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About myra_viveash

  • Birthday 03/16/1976

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    Syracuse, NY
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    1920s, 80s movies, agnosticism, aldous huxley, alternative music, androgyny, anhedonia, anthropology, archaeology, art, biking, bisexuality, chocolate, choral singing, coffee, conservation, conversation, cooking, creativity, curiosity, dalai lama, dancing, depression, discussions, documentaries, dutch, earthships, evolution, evolutionary sociology, existentialism, exploring, fiction, films, gender, generosity, halloween, honesty, human nature, intentional community, kindness, kissing, languages, literature, love, lukas moodysson, manual labor, meditation, modernism, museums, music, musing, napping, nature, netherlands, people watching, philosophy, picnics, poetry, polyamory, psychology, questions, radiohead, reading, reality, research, retro, rhps, road trips, singing, slacking off, socialism, sociology, summer, sunshine, sushi, the cure, theater, thrift stores, trains, traveling, vascillating, vice, virtue, voluntary simplicity, walking, william blake, witty lyrics, writing, yoga.

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  1. That sounds like a really rough situation, and sounds like you are doing what you can at this point, then. :( Perhaps there is a charitable organization that can help you if you explain your situation to them (especially if you wind up losing your apartment, though it sounds like your roommate is also depending on you if you are paying bills for both of you). I have heard of people in my neighborhood who were helped by local churches, etc. when they were in emergencies and their living situation was precarious.
  2. Sounds like you may need to prioritize bills to pay only what is absolutely necessary. I am not great at this as I haven't had to do it, but I have been very close to people who spent much of their life doing just that. From what I understand, housing is prioritized over other utilities, electric, phone, etc. I wouldn't worry about paying people back who have helped you until your situation is more stable, though I understand it's a matter of pride in wanting to repay that. You may be able to save money on food and eat healthier by making things like soup or smoothies, etc. if you are not able to chew. Say you make some pureed soups once a week and put some in the freezer you can then just heat them up or bring them to work in a thermos. I think that will really help save money vs. eating out.
  3. Sorry for making assumptions about your politics. I try to stay civil about it regardless of where anyone is in terms of their thinking, but the atmosphere right now is really divisive. I would hesitate to recommend it, but could you consider taking out a payday loan just to get your rent paid for the month while you figure something out? Maybe talk to your roommate and try to find out whether they will definitely ask you to leave if you don't have all of your rent. If you're having a hard time paying your share of the rent, perhaps you need to look at your spending and see if there is any way to save money you haven't considered, and/or if you may need to look for a cheaper apartment.
  4. I'm in the US, too, and even though I gather I am on the opposite end of the political spectrum, I agree that there's definitely a gap in social services right where (I assume) you are financially - technically above the poverty line for a single man, but not poor enough to qualify for whatever limited help is available, which mainly goes to families here. I believe that there should be more help for childless people who are working but struggling with affording the basics, too. It really disincentivizes taking any job you can when you are penalized for doing that and not helped anymore.
  5. Sorry to hear about the unfairness you have to deal with at work. My fiance also works a retail job and seeing the difference between his store, and another store in the area, it seems like the management really makes a difference in whether the atmosphere at work is tolerable and fair or not. I do hope you are able to take the job with the competitor, and hopefully get a pay increase and a better work environment. Not sure where you are located, but if you are not able to afford your rent, perhaps you can qualify for some temporary assistance from your state government? I think if you become homeless they will be able to help.
  6. It depends on what you're interested in, so I am not sure, but for example, I have gone to various clubs listed on sites like Meetup. For example, there are clubs for gaming, outdoor activities, book clubs, language clubs, community service clubs, etc. Do you live in a small town or rural area? If so, it may be harder to meet people because there will naturally be fewer people available, and you indeed may have to travel farther to find a club you can join. Also in that case, if you have the ability, you might consider moving to a larger town or small city to give yourself more options for dating as well as careers,
  7. I dreamt that my mom had some issue on her body (maybe a tumor) and was asking me to look at it to tell her if I thought she should get it checked out. It involved her taking her clothes off, but my mind kindly censored most of that. :)
  8. Regarding reducing self-blame, I've had luck by thinking of myself as a friend. It sounds silly, but when you are critical of yourself, just imagine that you have a friend who is going through the same thing you are. Would you say the same things to your friend that you are saying to yourself? If not, then you should probably go easier on yourself :)
  9. Just wanted to say this analogy really helped me, morecoffee. It's a simple visual, and true (I like to garden when I feel up to it). Ethan, sorry to hear you are in pain now, but like the others have said, it is likely all those emotions and pain that were dulled by the depression now being able to be expressed. I'm not quite where you are, but have also had dysthymia and can relate to the idea that while it sucks, it becomes comfortable, because you know what to expect. Having to experience a lot of emotion is probably weird and maybe you're not sure how to process / deal with it anymore. I hope to get to where you are soon. I tried acupuncture in the past for another ailment, but didn't really experience any alleviation of my depressive symptoms. Maybe the treatment is specific to depression, though. Just wanted to say good luck to you and I hope that you continue to make forward progress.
  10. Well, personally, I have been asked out by men in many locations. Twice in a grocery store I can think of, for example. But I think it's better to approach someone you know from another setting where they're not quite an absolute stranger, but you each know a little bit about each other. If you say you don't know anyone besides at work, then you should probably join some groups or clubs based on your interests to meet people. Then if you start talking with a woman at such a club you already have something in common and it will appear much less creepy if you ask her to go out sometime.
  11. Thanks for the sympathy - I still have a few things to try before I give up on having kids (but not many, and not much time). Thanks for not giving me specific advice, though - I have heard and thought of it all :) Regarding the envy - I have had to basically train my brain to ignore it and replace envious thoughts when I am aware of them with ones about what I can do in my specific case. But when all else fails (like when my ex has a baby with his new wife) I just give in and ask my fiance to bring me big milkshake and fries. It's okay to feel bad for yourself sometimes and acknowledge that you don't have what you want, but I find it's helpful to set a limit on wallowing and then get back to trying to do something productive about the problem.
  12. Well, my fiance is sort of a late bloomer in many regards - he just turned 33 and I'm 41, and he's only been working full time for a year now; he finally took a retail job that doesn't use his degree because he was sick of sitting around with no money and not contributing to the household. My fiance also just applied for his first credit card. He's never rented an apartment on his own, either. People I know have given me crap for being with him when he was unemployed and unable to contribute because they didn't understand why I would be with someone I had to support financially. But it was my decision, and he was contributing to the household and to my life in other ways that I valued (cooking, chores, emotional support, etc.). But, his best friend is the same age, and has just in the past year or two started to achieve a lot of the things most people have already done years ago: he's gotten his driver's license, gotten his first job, etc. My fiance's not sure if his friend is still a virgin or not, he's gone on a few dates in the past but nothing happened, but recently he's been meeting and hanging out with more women via his friends, so he may have been intimate with a woman. And he's not a bad guy, he's average looking now that he has lost some weight, probably average in intelligence. The fact that he still lives with his parents is working against him, but he's been saving up money and maybe he'll get his own place soon. My point is just that some people achieve milestones much later in life than others. When you know you are in this group in some aspect (in your case, having a relationship), it doesn't help you to compare yourself to average people. Like I mentioned in another thread, I'm 41 and can't have kids. I've done a bunch of stuff hardly anyone has to do and still haven't had any luck. I've never been pregnant. I don't know if I ever will be. Do I get upset when I see people get pregnant unintentionally (so called, "Oops" pregnancies)? Yes, I do, if I let myself think about it and compare myself to them. But I know I'm not like those people. I have a problem that may never be corrected. I know it's natural to be envious, but I think you should try to refocus yourself when you find yourself envying people because they have something you don't. All it does is make you angry and upset - I know this from my own experience and pain, even though mine is based on a different life milestone than yours. Instead, it's more productive to try to figure out how to achieve what you want, how to improve yourself. Compare yourself to yourself, and reward yourself for making efforts in the right direction.
  13. Hi Brandonb123 - welcome to DF. I have been here on and off (mostly off) for like 10 years, but am trying to contribute more lately. I relate to what you are saying, and I agree that in a sense, everything is pointless. Have you ever read the existentialists like Sartre or Camus? It's true that we need to create our own meaning, but I think for those of us who are not religious (me, too), it can be difficult because we know any meaning we choose is our choice (i.e., in some ways it is "fake" and random). I think part of the problem, though, is our expectations and assumptions. Why does there have to be a point? Why are we "better" than other animals? I'm pretty sure my cats and dogs aren't sitting around wondering what the point of it all is. I've been trying to accept that I get this one life (at least, that is what I assume), with so much time before I naturally become ill and die, and I can choose to fill it in whatever way I want., taking into consideration that I need to do what I have to to provide for my basic needs for survival. Some decisions, like trying to improve my mental and physical health, may give me some more time (though it's not certain) and may make me feel better day to day while I am here. Now that I am getting older and have less life to live, I am thinking more carefully and often about how I want to spend it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work all the time, because I am aware of how much of my life is spent on that, but it helps that I feel like the organization I work for is doing good things, which I am indirectly contributing to. But do I beat myself up when I watch too much TV, or decide to eat junk food? I have, but really, there's no point because it's done and over. The only things we can improve are our actions in the future, so we should try to focus on that, learning from our past mistakes. I guess my point is, if you don't have religious faith, yes, your life and mine and my dogs' and cats' and plants and etc.'s lives are pointless, but so what? They are our lives to live as we want. I think what is sadder than living a pointless life is living a life you don't want to be living, when you could live one that is more to your liking. I'm trying to figure this one out myself, too.
  14. Congrats and good luck on the job! Remember to just take everything in one step at a time. The first few days can be exciting but overwhelming at any new job because there's usually a lot to learn.
  15. I think you should reconsider what your expectations are, and what you think you can reasonably achieve. When I feel envious of others' lives because they have things I can't have, I try to think about the things that I have in my life that many others around the world don't have. And then I try to think of ways to be more appreciative of what I do have, while continuing to do what I can to make my life better, and work (even if slowly) towards the things I want. I know it's a struggle every day for a lot of us on here, despite our circumstances, what we have or don't have, and what "fun" stuff life decides to throw at us that day. There are times when I feel like I have reached my limit, too, but because I don't believe that there's necessarily anything other than this life I have, I choose to keep going because it's this (which I could potentially improve) or nothing. I feel like maybe you have some expectations that life should be a certain way for everyone, and that everyone should have certain things, but if you look around you'll see many people who have no job, no family, no real way out of the situations they are in. I think it is a matter of perspective and who you are comparing yourself to, and why you are choosing that comparison point. I would argue that, if you want to feel better, you should compare yourself to yourself (and look at your efforts), and to people who are worse off, rather than comparing yourself to those who have more than you, or who have the things you want but do not yet have.
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