even begins - has the potential to cause the feelings you're experiencing. Having a dog is definitely a bonus - pets can be such a benefit to people who spend a significant amount of their off-time at home. I want to point out that you must be good at something - even if that is video games, as you mentioned as one of your hobbies. You are also clearly good at your job otherwise you wouldn't have held onto it. Your view of your work performance may be different but the mere fact that you have sustained it every day in spite of your distaste for it suggests that you do it, at minimum, well enough. You also possess the insight to recognize the sources of your stress, frustrations, and mood. These are not small things - I personally believe these are qualities of which to be proud. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts - I hope to continue reading updates on your situation.
  12. Hi cheshire_chick, That certainly seems like a reasonable feeling. Trust is not only extremely difficult and potentially beyond one's abilities, but creates a highly vulnerable sphere of existence that can cause a wide range of thoughts and feelings that could be just as severe as a reaction to an allergen. Therefore, it is completely reasonable to want to avoid it like someone with a peanut allergy would avoid peanuts. The major difference would be the reality that trust is something that plays a role in everyday life - in every encounter, every relationship. I'd definitely say that your post is an insightful one.
  13. Hi veronicasad, Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the DF community. I am very sorry to hear about your unfortunate experiences - they sound incredibly frightening and are surely a constant battle. Your combination of medications is certainly not unusual and your prescriber has clearly determined that this may be the appropriate regimen for your presenting symptoms. It is understandable that you would question their effectiveness, as you did not perceive any success with your previous medication and you are still experiencing symptoms. While you should continue to keep your prescriber informed of your symptoms, psychiatric medications such as the ones you are taking do take some time before activating side effects dissipate. Bupropion may cause some anxiety initially as it often lifts people out of depression by providing energy and motivation. Like other similar medications, mood symptoms can initially seem worse and these should be monitored closely by both you and your prescriber. Regarding quetiapine, this medication can help with anxiety, sleep, and has been shown to work well as an adjunct medication for moderate-to-severe depression. It may cause sedation that seems problematic and might make you feel groggy in the morning - this, too, will eventually reduce in intensity as your body becomes accustomed to the medication. While these initial effects often make people feel worried and concerned, it is simply a part of the process that will eventually subside. Should there be minimal improvement, there are other medications that your prescriber may consider and this would not be uncommon either. However, it is important to note that nearly all medications for depressive symptoms will come with a period of adjustment. This is why your follow-up appointments will be spaced out in time to allow for accurate assessment of the medications' effects on you. Your prescriber is always your go-to person for concerns, and he/she should be notified if your symptoms worsen. As I stated, your medications were chosen due to your unique circumstances and are worth a shot. What I would recommend is keeping a list of questions to ask your prescriber at your next appointment - it is easy to forget a list of questions during these potentially stressful situations - in order to help alleviate your concerns. It is your prescriber's job to ensure that you are comfortable and informed, meaning there is absolutely nothing wrong with questioning decisions and requesting a rationale. I hope this proves to be helpful. I hope you are able to push through these difficult times and applaud you for being so insightful and seeking help when you did - that is often one of the most difficult acts for people to engage in. I wish you luck and hope to hear from you again.
  14. PoeticProse

    Getting down about work

    Hi Lacoste, Thank you for your post - you pose a very good question. It seems that while you are quite new to the job of operating a forklift, you have been performing well until you become tired near the end of the shift. It's a taxing job that requires a substantial amount of attention and mistakes are bound to occur, especially someone who is starting out. You (and your brain) are getting accustomed to sustaining that level of attention and shifting it when necessary for an entire shift - this will improve over time without a question. So that is the first comment that I can offer to you. Regarding how you push negative thoughts out and avoid being so critical of yourself - there are countless options that you may need to try and see what works best. You could reframe the negative thoughts into positive ones (I just made a mistake vs. I made less mistakes today than yesterday), you could welcome the negative thoughts and recognize that they are merely thoughts (reducing the power they have over you), or you could attempt to thought-stop (do something to completely stop the train of thought the moment you recognize the negativity approaching). Ultimately, it would not hurt to try to recognize every improvement you make and everything you do well - it is far easier to recognize, remember, and recall negative actions than it is for positive actions. We consider strong performance to be a part of the job and denigrate our worth when we make mistakes. However, every action that serves to uphold the job description is a positive contribution to the company and your professional growth. Rather than comparing yourself to others or the level of performance at which you would like to be, imagine how your performance compares to the first day you were operating the forklift. You have surely made progress since that day. I hope this is somewhat helpful and that you can work toward improving your thoughts for your own well-being and job satisfaction. I wish you the best and hope to hear more from you.
  15. PoeticProse


    ghostwriter89, I understand what you are saying, and it is clearly a difficult time with multiple unknowns and sources of confusion. Due to the fact that we create our own reasons for living, a depressive mood can certainly leave us feeling that there is no reason at all. It is a distorted version of our potential as human beings - never really knowing what is possible until we figure it out. While depression may seem to create many questions, it actually is a strong proponent of one simple answer - that life is "pointless." This is because it is not well-informed and does not rely on higher-order thinking. It steals that capacity from us. This may seem a bit basic or inconsequential, but it has been found to be an effective strategy to boost mood. While depression generally causes a loss of pleasure in once-pleasurable activities, resulting in not engaging in those activities, to activate those behaviors anyway can be helpful. Even when it seems pointless and meaningless, and you may have little energy to do so, simply doing those previously pleasurable activities can, in a sense, revivify the experience for the brain. I really hope things start improving - both in your mood and relationship. I recognize that communication may be difficult, and only you would know if that has been ongoing and separate from the depression, or a part of its consequences. Either way, hang in there - you harbor more potential than you know.