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SLG

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  1. i know the feeling. you feel like your trapped and just ready to shut down. you see right from wrong and try to live like that, but seeing how the world works around you and that things never really work out how you would like messes up how you think and the fact that you have no control frustrates you? something along these lines? i know how you feeling. recently myself ive seen that the world has no justice and just when i think life and the world around me couldnt make me feel any worse it does. i dont know any advice and i cant speak from my own experience, but one thing i sure know is that no matter how bad i feel and how low down in myself i am and i want the world to go away, its not gonna help shutting yourself away from it. youll drive yourself mad with just thoughts and feelings. ive come to find that time is a key aspect to how you feel and that each day things do get easier. well they begin to ease off more i hope your okay slg
  2. ive been on meds, but its just i feel like there a fake drug. id rather not be on them again. i dont like the idea of them. to go up to come back down again. but you say focus on one thing at a time. i have tried this. lifes screwing with me again. i was at uni decided to focus on my course and bit by bit work my way up get things out the way, small things but then something messes me up and again and i just dont need it. so i dont know what the answer is. i would set goals and have tried but when you dont really know what your doing in life you feel lost so its hard to aim for something:(
  3. This is a little long, but it comes from my heart to yours. If this doesn't fit your feelings/ situation, disregard. I am stuck too because right at this very moment I have been trying to accept that a friend I wish I had support from just isn't. She is a nice person. I know her family well. Well, use to know them but now I don't believe I do. Again, nice people, can call them all I want but if I want them to reach to me, it isn't going to happen. I am all alone with my depression which is about having no one in my life to support me, understand me. I hate it!! So, yes, I know what you are talking about. But another thing I am struggling with is to believe that my life is worthy without my friend and her family as well as all the old friends I use to have. I am struggling to accept that ME is okay as JUST me. I have been living as JUST me for over 25 years, so why haven't I got the hang of it?? Because I didn't think I was worth it. I don't think NOW I am worth it! But you are worth it. I am worth it. Mr. John Doe down the street is worth it. Just because it is true doesn't make it easy. You hit the nail on the head, the pain gets in the way. Big time. I believe in pain! Oye vey. The pain is just as strong or stronger than the truth of how we are worth it. It is up to us, to take our *strength to get beyond the pain. Or at least make a dent in the pain. *strength- BTW, you are strong or you would not have gotten this far. In the face of the pain you lose your strength. You (and I am using the universal you... the suffer might be a better term...) let the level of your strength slide, kind of like a car going up a hill or mountain and the driver takes their foot off the gas. What is going to happen? You will slow down, or stop or worse go backwards. But you still have the power, if you can find the gas pedal to push it harder. And I also say, I am sorry you're feeling this way. The reason I can relate so well is I have been dealing with this for about 20 years. One more thing, be gentle with you- not the universal you now! You are hurting, I can see that. Let go of being upset with you for going through this. Gosh- I had hear myself type it, because I am not being kind to me at all right now. I will try to be kinder, you too, okay? i am but im just tired of trying, ive had enough. its like its always me, even if its jst the silliest of things that happen its just that extra push...its like ill be more at ease then something will happen and i try to be optimistic but i just cant, im sick of pretending to be happy when im not. i know im young still and i know lifes not always gonna be great but how on earth did i end up this way and why? im trying to d*** hard to really keep going but towards what, more emptiness and nothingness......im never happy anymore, its just the pain. that pressure on ur chest it hurts too much and i cant cover it up. im so blunt with people and im not sayin i dont have moments of joy and stuff i do, but if im in a bad mood i just have to show it. im trying to be less harsh on myself i am, but when this stuff happens enoughs enough, im sick of trying and even though people are like, itll pass, it doesnt!! im sorry to hear about your friend but yer its like that self worth, like is your life worthy i question mine sometimes. just feel no relevance in what i do, like im trying to find things in my life but i feel like ive just amounted to nothing and its finding something i feel worth living for... guess thats just life. but im trying bt im done, i said this when i had a breakdown, so thats it. but you keep going!! slg
  4. its xmas, im 20 years old and im sat here crying my eyes out. im so sick of life screwing with me, ive been going through depression and been trying seriously so hard to just pick myself up and it just seems its one thing after another. im getting to a point in my life where i just cant take the pain anymore, its too much. im fed up of being a nice person and this horrible cycle repeating itself. my dads also hurt himself and i just want it to be a happy day, but i just cant pretend anymore, its too hard, but just why does stuff relentlessly happen, theres no point. i just dont know what to do anymore, im tired and fed up of everything :( i hate complaining, and i dont, but u get to a point where things are just too much. i want to change, i do and ive tried and trying, but its too hard fighting it anymore. im stuck :(
  5. im 20 years old and i couldnt relate to you anymore if i tried. its not too young to be depressed, i think its the age you are most likely too. feel like your stuck in this huge rut and the routine is just ******* you? you feel like your 20 and that you have really achieved much and your've just settled for what is there infront of you and its gonna be like this from here on out? 20s a had age, im going through depression myself. its not that i have a bad life myself, you just feel kind of blah, like you say unfulfiled. maybe your need to try and figure out what you want, maybe the not knowing is what is making you depressed. i think its just life taking its tole and theres nothing you can do about it, just give things time. as thats all you can do really, cheer up and stay strong! slg x
  6. maybe what you consider good things isnt good for you at this moment in your life. maybe you need some time to really reflect on what you want. imexactly the same, its like, you dont neccessarily have a bad life, you just feel this over whelming of sadness and emptiness inside and no matter what even if your laughing its still in the back of your mind? that sort of how it is? i know me personally due to past experiences im just very bitter and i just cant be doing with it, i think negatively cus expecting the worse is always asier as when things end its easier to accept as you knew it was coming. personally i dont believe in happiness, its un defiable. i believe in joy, moments of it. each day is different and differnet people and situations set different moods and emotions. its relentless when you feel unhappy, the intensity of the unhappiness pushes out any sort of sense of happiness even though you think you should feel it, you just cant and you wonder why you cant just be like it and its so frustrating. i know how you feel. it sounds like your very lost to be honest in you are. maybe take some time to yourself to figure out what it is that really makes you happy and things will fall into place. trust me your not the only one out ther slg x
  7. i dont think its about coping its just about confronting what is making you so unhappy. im only 20 and ive severely suffered the lowest i have ever been to a point where i just wanted to die. everyone has there highs and there lows but when you get yourself into such a mind set its so hard to get out of it. its not easy and everyone is different. i was at university when all this happened and just getting out of bed seemed hurrendous, i got to such a point that ididnt know what to do so i was diagnosed and put on anti depressants for quite sometime, after a while i became numb, like empty bt felt numb like i couldnt feel anymore and even though ti was easier, i didnt like the idea of having to take meds to make me feel better. i dont have a bad life but emotionally im a wreck, i cant let anyone close to me, ive lost alot of faith in humanity and generally just people around me. im still not in a great way and wish i could change, but when i stopped fighting so hard and trying to become happy, things became alot easier. i stopped the meds because i just thought, lifes life and if im meant to be this way then thats it. try and pick just one thing, even the smallst of things in your life u get some sort of joy from maybe and stick with that and just se what lifes brings, im still terribly unhappy but im just fed up of trying for something i dont think is ever gonna be, maybe just try and things will fall into place. even though i dont feel happier i feel alot more at ease, because half the battle with coping with depression is trying to fight it. the meds i guess i think give u a fake sense of relief, so i tell myself to just get on with it, as lame as that sounds, i just stopped trying for something i want and am trying to deal with the now and jst with the last bit of hope wait for something else to come my way. your alot older than me and have more knowledge in life, take it, learn it and use it. i know its hard and easier said than done. but stop trying to hard and maybe ease yourself of the meds, as the solution may not be within therapy or meds, but maybe within yourself. like yourve suffered with depression for a long time by the sounds of things be proud that your've carried on trying to work through it, im not saying there always light at the end of the tunnel but there has to be more, so maybe come off them and stop trying and the answers will seem easier, it will take time, but timing is such a key factor of life slg x
  8. what do you do when you feel like ur life has no relevance anymore? ive gotton to a point in my life where im fighting to keep going. i can act that im fine and inside i feel like crap. i hit rock bottom, or what i assume is the lowest i can go and i go up and down all the time but recently my attitude towards life is just bitterness and sad. i want to change and seriously am trying but when life constantly keeps messing with you i find it so tiring. i feel like im not allowed to feel happy. im a nice person, whos been bought up pretty level headed and open minded but feel like life is meant to make me feel thsi way. i strive and i push when i dont see the point as i just feel totally irrelevant. like if i died who would miss me and how would it affect certain peoples lives. im just so sick and fed up of feeling down. i feel so lost and like im just drifting through life and have tried and am trying to keep on track and take a day at a time but everyone around me seems to move forward im just there, stuck in a rut. i just feel if i went away it would solve things, i never thought at the age what i am id be like this, i feel so different to everyone else and i dont get what ive done to deserve to feel like this. my faith has gone and my morals and values, whats the point in anything if your only on earth for a short amount of time, im just stuck, any advice please? slg
  9. for starters the fact you know you have to keep going for your daughter is a big recognition as you being a good person, you should be proud but another you clearly lack is yourself. the logic you think isnt twisted in any sense, i think all depression varies on peoples lifes and experiences and everyones is always different. so dont be harsh on yourself. i do the same, people may compliment you or say good things to you and your like thankyou but no matter how much people tell you you never believe it right? as for the job offer, clearly this must say something to you? thats an amazing opportunity and its not that feels sorry, she could ask anyone, but she asked you, so have some self belief and throw yourself into this job. it will benefit you as a person and your life aswell as your daughters. the whole image thing i can totally relate too. ive changed and lost alot of weight too, i was never fat, but have changed alot of over the past few years and people say im pretty and stuff, but i find it hard to think someone would find me attractive as i dont feel i am. i think so negatively about my ownself and when i look in the mirror i feel disgusted to say the least. i feel that whenever im involved withsomeone that im never good enough for them as i never feel attractive enough, is this similar to you or? i just think to myself, at the end of the day your gonna get them people who are 6ft tall slender and amazing and other people not so much, but as you get older, people gain weight, will loose hair and get old and wrinkley, so while your still have the chance to make the most of yourself, do so. i know its hard, and i seriously lack confidence, and i know what im gonna say is harder to believe but who you are as a person is more important. theres nothing wrong with caring about how you look, its human, just exercise and diet and embrace who you are. it is hard i know but you will find yourself being so harsh on yourself that it will affect your relationships and experiences. you are who you are and you cant change it. but what your father said is a horrible thing and the slightest of comments will affect you, they still do me, but its learning to stop and think your not perfect but nobody is. im sure he has flaws himself. i beat myself up so much about how i look to an extent where my therapist said to me imagine u saying this to your bestfriend and how would that be to her and i said extremely harsh and that how im being on myself and sounds like your doing the same. it is hard, i still hate my appearance, but i just got to a point where its like if people tell me they find me attractive then surely thats a nice thing, everyones taste differs, some like brunettes over blondes or vice versa. some men like skinny over curvy, tall or short, different styles of clothing and stuff. eveyrone has insecurities. i know your pain i really do reach out to you, but remember everyones gona grow old and get wrinkley so while your young and thriving in your element enjoy yourself and see what happens! that feeling of being exhausted emotionall and physically is a horrid feeling, its like a whirl of thought and emotions crashing into one that you just wana shut off for a while. its normal, i dont think the way you think is wrong, just confused and through some parts of your life you going to be and its okay to be. as its okay to question who you are and what you think of yourself as a person and what you want and dont want from life. but to me its sounds like you have got alot to offer as a person, your clever so be proud your are, i mean you got a job offer, of everyone you, take it, try it and do it. could lead to other opportunites and this reflection of you will reflect your daughter and she will see what a cool mum she has, and aspire to be like that. stop being so harsh and down on yourself, easier said than done i know but keep going! hope this helps slg x
  10. Thank you very much for your response. Part of my problem is thinking that I am alone in the way I think and there is no one else like that. Especially when the people closest to me are much more positive. It gets frustrating because they obviously don't think the same way I do and therefore can't imagine what I go through on a daily basis. I have been like this for quite a while but it really got bad when my dad became quite ill and died. It is horrible to say (and even more horrible to admit) but I was planning his obituary and funeral in my head before he even died. Now whenever anyone close to me gets sick, I immediately think the worst. you feel that your the only person that thinks like this and that thinking like this makes u seem different so therefore u feel alone. and no-one can understand the pain u go through, i get this exact same feeling. the world goes by and everyone in it seems to be doing okay, sure people have problems but it never seems to affect u in how it does yourself, this gives u the illusion of feeling alone and your not. and im so sorry to hear about your dad and planning before isnt a bad thing just a coping tactic of when the moment did come you were kind of ready. i cant sit hear and say i know how you feel, as i dont, but theres moments in life that are gonna be hurrendous, they say its not the loss of someone that affects you, its wat you loose in yourself. just the fact that your suffering from depression and thats happened and your coping says alot about how strong u are, i wish i could be more like that. its something that cant change, but you have to deal with and as easy as it is me saying its not going to be easy to do. think about your dad and how he'd want you to be as a person now hes passed away. i dont have faith or really know who i am and how i want to be and it sounds sort of similar to you. but at this point in your own life, its okay to not know and take things day by day, timing is key :)
  11. im exacttly the same. i always expect the worse so that when it happens it hurts less as you expected it anyways and the idea of being happy is nice but being unhappy is easier as like u said its what your used too. but being this way is not good, i know myself. i got to a point after 4 yrs of some traumatic experiences where i wanted to commit suicide. i constantly worry like you and assume the worst that i cant let anyone really that close to me as im so afraid of getting hurt. i hate being like this, it has affected me hugely, i think ti does anyone, but your not alone. the lack of motivation is horrible, just waking up and getting out of bed seems pointless at times, but i think with whatever issues do bother you like take one at a time, i know its easier said than done but face it head on and see what happens, it may hurt u even more whatever the situation may be but atleast u can say u tried and this may give u a sense of well being and shows that you took a risk, it sounds like your living in fear slightly, but theres nothing to fear but fear itself. recently i faced a huge problem which had a affected me for four yrs, the moment arose and i know this is stupid, but i just thought once in my life '**** it' and so i went forward and i overcome something. your sound very similar in how i am, knowing you have to change and the idea of trying to change is scary as its a hard thing to do, im finding it horribly difficult as im very emotionally empty but just the next time u find yourself in a situation you think you want to avoid, try doing the opposite and just go for it. im not saying i do this everytime, as i still avoid alot of negative issues and thoughts i have, but in some aspects of my life ive tried jst going for it. just remember nothings forever, so you wont neccessarily feel like this forever. i find every experience i have affects the next one and yhat all these negative/worrying thoughts u get i get too n they really hold me back but just now and then oreven once just think sod it and see what happens. im not saying its going to work, but u never know till u try right? slg x
  12. recently i was diagnosed with depression and put on anti depressants and really hit a point where i found everything pointless. im a student, im half way through a degree, i have some really good friends and it all sounds like thing are good and since i had this down fall i have really been trying hard to build myself back up bit by bit and slowly very slowly its started. However, at this point in my life i feel so lost in who i am as a person. im a nice person, from a nice family, im not perfect, far from it but i feel that the way i think no-one else seems to anymore. my parents bought me up pretty level headed, like respect others in how you want to be respected and speak and treat people how you want to be and i really you used to have a huge set of morals about me and no matter how crappy i felt or things that happened in my life, i really did try to remain optimistic and pride myself on being a good person. However, over the past few years ive had some really life changing events and its really just messed me up, i dont believe in karma and fete anymore and i feel that these are the things that used to keep me sane. but recently i have had a huge lack in faith in things. seeing some the things that people do around me, cheating in relationships etc and being treated badly and yet things always work out for the other people. i know that sometimes in life things arent always going to go your way and bad stuff happens, but i really have just lost all my faith in people to be honest. im not saying ive never made mistakes or hurt people but i try to do it the right way and within a mutual understanding but i just dont understand how some people get away with the things they do, its like theres no justice in the world anymore. thats why when i find myself in particular situations in life recently i consemplate everything i do now, even though in my mind set i feel morally what the right thing is to do, i sometimes find myself thinking maybe i shouldnt think like that as im the one thats been getting reluctantly hurt and screwed over by people. im at a point emotionally where i cant take any more hurt from friends or boys as im sick to death of feeling like crap about myself, this constant fight of never feeling good enough or that people walk all over me as im too nice. loyalty is a very big thing to me and if someone shows me some i will do the same and i really go out my way for the people i care about, but recently this just doesnt happen anymore. so i question who i am and the type of person i want to be, does anyone else feel like this or is it just me? i feel like im at a point where nothing really makes sense and i just had a moment in my life recently where this boy really done me over and it just sent me downhill and yet hes the one that cheated, lied and messed up yet he gets bk with his ex and im left looking an ***** and feeling horrible about myself. i dont let my guard down that often to people but every now and then when i try to take a leap of faith it back fires on me and now i just cant take the hurt anymore, it gets to much, i strive to stick to my morals and values, but no-one seems to think like this anymore and things never work out so i just dont see the point in caring about much if its just constantly gona mess up and the cycle will repeat itself. does anyone else get where im coming from?
  13. talking about adjusting your personality to the people your around isnt lack of having no personality, its just different interests and clearly shows your obviously a well rounded person. However, me saying this probably wont change how your thinking as i can kind of relate to how your feeling. im a 20 year old student and i have loads of friends too and i feel like sometimes i kind of adjust myself to the people im around, altho, that its not that i feel i lack a personality i just feel lost in the person I am. maybe this is your problem too? it sounds like you really have got alot of good things in your life, but because of these intense change in moods on a day to day basis it probably comes extremely frustrating. not so long ago i felt like i hit rock bottom, didnt think i could feel any lower about myself and my life and since then ive kind of been building myself back up bit by bit, but im the same. some days i have a good day and a really good laugh and the next i can have a really crap day, where i just cant be bothered with anyone and much and I find myself getting angry with myself for being like this so i have kind of just learnt no to be so harsh on myself, i still at at times but not so much and it sounds like your doing the same, you say u beat yourself up inside, which you really shouldnt do because it will intensify the moods u have. the next time u find yourself getting stressed or angry try and reflect the situation and just calm yourself, i know its easier said than done but maybe just try taking a deep breathe and cooling down. but i know what you mean when u get angry with people who walk slow infront of u drives me insane aswell!! i think you really need to stop being so harsh on yourself, having a different mood everyday is natural and weather you feel s***ty or happy, just remember your allowed too, everyone has good and bad days, just try to focus on these moods one day at a time and maybe you will see an improvement. it also seems to me that the situation with your girlfriend is very hard, any relationship is, but it sounds like you like the idea of her rather than her herself. being alone isnt very nice at all, but how you said about wanting to be on your own, this may do you some good. maybe to spend sometime reflecting on yourself and what issues u have and are effecting you and how you can work on them. as for whats happened in your past with your mother im really sorry to hear that, i can't say i know how your feeling but my mother suffered from cancer a few yrs back and the fear of loosing her scared the crap out of me, so you should be proud of yourself at such a young age you had to deal with it and come out where u have. this idea of not knowing who you are or who you are or want to be is something that is a major part of my depression, this lack of faith i dont have anymore drives me crazy, but i think its okay to not know, especially as your 21, your still young and figuring things out, so like i said dont be so harsh on yourself! focus on the good in your life, your've graduated your degree successfully, gotton a job and i know things are rocky with your girlfriend but just give it time, things may work out. as hard as things seem, live for the now, theres always gonna be issues in the past that affect you, its like that with everyone and im not saying they are totally going to go a way, but its learning to live with them and get through them to make way for things yet to come. hope this has helped! take care!
  14. im in the completely same place as you. its like the way you view the world seems not right anymore and you consemplate different situations which involve yourself and the people around you. this is one major part of my own depression. im only 20 years old and im so emotionally closed off from the world its unreal. ive lost all faith in people when it just comes down to being a decent human being. its frustrates me passionately to know that people walk around on a day to basis doing the things they do and treating people like me and you the way you do and it seems that like u said theres no remorse, theres no justice in what there doing as your the one thats being screwed over. i know where you mean that people who are friends can Biotch and talk horribly about other people and people cheat and lie in relationships etc and they get away with it and to u its wrong to do this type of thing within the way that you think and to know that things like that happen it makes you wonder if there is any good people in the world. im exactly the same, im not saying im perfect, nobody is and im not saying the way i think it totally right but do u feel the way you think is pretty level minded and that such things have happened in your life that its just left u pretty empty inside and not really caring about much? the past four years of my life ive had some real life changing events which have well and truely effect me in the way i view the world, the people around me, my friends, relationships and ive gotton to a point where emotionally i cant take people making feel like crap anymore. so i just block people out as it seems the easiest option. but in a way it kind of makes it worse and more depressed and ive come to terms with this because your probably bottling up alot of emotion thats not good and it will carry on getting worse. ive come to term that things in the past do affect you and do make you the person that you are today, but i know people have probably said this and its easier said than done but you kinda just have to let go of certain things or face things head on, step by step. whats done in the past is done and certain events will give u lack in trust and faith in life but you kind of just have to keep going as the futures ahead of you and it can be whatever you want it to be. i spend half my time trying to please others around me that i never think about pleasing myself as i feel so s***ty alot of the time, i dont feel like i deserve to feel good as i do know im a nice person but the fact i relentlessly feel down and comparing myself to other people and stuff thats going on infront of my eyes really has left me very lost in life, i really find emotions such a hard thing and i never know when to be too cautious or too risky inlife to prevent certain situations which involve trust, faith and compassion for it all to go wrong and to feel even worse within myself. you should really sit down and think directly about what is is that is making you feel this way, like write it down or something and then look at how you can change your views, im saying its going to go in a week or anything but just be calm and each day just very slightly build yourself back up, it will take months and im not saying that its all completely going to go away but you just have to keep going and really just try because i look at it like emotions change, people come and go from you life, nothings forever, so how you feel wont be forever. your not the only person that thinks like this, im very much the same way and still quite am but for the first time in a very long time im just trying to live for the now, like stop looking back and look forward but not too much as this is what messes me up aswell. i see one of my bestfriends cheating on her boyfriend after 3 yrs and he has her and i think to myself thats wrong, and morally yes it is and its not love, but i think its a test to yourself. i think certain things have to happen and have to affect you to make u discover the type of person you want to be even if u dont have much faith or belief in things anymore. i know i certainly dont and dont think i ever will again but just try and keep on track and stop thinkin about whats right and whats wrong, i dont really believe there is anymore. lifes screws with you everyday but u have to be greatful for what you do have even if it doesnt seem that much. i always think theres someone far worse off than me and as much as i hate this expression but thats just life for you and theres nothing you can do about it! hope this helps and just to say your not the only person that thinks like this at all. but just try and find yourself, it may take along time, but just really reflect upon yourself and see what it is that makes you think like this and try and face it head on and it might not work, but atleast u tried and this may give you a sense of well being:)
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