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Cloudy Day

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About Cloudy Day

  • Birthday 07/20/1960

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  1. HI, What is 1am and 6am UK time to someone living the east part of the usa. I would love to chat sometime. Starting to fell better and getting lonely. After shying away from people for so many years i realy dont have any friends. Ive even been bouncing around the house to music.
  2. I have suffered from depression for over 17 years. For the past 5 i have been non reposive to the many medications i have tried. I had 4 ect's in 2011 and 4 more in 2013. BUT one day about 4 months ago something click with taking wellbutrin. i started getting out more and felling more active. It gave me a i dont care what anybody thinks im out there. The only problem with all of this is I think after all i have taken over the years it has caused some pretty bad cognitive problems. Poor momory, poor concentration, confusion, difficulty thinking clearly or processing info. Being around close family is ok. They understand when It takes longer than it should for me to explain things, or when i get confused trying to help in the kitchen. The funny thing is when your grandaughter tells you that you have been starring at the wall for a long time mamaw. These problems have caused me to not have any friends and I do get lonely at times. Are any of you having the same problems?
  3. Itstrevor, i have been through what you have with hospital visits. Also I am in the middle of winging off all my meds and I will never have anymore ECT's. i have just gave up on the meds Im on. I live like a hermit. I am off the prozax, and welburtin completely now. The serequel and zanx are in half. I am having a very hard time with the zanx because one of the withdarwl is insomnia. And sleep is my only escape from my thoughts. There has been some differece with doing more around the house,going to the store,and seeing some glimmers of light, but it dont last long. I just go back numb. I just want what everyone wants and thats to be able to love again. I keep checking in here off and on hoping someone has found the answer. Thank God for the ones that has.
  4. Cloudy day, I read in another thread that you were on Quetiapine/Seroquel. This is a dopamine antagonist that has anghedonia as a comon side effect. I was jjust wondering if you aer still on that med and if so if you think that the anhedonia preceded starting the med or if it started after, in which case you might consider tapering that down. I know of a case on psychobabble of someone who was bedridden with anhedonia from that med. Yes, I am still on Quetiapine. At the first of the year I was in the hopitial. While I was there they increased the dosagee from 25mg to 100mg. You may have a answer for some of the problem. Beacuse I had Anhedonia before the Hospitial vist but now it is worse since the increase. I have already trying to wing my self off of some of the other meds.(on my own) I can already see some glimer of light. I will try this one also. GREAT.
  5. Sorry, but I am just having a bad day. Im pi**ied from trying and trying. It seems we have checked into Hotel California and we sure as hell not checking out . In the song it says no matter how many times they stab it with there stealy knifes they just cant **** the beast.
  6. ECTs are a safe and effective way to get rid of symptoms . I had 5 treatments in 2011. It helped but I relapesed soon after. Jan. 2013 I had 6 treatments. Worked at first but just like the last time I relapsed. I did have some confusion with mine. The confusinon is gone now. Maybe If I had more treatments in a row things would be better, but I do not have anyone to take care of me afterwards or the money. Now the depression is not so bad but Im numb. I just dont care about doing anything or do I have much felling for my family. I have hurt my family bad. Its so hard for them to understand.. And yes I have tried illegal drugs, and yes they worked. I know to be careful not to do them more than maybe 4 times a month. I know If i did it more often the more it would take to work. Also there is a chance of addiction. For now Im just stuck
  7. I have a dog and I love her very much and I can tell she loves me. We are never apart. I treat her as she is my child. When she needs to go to the doctor I take her. I try to get the most healthy food for her. She is very much a comfront. I also isolate, but I dont think if I didnt have a dog it would make me try harder to go out and make friends. I would just be more alone. I got her when she was a pup and now she is 5. The one problem I do see is, as my depression gets worse it seems she is getting depressed also. I let her out to use the bathroom and play. instead of staying out and playing some she just walks around the house and wants back in. Also she is just laying around more. Where ever she is laying she has to be touching me somewhere. I think that is because she is not getting petted as much as she use to. I do not want to lose her, but am I being selfess by keeping her in a unheathy home?
  8. Nellyzen, Im in a bad way always so I cant be to much help. You have to take care of you before you can take care of anyone else. You will be in my thoughts.
  9. (I know just what you are talking about) That's why I am saying that my will does not meet my feelings. Because I have this will of getting better and do stuff and be happy, enjoy my youth and everything that life has to offer me. But (and there is always a but) my feelings don't go the same way. I don't feel energic to do stuff, or satisfied after, or motivated to start. That's it. I really wish with all my strenght that my will would match my feelings. That everything just for once could be in syntony like a music that plays without stopping. I could compare my state fo mind to a broken record.
  10. i might get beat up on this one.... but the only thing that has really help me in the past is oxycotton, hydros. Pain meds seem to give me a upbeat enery and some happiness. I noticed this after having jaw surgery and was prescrpbe pain meds. After the pain was gone is when I could tell something good was going on. If I could jusr have 3 a month that would be great. 1 day I would do all my errans and the other 2 I would vist my family. Have any of you every noticed after taking pain meds things just trun around? Im 52 years old and getting a little long in the tooth to be a drug addit but it might happen if things dont change soon.
  11. (Community Assistant) Perhaps one way to start to think about this question is to ask yourself if you are basically happy with your situation. Since perfect happiness is impossible, one might ask whether the benefits of your own idea of good distance/relations outweights the costs. Perhaps I am wrong about this. What do you think about it? Community Assistant that is a goood question...........No Im not happy eith my situation and the benefits do not out way my idea of good distance. I know that but still cant make it out the door.
  12. I have posted about this before. Why we isolate. I even did not go be with family last Christmas. I just stayed at home alone and was content except for guilt of not going. It's just so hard to make it out the door. I will just be out of food before I go the store, and when im out I cant wait to get back home. I am not married or have any small children. Im free to do as I please but there is nothing I want to do Do you do that? Do you know why?
  13. I isolate from others, physically and emotionally. I prefer to stay home alone. It's all I can do to make it out the door. Even when Im going to be with family I avoid participating in conversations . I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. Because I do not want to be such a downer or let anyone know how much I have better off dead thoughts. I find no pleasure in things that I use to love. It takes so much effort to to shower, cook,clean, I did not do last thanks giving, or Christmas I have tried to explain this to my daughter, mother, and father. They are having a hard time understanding. My daughter was very upset when I didnt even want to spend time with my grandchildren on Christmas. This Saturday is my granddaughters birthday party. My mother told me I better make it there. OMG, the panic set in and also when things like that are said I just want to blow my brains out. I know how worthless I am . I suffer from depression... I would like to know how you guys got your family to understand.
  14. Hotel California This song is about the attactive qualities of worldly things but their ultimate end. the man drives along the highway (his life) and his head grows heavy and his sight grows dim, forcing him to stop for the night (depression has set in) a woman in the doorway of the hotel but cannot decide if he is in heaven or hell. When the woman invites him in he sees the other people in the hotel. these people are mocking him as he comes in (such a lovely face) and they realize he does not know where he is. He goes to a party in the courtyard and sees people dancing (to remember better times, to forget the present). he askes the captain to bring him his alcohol, but the captain claims that they have not had that spirit (hopefullness or eagerness) since 1969. They stab it with their steely knives but they just cant **** the beast.When the man starts to realize where he is (hell) he tries desperately to get back to his car (life). the doorman tells him there is nothing to worry about, he can check out at any time, but he can never leave.
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