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Peace Seeking

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    United States
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    Reading, video games, nature stuff, learning stuff, and my beloved kitty.

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  1. I am not a professional, but I have OCD and a large part of my OCD is what some professionals call rumination or pure obsessions/"pure o". OCD is an anxiety disorder that primarily consists of a thought that causes anxiety, which leads to an action that temporarily relieves the anxiety. An example would be someone that becomes anxious at the thought of germs or being contaminated with filth (excessively so, and without any logically justifiable reason) which leads to an action like washing their hands repeatedly with very hot water and soap, perhaps doing so a certain number of times. To me, I believe pure o or rumination OCD would consist of a thought that produces a tremendous amount of anxiety (probably a thought the sufferer has had many, many times), but never leads to or is directly connected to an action that would give temporary relief.
  2. I also have intrusive thoughts, things that I would never choose to think about or even want to think about, and having them makes me feel bad/guilty and even more anxious, thus keeping the intrusive thought cycle going. And when I have intrusive thoughts, I can sometimes wonder whether I'm kind of losing my mind, so if that's what you mean, then yes. The only thing that helped me before was medication and cognitive behavioral therapy, so hopefully you will find what works for you. Good luck!
  3. I'm a ruminator/pure obsessive, have intrusive thoughts, one washing compulsion (hands, but it's not consistent - on bad days, the skin on the top of my hands is red, scaly and flaky/peeling from too much hot water and soap), I also have hair pulling and skin picking/biting, and there seems to be some controversy over whether that falls into OCD or not. I also think I have a bit of confessional OCD, where I'll have an intrusive thought and absolutely MUST tell my husband. Have to. I have tremendous anxiety if I try to stop myself. It's probably pretty exhausting for him, at times. I didn't even know this was OCD behavior until I read through some threads on here and saw someone else refer to it as a compulsion!
  4. I don't really get jealous, but I think jealousy would be better than what I feel. For example, if I see someone being successful or getting what they want or just feeling really happy or something, I feel genuinely happy for them and their accomplishments but simultaneously I feel MUCH worse about myself. Like someone's success is further proof of my failings, large (career-wise) and small (that they can feel so happy with themselves and lately I just don't).
  5. I have a wheat intolerance, not a gluten intolerance but I haven't yet seen any kind of correlation with my mood. Maybe because it's wheat, I don't know. I only recently discovered my intolerance (after months or possibly years of mysterious digestive ailments) but since I went wheat free in the beginning of February, I only "cheated" once, and the pain was so bad, I don't think I could perceive a difference in my mood!
  6. I have a sweet lap kitty that I love very much. She seems to know when I'm really upset, so she'll come to me and snuggle up very close at those moments, which is wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without her. It's nice to know that something loves me no matter what.
  7. Thanks for all the suggestions and support, everyone. I got a couple puzzle books (circle word, cross word and logic puzzles which are HARD but interesting), and I've been trying to focus on that. I even sorted the laundry, and today I'm going to try and actually do some of it! It seems monumental but obviously worthwhile. Also, I've been trying to think about just ONE thing at a time, so it seems more manageable. I'll think something like, "Okay. All you have to do is turn on the shower and get in. The water will feel nice. Just turn on the water." Then once I'm in, I just do everything procedurally, allowing myself the option of stopping at any point. I haven't stopped yet, so I feel proud of that. If I have to stop, I'll try not to beat myself up (very hard to do but I'll try). I'm working on doing this for any task, however small. So far, so good. It would be hard for me to thank every person individually, but I want to say every one that commented has made a difference to me. Thanks again.
  8. Thank you, Shmooey. I really like the idea of puzzle books. I need to be distracted, to keep my mind out of that negativity loop. Anything to stop crying. I'm glad your appointment is so soon. I've been waiting for two weeks already, so it looks like six weeks is kind of common! Ha. Good luck to you and thanks again. I also read through more topics in here and I was thinking that focusing on something like taking my shower is good. Anything can be an accomplishment. Just set a small goal, and try to do it. I think that's how I should try to look at it for now. It's just so frustratingly hard to think of things through this fog! Thanks again for helping me. I like these ideas.
  9. I'm so sorry. I'll check through the other posts to see what I missed. I like your user name, too. We are all on a path. Thank you so much for the suggestions. Coffee or tea could be good. I like music and reading. And I have a very sweet cat. Thank you. I will focus on what you've said. Things are very hard right now. I really am so thankful for the help.
  10. Hi, everyone. For the first time in many years, I'm in the middle of a crippling depression. Normally my worst problems arise from OCD, but those issues have crept behind my monolithic depression. This has been going on since December, and lately it has gotten much worse. I am not currently on medication, but I'm hoping to get on something again very soon. I'm seeing my psychiatrist May 1st (earliest available appointment), but I'm having a hard time doing any kind of normal, day-to-day things. All I want to do is lie down (couch or bed) and stare off into space and/or cry. Some days I shower, some I don't. The laundry and dishes are taking over. I would like suggestions on some small and manageable things I can focus on. Typically, I would come up with these ideas on my own, but I'm honestly in such a fog of sadness, confusion and indecision that I can't think of anything and simply end up doing nothing. Or I'll try to think of the things I should be doing, and then I'll cry, and feel like a failure. Anyway, I'm sure none of this is new to you guys and gals, but if anyone has any kind of suggestions on some kind of tiny goal(s) where I could feel like I've done something today (and any day leading up to my appointment) I would be tremendously grateful. I'm sure others could benefit from these kind of ideas, too. Thank you. /This post took an unbelievably long time to write!
  11. Another "other" here. :) I started Fluoxetine (Prozac) on May 18th of this year after a very unsuccessful (and short) run on Sertraline (Zoloft), so I've been taking Prozac for about two months. I did the first week at 10 mg, then per my pdoc's request, upped it to 20 mg, and that's what I'm taking now. Some things I have noticed: *I'm a bit more spacey/dreamy or something like that. I am taking this for OCD, so possibly I'm getting to my normal state. Honestly, I think it's better this way! ;P *I also clench my teeth at night. I used to do this during times of stress, so I'm no stranger to bruxism, but it's MUCH worse now than ever before. The right side of my tongue is all chewed up and looks worse every day! :-/ *Vivid nightmares. I hate them. *This is a strange one and I have no proof it's completely due to the Prozac, but my menstrual cycle has gotten completely out of whack. Since starting Prozac, I have only had my period once (in the second week of taking it), then nothing. I'm not super regular as it is, but this is a first for me! And at 29, I doubt I'm going through menopause. Also, every test I've taken says not pregnant, and because I do still have OCD, I've taken quite a few tests! However, everything else has been awesome. No problems with my sex drive (unlike Zoloft, ugh!), anxiety is much more under control now and I'm just so much happier/calmer with everything is life. Also, before I could cry at the drop of a hat, now I think I've only cried once while taking Prozac, and even then it was just a couple tears. Before if I started crying, I'd be in for a complete meltdown! So I'd say overall Prozac is a definite improvement for me. :)
  12. Thanks so much, Spiritual Wanderer! I'm pretty relieved to hear that. :) I guess my OCD was getting the better of me and I was just getting a little anxious about it. Thanks for reassuring me. Great avatar, btw. :)
  13. Hi everyone :) I started taking Prozac on 5/18 after a very unsuccessful month on Zoloft (Sertraline) to treat my diagnosed OCD/anxiety. I took 10 mg for 2 weeks, then went up to 20 per my p-doc's request. I feel a *lot* better/happier on the Prozac (waaaay better!) but I'm also much more energetic than usual. It's very hard for me to sit still and I'm always tapping my feet or pacing around or whatever. I'm also pretty distracted, like it's harder for me to focus on things. In addition to that I'm having having some intermittent problems with going to sleep (wanting to go to bed later and later), but if I can sit down to read a book or something, I'm fine and I'll just zip right through it. Is this a common side effect? And if not, at what point should I become concerned? It hasn't really affected my day to day life very much yet (plus I'm loving the positive effect it has had on my mood!) but of course, a little part of me (probably the OCD part! LOL!) is concerned I might have bipolar in addition to the OCD (not sure if that happens or not) and I don't really want to induce a mania-related crash. Any advice you could give me on this would be greatly appreciated. :)
  14. Thanks for the comment! I seem to be having some amount of success with Inositol, but sometimes I forget to take it and when that happens it seems like I'm pulling more. :( Zoloft wasn't working for me (which might have made my trich worse) so my pdoc has changed meds. I'm starting Prozac tomorrow. I hope you're doing well, feel free to PM me if you want any extra advice or ...

  15. Thank you for your kind comment a few days ago! Things are going okay for me. I hope things are going well for you, too. :)

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