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irah007

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  1. Hi Ira, I was reading ypur blog but it doesnt let me place a note or comment, I dont know why. I dont even know how to create a blog. Anyway, I hope you are doing well.

    1. nirah007

      nirah007

      Hi thanks for your reply. I lost my pw so I created a new account with this username. I was feeling ok for 3 months then started feeling down again so I came back here. Hope ur doing well too.

    2. flavio vaccarella

      flavio vaccarella

      No problem, remember this is something we have to fight every day.

    3. flavio vaccarella
  2. “In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” ~David Steindl-Rast.
  3. Talking to my mum and Husband and eating macaroni. Not a victory but macaroni is nice.
  4. Afraid anxious nervous doubtful tired hopeful?
  5. irah007

    Can't cry

    Wanna cry but I can't. Wanna ask God for help but wasn't he the one who put me here in the first place, does he not have the power to control others to be kind or control their words n actions why must I continue to walk through all this pain why can't I ever do things that make me feel better why do people always hurt me when I am at my worst. Why do I have to do this give me a reason why do I have to be patient to go through all this why must I endure all this, when will all this go away when can I be at peace I don't want to do this help me. I'm tired I'm so tired. Having no choice. That's the only reason. What's the good? Where's the silver lining? I can't see it. I want to cry but I can't. To be grateful is so hard it makes me hate myself for being so lousy at it. Forcing myself forever forcing myself to grit through all this. Today will end tomorrow will come always hoping for a better tomorrow but seems it's all the same. Still forcing myself. Best part of the day.. having money to buy dinner.. my boss falling sick n not comin to office.. my stupid n troublesome cat being so cute.. Still forcing myself to be grateful. I can do this. I'm forced to do this. Crying through the day. But still I have to fight.
  6. irah007

    Goodbye, I think

    I do hope you get better soon if you are leaving DF. Sometimes I feel you are the only one who understands how I feel cos u seem to be the only one who replies to my posts and it makes me feel better to see someone replying even if it's a sad reply. Maybe we need to find a purpose in life if not what's the point of being here? I ruled out suicide for me cos I'm really such a coward I really can't do it cos I'm too scared of what will happen on the other side so I tend to just drag myself everywhere I go to find my purpose but still dragging n still finding. Or maybe cos I ruled out suicide so I can find that bit of energy to get out of bed every day? And don't say you're sorry here it's not your fault! Wish you all the best and hope you pull through. Sending you some virtual love.
  7. At the root of most anxiety is the wish that the world were different. Try to let go of this. It's hard but for me I try to accept things and try to believe that everything is exactly as it should be, and always works out for the best. Everything happens for a reason, and it's not your fault for being depressed. It's a way to make you stronger. I too have to struggle to choose being positive every day and it's not easy when i fail. Wondering if I can ever stop choosing it and if it can come naturally instead but I'm starting to doubt it cos this is a disease and takes a lot of effort to live every day. No, you're not crazy or messed up, we are just different, just like everyone around us have different personalities, this is ours. At least that's what I try to believe. You can restart your year, there's still the second half so let's keep trying to be positive together (:
  8. Completed 200 cases while working from home. Good job done. Now on to do my house chores... and trying to get motivation to do them house chores
  9. Hi Eyesopen welcome to DF! There are many successful people who do fall off. Just because they do not show it does not mean that they are successful all the time. It takes many failures to be successful. But at the same time, it is ok to not be as successful as them. We each have our own way of life and our own speed to reach our own version of life, so do not compare yourself. You'll always find people who are better than you at some things, and people who are worse. We are humans and we make mistakes all the time. We are fallible, but still worthy. Send yourself love, take care of your inner child. "The difference between the novice and the master is that the master has failed more times than the novice has tried."-Koro-sensei We do not need to be a master, but it's ok to keep trying. There are many people here in DF you can talk to, but also do get professional help. I hope you get better, and wishing you all good things!
  10. I love this song such a classic
  11. irah007

    Hello Friday

    Woke up feeling horrible n it's only 7am. Yest was a horrible day and I really got no energy to go through today at all. Can't **** myself, can't run away, can't move forward. I really dunno wat to do. Hate it when I don't hav a choice. Still need to earn a living. Still need to do the housechores. Still hav a Husband that hates me. Still living. Still breathing. For no purpose at all... Gratefulness makes us happy. Best part of yesterday is again having understanding colleagues to whine about my boss, eating nice French fries for lunch, and my Husband doing the laundry. So many things I wish could be better. "What if it's all a big mistake. What if it's more than I can take. No, I can't think that way. Cause I know I'm really really really gonna be OK." So many things could be worse, but they did not, and so I hav to be grateful. I can do this. Hello Friday.
  12. I can't do it. I can't live anymore. Neither can I die. I hate this place. What's the point of being here. Why can't I be happy
  13. @JD4010 That got me wondering too... googled (not that google is 100% accurate lol) and found this: "depression is not a natural disease. It is not an inevitable part of being human. Ildari argues, like many diseases, depression is a disease of civilization. It’s a disease caused by a high-stress, industrialized, modern lifestyle that is incompatible with our genetic evolution." The cure: "The answer, Ildari says, is a change in lifestyle. He says the results of his *link removed* have exceeded his wildest dreams: 1. Exercise 2. Omega 3 Fatty Acids 3. Sunlight 4. Healthy Sleep 5. Anti-ruminative activity 6. Social connection" *link removed*
  14. irah007

    Almost

    "I am the only one who can make me happy." Sometimes, just sometimes, I can see myself outside my body, feeling her going down the wrong path, feeling her frowning with anger and hate and unfairness and stupidity, feeling her affecting others around her and making others around her just as unhappy as she is. I know she is heading down the wrong path but I don't know why she is choosing that path and I don't know how to get her out of it. It's a struggle to force her to stop going and bring her back. Or at least to maker her stop and breathe a bit. To stop hating her for going down there. To tell her it's ok, to tell her to be positive. I feel like i almost died trying to bring her back. But when I've finally calmed down after seeking His forgiveness and giving Him thanks, I just have to sit there and tell myself it's not so bad after all. What's past has passed, and there's nothing I can do about it. Only thing I can do now is appreciate what good that has happened today, even though it's all messed up. So what's the best part of the day? Eating nice chicken. Having a nice colleague who let me print things at her house. Playing some handphone games with my colleague. Even though it's all messed up, it could have been worse, but it did not, and I am grateful. I have to be grateful. And make the most of the rest of the day. I can do this. I have to do this.
  15. irah007

    I hate my life

    Life is silly. I live it every day. I bring myself down every day. I say sorry to every one every day cos everything I do is wrong. I have no say. Every one else have the say. I have no right. Everything everyone else is doing is right. I hate myself. I really hate myself. I wish I can die. I'm such a coward I can't even **** myself. I hate my life.
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