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Everything posted by Spiritual_Wanderer

  1. It is just an "Americanized" version that says Jesus and Adam and Eve were "white." Technically, they would have had the skin tone of those in the Middle East. A beautiful olive/brown. People tend to see things based on their perceptions which are SO limited. Certainly, I am no different. My views of god are certainly based on what I was taught. I have (hopefully) outgrown that. I think we are just here to learn and Earth is a test. It can be an evil place and we are tested. Our souls have to do the best they can here.
  2. I am at 100mg now. In another week I will be at 200 mg. Only because I have been on it before and you don't need to go up so slowly. Joyless37 I would say wait and try to reach that therapeutic level. I actually started back on Wellbutrin today as well. I was on a combo of lamotrigine and bupropion (WB) and then stopped late August 2013. Just went back on in March 2014 (well, started lamotrigine and now started bupropion in April 2014). I did my first 150 mg of bupropion/WB today and felt no symptoms whatsoever. If anything, I feel better. I need to get rid of my irritability, anxiety, and agitation, and so have gone back on my full "cocktail." I also take klonopin, as needed. It helps make my life easier. I am a single mom and do EVERYTHING by myself. It's hard. So I have decided to go the medication route again.
  3. In my view, those are symbolic things... the first man and woman of any culture/race located around the world. I'm sure there are endless stories of the "first" man and woman to populate their people. Just like Noah, etc. I do not think Noah actually built an ark and god killed everyone else, innocent children, etc. I think it symbolizes a cleansing of the evil and darkness the author (or storyteller, as stories were passed mouth to mouth in those days, and someone finally wrote it down, who could write) saw around him. In my true view, I think religion was created to control people and make them afraid, so that they would do what the authorities told them to do. But, in many cases, esp. today, religion can do good with charities, etc.
  4. I have existential depression. I am always thinking of why I am here, what is my purpose, why is there so much suffering, I don't like to be here, etc. I kind of view it as a badge of honor now. We think and are aware much more than the average person. It can be hard, though, because there are no real answers for this condition. There is meaning to be alive. This is not a hopeless place. We are here to learn. Tests are not always easy.
  5. I do not think depression or suffering disproves the existence of a benevolent god. I do not know what happens before we come here, but we each seem to have different lessons we must experience. It is hard for us to understand. I think we may make a plan on the soul level. I do not believe in "religion," but I believe in spirituality and the soul, consciousness, intelligence, whatever you want to call it. It isn't about "god" intervening or making everything okay for us. We are born into physical, organic bodies, and that can mean life until age 100 or life until age 2 minutes. We could have relatively easy lives or endure intense suffering. But it is only a tiny fraction of how long we have existed. Time seems so long here, but when we are not in a body, time does not exist. I know it's hard to understand. I have barely scraped the surface of the surface. But it is my quest, to seek and find answers, any answers to give me some kind of peace of why we are here. :)
  6. Hi Frank. That sounds really creepy about the relics. I do believe in hauntings and that objects can be haunted, but I am not going to say anything definitive about your theory because I just have no clue. I believe in the supernatural, though. I don't know what you should do. Can you tell your dad about your feelings? You could try "smudging" the object and your home. (Do an internet search if you don't know what this is.) There is no proof this is going to do anything, but it could help ease your mind. It is also possible you are being paranoid about the object due to a condition you haven't been diagnosed for. No one here can tell you that. Do you suffer from anxiety? That can cause paranoid thoughts. I just don't know, but I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it gets better.
  7. Hi. I'm sorry things are so rough for you. I don't know if severe cases of depression are curable. Maybe they aren't and you just have to find a way to manage it. I think with a lot of people, that is the way it is. You find meds, therapy, make changes to your life, diet, exercise, find hobbies, it's a combination of MANY things, to get to a level where you can maintain and have a semblance of a "normal" life, a livable life. Sometimes it goes on your whole life. I would say not to give up, though. It's too bad you are not able to fully open up to your counselor. They aren't supposed to say anything, but I understand your hesitancy. I wish I had the answers. Is there anything else you can do around your farm, build a garden or something? That could be a great hobby and very rewarding.
  8. Checking in... wishing everyone the very best!!!

  9. I started 50 mg last night (since I have been on it before, my pdoc started me at 50mg instead of the usual 25mg, so I'll be taking 50mg for a week to start). So far, I have noticed a persistent mild headache and I woke up around 4 a.m. feeling energized. Some people feel drowsy on this, but for me, it was not like that. I just remembered that, so I think I will take my dose earlier today. No other symptoms.
  10. I have decided (after seeing my psychiatrist), to go back on lamotrigine (Lamictal) and buproprion (Wellbutrin). I have been having a lot of stress, anxiety, and irritation, and do not want to rely too much on anti-anxiety medication (I am prescribed Klonopin). I don't recall blurred vision or speech or coordination issues... I do recall some hair loss, so I will be watching for that again. :( I do recall night sweats and cold like symptoms when starting the med but those symptoms went away. I did not have any withdrawals whatsoever when I got off the med back in August.
  11. Welcome to DF! We are so happy to have you here. I hope you are able to find some info on how to help that loved one in your life. Not everyone has someone willing to go the extra mile for them. :)
  12. Welcome to DF! I love what you said - never let anyone steal your joy. SO important!
  13. Welcome to DF! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and story. I think you will find many here have similiar issues (as far as pushing feelings away and wondering if happiness is attainable, etc.). It seems you are on the right track, being proactive, and putting forth a true effort. I wish you the best with all my heart! :)
  14. I was just thinking of some of my lucid dreams and "past lives" today. I don't know if they are real past lives, but some of them have seemed to be on other worlds... I really don't even like the idea of reincarnation because it seems like such a horrible thing, to be born again and again and have to keep enduring such hardships. I still have no idea what the purpose of anything is, but I do believe there is a soul, or consciousness, or something that exists when our bodies stop. Why we came here or agreed to the lessons we are learning is beyond me. I do think there is some Creator, but he/she/it is uninvolved. We may convene with this Creator before we come here, but when we are born and live here, we do it alone, without understanding, but we can learn some understanding through our time here. We all have different lessons we are supposed to complete. We are here to experience a physical experience. The what-ifs, the non-physical realm is supposed to remain a mystery, from what i can see. I do not think we are judged here for what we do or do not do. We may have to settle up in a sense, but we will move on after that...maybe it's like a karma thing, but I don't really like that word. I don't like labels and I can't put a word on what i believe. Probably never will be able to. :)
  15. I think I can relate somewhat. I don't have any friends where I am now. I moved for a job 3 years ago and still don't have any friends (or family) here. I do have one child, but I haven't been in a relationships in YEARS. Usually, it doesn't bother me, but I know I am not supposed to be alone all the time. Well, it sounds like you have tried many things. I think people here (me included) are going to tell you to keep trying. What else can you do? Try another therapist. Or a support group. We do live in a pretty isolated society these days. People aren't as open as they used to be in my experience. But I know there have to be options. You are never too old for school. Exercise is great, that is something people struggle with all the time. Not sure what to say really, but wanted to post and try to give some support to you. I hope you feel better.
  16. Hi Giggles75. Welcome to DF! I hope you are feeling better. Sometimes crying is what we need to do. It can be hard to confide in people, but maybe trying to talk to someone you know, your husband, etc., would help. If you have a lot of stress in your life, it can cause depression/anxiety. Job, school, kids, money, is there some issues going on? Maybe that is causing more stress than normal for you? Anyway, you are welcome here. Hope you have a great day!! :)
  17. I saw something not too long ago that put this in a better perspective for me. It was a picture of a man sitting on a rock looking distressed and Jesus was beside him and he was asking, "How can you allow all this suffering to exist?" and Jesus says, "I was going to ask you the same thing." Or something like that. Meaning, humans are the ones who rape, m*****, control, deprive, steal, cheat, etc. I guess that is a free will thing. Which is a valid point. It still doesn't answer why *overall* the Earth is allowed to exist as it is. I mean, even nature is brutal, just BRUTAL. Animals eat each alive. Nature is beautiful, but also so cruel. It was designed that way, why was it designed that way? (Well, I guess there is the argument it wasn't designed, but that evolution just happened like that because it enables the strong to survive.) For me, the bottom line is, I am here, for better or worse. I have to try to endure and find some joy, even when I look around and see horrible things going on. What else can you do? ETA: It still seems to me that if there is a "god" or "creator" (which I tend to lean towards), he/she/it/them are not active here, or for some reason we will know upon the "death" of our body, we have to do it alone with no direct intervention on their part. Of course, we receive some help from those in our life we meet along the way and choose to journey here with.
  18. There are some spiritualists who believe we come here and go "under the veil" (forgetfulness) to learn new experiences. Say, we want to know what is the experience of depression or loneliness or cancer - or worse. To me, that is such a messed up idea. Sadistic. What kind of learning is that? Why is suffering an important lesson? And then, as you mentioned, Saros, outside the physical, to infinite beings, suffering as we do is less than a millionth of a blip on the radar. It's nothing to be concerned with. And if there is anything after "death," then most people here (on earth) are blind and clueless, like they are asleep or hypnotized, thinking this is all there is. And what kind of "god" would judge someone to suffer eternally in "hell" for being born unaware and totally clueless, yet somehow expected to fumble across "the true way" while they are here. It's ridiculous. It's very sad to me to me because at the end of all my ruminations and research, it seems we are truly alone. There is no one to really help us get through this life unless we are lucky enough to have good family and friends to encourage us. But to pray to an invisible god and hope he gives you want you need or doesn't allow you to get sick or whatever the prayer is? What kind of god would make himself invisible to begin with? But I understand what we think of as god is nonphysical so how can you prove the nonphysical by physical means? I just think he/she/it/them maybe watch us, their creations, to study us, see how we are in the landscape they gave us. But they do not get emotionally involved. They may have created emotions just for us. Maybe you have to be physical for the chemical/neurotransmitter emotional functions (or however emotions are physically accounted for) to work... they would seem very passive where we are concerned. But it's probably that they are just long gone. As creators, they would need to keep creating, and be off doing other things.
  19. Sometimes I go to church, and I just can't relate to what is being said/taught. Why would a Supreme God allow a world like this to exist? It doesn't seem logical to me. But, it does seem logical that there is some type of Creator. He/she/it/they just are not involved in any intimate day-to-day way with what goes on here. Maybe we are just a science experiment or something. I do believe in the soul, or intelligent consciousness, that there is something that excists after the physical body stops. I have had an out-of-body experience, so I know something else exists. But what, who knows. What I don't believe is that there is a god who will give you money or happiness if you pray to him, or who would take your child or partner from you or allow you to have a disease and say it is for some divine purpose - "His will." Nope, can't buy that. I think, for whatever reason, we come here, and take the chance of something horrible happening because horrible things happen here. Animals eat each other alive, suffering beyond words goes on every day, and is allowed to. Because there is no comforting "Father" up there to protect us. It seems he just created everything and went away to maybe create something somewhere else. It probably doesn't matter either when we die and we realize what is really going on. And the fact that we are forced to forget it all at birth. How sadistic is that? The worst thing that could ever be true is reincarnation. The idea of having to keep coming back and having life after life is a nightmare to me. So there is my vent for the day. LOL :)
  20. Maybe my final update here: I quit taking both meds end of August. I was losing a lot of hair. It seemed to work fine, though, otherwise. However, I am doing fine now without being on anything, but I do have a fallback of anti-anxiety meds if things get bad. Hopefully, I will not need to take anything daily again.
  21. I was on Abilify for a short time and found it energizing. I don't about helping with anxiety. I could see it helping OCD/rumination. Just my view. ---------------------------- I just started taking Klonopin (Clonazapam) as needed for anxiety. I used to take Ativan but ran out and didn't need anything for months until recently and now I am trying the Klonopin. Seems to be ok. I have a lose dose and have not needed to take two yet.
  22. Hello there and welcome. I would say 43 should be plenty of time to see if medication is working. I have heard of meds not being effective the second time around. That is really unfortunate the meds were washed out of your body like that. It's too hard for any of us to say. It could be time to try something else, but you'd have to go see your doctor about it. Maybe trying another type of med similiar to Lexapro could help?? Sometimes that is all that's needed. They all seem to work a little differently, even though very similiar. Hope you feel better! We are here to try and offer support and encouragement!
  23. Hi Beatrix. Welcome to DF! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have been through some horrible experiences in your relationships! No one will judge you here - and I'm sure you will find many others in similiar situations. This is a safe place to share and learn and it is comforting to know you are not alone.
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