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Nov21

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  1. Hi, I'm wondering if anyone could point me to any information on this. About two months ago I had to taper off my Wellbutrin, Lamictal (mood stabilizer) and Klonopin (sleep aid) due to no longer qualifying for Medicaid and not being able to afford private insurance. I'm managing to get by and work for the most part, but I still feel that my brain chemistry is a bit off. I'll have a couple days a week where I just feel really tired, no matter how much coffee I drink :-) I was looking online to see if there's any consensus on how long it generally takes the brain to readjust to the absence of medications. I'd been taking those three medications for three years prior to tapering off. Thank you for reading and I hope everyone is doing alright.
  2. I have the exact same problem and I'm sorry to hear that you deal with it too. Sometimes I just feel so good that I think I've finally "beaten" depression and that I'll never need meds again. This has never proven to be correct. Part of the reason I don't want to be on meds is that I wonder about unknown side effects, like how the meds will affect my sperm, in case I want to have kids someday, which I do. I'm not saying this is a justified concern, but I do have it. I also wonder about other lasting damage that these meds might do to the body that is currently unknown. I realize these are speculative concerns, and probably part of the cognitive distortions that are part of the depression itself that make it so difficult for me to do the things I need to do to keep myself well. Nov21
  3. Hi, Thank you for posting, as it was probably difficult to write that when you are feeling so bad. I'm really sorry to hear about everything you're going through. I am currently living by myself, but may have to move back home with my parents if my depression continues to keep me from working. And that would be sure to make my depression even worse. I have three siblings and none of them, nor my Mom or Dad, understand at all what I go through. They treat me with disrespect and like I am abnormal. I don't trust them at all. It's horrible. Are you on any medication for depression? I am currently not, but need to be, and have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I hope you're hanging in there. Nov21
  4. Thanks Kdub123 for your well-written post, and I'm sorry to hear what you're suffering through. I'm in a bad depressed episode right now. I'm a lawyer, and I haven't worked all week, have been ignoring calls from clients because my brain can't operate well enough to answer their questions. I'm panicked about how to explain to them why I haven't been working on their cases. It's still not a good professional move to put the word that you have a mental illness. I'm not yet 35 and I've had probably 50 depressed episodes where I haven't been able to work for at least a week. I know what you mean- it's so EXHAUSTING. And it makes me feel like if I give up hoping to have a good life, at least I won't look foolish after I get better and inevitably relapse. I'm really sorry you're suffering. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I tell myself these things too, but it's hard to remember that it's an illness. Every time it feels like my fault. I'm not currently on any meds; went off them when I was feeling good, and then relapsed. I'd made that same mistake before. I can't explain why I thought I could do without them this time. False hope. Going back to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Hoping for the best. Nov21
  5. Red, I was struck by your post because our situations sound so similar. I've struggled with depression for all of my adult life, but this past year has been the most difficult yet. Mainly, I struggle daily with guilt over how I lost my ex-girlfriend. How I hurt her and ruined our relationship through my cruelty and weakness, and now how lonely I am, having lost the girl I believe was my soul-mate. I was so fortunate that I had happened to meet her at all, and that the girl of my dreams had loved me back. We were sure we would be married. But I ruined everything. I can empathize very much with your situation, and appreciate that because you were married to her, it must feel even worse. As in your case, the way that I treated her had made me question whether I really AM a good person, as I had always believed (and do still believe, in my heart). I am also Christian and have confessed my sins in this matter and I know that God has forgiven me. She has forgiven me too (and has moved on). BUT, I also cannot seem to fully forgive MYSELF for it, because I am still riddled with guilt about it every day. I will keep trying. I just wanted to drop you this note to let you know that you're not alone in this. I will pray for you. N21
  6. That's what I have. When I'm hypomanic, I feel great, actually. I kind of feel like I've arrived in life, and finally once-and-for-all conquered my depression. I am quite happy, have energy, need less sleep, and am very productive. My husband loves it too, and it is tempting to think that it is "normal," but it's not. When I'm stable, life is still hard, but possible. I don't feel like I've arrived and I'm not especially happy, but I'm peaceful and things are in order. Although right now, I'm having a depressive episode, I am fortunate to feel stable the majority of the time in recent years. Hi, Your description of your hypomania sounds just like what I experience - you really feel great and want to always feel that way and have such confidence. My last "hypomanic episode" lasted two and a half months, which has been followed by a depression of equal length. I've never sought treatment for my problems, but I am starting to think that I really should, even tho it will probably be expensive and I would really rather not have to take medication all the time. But I'm 28, and looking back I can see that I've had these types of problems for the past 10 years, and I don't want my entire life to be like this. Just curious, if you don't mind me asking - how long did you have symptoms of bipolar II (or soft bipolar) before you sought out treatment? Thanks and I hope you're doing alright. Joe
  7. Hi Littleman_08, Just wanted to say that I have the exact same problem with erratic moods, as you say. The really frustrating part is that my good moods can last for several weeks or even a few months at a time, during which I'm a very confident and sociable person with high self-esteem. But inevitably I relapse into pretty bad depression - never suicidal, but miss several days of work at a time and have very low self esteem. Usually, the depression is triggered by guilt over something I did, like being rude to other people or engaging in reckless behavior that jeopardizes my health. During the depression, I feel like my mind doesn't work and sadly I really hate being around other people (even friends and family) because I feel like I can't think of anything to say to them, and anything I do say to them I will just consider to be stupid. I'm 28 and I've probably spent half my life in this depressed state. Sometimes exercise will help me to break out of it. When I feel better again, I try to tell myself that I'll never let myself get depressed again, but inevitably I do. It's exhausting. Anyway, I think it's a great idea to seek help at your school and I really hope it goes well and helps you.
  8. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

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