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About SadUK

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  • Birthday May 15

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  1. r90

    Hey there!

  2. Would you be able to send this to me in a message please as I am very interested? Ta
  3. Hi and welcome! You'll find lots of lovely people and support on here! I have this at the moment with someone and it's hard. But I am doing what is right for me and cutting them out... at least that is my plan today, tomorrow I'll do my own head in wondering if it's the right thing to do!
  4. Thanks for the great reply to my post, sending much love your way :-)

  5. SadUK

    Thanks for the birthday message! It went well. Lots of pressies including a couple of metal CDs, not as heavy as you listen to though! ;-)

  6. r90

    Happy birthday =)

  7. I get that, I'm off work sick at the moment and no-one knows, I can see the headline now "Body of woman found after 4 months...."
  8. Hi Honey!! Thanks for commenting on my post! Welcome to DF!

  9. Me again...This post is perfect timing for me so thanks Boo. I've been chatting very casually with a guy online after my Dr encouraged me to start putting myself out there a little and last night the guy mailed giving me his mobile number and suggested we meet at the weekend in London for coffee. I haven't been on a date in years! It's COFFEE, not marriage, not moving in together and despite wanting to go a little, I'm making excuses not to go. Worrying about if it progresses, what happens when we have to get intimate (re-reading this when I finished it I see without even realising I put "have" to), how would I tell him about my BPD "oh by the way I've had Borderline Personality Disorder for around 20 years and often feel suicidal and can't control my emotions at all" - hmmm sexy! I mean when do you tell someone? Waiting seems like a lie of omission and blurting it out at the start would be stupid. I'm worrying about things way before they even happen. I mean ****** hell - it's coffee! Logic tells me to see it as an hour for coffee and take it as it comes, my brain on the other hand doesn't want to shut up with all the reasons it's a bad idea! The scenarios and concepts running round my head are laughable when I think about it.... I'm going to go, I will. I refuse to be too much of a chicken to not meet someone for a ****** coffee. There is no pressure whatsoever from him, he has said we can be friends and see what happens so why am I getting my knickers in a twist!
  10. I didn't think I had relationship issues or abandonment issues, when I first was diagnosed with BPD I didn't think it related to me at all. But when I really thought about it, avoiding relationships and intimacy was one way I was avoiding abandonment altogether. Although I never consciencely thought of it that way. By not letting anyone get too close they can't let me down or leave me and I'm always in control....
  11. I can relate to all of this, I've lost all my faith in human nature.
  12. Feeling restless and lost... feel like something is missing more than ever...

  13. I've been single for 9-10 years now but probably because of my BPD. I know it's portrayed sometimes as someone not being able to have anyone leave you or abandon you and being clingy. But to avoid abandonment I avoid getting into a relationship in the first place so that I can't be left (if that makes sense). My Dr is trying to encourage me to start casually dating at the moment (which I really didn't expect), but I'm not sure I can do it... As soon as I like someone I push them away before they can do it to me, like a pre-emptive strike. I don't have a problem with platonic relationships and to be honest I didn't think I have problems with abandonment, but if I'm honest why do I avoid relationships otherwise?? So to avoid distructive relationships or relationship issues I just don't have relationships. I'm not sure I'm making sense...
  14. Haven't been on here for a while and was really pleased to see some of the replies to this thread. It's a Bank Holiday here this weekend and I started to feel a little mixed. I've spent it alone and there is always this pressure I feel to do something on a bank holiday weekend (especially when the weather is this nice). I want to be alone, but feel like I should be out in the sunshine doing something but I can't bring myself to call anyone and make plans so I'm going with my gut and doing what that tells me and stay home. I know if I go out I'll spend the whole time wishing I was home alone anyway!
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