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About lena_larker

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  • Birthday 01/16/1992

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  1. Rincewind, Hm.. wonder what The Boss From Hell was like? But I'm not gonna doubt you, being jobless is one of the worst things in the world, because really, money is all we got to survive in this Godbedridden shyt dump. Well in the poor person's mindset I guess (not to put words in their mouth or anything). But honestly, I don't think someone such as myself could if at all EVER get a job. I have this really strange anxiety disorder where I get really self-conscious about myself to the point where I get so frustrated because of it, that I just take my anger out on everybody else, whether I even know them or not. It's a really sh*tty lifestyle. It really is. To come from a nice, wealthy middle class, but to never be able to put that money to use because of some stupid self-conscious disorder that's always getting in the way of everything. And you know what I tell myself all the time? That I wish I had just at least one friend, than have all the d*mn money in the world. And that's what I call, a "sucky lifestyle" - having the opportunity to do ALL the things in the world that I can do because I have the talents for it, if only I had NEVER been stuck with this disorder. -Lena
  2. Trace, Lol yeah, I haven't been on this forum for AGES, and there's already 3 pages of postings listed on this thread. Guess I should get back to responding to everybody then :) But about your post, Man that is one helluva crappy lifestyle. To know that your very own husband cheated you out to be with some other woman and her own kid. I mean shouldn't he by the LEAST consider the children he had with you, whom actually CARRY his genes? I just find that so crappy. Some people can be just so unbelievably self-centered and consider only what they want in their lives; rather than taking to consideration how it effects other people. All that debt he left with you- why couldn't you just tell the people who sent the bill in to track HIM down, since it was HIS doing and not yours? If I ever found out someone did something like that to me - leave a mountain full of debt on my hands - the first thing I would do is obviously call the company who sent that outrageous bill and argue like crazies over the phone because obviously it was NOT MY doing. Give them all the information about your husband and whatnot. One idea I could offer you if you ever DO consider getting married again - keep a VERY SAFE KEPT profile of your future beaus. Like their social security number, birth certificate, driver's license, phone number, all that. It's also VERY safe to make sure that it stays hidden and that not even your own husband knows about it; or else obviously, he'll think you're up to something because you have his whole record down. l I know it may make me sound like a stalker and all, but it is very safe to keep a personal record of them- in case they EVER do something crazy like leaving you with a mountain full of bills or something. Now since you HAVE their information, I'm pretty sure it'll be more easier to track them down and get them back for all that crap they ever did to you; unless he acts like a pathetic jack*ss and chickens out by changing his personal information.. -Lena
  3. I believe I started to develop depression when I was12 years old, for the main reason being at that time - bullied and picked on. I'm 19 now and still depressed, but of an entirely different issue. I know, you may think this "disorder" is a tad bit stupid, but what caused my depression starting in my 9th year of high school was really the fact that I had issues 'swallowing' in public. It was the most painful shyt I had to endure in my 19 years of living (and onward) really. Because I had serious nervous tensions swallowing in public, I had problems talking to people, raising my hand to answer questions, and basically it was impossible for me to do anything. I couldn't go out to family dinners for the fact that I would be extremely embarrassed if anyone were to caught me "making sounds" while eating my food, and that most terrible annoying 'slimy sound' I make when I try my hardest to swallow food. I recall always being constantly jealous of all these young people around me that lived such great and exciting lives because they didn't have this crappin problem that I had. The only reason they could go out to parties, shopping, dates, vacation spots, and do anything they wanted to was because they had too good of lives to free of disorders to be able to do anything they wanted to. If I could, I would've had the opportunities to do all the things these 'prioritized' individuals could do that I could never not. On a daily basis I find it very dissappointing that I'm gifted with high intelligence and beauty YET I'm cursed with this most agonizing issue. I kind of feel like had it not been for the disorder I have, I would've lived a COMPLETELY opposite lifestyle that I have as of now. Go out with friends, actually HAVE friends, have a life, and if I could enjoy it. But I can't. Everytime I push myself to swallow or eat publicly, I always end up doing an entirely embarrassing mistake and everyone ends staring in my direction and get extremely uncomfortable around me. Gosh I hate it when people get extremely uneasy around your issue. I just think of it as their way of telling you how nasty you're sounding and that it's something you can't hide publicly. God I hate people that are like that. I just wish I never had this disorder in the first place. Aside from that I always managed to blame my issue on my own mother. Probably because she's a woman, and as a woman she does not give the less CARE about decency and manners and all that when she's eating. She chews horrendously when she eats and act like nothing's completely wrong with what she's doing by giving you this most annoying "cutesy attitude". Sometimes my mom can act like the most annoying 2 year old baby I've ever met. I swear she acts more childish than children younger than me. And don't let me get started on my dad - that man acts like a freakin hyena when he chews on his food. He's not scared to chew with his mouth open big and wide so you can clearly see all that gross and disgusting mixtures of food that's been cramped together like a garbage dump inside. I've always blamed my disorder on my parents because I guess in a way, I can't help it but hate everything about them. I've always blamed the genes I was cursed with to be the cause of my disorder, but I guess in a way, the blame is also on myself, for not even "managing" to change. What do you guys think, and what are your stories? I'm very interested to hear and would love to chat with you all :)
  4. I used to go out almost everyday to work for my parents since they couldn't afford to hire a worker. Now since they have one, it's basically useless for me to go out anymore. Since it's summer break, I can't go out to school. And since I don't really have a life, I don't go out on vacations. And since I don't have any friends at all, I just don't go out period. My baby of a mother is a serious worry freak and since she knows that it's my daily routine to stay at home and play on the computer all the time, she would freak the crap out of herself if I was to step outside just to water the grass. Had it not been for her, I would've been able to go out on my own without her calling me every D*** second trying to figure out where I am and what the hell I'm even doing. My life is her business, and every part of it she feels is her duty to get involved. What's so humorous is her "childish behaviiour" and how she enjoys playing like a little cute 4 year old with they way she uses that most annoying "baby talk" and thinks it actually makes people happy. I really hate my mother.
  5. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  6. Don't think you're the only one like this - I too, dream of a "better" life in which - if only - I could be like all the other 'normal' people around me. To be honest, I don't even think the 'disorder' I have even exists among other people. When I got my issue checked by the doctor, all I got was the typical shyt you would get out of them "oh you're perfectly fine". I'm not. To be exact, I'm already in my 19th year, and so far as I'm concerned, I've NEVER been fine. Never once in my life, did I experience what having a 'friend' was or what it was even like to 'have' a relationship. I've never dated. I've never spoken to anyone before. All I ever do in my life is sit home in my computer and whine and cry and complain all day and night long about this stupid issue I was destined with. Whoever had cursed this upon me, I really wish them twice as tortorsome of a life than what I have now. You think you're a complete waste of skin? What I find so humorous is how I tell myself that all the time. To be honest, and I know I'm sounding really 'self-centered' right now - I was actually born highly intelligent. By the time I was around 12 I could already fully understand the business world and everything about it. My mother was known to brag about me often because of how rare it was to see a young kid, especially one of my very own race, be so wise and observant at a very young age. But you know what the sad part is? I could never use my gift. I could never put it out to use, if at all ever, in the real world. I can only hold it in inside me till my deathbed and have noone ever knowing about the 'changes' I can make to the world, and the excessive amount of 'intelligence' I was born with. And all of it gone to waste. Every last bit of it down the drain. All because I was also born with a 'disorder'. I came up with this one saying I made up and told my mother - "A person is always going to be blessed with a very good gift; but a very bad one alongside it". This is actually true, whether you believe it or not. You can look at a person and think that he/she is the 'ideal' individual, but in actuality, there is always going to be some kind of 'bad' side to it in the end; or some kind of 'downfall'. I've noticed that this happens a lot with each member of my family. And it really does hurt to know that you KNOW you're a successful person, but because of that one 'thing' that drags you down every time you climb that ditch, you will never be able to reach the top. That is what hurts the most. To know that you have a gift, but to never be able to USE it. Ever. What hurts even more is when people REFUSE to BELIEVE that you have a disorder. And what's even more painful than that? When your own family refuses to believe you. The people that brang you into this world, and forces torturous shyt upon your @ss. Like our disorders aren't painful enough, our own families find it 'amusing' to kick us when we're on the ground. And all 'we' can do is merely cover our scarred arms on our heads and roll around on the plague infested floors crying mercilessly to our own selves "Why we're even here on this planet? What's our purpose?". There is nothing "we" can do. "We" are merely shyt the world finds as 'play objects' to **** around with and beat up. Life can never understand "us" for who "we" are. "We" can never be like anyone else. We're born with a merciless curse. Life is not a fair battle. For some reason, we always end up playing the weak, unarmed, and sickly soldiers in battle. And all we can do is fall to the ground and cry to "God" for our purpose in life.
  7. Okay so this is going to be REALLY REALLY long lol. But I just wanted to tell out my problems and hopefully get people who can relate with me. If you have issues, really don't feel embarrassed to tell them. Hey I'm always here to talk! Okay so here goes.... I remember back in junior high and high school when I had this extreme nervous issue. I would never look at the board or face the teacher fearing others would stare at me. And even when I did try to look, for some reason, my head would just suddenly jolt or my whole body would just suddenly "shiver" for no apparent reason. I would get so nervous in class, that I would always "pretend" to sleep by poking my head down and always have this habit of resting my head on my hand. The worst part about it was when the teacher would always force me to put my hands down and face her. That was the worst of it all. I only needed to rely on my own hand to rest and feel a bit more comfortabler in class. I also had this extreme to the extreme breathing issue lol. For some reason, I would get so nervous around my boy crushes and the "popular" girls in my class that I would purposely lay my head down on the table to pretend I was sleeping. I hated it when the teacher would always force us to rearrange our desks in a circle so then everyone would have to face each other. I hated it when people stared at me, so I always had to rest my head on my hands and draw all over my notebook till I had no pages left. And I remember how the teachers would always pick on me because they noticed that I was never paying attention, and great, I hated it when the teachers call on you and EVERYONE in the class has to turn around to stare at you; and you can easily tell they're doing that either to intimidate you or for the most part, because everyone in the class hates you. I remember back in junior high when I always had this stupid thought that I was this "really popular" girl in class and wanted nothing more. And in order to achieve that popularity, I tried everything to act like this one girl in class I really respected. And everyone hated me for it. Even I hated myself like crap for who I was. But that girl, even though I tried to be just like her, she always reached out to me for some reason and always backed me up. But then I realized I had went too, too far to be like someone I wasn't and everyone eventually starting ranting on me like crazy even my best friend who started noticing I was following her around everywhere, like a stray dog with no home. I just followed her and never said anything. Even I thought it was weird. Kind of like a stalker, except that the person can clearly see you following them. I hated myself for who I was. I lied to make friends. I gossiped endlessly about other people in front of their faces for the attention. I even rolled up my own skirt just to fit in with the "prettier crowd". But I was never a real "pretty person" deep down inside. I lost friends because of my stupid want for attention. I stared down and ditched even my own "real" friends just to higher my own reputation. I even teased and talked shyt about people who already were beaten down to the ground and had much worse problems than I would ever have. How bad I must have been because the person I had a crush on never bothered me but the person that had a crush on me, I had to go and make a big *ss deal about it. Rant on him like crazy, torture his life to death, stare down on him, make him ashamed to even like me. But now when I think about it, I stared down on everybody I knew. That's when I began to realize I took my advantageous extent of popularity too far and karma came into action. Days, weeks, months, and years past. And I started to see to it that the people who loathed me for who I was, got their wishes finally granted. If it was the genie, God, Buddha, pure luck, who knows. I got what I deserved and reality slammed me in the face real hard to forcefully change. For eight full years and onward, I endured a life in living hell and got taunted and teased publicly for who I was. Even nerds and the 'lowest-class' kids saw to my reputation and didn't dare coming near me, fearing that even their reputations as "higher-class" nerds would be lost. My treatment felt lower than a "peasant class". At least I thought it was, partially because I was excessively spoilt with my life and popularity that even a single joke felt like an insult. And yet, here I was joking about other people's lives. I started to realize that not a single student in my class dared ignored me an inch, because it was deserving for me to receive tormenting attention than it was to just let me go off peacefully. Hey you can't let a serial killer go off loose right? I mean at least not without torturing them a bit maybe to pay back for what they did. I was the serial killer in this situation. I admit to not being a framed serial killer. No. I was the real deal. Nerds had more freedom than I had. But it was because they were good people, who never bothered others and saw to "popularity" as something completely stupid. And for that, I respected the nerds. That's why they were always easy to hang around with. Because they could talk about anything and not roll their eyes about it or look away and just say "oh", like they expect you to know they're bored from you. But even they started to take their distances from me. So now what. Because I didn't have anyone to like me or to talk to me in class, I started to hang around with kids HALF my age or several years younger than me just to have some people to talk to. But now because of this, my family was after me. As far as I can recall, I mostly hanged around with this one girl that was basically two grades younger than me, and hell, I actually considered this girl like my "best friend". Partially because she was fun to hang around with, and partially because unlike any other person, I had a lot in common with her. Another reason was because I had no one else to hang around with, so I mean what could I do? After a while, my parents started to realize that all my "new" friends were basically milleniums of years younger than I was and literally shorter than me. And so they started to get offended and concerned. And no, my parents are not your average parents that assist you or help you or are even a tinsy bit understanding of your problems. No. They never cared. They only thought of what was best for them and their own fair reputations. So they scorned me and taunted me from making friends with "little babies" my dad would always tell everyone he basically knew. And so to avoid all this chaos ******* my mind away I tried to stop seeing all these people. And now they started to think I was avoiding them because I hated them. No, if you would understand that was not the real reason. They were, a very good and peaceful people. But I wanted it all to go away. The teasing at school, and now even the teasing from my own family. I thought families were there for you, I would always think. But now I know better. Humans will always be humans. It's all about the greed, the reputation, the satisfaction for the personal self. And I hated that. I started to see myself in the mirror and thought what my own family thought. I was old. I was always the oldest student in all my classes and I was in the oldest grade level in junior high. Yet I was hanging around with a bunch of kids two times under my own age. What was I thinking, I thought. Hanging around with a bunch of 7 and 8 year olds when I was literally 15. Or how old are you when you're in seventh or eighth grade? I'd forget. The only thing I'd ever remember was the teasing, and the endless amounts of times I'd hide in the bathroom stalls just to cry. And the worst of it all, was when I would cry publicly, in front of the 500 kids in my school. I was known as they biggest "crybaby" at my school. When anyone heard that, they could instantly name it was me. Precisely because, that was all I ever did everyday. Even kids I've never even knew, met, or even seen, knew me as "the crybaby". I hated being that, not only did it lower my reputation, but it lowered my own soul. To be classified as a weakling, who wants that. So I started taking my anger out on all my family members. Even when they did nothing to me, even when it was all because of me. I started to suddenly recognize all the flaws within my own family members. My mom has a odd habit of sucking up to everyone (and THIS is the worst gene I've ever inherited from this woman), has a terrible and atrocious eating habit, my father, a million times worse, is the laziest man alive. And to see it as my own father - a pervert. I recall having this extreme grudge on him since the day I came out of my mother's womb. He's very... odd I would say. A nerd, best way to put it. He loves video games, wears glasses, dresses like a pure nerd, always brings those extremely old huge cameras around him, even to the most stupidest places that wouldn't even be considered a 'tourist attraction'. He's just odd, and that's what I can address him ***. But the worst thing I could never put up with him, is the fact that... I get insecure around my own dad. Maybe it's because I'm a girl, I don't know. But as far as I'm concerned, I hate this man. He always has this odd habit of getting 'nervous' around me. And starts acting all 'happy nappy' when I talk. Like when I'm trying to talk to somebody, he just instantly comes out of nowhere, talks in this really excited voice to my mom, and it just... aggravates me. I hate it when my own family gets nervous around me. I mean you're my MOM and DAD, just WHY would you get nervous around your own daughter? It just doesn't . make . any . sense . I even remember this, and it's VERY HARD to forget. I came out of the bathroom once, right after JUST finishing taking a shower, and here I was with NOTHING but a bath towel on, I came out wearing only that because I thought I heard my grandpa yelling or something. My dad and my brother noticed also, so they came out of their rooms to check. When nothing was wrong, I started complaining about coming out without clothes and nothing happening. When my dad heard that, he just started walking up to me and tried to EXAMINE through my towel, as if to catch a glimpse of my.... chest..? Okay, now, this is the most offensive thing I've seen coming out of my OWN DAD and THAT is why I can NEVER forgive that man, nor can I EVER speak to him. I mean, does this happen to anybody!?? Or am I the only girl that feels like her dad is just kind of ... I mean,... I'm just so offended over that one incident because why would a man do that to his own daughter? I mean when my oldest brother saw me, he just went like 'tsk, tsk tsk' and left but my dad instead had to stand there for TEN FULL MINUTES looking LEFT to RIGHT as if to get a peek inside. Gosh, I just really can't stop thinking about it because it's so disgusting. What makes this man even worse is the fact that he has this odd habit of kind of... spying on me. Like I mean I CAN'T even do ******* level college work when he comes home from work because he's just so... DISTRACTING. Like he purposely slams the door to the loudest you can even bare at 11PM at night as if to purposely act like a "strong man" or some load of crap. And he purposely has to stomp on the floors to make the ground shake and act like a tough shot, especially when he's just a NERD. He can't stand outside weather because he's a weakling. A pure . blooded . weakling . One minute he steps foot outside he atrociously sneezes and hacks and coughs so terribly loudly that you just want to puke because the sound of it is that bad. Yet he always walks around bragging off like crap about his own life, how much of a tough shot he is because of the things he's done and dealt with, when he doesn't even know how to freaking WORK. I thought MEN were supposed to go out to make jobs? And labor and toil for the family, while the wives stay home and guard the children? So tell me why, his life is summarized as this: My mom toils and labors in our family business because we have no money to hire a SINGLE worker to help us out, she has a disfigured rib cage I think and a deformed leg for toiling the CRAP out of her life at work and carrying excessively heavy loads. My dad's job there? Nothing. Our store has a television and his job is only to watch TV and particularly, excuse the language, play on the F---ING COMPUTER. He always complains to us that we should start helping our mom out at work and doing at least SOME chores at the house. For his freaking information, MOST of the house work is done by us. And -I- am actually FAILING school in order to work 17 hours a day at our family business because this man REFUSES to oblige to my mom's conditions at work. So his help there - absolutely useless. All he does is run his mouth, argue back to customers rudely, and yet he doesn't even do shyt there. I mean, honestly, why take control over everyone's lives if YOU can't even control your OWN? A bit hypocritical I think? I find it hilarious how he always expects us to wash the dishes when this man, okay, THIS MAN uses basically, and I'm gonna give an estimate number: NINETEEN DISHES in only ten minutes. Okay, honestly WHO IN THE WORLD USES NINETEEN DISHES IN TEN MINUTES?!! Gosh for a whole day, I barely even use TWO. And guess what, by the end of the day, dishes already piling up to the ceiling, especially after they've JUST been washed. It's that ridiculous, yes it is. Okay so I was going a bit overboard with my dad, but I guess I had to let it all out. I just really can't stand that man.
  8. Hey, I thought your post to my topic was really nice, and for my appreciation, I guess I'll make a post here myself. I find it interesting how we both relate on similar levels. I believe I might have a anxiety issue myself. When I first heard about that group discussion you had to suffer some stupid couple hours or so for, I could clearly see myself in your seat. It's really painful. Having to suffer sitting for a mere 2 hours or so forth assuming that every person around you is only staring at you. And having to spit out about daily life issues and embarrassments has got to be one of the worst things in the world one has to suffer through. Especially, people like us, who suffer serious anxiety. I never actually imagined for my life to be this way. I never wanted it to be this way. And why it turned out to be this way: I have no answer to. All I ever wanted was a normal life like everyone else. I would find myself, rather jealous when a person was happy. Happiness - I could never understand the feeling of it, nor was I ever received the chance to experience it. What is happiness? What makes people happy? Money... Friends... Lovers... Material objects, it's amazing how so many things can make a person so satisfied; yet to people such as ourselves, we just look at it as a piece of junk. I could really care so less about such things. All I wanted was to be a normal person. To have friends, to laugh, to have night outs with my family. But I could never get myself to do any of that, because of the curse that I was inbred with. The torture of having to assume that every person in the world is out to get you; that every person makes life out of poking fun at you. This is what life is. This is amazing how life can be. To actually have the mere guts to even live through such a torture is a legend itself. People who have this problem simply cannot find themselves to control their torturesome conscience so they find the only solution through pure suicide. I have attempted many times myself honestly, but there is always something that oddly holds me back. There are some people whom have anxiety, but do you know what the interesting side about it is? They are gifted. True, people like us might seem useless to this modern class of outgoing dumbshyt party teens. But their range of intelligence far exceeds below ours. They do not look like people who can make a change to this society nor 'fix' it. Why? The answer simply relies on the fact that these people have too good of lives, so what need they to ever worry about? They look at us like nothing more than pigs in crapped up pens, while in reality these 'chickens' (girls who 'lay eggs everyday' if you know what I mean..) are ones to talk. Because people, like you and I, have incurable problems we have to suffer through in our years of living; we strive hard to make the best of it. It is a possibility that certain people are chosen to be born with such disorders because they will one day be the voice to all the people whom suffer the same disorder. I have oddly learned myself, that had it not been for this disorder I was cursed with, I would probably be a much worse person inside than I am today.
  9. I can see how you get clearly annoyed when people boast and brag about getting married. All while you sit out in the dust watching the man who supposedly proposed to you out with some other woman in your place. It really does hurt. And not that I've ever dealt with this exact same situation, but I have that same disgusted feeling you have when other people do this. They find so much joy and satisfaction in their own lives and in themselves, they have no consideration about all us other people, whom have been cheated with our lives and hated and spatted on. I cannot describe how irritated I get when some party living teen brags about how drunk she got at a party, or about how many men she has made out with. It just annoys me and aggravates me. I personally come from a family where all the elders have had arranged marriages. My mother, father, aunt, uncle, so forth, were all forced into their marriages whether they liked their partner or not. They never received the single chance to 'choose' their own lovers, but rather, to be forced into marriage as a result of their partner's class and status. My cousins, sisters and I, have also all been forced into arranged marriage. And even though I find my culture extremely intolerant and hateful, I still remain loyal to my parents and have never dated, or made out (kissed, or gone second base even) with a guy. Life has been really stressful on me since I have an odd disorder that will possibly never be curable, and parents that strive to make my life more miserable. I actually find you kind of lucky compared to my situation. Even though you've been turned down on, you're still able to make your own choice of whom you decide to be with, nonetheless, you've had experienced what it's like to be loved. I - had never received that love, neither have I ever received the chance to know what it's like to even have a friend.
  10. I've been having this odd 'disorder' for the past 8 years or so now. Not sure that you would actually call it a 'disorder' but basically I have an odd fear of swallowing. I've been having this stupid problem since I was 10 and basically it's like I can't control myself to swallow in public. When I do try to swallow, I either end up making weird cracking sounds or sticky swallowing noises, and it just drives me nuts. I can't get myself to swallow and eat at all in public because whenever I do start swallowing/eating, I notice other people just get extremely uncomfortable around me. They just oddly start jolting, moving around loudly, and flip their book or magazine pages really loud. I know I seem a bit paranoid feeling this way, but if you were to ever be in the same situation I am in, you would understand how such a simple 'disorder' such as this, can drive a person to his maddest state. As a result of this, I have also never been able to open my mouth to talk to people, and I have never, if at all in my lifetime, been able to go out to have family dinners or simply go shopping. I can only cry to myself alone for being the person I am. My mother finds it her dream to make life harder on me. She has always blamed my temperament problem for her not being able to go out to family dinners and never being able to go out shopping at all. All while she knows that it pains me already to even have this problem, she just still continues to pressure even more distress on me. It is impossible to explain or speak to her about my situation. Whenever I did ever told her, she would give me the normal response she ever would, and blame my temperament problem. I really can't do anything about it. I've visited doctors after doctors - all whom have done literally nothing at all to help me, wasting away hundreds of dollars for prescribed medicines that only made my problem even worse and put no effect or 'change' at all on me. Just the whole idea about having this one issue, has put a drastic effect and change on my life and how I view things completely. I notice I become very paranoid when people start tapping (assuming they are mocking the sounds I make when I eat or swallow) that I just oddly strike back at them with an even louder tapping sound or whatever sound I find irratible. I get easily frustrated by any sound I hear whether it's talking or just pure sounds, and I can never control it when I get stared at. I always have this odd assumption that people purposely try to stare at me to pin me down until they get an embarrassment out of me. Just the whole thought annoys me, but I can never control myself, nor my thoughts. When a male stares at me in general, and smiles, I never see through that smile as a crush or interest; rather, I see through it as demoralizing women value (perverted stare basically), or just purely looking down on you like you're not part of the society, but rather an animal. When I get stared at by a female, I instantly assume it's a competition to pin your moral down, or some intentuous rude stare that looks down on you like a mere slave. I have always detested women in general. I can never control pinning down all my hate and life problems on them, that it just drives me insane whenever I see a woman. I really hate the person that I am, and honestly have no idea how I will ever go through life having to suffer through such a problem. I've never met anyone else with this issue, rather, I've never even had a person to stand beside me to talk to. I am open to all comments, and hope you can share your problems with me too :)
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