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Jmeff

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About Jmeff

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  1. I'm in the psych ward after another suicide attempt. It's been my 4th attempt. This disease is quite literally trying to **** me. I've been hospitalized so many times. Been on so many meds and have done ECT before. I want to get better which is different. All I wanted before was to pass on. We are trying clomipramine. I have not felt any better but it's only been 11 days. I need hope. I have some questions/concerns what if I did brain damage from all the meds,overdoses, and ECT ? what if no medication will help? did it take awhile for your antidepressants to work? Did it get worse before it got better? do you know of any stories of people like me who have tried so many things and didn't get better but eventually healed? thank you
  2. Hi. I am a 31 year old male. I am from Vancouver, British Columbia. I have had depression for 13 years. I have been hospitalized over 10 times. Been on over 25 medications. Have done electroshock therapy twice and tried about every other non medical treatment there is. I have very few options left to try. My disease has completely handicapped me. I live at home with my father. I do not have friends, I do have a job, I do not have a wife or kids or girlfriend. I had to drop out of school a long time ago. I only leave the house once a month and that is to go to a doctors appointment. I suffer a lot during the day. I spend 95% of my time alone. I am in bed for 18 hrs a day and the rest of the time I am on the couch. I have had four serious suicide attempts, two of which landed me in intensive care. I am constantly suicidal and have been for about 4 years. I do not know what will happen in the future but I am just to talk to people like myself. I still hope and wish and pray for recovery somehow, someway, though I'm still very doubtful. Maybe the best I can do is learn to accept my illness and get to a point where I don't want to die every day. I look forward to talking to you all. Thank you
  3. Just looking for people who have switched antidepressants. I am having a hard time and am very scared. I've switched from remeron to clomiprime. I just stopped the remeron 5 days ago and only been on a small dose of clomiprime for about week. So far I'm still very depressed and anxious. Is this normal? How long does it take for the clomiprime to start working? thanks
  4. it's mostly zyprexa I think that makes me feel like it. I want to try saphris to see if that's better
  5. Just wondering if you meds make you emotionally numb? If so, what meds are they?
  6. I'm switching antidepressants right now. I was just curious about your experiences. I'm just afraid that it's just my screwed up brain causing all this. Right now my symptoms are: -worsening depression -depersonalization -intrusive thoughts -lack of emotion -no motivation -suicidal thoughts -just feeling insane
  7. I can't stand people who don't have live with this illness. They get to actually live life. To have friends, to work, to have relationships, and not have to endure this horrible suffering. It's not fair! why us? Then they pretend like them being healthy is all because they are stronger or better than us. It's bulls***. I hate it. I hate them.
  8. I'm currently taking ativan 4 mg olanzapien 5mg lamictal 200mg effexor 300mg remeron 22 mg I'm weaning off the remeron right now. I want to come off the olanzapein because it's making lethargic. I can't come off the ativan because I tried before and turned out really bad. I'm waiting to be put on clomiprime. Should I wait until I'm off the remeron and then just switch the effexor for clomiprime? and then try to get off the olanzapein? I feel like my meds are a mess right now. I don't know what to do. The effexor does nothing anymore. I'm just scared to come off it because of withdrawal effects. But will the introduction to the clomiprime nullify the the withdrawal of the effexor? I'd like to be taking just clomiprime, lamictal and ativan. That'd be ideal. But its just so hard to come off meds, I hate it. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks
  9. Yeah I take 4 mg of ativan. wish it was less. I tried getting off it. It's so insanely hard. I wouldn't recommend it. Unless your in a really good place and have the time and sanity to endure possibly years of feeling like .
  10. Yes it's the same doctor. But I don't like being on so many. And I'm still symptomatic so maybe a med overhaul. right now I'm coming off the remeron. I was to come off the zyprexa too but it's so hard. Then maybe switch my effexor for a newer antidepressant. Then I'd only be on 3. That would be pretty good.
  11. Just curious. I'm on 5 right now. I feel like it may be too many.
  12. Just curious. What benzos do you take? How much do you take?
  13. I spent 2 years coming off benzo's. I ended up become psychotic because of the withdrawals. Then they put me back on them in the hospital. I can't believe I went through 2 years of hell just to go crazy and be put back on them. Now I'm just horribly depressed and dissociated and still feel insane. I know benzo's cause depression and emotional apathy. That's probably why no treatment to cure my depression work, because I'm taking a depressant. Now I just feel domed. I can't get off benzo's and can't stay on them. It just makes me so suicidal. What the hell do I do?
  14. I was/am on a high dose of effexor (300mg) and remeron (90mg). My doctor has taken me down to 45mg of remeron and now he wants to take me off the effexor so I can try a new drug. He wants to slowly taper me off the effexor and slowly introduce a new medication. I'm already lossing my mind from the remeron withdrawal. I'm having very intense suicidal thoughts. I don't know what to do. Should I... 1. Try the med change and see what happens (possible put my self at risk)? 2.Go to the hospital (which I really don't want to do because I've been there so many times) 3.Call my doctor and ask to switch out the remeron instead 4.Just ****ing **** myself and end this horrible mess
  15. The thing is, I don't really want to die. Before I really did. I tried, a few times. Somehow I survived. I just want some hope. And I'm afraid I'm running out of options and I know that just from a practical stand point that this kind of suffering is not sustainable. So hopefully this med works. I'm not asking it to do miricals I just need a little lift so I can actually leave my house and pursue therapy and other things that might help me.
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