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csever82

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About csever82

  • Birthday 07/20/1982

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  1. I agree that it sounds hypomanic. I have only been diagnosed with Bipolar II for a little over a year now, but looking back, I've suffered from it for a lot longer. When I was 22, I had great credit and so I went out and bought a house one day on a whim...
  2. I agree with Linda. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II with rapid cycling about a year ago, and after some trial-and-error, my pdoc ended up actually removing my antidepressant. He said in some cases, mine included, it can make the irritability/agitation of hypomania worse. So I am on two meds regularly and two as needed. I take 2mg of Klonopin to help me calm down and to sleep better (I also have a sleep disorder, so it helps there too), and I take 200mg of Lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer. I take that at night, too. If I ever detect that I am going into hypomania, I can take Ativan, but it doesn't seem to do much. And finally, if I find myself spiraling quickly, I can take 10mg of Zyprexa, which is basically a tranquilizer, and it knocks me out for 12 hours. My hypomania usually starts out with just a feeling of being "off" in the morning...maybe a little anxious (I called in sick to work a couple days ago because I was nervous about going). Now, you'd think I'd recognize that right away, but instead it's always in hindsight. Then, about 3 or 4 p.m., I start feeling irritated and a little fidgety. By that point, I pretty much have to ride out the evening for a few hours because I don't want to take my Zyprexa and be asleep at 5:00. When I'm in this state of mind, I typically feel like everyone is plotting against me - my family, my friends and even strangers. I don't want to be around anyone I know, but not because they're plotting against me, oddly enough. It's because anything they say or do will irritate me and make me angry, even if it's not directed at me. For example, my wife could decide to change the channel on the TV (that I am not even watching) and it will irritate me. She could call her mom and that would irritate me. She could walk past me, and that would annoy me. Because I am afraid those things will eventually build up and I'll lash out at people, I choose to remove myself from the situation. I have to leave the house. Now, my wife does not like that because she is worried I'll hurt myself or do something reckless, and she has every right to feel that way. However, she has severe anxiety that she is able to keep controlled pretty well with meds, so she does understand some of the things my mind goes through. So she has learned to let me do what I need to do. I have started going to the gym when I am in that state. I don't always work out. Sometimes I just sit in the hot tub for a while and try to relax. It gets me through until 7 or 8 p.m., when it's late enough to go to bed. Sometimes, I do have symptoms of full mania. Mostly I will make a list of 100 things I'm going to accomplish that day and I'll start doing them all at the same time and not finish any of them. Then I hit a big depressive slump because I realize I didn't accomplish anything at all. For the most part, though, my meds keep it fairly controlled. I'd say I only get to a truly hypomanic point two or three times a month. And when I say rapid cycling, I mean that a complete cycle of anxiety, nervousness, hypomania and depression ends up taking just one day. Once in a great while, the severe depression will continue into the next day, but I seem to handle that better than the hypomania.
  3. I thought I was alone on the blackout-like phenomenon! Here was one of my first posts on here: At about 4:30 p.m., I decided to take a nap. The next thing I knew, it was 6:30 p.m., and I was downtown on one of the Light Rail platforms while the world gradually swirled back to reality. Now, I only live a block away from a Light Rail platform, so after that walk, it's an easy five-minute ride into downtown from home. I had shoes, pants, a shirt, a coat, and gloves on, and had my keys, wallet, and cell phone all with me. My phone was off so I turned it on, and my mother was in the middle of calling me, so I answered figuring everyone was worried by this point, not to mention I was scared to death. I explained the situation to her and she insisted on driving into downtown and picking me up right on 5th and Hennepin where I was. I have no recollection of anything from the time I decided to take a nap until I "awoke" on the Light Rail platform out in the cold. My feet were so cold I had to have been wandering around downtown the whole time. The other thing that I didn't really mention in there is that after I "came to" on that platform, I felt like everyone was not just staring at me--they were out to get me. They were plotting against me. I didn't even like the idea of my mom coming to get me and bring me home to my then-fiancée (now wife) because I thought they were "against" me in some way. To this day, I still cannot for the life of me recall what happened between 4:30 and 6:30 p.m. that night. Now, I realize I didn't go smashing things up or anything. But I was in downtown Minneapolis wandering around all alone. Who knows what could have happened?! (As a sidenote, if I remained near the area I awoke in, I was in a perfectly safe area with a lot of people around me.) After seeing a pdoc and being diagnosed with Bipolar II, and some trial and error, I now take 2mg of Klonopin as a sedative and 200mg of Lamictal as a mood stabilizer at night. Because I have narcolepsy (a nasty sleep disorder) too, I have to take stimulants to keep me awake during the day, and luckily, my pdoc says the ones I take shouldn't make my episodes worse. I generally do fairly well. There are times when I still get really edgy or agitated...things easily irritate me and I don't want to be around anyone I know. If my thoughts start to spiral out of control, I'm supposed to take 10mg of Zyprexa. I've taken it twice and both times it has knocked me out cold for about 12 hours, which is great, except that my body feels like it's been hit by a train the next day. So I try to avoid that if I can. Anyway, thanks for sharing! I'm not necessarily happy that you had that experience, but it IS good to know someone else has had an episode where they don't remember anything. I have to try to get on here more often. I've only posted a few times in the year that I've been on. I forgot how much being on this forum can help! Charlie
  4. In addition to being bipolar, I also have narcolepsy. The spoon theory fits well. People with narcolepsy constantly have to make choices about what they can and cannot do during any given time period. I have often explained to people that when I get up, I have enough energy to take my meds, brush my teeth, and take a shower. After the shower, I have to lay down for ten or fifteen minutes. Just a shower makes me sleepy. And the frustrating part is that narcolepsy isn't really physical fatigue...it's all above the neck...pure sleepiness. I might have to try the spoon theory on people.
  5. I am diagnosed officially as Bipolar II with mixed states and rapid cycling. Right now, I am spiraling quickly into a mixed state - if I get into a mixed state, it's almost always around this time of day (7 p.m.). If I had to pick a personality type, I'd say I'm "transparent borderline." At work and out in the world, people might know I have some personal issues, but for the most part I seem high-functioning and productive. At home, my fianc
  6. Two songs right now... "Untitled Hymn" by Chris Rice and "Bring On the Rain" by Jo Dee Messina.
  7. To echo the others, no, they won't send you away. They will make sure you aren't planning on acting on your thoughts, though. I was partially diagnosed by my primary care doctor. She had been treating me for depression, but when I came in and told her that it had morphed into something else, she went further in. I told her of this episode I had that I didn't even remember most of in which I apparently must have gotten on the light rail and taken it into downtown. I "came to" on the platform on 5th and Hennepin and I felt like everyone was looking at me like they were out to get me. I called my mom and she came and got me. I told her I get irritated easily sometimes, and a bunch of different "lofty" ideas will be bouncing around in my head. At the same time, I will feel depressed and want (or NEED) to isolate myself. She said that she suspected I was "somewhere on the bipolar spectrum" and referred me to a psychologist, but she also prescribed me a mood stabilizer in the meantime because she was very concerned I wouldn't go to the appointment if I wasn't feeling like myself. A couple of weeks later, I went to the psychologist and after about an hour-long sort of "interview," he diagnosed me as having Bipolar II, rapid cycling, and mixed states. He praised my regular doctor for seeing the problem and getting me pointed in the right direction. He ended up changing my meds after it was evident that whatever I was on (Lithium I think) wasn't working. Of course, by the end of the appointment, he didn't have time to really explain how he connected all the dots, so he gave me some resources. I read about it, and at least I know now that he diagnosed me correctly...very correctly. Now, this was all less than a year ago, but I will tell you that you really need to go through the process, even if you're anxious or uncomfortable. I even felt relieved by just being told I had SOMETHING wrong with me (as opposed to just being "crazy"). I have already been through several meds...they're very quick to change them if they're not working, and I suspect that's because of the kind of volatile nature of bipolar. I now take Lamictal (a mood stabilizer) without an antidepressant (he says they can sometimes make mood cycles worse, especially in people with mixed states). I won't say things are perfect--I don't think anyone on here can say that--but I will say that it's a lot better than it was. I hope you have that same feeling of relief when you get some answers. Keep us posted.
  8. Happy Birthday - hope you are doing well :)

  9. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II about two months ago, and I am 28.
  10. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  11. Just an update: I gradually backed down the dose of Depakote (I think that was somehow overkill) and I plan to talk to my doctor about that at our appointment on Wednesday. Since backing off to just 500mg, I feel MUCH more stable. I have been in a generally decent mood for the last few days, and I am able to kind of fight off the depression when it kicks in. Next step: psychologist...
  12. OK, so something very freakish happened to me last night and I don't know what it means or if it even has anything to do with depression, bipolar, or any of their accompanying medications. At about 4:30 p.m., I decided to take a nap. The next thing I knew, it was 6:30 p.m., and I was downtown on one of the Light Rail platforms while the world gradually swirled back to reality. Now, I only live a block away from a Light Rail platform, so after that walk, it's an easy five-minute ride into downtown from home. I had shoes, pants, a shirt, a coat, and gloves on, and had my keys, wallet, and cell phone all with me. My phone was off so I turned it on, and my mother was in the middle of calling me, so I answered figuring everyone was worried by this point, not to mention I was scared to death. I explained the situation to her and she insisted on driving into downtown and picking me up right on 5th and Hennepin where I was. I have no recollection of anything from the time I decided to take a nap until I "awoke" on the Light Rail platform out in the cold. My feet were so cold I had to have been wandering around downtown the whole time. Any ideas? Was this purely sleepwalking or was this a manic episode? I didn't buy anything or commit any crimes (I checked my card balances and I'm not in jail). Remember, I'm new to the whole bipolar realm so I'm still getting a feel for what's what. As a side note, I did go to work today against my fiancee's advice (I let her drive me, though), and I did just fine there. My next doctor's appointment is January 26, so I just hope it doesn't happen again in that twelve days! Please, if anyone has any clue what this could be from, reply. Thanks!
  13. Over the years I have lost most of my friends due to the one-two punch of bipolar and a sleep disorder (narcolepsy). The few I have managed to keep are at a distance because I know it will only be a matter of time before I withdraw from them. If only there was a way to catch our withdrawals as they begin and kind of pre-warn people... Oh, and I agree with what someone else said...sometimes you have to force yourself into a social situation and give it 110%...a lot of times I've found it's just what I need. I have one friend left who completely recognizes a depressive episode and drags me to some event kicking and screaming, and it ends up being the best thing for me.
  14. Thanks for the support :) I was actually diagnosed by my PCP who is "just" a Nurse Practitioner, but I wouldn't trade her for the world. I don't see a psychologist or psychiatrist and never have, but I am guessing it might be time to start. Anyway, while I'm feeling up to the challenge, I want to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with both feeling-wise and medication-wise. For medication, I take the following: Concerta 36mg twice daily (for narcolepsy) Effexor XR 75mg twice daily (for both narcolepsy and depression) Klonopin 2mg at night (for narcolepsy) Depakote 1250mg at night (mood stabilizer) Ativan 0.5mg as needed (for anxiety) As for how I'm feeling, my days usually go like this: Mornings from the time I get up (about 6:00) until noon or 1 p.m., I feel pretty depressed. For the next few hours, I feel OK. Toward the end of feeling OK, I start deciding I can get some things done, so I make lists that are usually pretty unrealistic. Like I'll make a list at 4:00 to get four loads of laundry done AND iron all 37 of my dress shirts, and go to the gym, all by 7:00, and while I'm making the list, it sounds totally rational. By the time I'm done deciding how to do it all, I begin to realize that I'll never get it done, so I don't even start any of it. And then I get mad at myself. Then, toward evening (say 7:00 or so), I get extremely irritable. With anyone who is in my general vicinity. Or anyone who talks to me. I just want to be left alone. By 8:00 I take my night pills and by 9:00 I'm in bed (I have to get my sleep because of the narcolepsy). The days I work, I'm a little better because, I suppose, the work helps keep my mind occupied with other things. My days off are HORRIBLE. I go through these cycles nearly daily and that's what led my doctor to say I'm bipolar. Also, I have purchased two major items before on a whim--a house and a car--and I eventually lost the house. Right now, I'm in probably the best mood I'll be in all day, but I'm already starting to feel edgy. I look at the clock a lot and see how many hours are left to accomplish all these things I'll plan but never do. The thing is if I started on the laundry NOW, for instance, I actually could get it all done, but I procrastinate until it's just past the point of being able to get it done instead. Anyway, that's me in a nutshell. Anyone with similar experiences?
  15. Hi Everyone, I'm Charlie. I'm a 28-year-old male living in Minneapolis. I have been dealing with depression for several years, but over the past month or so, it has sort of morphed into something different. My fiancee (who also has depression and anxiety) urged me to see my doctor. Based on her evaluation, she believes I fit somewhere on the bipolar spectrum. The biggest change I notice is my irritability. I am currently in this severe state of depression, and it's to the point where I get agitated even when someone just wants to talk to me. My brain is spinning in circles with 100 billion things (that's new too) at the same time and it's all driving me crazy. Before, depression felt like just a lack of interest in life, but now it feels like I'm about to "snap" in some way. I'm shaky and fidgety all of a sudden, experiencing anxiety more frequently, etc. Does this sound like it could be bipolar? I know you can't give me a medical answer, but just in your opinion... I have been on 150mg of Effexor XR daily, and she just added 1250mg of Depakote ER at night when she decided I am bipolar. Anyway, any answers would be helpful and comforting. Thanks.
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