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gandolfication last won the day on February 28 2019

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About gandolfication

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    Politics, philosophy, literature, art, film, pop- neuroscience and quantum physics

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  1. Thanks. I often feel like this and think the same. But then again, hope must exist. It is an emotion we do experience and feel and is semi-observable. Mostly, we can observe people who do have and experience hope by what they say and do. I've recently finished a couple books by Dr. Martin Seligman, (the great experimental psychologist and father of positive psychology). He wrote Learned Optimism, in which he defines optimism mostly with respect to recognizing that adversity is temporary rather than permanent, compartmentalized rather than pervasive in scope, and is general in its causes rather than just personal fault. This activates response-ability and other positive actions and feelings. So, it seems we do have a choice in the matter. If we choose to influence our reality with hope and optimism, then we have even more reason for it. This part is self-reinforcing and perpetuating. I don't want to sound preachy or lectury. I listen to these things because I struggle with them. Sometimes, try as I might otherwise, I usually have to come around to acknowledging not only that there is hope (which I think is objectively demonstrable), but that there is also even cause for hope. Of course belief in permanence and a benevolent higher power helps, but I'm not sure is necessary. My definition of hope is not that tomorrow can or will be better than today. My definition is that I have a reasonable belief-in-action that I can co-create and experience joy in my life right now. Each word has significance to me, and another time, I'll expound upon it (the writing I did on it in the last couple months will not allow me to paste it into DF for some reason here). I 'hope' this helps someone else.
  2. On Hope How strange it felt waking up in the dim window light, Yet familiar from days gone by equally bright. I lay long thinking and brooding to no particular end, Then finally got up to face the day I will spend. There were goblins and ghouls of negative thoughts, Automatic impulses and all manner of shoulds and oughts. Long I had learned how to parry their thrust, But still being tired they oft ground me to dust. How weary it is to fight off one's self, Or belief thoughts and feelings come from somewhere else. A bad man once said 'he would live must fight.' Another wrote "fight against the dying of the light.' As we struggle and we choose to live, We are reminded of the things we give. Of all the existential thoughts or calming actions hereabove, May we radiate in all directions, simple love. May I start with compassion and kindness, Salve just a little of this world's pain and blindness. Remembering adversity is not personal, pervasive, or permanent, And I can co-create joyous reality both beyond and in this present firmament.
  3. I really enjoyed reading this one. Tried to comment back on it a while ago, but DF has not been working for me very well at all of late.
  4. This is probably the case for everyone, seeing as there is not literal path.
  5. I like that wanting what you get part, which is an application of radical acceptance. It also reminds me of something I read last night, that attributed the quote, "Life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived," to Joseph Campbell, although I think he was quoting Søren Kierkegaard. Campbell then added, "Follow the path that is no path, follow your bliss.” I mostly like that too, especially the part that there is no path.
  6. Yes. We all are. None of us wears and publicizes with a bullhorn our most troubling thoughts. But we all have them. Everyone. It is the paradox of comparing our inner worst, with everyone else's outer best. We are all imposters, hypocrites, and that's okay. It's part of the human condition. Everyone has feet of clay. We build Disnified fairly tails about super people that do not really exist. It's what PR agents and publicists and egos are for. They're all fake half-stories at best.
  7. Yes, I know, or at least believe you. I think one of the toughest, but most worthwhile challenges, is to explore and learn and practicing how to love oneself. In a sense, it is the whole ballgame. And it is possible, as evidenced by numerous people who are able to learn how to do it. I've met many of them in person and here. I try to use it as a positive reminder to myself that it is possible. All this self-hatred and automatic negative thinking about myself is ultimately bullsh*t, and to a degree, I am letting it override what is true and better. It's hard. It takes work and time. But objectively, observably, it is possible. I like to read books about people who have done it. It gives me hope. It is inside of each of us. It can come from no other place. It is our agency, and our birthright.
  8. This is what it is for me too. I feel the gnawing certainty that I am the ultimate prodigal son, a wastrel, who despite being endowed with gifts, talents, abilities, etc., have somehow and for some reasons, squandered them, not lived up to that elusive 'potential,' and that this is the ultimate, unforgivable 'sin.' And that I just can't solve or improve the almost constant overwhelming sense of unmanageable stress and hopeless despair and pointlessness.
  9. I've been having trouble trying to post a little epigram I wrote about hope, over the last couple days on DF. Testing here to see if it'll let me post anything. I keep getting 404 page not found errors messages.
  10. @sober4life, Virtually all of us here, even if we don't usually literally cry for hours per night, nevertheless know these same feelings and ways of being. We love and care for you, and hope you can find something inside to also love yourself. (This is what I hope and strive for myself too, which I'm about to write about).
  11. This is such a good, vivid description of my experience too with bi-polar II, which, like you, I think of as a rough-hewn description of phenomenon that mainly mean life usually feels painful, sad, fearful, etc. to me. With intermittent, all too infrequent bouts of mania, that I've learned usually to channel into only mild hypomania to good effect and productivity, but still with a lot of anxiety and pain.
  12. Yah, I like and sometimes draw strength from the idea that each day--each moment actually--we have the ability to start again.
  13. Depression is the feeling that seems to become manifest as real, that we're incapable of doing or feeling anything good.
  14. Good idea. I'm seriously considering taking a year break from politics. It's been so much a part of my life for so long. It was always important to me as a source of some hope, the art of the possible of making things better, a purpose larger than myself, etc. (especially after I lost my formal/systematic and relational religion). I helped get my best friend from law school elected to a big judgeship last night, and am happy about that. He may even find a job at the court to offer me. Not counting on it, and not a panacea, but I'd have to consider it.
  15. @BlueCycloBlog, yah, that's well put. I'm 43, and have been through this now for well over a decade, and this is still the feeling I have when depression descends upon me again, and stays... I just want to feel not desperate, not hopeless, not panicked, etc.
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