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rambleramble

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About rambleramble

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  1. Hi everyone, I really really need some sort of guidance here about my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for a year, he's amazing in every way but my depression and anxiety are slowly ******* this relationship. He has started travelling a lot for work and he is really really busy with other personal things but of course, me being me, I get all offended and hurt when he doesn't jump at the first opportunity to see me when he gets back. We had a really long talk tonight. He said he doesn't want to break up but he feels like he can't make me happy, and if me moving on makes me happy then that is what he wants (I definitely do not want to move on). He said he can't always be there for me because of his job commitments and whatnot. I told him I understand about his job and everything but that it woud just be nice to be told that he misses me, cant wait to spend some time with me when everything settles down, etc. We concluded that we're in a cycle of me acting like a b**** and then therefore he doesn't reciprocate the nice messages to me and so I become more of a b**** and the cycle goes on and on. I have really messed up at the beginning too when I was even more depressed. I didn't want kids, a marriage, and I thought I was an atheist. Him knowing all this, well it makes me wonder why on earth he decided to start dating me in the first place. He has always wanted kids, a marriage, and is catholic. I also want/am those 3 things (now anyways since my depression is improving (i hope) I realize what a moron I was). He said he doesn't know if what I want today is what I will want tomorrow because I've changed my mind a lot about things in the past year of us being together (like going back to school then dropping out, moving into my own apparmtent then moving back home, my life has been a mess and the list goes on). So basically he's afraid that I might just up and leave one day. Or he will find himself with me for 10 years and one day all of a sudden I don't want to get married or have kids anymore. I completely understand where he's coming from and why I am scaring him with my less than stellar track record on life decisions. I do however really want to work at this relationship. I want to be with him more than anything. I don't care that he travels (it sucks but he's doing it for his future and I am really really trying to deal with it, I've gotten a lot better at dealing with it). I just don't know what I can do or say to fix this. He told me to take a few days to decide what I want (which is obviously him, which I told him but he said I was too emotional to make a decision), so I just don't know how to approach this... does anyone have any insight? Thanks :(
  2. You're completely right. And the reason this really bugs me is that when i had depression last time HE was the one who was THERE FOR ME THE WHOLE TIME AND WE WERE NOT EVEN DATING. I'm so irked right now.
  3. I think I just need to vent right now. I have another thread called "so incredibly confused right now" if anyone wants that as reference but I'll make a long story short: me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot. He apologized and we're going to make it work. I told him the other day I have depression. He dropped a bomb on me yesterday that he wanted to take a job that would require him to travel for 2 years. Whatever. Anyways knowing that I have depression now he decided for me that I need space. I repeatedly told him he can talk to me and I don't need space in the sense of no contact and he can text me and stuff. Well this was yesterday. On wednesday I sent him an article of how to deal with depressed people and yesterday asked if he read it and he DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T HAVE TIME. WHAT. ON. EARTH. I think if he took the time to read it he might've messaged me today. A simple HOW ARE YOU. ANYTHING. SOMETHING. And I know he is going to justify it with "well you need space and I didn't want to bother you I want you to talk to me as you're comfortable" TO WHICH I TOLD HIM IT WAS FINE HE COULD MESSAGE ME. AHHHHHHH. Am I crazy for thinking he should've sent me some kind of message here?!?!?!?!?!?!
  4. Thanks so much for the replies. As of right now we're "in limbo". He has to go to new york for work Sunday-Thursday and we will not really talk. I just got off the phone with him and he wants me to be in his life for the future and he still does not know if he wants this job or not. I'm willing to give him a chance after the screaming at me because well I love him. I know that's a dumb excuse sometimes but i dunno. I guess I will take it day by day and not make any life changing decisions yet. I think maybe a month or two should be enough time for me to make a sound of mind decision right? Because right now I'm a total mess. I don't have school or anything like that, I start a new job Monday so hopefully that will get my mind off things for a while. It's been hard being home doing nothing. I'm also starting therapy at some point my doctor put through the requisition and he said it can take a while so to just start the prozac now and then hes gonna add some other med to it (forgot the name) and then the therapy should help me to get out of this depression. He told me to leave my relationship as it was abusive but I cant bring myself to do it. My boyfriend didn't realize he was being abusive, we both messed things up, I don't know. Maybe time will tell and help. I think I will just wait it out but it's hard with all this uncertainty. I just want to go to a psychic to get a false sense of hope for the future lol.
  5. I am going to try to keep this as short as I can. Basically I started dating my best friend. We were great friends for 3 years and then things kinda happened and we started dating. I was getting over my depression when we first got together (novemberish) and got off my meds around april. Well here I am with depression again, I think it started in July. Now I can't figure out if it's because of him or because my brain sucks. Our biggest explosion happened last week. He told me he needed space and didn't want contact from me. He contacted me on Saturday and I had told him something minor that I had done that he didn't agree with but I stopped and realized i didn't want to do it and he FLIPPED OUT on me. I called him sunday and he yelled at me to the point where I was terrified. I had concluded he was emotionally abusive. Blaming things on me, yelling at me, etc (this all started in julyish everything was, for the mostpart, picture perfect before). I was ready to leave him yesteray but here' the issue... we talked. and talked. and talked. So he made me realize I had been emotionally abusing him too(which is why he needed that space) (i guess I was abusive because of the depression) but honestly I dont think it was as bad as how he retaliated back to me but whatever. Maybe I was awful to him. Maybe he's really sensitive. I don't know anymore. We decided to try and work on things at a really slow pace. We were planning on getting married and all that kinda stuff and he said he still wants a future with me and we basically just need to talk things out before getting to that horrible point we were at last week. He promised he would never yell at me again and would be there for me through my depression. (He just found out yesterday I had it) Anyways today we texted a bit and he told me he has a job offer that would require him to travel all over the world for two years. He's had a job like this before in 2010 and he said he was done traveling which is why I considered dating him. He said he wanted to settle down and all that but how can he when he has a job like that? He said he would be sacrificing everything to take that job. The job would give him more experience and money. He hasn't told me whether or not he's taking it. I'm just so confused right now. I'm on day 3 of prozac. Like I just don't even know what to think. I cried a bit but I managed to stop. I'm just really puzzled. I can't think anymore. I guess I'm just venting but if anyone has something constructive to say or can make sense of this please... please... tell me
  6. Hi everyone. I just started welly on Saturday and I dunno not noticing much yet. Anyway I did some reading uP on it and I see it can cause hair loss??? I am absolutely freaking out and almost want to stop taking it immediately becaus I'm way too vain!!!! I don't think there's a huge issue with stopping cold turkey after 3 days?????? Should I even be concerned though??? Ahhh!!!!!
  7. The ones you download on your iphone to motivate you or whatever? Anyone? I'm about to download one but I'm not sure if I should waste the $4 for it but then again that's not a lot so I might as well... ust wondering if anyone else has used anything like this to cope and did it work?
  8. I'm taking 5htp right now to avoid meds again. The first time I took 5htp I felt almost high. Then I noticed it was doing wonders for my anxiety and then I just kinda stopped taking it for a while and depression crept back. I'm taking it twice a day now (200 mg total) and I think it's helping... it's only been 2 days taht I've been taking it religiously so I don't really know if it'll help long term. I'm also startng to take st john's wort at night too just to get extra antidepressant action.... I hope it works. It's natural right so nothing to lose. Im not on any meds right now so it can't interfere with anythig so i at least want to give it a shot before taking AD's again. I will give it at least a month
  9. Hi thanks for all the responses. I was on celexa, had awful side effects, doctor took me off cold turkey and I almost killed myself so she put me on effexor for a year. I changed to a gluten free diet and it worked wonders for my depression, I got off my meds by March/April, had been feeling great since Decemberish. Now I don't even know. I mean I have a bit of an idea as to why I might be feeling depressed again - had to take emergency contraceptive and ever since i took that I was emotional as hell, and since then it got worse. I don't know if it was the extra hormones that triggered it but you'd think it would be out of my system by now since it's been a month. I tried to detox for 3 days with a raw diet but couldn't take it anymore. My doctor up and moved to another city so now I don't even have a family doctor anymore, and I really don't want to get back on effexor because getting off it was the worst thing in the world. After my brief detox I feel a bit better but still pretty worthless. I'm going to check out the natural remedies, I'm way too scared of going on AD's again... If I eventualy have to then fine but I'm going to try everything in my power not to.
  10. Hi all I'm terrified right now I'm pretty sure I'm relapsing. Had an awful bout of depression last year and now for the last 4 weeks I'm pretty suicidal and feeling worthless again. I really don't want to go back on those awful meds, thinking of natural remedies. Maybe they will work bc this has only been a month? Anyone relapsed? How log did it last? What did you do?
  11. I don't think it was any more than two months or so? Could've been less, I really can't remember I'm sorry! But everyone reacts differently, yours might just last a few weeks you never know!
  12. Wow so many replies cool!! I'm glad I've given some people hope... I mean I'm not a doctor but what's the worst that can happen by removing it from your diet for a few weeks to see what happens? If anyone ends up doing it PLEASE let me know I wanna see if there's a link or anything :) well obviously there must be but yeah let me know anyways haha. I didn't think there would be such a mental or emotional connection to wheat/gluten but apparently, for me, there is! This might not be true for everyone else with depression but again what is there to lose? :)
  13. Wow this makes me so angry.... just wow.
  14. I've noticed I can't have gluten anymore... I don't know if it's because I was on effexor though. I just did it as an experiment as my nausea symptoms (which I had for years and had no idea why...) were getting so much worse. Maybe the effexor made it worse? I have no idea! I just know now I can't go anywhere near gluten. I hope this response helps somewhat lol.
  15. I've been weaning off for like two months and I'm actually fine. It's only when I missed doses where it was an ABSOLUTE nightmare!
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