Hi everybody, When i was 15 years old, i had consensual sexuals relations with my cousin (same age) but withouth penetration. Since then, i had a "fixation" about it for a few weeks and then i forgot the whole thing (90% of the time, even if i remember that sometimes and it annoys me very much). The thing is that i didn't remember that it affects me that much, even if i cannot be sure at 100% because i had a depression - with other causes, i'm pretty sure of that - and was not very sexually/socially active - i even left school - so i could be sure that it didn't affect me. But let's say that i'm 90% sure. So, now i'm 20, and i've started thinking that it wasn't a big deal. And a few months ago, my depression was almost cured, i've returned to school, restarted working on many project that i've canceled before, etc. But, when i've started reading about incest, i had like a "traumatism", there was a lot of articles saying it was a really big deal, sometimes stating even that my life would be destroyed (or that i have to take a 6 years therapy to have a chance to lead a normal life), so, after thinking that it wasn't a big deal, i've became full of hatred and envy toward all people who had "normal life", with the sensation that i condemned my self with an action that i've commited when i wasn't even informed about consequences, and with this ridiculous impression that with spending enough time in "lamentation" i would have a chance to correct my pas. The more i read articles about that (looking for confort), the more they make me feel paralysed, lost, and with no chance to lead a normal life. The worst, is when i think about having a girlfriend. Since i've started thinking what happened was really a big deal, i have this "feeling" that i must confess it to my gilfriend, and that otherwise i would be cheating on here. Sometimes (even if it's unusual), i also start thinking that i'm hiding some big crimes that the others must now. And also this sensation of being unique (in the bad way), coz all confessions of incest that i read are about "victims" (so they are not responsible, i don't mean that they don't not suffer, don't understand me wrong) I have to confess that even if my past experience made me sometimes inconfortable, i've never had the sensation of being condemned before i started reading theses articles. So, from thinking that it was not a big deal, i've started thinking that i had no chance, that i was just unlucky for being ejected from life because of a random event in my 15 years old .... with this time-related-obsession (if only i didn't did that, i would have a chance to lead a normal life by now) Thank you in anticipation, PS : Sorry for my english, i'm from morocco and it isn't my native language.