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Spiritual_Wanderer last won the day on November 7 2017

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About Spiritual_Wanderer

  • Birthday 08/20/1973

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    I'm just trying to discover the meaning of life and my purpose on Earth.
    I'm always trying to be a good mom. It's hard sometimes.
    I have one female calico cat, a female Sunfire Djungarian hamster, and two betta fish (one male, one female).
    Things I'm interested in:
    The supernatural
    Alternative theories
    The unknown
    Music (I like everything from show tunes to rock, alternative, electronica, classical...)
    Reading (I am in love with my Kindle Touch)
    Paranormal romance and urban fantasy books
    Movies, when I get a chance (love sci-fi, superhero, and fantasy stuff)

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  1. It is just an "Americanized" version that says Jesus and Adam and Eve were "white." Technically, they would have had the skin tone of those in the Middle East. A beautiful olive/brown. People tend to see things based on their perceptions which are SO limited. Certainly, I am no different. My views of god are certainly based on what I was taught. I have (hopefully) outgrown that. I think we are just here to learn and Earth is a test. It can be an evil place and we are tested. Our souls have to do the best they can here.
  2. I am at 100mg now. In another week I will be at 200 mg. Only because I have been on it before and you don't need to go up so slowly. Joyless37 I would say wait and try to reach that therapeutic level. I actually started back on Wellbutrin today as well. I was on a combo of lamotrigine and bupropion (WB) and then stopped late August 2013. Just went back on in March 2014 (well, started lamotrigine and now started bupropion in April 2014). I did my first 150 mg of bupropion/WB today and felt no symptoms whatsoever. If anything, I feel better. I need to get rid of my irritability, anxiety, and agitation, and so have gone back on my full "cocktail." I also take klonopin, as needed. It helps make my life easier. I am a single mom and do EVERYTHING by myself. It's hard. So I have decided to go the medication route again.
  3. In my view, those are symbolic things... the first man and woman of any culture/race located around the world. I'm sure there are endless stories of the "first" man and woman to populate their people. Just like Noah, etc. I do not think Noah actually built an ark and god killed everyone else, innocent children, etc. I think it symbolizes a cleansing of the evil and darkness the author (or storyteller, as stories were passed mouth to mouth in those days, and someone finally wrote it down, who could write) saw around him. In my true view, I think religion was created to control people and make them afraid, so that they would do what the authorities told them to do. But, in many cases, esp. today, religion can do good with charities, etc.
  4. I have existential depression. I am always thinking of why I am here, what is my purpose, why is there so much suffering, I don't like to be here, etc. I kind of view it as a badge of honor now. We think and are aware much more than the average person. It can be hard, though, because there are no real answers for this condition. There is meaning to be alive. This is not a hopeless place. We are here to learn. Tests are not always easy.
  5. I do not think depression or suffering disproves the existence of a benevolent god. I do not know what happens before we come here, but we each seem to have different lessons we must experience. It is hard for us to understand. I think we may make a plan on the soul level. I do not believe in "religion," but I believe in spirituality and the soul, consciousness, intelligence, whatever you want to call it. It isn't about "god" intervening or making everything okay for us. We are born into physical, organic bodies, and that can mean life until age 100 or life until age 2 minutes. We could have relatively easy lives or endure intense suffering. But it is only a tiny fraction of how long we have existed. Time seems so long here, but when we are not in a body, time does not exist. I know it's hard to understand. I have barely scraped the surface of the surface. But it is my quest, to seek and find answers, any answers to give me some kind of peace of why we are here. :)
  6. Hi Frank. That sounds really creepy about the relics. I do believe in hauntings and that objects can be haunted, but I am not going to say anything definitive about your theory because I just have no clue. I believe in the supernatural, though. I don't know what you should do. Can you tell your dad about your feelings? You could try "smudging" the object and your home. (Do an internet search if you don't know what this is.) There is no proof this is going to do anything, but it could help ease your mind. It is also possible you are being paranoid about the object due to a condition you haven't been diagnosed for. No one here can tell you that. Do you suffer from anxiety? That can cause paranoid thoughts. I just don't know, but I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it gets better.
  7. Hi. I'm sorry things are so rough for you. I don't know if severe cases of depression are curable. Maybe they aren't and you just have to find a way to manage it. I think with a lot of people, that is the way it is. You find meds, therapy, make changes to your life, diet, exercise, find hobbies, it's a combination of MANY things, to get to a level where you can maintain and have a semblance of a "normal" life, a livable life. Sometimes it goes on your whole life. I would say not to give up, though. It's too bad you are not able to fully open up to your counselor. They aren't supposed to say anything, but I understand your hesitancy. I wish I had the answers. Is there anything else you can do around your farm, build a garden or something? That could be a great hobby and very rewarding.
  8. Checking in... wishing everyone the very best!!!

  9. I started 50 mg last night (since I have been on it before, my pdoc started me at 50mg instead of the usual 25mg, so I'll be taking 50mg for a week to start). So far, I have noticed a persistent mild headache and I woke up around 4 a.m. feeling energized. Some people feel drowsy on this, but for me, it was not like that. I just remembered that, so I think I will take my dose earlier today. No other symptoms.
  10. I have decided (after seeing my psychiatrist), to go back on lamotrigine (Lamictal) and buproprion (Wellbutrin). I have been having a lot of stress, anxiety, and irritation, and do not want to rely too much on anti-anxiety medication (I am prescribed Klonopin). I don't recall blurred vision or speech or coordination issues... I do recall some hair loss, so I will be watching for that again. :( I do recall night sweats and cold like symptoms when starting the med but those symptoms went away. I did not have any withdrawals whatsoever when I got off the med back in August.
  11. Welcome to DF! We are so happy to have you here. I hope you are able to find some info on how to help that loved one in your life. Not everyone has someone willing to go the extra mile for them. :)
  12. Welcome to DF! I love what you said - never let anyone steal your joy. SO important!
  13. Welcome to DF! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and story. I think you will find many here have similiar issues (as far as pushing feelings away and wondering if happiness is attainable, etc.). It seems you are on the right track, being proactive, and putting forth a true effort. I wish you the best with all my heart! :)
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