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dystopia

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  1. thanks all for replies, it's some what comforting to know I am not alone in this as I wondered if it is a mental disorder when social situations don't register it's as if I can't process it and I go on autopilot which happens to be odd, I have managed to alienate everyone I come into contact with ,I'm sure they think I'm off I also thought my problem could be just the depression and isolation and tried to fix myself by joining a club thinking that practicing being sociable would improve things but it was a complete disaster,no matter how hard I tried it all came out wrong
  2. do you ever feel like your subconscious takes over your consciousness in social situations and you say and do things that are just not you and later wonder where did that come from? or why did you say that? I know that sounds crazy but that's what I have experienced ,as if something or someone else takes over my brain to ruin things for me, it's an almost surreal feeling . I haven't been diagnosed with anything because I am reluctant to see doctors for I know they will just push medication on me but I do know I suffer low level depression , I am also isolated most of the time I don't think I am bipolar or schizophrenic or anything like that ,there is nothing weird going on with me and I can function normally otherwise
  3. thanks for the responses, msmanic, I am not on any medication just natural supplements and after having taken a lot of relora, and GABA it's helped bring my anger down, I think cortisol levels are partly to blame for anger or else anger sends cortisol sky high onelightburning, I might try writing down my feelings as an outlet for anger ,it's got to be better than turning it in on myself or others Trace, I don't know if anger management classes are the best way for me to go and would prefer to fix it myself, Psych Ed 101 was helpful thanks again
  4. every slight, hurt, pain, past and present preys on my mind it seems no matter what I do think or say it's always wrong and I am building up anger and hatred towards those who have wronged me in any way what so ever , I just want to lash out I dont know how to deal with my anger and hatred ,how to not let things and people get to me
  5. I was tidying my book case today and came across a long forgotten book of verse there's a particular poem that inspired me many years ago, I would like to share it with you out of the night that covers me black as the pit from pole to pole I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud under the bludgeonings of chance my head is blood ied but unbowed beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade and yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid It matters not how strait the gate how charged with punishments the scroll I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul William E Henley
  6. glad to see some positive post's that in it self makes my day better, though it's not over yet ,it's been good so far after many day's of wind and rain the sun was shining today and I spent it in the garden pulling weeds I am tired now but it's a satisfying kind of tired having achieved some thing and I did marvel at how some delicate looking plants have held up against the inclement weather, how they bend with the wind,bow down in the rain only to lift them selves up again when the sun shines
  7. we have all heard the expression count your blessings meaning count what is good in your life ,that's what I am going to do every day I am going to think of something positive no matter how small or insignificant it is look for it , find it, count it , today I was in a shop and a stranger engaged me in conversation we exchanged pleasantries for a good ten minutes, it lifted my spirits focus on something positive, add anything to this list
  8. thanks for your help everyone, I am seriously thinking of getting a pet at least with a pet I can forget about myself when there is some one else to care for pfcreed,I have read about the book hunger games and I wouldn't recommend such a depressing apocalyptic book to anyone here
  9. thanks for the replies, I do have hobbies that keep me occupied and I go shopping it lifts my spirits just to have some shop assistant talk to me pathetic I know, and I need to do more before I go stir crazy
  10. is there some coping techniques one can learn to deal with an isolated solitary life ? please don't tell me to join a club or do voluntary work ,thats just not me and I don't relate to people that well , I have accepted that this is my life now I need to know how to deal with it
  11. the logical explanation would be a slip of the tongue , but no it wasn't ,I had no reason to insult this person who I actually liked ,so you see it was completely contrary to my feelings towards him and I was already speaking when this thought or what ever it was came out of nowhere with the insult it's as if it spoke over my speaking never happened before that I am aware of ,anyway it's weird
  12. something really bizarre happened ,I hope I can explain it properly I was talking to an acquaintance who I like ,it was just niceties chit chat and while I was speaking it was as if I said something really insulting but it felt like it was a thought popped into my head not speach coming out of my mouth but the acquaintance got a really angry look on his face and now I'm thinking maybe I actually said the insult and it wasn't just a thought in my head .it was almost like the thought spoke as I was speaking does that make any sense? I'm not on any medication
  13. hi poeticprose I hate to say it but no , I have been trying to avoid them but still I was stalked twice while collecting my mail ,one rushed out of her house and stood there staring me down with arms folded another who has never spoken to me did the same a few days later ...I just ignored them I know I should have asked them whats the problem ..but then I thought maybe its the police I should be talking to
  14. all I can put it down to is them feeling rejected ,( which they were) some people dont handle it well especially when they have been living in the street most of their lives and have a sense of entitlement
  15. I voted ' move away and start over ' although you do tend to take your troubles with you where ever you go I think often a persons circumstances can cause or at least contribute to their depression and a new start can give hope
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