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About rockinron_1

  • Birthday 12/24/1990

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    Music! It makes me happy.

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  1. BPD has a whole range of symptoms and were all very different with it; I don#t know which you exhibit but for the basics maybe something like: Its alternative name makes a bit more sense "emotionally unstable personality disorder". Think of our emotions & personality as a venn diagram. All the little circles overlap to make the emotional state were in. BPD's have the same names for the little circles as everyone but our circles are much bigger. Emotions are often triggered by the slightest of things (maybe a night out sends you up but cancellation of plans triggers you into a low). I don't know how far your BPD goes but in some people due to all this extreme emotion the mind will "disassociate" itself, I think the best way to describe that is spaced out and numb, emotionless. I think that makes sense? If not try the "mind" website.
  2. That sounds good girly, it must be a great feeling to know your beating the BPD AngelOfTheMoor I've been through almost the same thought path resulting in similar circumstances. Although I was never bullied (surprisingly I've always been quite popular just a little quiet) and (even more surprisingly) girls have shown intrest in me I've never felt like I deserved to be in a relationship or have that connection with someone resulting in me being 20 years old and never even having my first kiss yet. Your quite right, there is hope, you will find someone eventually, it just takes some of us a little longer... There's a thread on here about accepting emotion, maybe just accepting that the thoughts are down to your disorder rather than natural will help you move through it.. I recently lost my best friend from uni being here with me (he's at home deferring for a year) but it really wasn't the end of the world, I managed to find other people. Most people are naturally quite caring, you'll find others. bigblackdog although it often doesn't feel like it I always found getting out of my room, for whatever reason, often helps, alcohol is never a good solution, hope the event goes well.
  3. Turn out us guys can get BPD too Helium, either that or I've been seriously mislead about myself since birth... From what I've read it is more common in girls though. I'm also a huge HP fan (more so when younger) but I could never really get into the films, they seemed to loose the magic of the books. Sorry to hear your date was downgraded girly, as a man who's always "friend zoned" I can only empathise...
  4. Thanks for the reply Girly, I'm going to make an appointment for next week, hopefully I'll drop on a good mood, I'll write everything down and take it with me as well just in case. I always convince myself I'll be fine when I go through a good patch but I've had too many rough weeks to keep pretending. Ah well, fingers crossed I'll get somewhere this time.
  5. I'm also diagnosed BPD and this sounds very much like me except with few neutral states.. My moods last hours or sometimes (but rarely) a day or two. All though I'm on no medication or anything I have found exercise has narrowed the extent of the swings. I also tend to have a clearer head after it...
  6. Hey personality club! I'm a 20 year old electronic engineering student in the UK recently diagnosed BPD. Still learning a lot about it (and myself come to that). I just wanted to drop in and introduce myself. For those who haven't had a great time of it lately, I find music can really help lift me when I'm not too far gone; try singing along? PM for the link.
  7. Thanks for the replies guys, its nice to be in a place where people understand. I'm not on any medication, I meant it quite literally when I said I was told I'm borderline and that's it. It really doesn't help that unless I have a completly clear head (a few hours a week if I'm lucky) I can't open up even slightly without a stream of tears, it's very humiliating to have to sit in-front of a doctor in that state... Over the last couple of months I've managed to shrink the circle of emotion I bounce around in but not really far enough to hide it, I still have to blag life dependant on the mood I'm in. I have an invite to a pub quiz tomorrow night, I want to go but I don't know what kind of mood I'll be in, I can't plan anything; blurghh outside of my trusted group of friends meeting new people is hard. Books sound like a good idea, I like teaching myself; maybe I can learn how to be my own therapist I think a re-visit to my GP is in order, if that's no use I'll try my GP at home (being a student I'm registered in 2 different places). Icebaby that really is disgustingly useless behaviour from your GP surgery, I must admit the more I read about BPD and how people with it are treat the less optimistic it makes me. Could you not try a different surgery? As far as I'm aware so long as you fall within the catchment area your free to change you GP
  8. I'm pretty new to the forum and received a BPD diagnosis a couple of months ago, I wanted the advice of anyone who's been through the NHS (UK) system for dealing with it. I'm at uni and went to see the open door team who told me to go talk to the GP who refered me to the comunity medical health team who (aften a 1 hour discussion with me) wrote to my GP to tell them my diagnosis; I went for my GP appointment and was told I have a Cluster B personality disorder - specifically borderline. That's it. No help, no advice, no offer of any therapy, nothing. All I had was the open door team who I was meeting weekly but just as I received my diagnosis my deferral for the university year went through which meant I was no longer entitled to my universities open door teams counselling. I feel the diagnosis fits prefect and I feel I've had it for most of my adolescence ( a 2ish month depressive episode made me seek help; it was the first time I could identify something definitely wrong - I'd never known anything other than trying to live through the BPD before then). I'm still learning to identify different states, the more I identify the more I realise how long its been going on for. My problem really is that as much as having a diagnosis does make some things easier and let me begin to research and understand more about why my head does what it does, it doesn't help me overcome it. I've not been offered any therapy or anything. Is that to be expected from a GP? It is simply a diagnosis of "you are borderline, go away and get on with it"; that's what it felt like. Does anyone have any experience of getting help with BPD on the NHS? I have friends to support me but in finally seeking help I kind of though I would be working towards a life in which I didn't need that support. I exercise regularly, eat well, don't overstress myself, generally try to look after my body (more than I have in the past) in hopes it might help my mind and to an extent it does but ultimately it doesn't "fix" me. Exercise does give me a lot of control but over the past two or so weeks I've not been able to push through it. At the start of my last depressive episode I clearly remember that rather than getting through the work out I would crash. Recently I've been in the gym with tears running down my face but I won't stop because then it has beaten me, I feel like I'm slipping down again. For years I've had a simple cure in SI, now I'm trying to stop that but then everything else plays up and when I finally crash (been over a month between the last two episodes) its been worse than ever. Surely there's something that can be done to help? Does the NHS really offer no way for me to beat this? I just want a way to fight it...
  9. Hey Icebaby, I've recently had a BPD diagnosis. I'm usually very good with time, if I'm planning to be somewhere at a certain time I'm there within the minute and I can guess usually guess the time to within 15mins regardless of how long its been since I've seen a clock. Sometimes though I do seem to forget time has passed, on numerous occasions I've lost hours without realising it. I just stop thinking and stare blankly for a while, sometimes only a few minutes, sometimes longer, but I'm completely unaware the time has passed - obviously I tend to be in a pretty bad frame of mind before this will happen. But just having a bad sense of time is normal for some people. At home we always have to tell my dad a time earlier than whatever we have planed because he can't keep time - if we didn't all have our different little quirks life would be very boring, of course your not a "wierdo" Oh missed a bit... I also obsess over people being late, wondering if there not coming, why there not exactly on time, I'm not clued up enough to know but maybe it could be related to the abandonment aspect of BPD?
  10. New to a BPD diagnosis but I'm SO like alot of these comments... How about this? You have such a good day and have been so unbelievably productive you decide to go get your favorite food from the supermarket, bounce up and down the isles sporadically giggling to yourself because you're so happpy but then realise people are looking at you wondering why your laughing and then you know everyones watching you and wondering why your so strange and you want everyone to stop looking at you. You realise you've got some cheese (no that's not my favorite food), cotton thread (my wallets got ***** in it, better sew that up), and deoderant (that new one looks interesting! - think I've got every type going by now) in your basket; you don't want any of it but you can't put it back because people will see you but you can't check out because you'll look like a twat so you settle with walking up and down the isles buying others things (including fruit because you've got to look healthy when you go to the check out) to make the purchase seem more sensible. Then check out through self-serve because your too scared to go to the till. Get home, your head clears up, sit back & laugh at yourself then check the bank balance and feel depressed at how broke you are almost get to the point of SI then while trying to distract yourself remember this awesome forum, find this thread that reminds you loads of others are like you and sit bopping to Santana happy again. All in a days work... How about: You have to keep all your money in a savings account that takes 3 days to clear to stop you blowing every penny you have. Your driving down the road utterly convinced you could drive through the other cars because there not there. Life is an impulse. One day your the most outgoing happy person ever, the next you can't make it out of bed because whats the point?
  11. I saw the open door team today and the woman I spoke to, although not qualified to give me a diagnosis, seemed fairly confident I'm bipolar (I'm not convinced, I think it changes too quickly). I was sent to the GP straight after the appointment and was refered to a psichiatrist after talking to her for 5 minutes. I was kind of fighting a low at the open door team and almost lost it at the GP but I got through it. Just got to wait about 2 weeks before I get to see the psychiatrist... I wouldn't worry about the impression you created with your psychiatrist, I consider myself a bit of a lad most of the time but I was almost in tears at the GP, she understood though. It must be so flustrating to have the appointment set back! Oh as for the impulsivness I've generally bought quite a few things I don't need lately, specifically I currently own a 7'x4' pro BCE pool table, I'm useless at pool but it felt like a good idea
  12. Thanks for the support guys! I'm still an engineer in training, not got the degree yet but I think having a logical mind has defiantly helped me, not just with knowing myself and trying to figure out what's wrong but with seeing reason during low times as well. I have a good memory and have kept a diary since coming to uni and I can account for pretty much every day of my life during that period which has helped convince myself something's wrong. @bisous, you sound so similar to me with this! Like you said when I'm clear it's just like the rest of the time is imagination, like it's not me. I don't really understand it, it drives me insane most of the time not knowing whether there's something wrong or not. I have this thing as well where I can "snap" straight out of it, high or low, all of a sudden I just come clear. I have to stop and figure out where I am and what's happening, whatever's going on is strange I'm also going for my fist appointment with the open door team tomorrow! I'm kind of worried cause I don't know what frame of mind I'm gonna be in till I get there but here's hoping. I hope yours all goes ok as well!! Let me know how you get on?
  13. Hey guys, Quick update: I've, (finally!) managed to email the open door team at my uni tonight to arrange an appointment to go see them. Hopefully I'll be in a decent frame of mind when I go so I can explain it to them... I think the descriptive post comes from being an engineer :p and thinking about everything way too much before I've acted upon it :/ Thanks for your replies guys! I'll take a copy of my post just in case... Ron
  14. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

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